Customer Reviews

Unbearable Lightness

5 star:		(171)
4 star:		(38)
3 star:		(17)
2 star:		(9)
1 star:		(10)

 

 

As the previous reviewer has pretty much summarised the entire book (!) I'll just say that this is an honest, moving and well written account of a dark time in Portia's life. It was hard to read how she brought herself close to death, keeping herself on a tiny allowance of calories and strenuous exercise (in high heels at times). I know Hollywood expects women to be thin, but I was saddened to read her accounts of costume fittings - where she was humiliated for being anything other than 'stick thin'.

I loved the story about meeting Ellen in 2001 at a concert, when Ellen invited her over to her house along with other guests. Portia thought she was just being polite, but it turned out that Ellen had only invited the other people over so she would have the excuse of a party to invite Portia. So Ellen was stuck with having to entertain all those people that night!

I think coming out as a lesbian in Hollywood is still a risky move (how many others are there? not many) and Portia is an inspiration to other women who are coming to terms with their sexuality and trying to live their life honestly. Well done Portia, from a fellow Aussie :)

Portia is an amzing writer. Her tale is gripping, captivating, and horrifying at the same time. This book reads like a page-turner and most readers will really enjoy the journey that she takes you on.

I also think it is a timely and true tale of how the influences of the media, Hollywood and the "thin-ideal" have come to dominate the way women feel about their bodies, that we are never "good enough" the way we are, and that we should always be comparing ourselves to others. In that way, I think that almost every woman will be able to relate to her story, eating disorder or not. But if you have ever had an eating disorder, you will recognize the triggers she writes about, and her story's darkness will be very familiar.

For those who are looking for help in these pages for their own eating disorder, what I will say is that this is NOT a book that really encourages recovery, I mean it is obviously an encouragement to live a healthy life, but you won't find helpful recovery advice or direction here - just so you know. As another review states, recovery is almost an afterthought in this book. So, be careful if yoou are sensitive to books that trigger. I am not discouraging buying the book, but I just think it makes a helpful review to know what you are and what you are not getting. As someone who has "intimate knowledge" of living with anorexia and bulimia, I will say that this is like looking in the mirror. Family memebers who don't understand the pain may also find it enlightening.

If you are looking for books to take you to the next step and point you toward recovery, or if you have a family member with anorexia or bulimia symptoms but is still very thin, I HIGHLY recommend to book "100 Questions and Answers about Anorexia Nervosa" by Dr. Sari Fine Shepphird. It is the best, most helpful book I have in my collection and I have been reading books about eating disorders for 15 years. If you want to know more about eating disorders like anorexia, it's so helpful. I also want to recommend "Crave: Why you binge and how to stop" by Dr. Cynthia Bulik, if you are looking for a book specifically about Binge Eating, on the opposite end of eating disorders.

Thank you, Portia, for your honesty. People need to see how this disorder ravages lives but that there is also life after an eating disorder.

I bought this after seeing Portia with Oprah then on Ellen. Here were the ups and downs (no weight pun intended) of the book to me - to help you decide if it's for you.

- She's an interesting enigma - and an articulate, honest writer.

Before I read this I found Portia a little fascinating. I think a lot of good-will has been generated to her from just being associated with Ellen whom many people adore. Yet, despite her stints on TV shows - she's really not that well known or remembered outside of her attachment to Ellen nowadays. So, it's an interesting look at a sort of enigma, told straight and with far more honesty than one would expect.

- But, the period of her life the bulk of book is devoted towards - is a time of being a self-absorbed, emotionally unstable and rather stereotypically insecure Hollywood actress - which gets a little wearing at times. Sometimes, I found it seemed more like someone doing their journals for some self psychoanalysis, eating disorder project than actually trying to get a fuller tale across.

The main focus is her descent into an extreme eating disorder, as she obsesses over how she'll look in any given scene and whether she'll ever be "perfect enough". While it's interesting to hear how someone that had it pretty much all in Hollywood terms (the money, looks, shows, etc.) is so self-loathing and insecure inside, it gets harder to care as she goes along what she's eating and not eating, how much she exercises and how the only thing that interests her is herself. The other aspect of her fear of being "found out" as a lesbian is more interesting, but wasn't so much a focus of that time for her.

- This has been billed as something that younger women that suffer from eating disorders or body image issues should read - but, I'm just not that sure that's a good idea. Still, it's probably great for those that are around those w/ one that want to glimpse into the mind of why they're doing it and why they lie about it.

The "lost in anorexia" part gets most of the book, with her actual overcoming of the disease and dealing with her sexuality more openly getting smooshed into a couple of chapters at the end. Unfortunately, to the warped perspective of someone in the throws of an eating disorder - I fear that so much on the actual disease could very well mean that it reads like a "how to be a good anorexic" guide more than the tale of horror it truly is, particularly since she goes into such detail about how she achieves her great weight loss, and her continual refusal to give up the "thinnest pursuit" while still all the while having incredibly good material success. On the other hand though, she brings to vivid life the fears and mindset that drove her into her unhappy weight obsessed world that is more than worthwhile for those that have family or friends fighting the same battle.

Bottom Line: 3.5 stars. An honest look at one enigmatic Hollywood starlets terrible and unhappy battle with her inner demons and anorexia that's honest and well-written. But, it would have been more engaging, for me, if she'd brought a more robust picture and a bit more depth about herself and life - rather than focusing so absolutely on "the detailed hows and whys" of her anorexia and her inner struggle as a Lesbian. Still, for those that want to learn more about eating disorders and the mentality behind them - this is a book for you.

Portia DeGeneres has had several names in her lifetime. Born as Amanda Rogers in Australia, she changed her name when she moved to Hollywood. Portia de Rossi, a lovely sophisticated name that fit the woman she was to become. 'Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain' is a spectacular title for her book, and it encompasses more than a story of anorexia and a life of acceptance of self.

Portia grew up in Melbourne in a middle class family. Her father died when she was young, and Portia never really got over his death. She lived with her mother and her brother, Michael. At an early age, Portia decided she wanted to be a model, and at the age of twelve she entered a contest and won. This set the stage for a lifetime of dieting, gorging and vomiting, laxatives and 300 calories a day. You can never be too thin, is what is said, and our culture has taken that to an all time extreme. When Portia landed the role of Nelle Porter on 'Ally McBeal', she realized she was not thin enough to compete with the other stars. She had always had a voice in her head, 'the drill sergeant', who told her she was too fat, she was no good and she would never measure up. Her life revolved around her food, the 300 calories a day. She would exercise for hours on a treadmill or do Pilate's in between the days at 'Ally McBeal'. The daily pressures of a successful Hollywood career, on top of hiding her sexuality became too much. It was not until Portia moved on to a new role in 'Arrested Development' that she came out to the directors and producers of the show. She was in a relationship at the time and she just felt the time was right. Her weight kept plummeting, and she went home to Melbourne for Christmas at a weight of 82 pounds. At one point her brother broke down and started crying. He told her his fear was that she would die.

During much of this time, she was under the care of a nutritionist who taught her what a healthy diet would encompass. It is important to understand that an anorexic does not see themselves as we do. They see fat, when we see skin and bones. During a film that Portia was making, she blacked out. Her physician did a battery of tests, and what he found was frightening. Portia realized her life must change. It was very difficult, but in one month she gained twenty pounds, and at that time she started therapy for the anorexia and bulimia. As Portia states in her book, she "ballooned" up to 168 pounds before she finally understood how she should eat. At this point in her life, Portia met Ellen, and they fell in love. Within a few years they moved in together and in 2008, they were married. Her family and friends were present. Portia tells us that Ellen saves her life everyday, she loves her for what is inside not just for her physical looks.

Portia has given us a remarkably well written book with an intelligent look at the life of someone with anorexia and bulimia, plus someone with the struggle with sexuality in a town where looks are all that matters. We see a lonely girl, the child of a single mother, the cumulative effects of her doubts about her appearance, and her struggle with being Gay. Her inner voice, "the drill sergeant," would constantly snarl at her over everything she ate. A constant voice that would say, "What did you eat last night?" The voice is no longer there, and Portia may have exorcised her demons. But there are many young women and men out there who are facing this struggle, and this book is one of the best. It is about a woman who has lived the life and felt the emotions, and has given us the true story of her struggle. Portia DeGeneres knows who she is, and understands her worth.

Highly Recommended. prisrob 11-01-10

I had such high hopes for this book, so it goes without saying how disappointed I was when a 1/4 of the way through I felt like I could have summarized the remainder of the book. As a recovered anorexic and gay girl myself (who loves a good memoir!), I found Portia's story repetitive, self-absorbed, and surprisingly impersonal. For 305 pages long, I came away learning little about her except that between measuring out her egg whites, Portia hates herself. A lot. The whining that comprises the majority of the text grows old very quickly and feels more like a how-to guide for anorexia, which I think is particularly reckless. I was disappointed that there wasn't more of a framework established in which she could tell the story as a personal narrative, including her recovery. It mostly felt like a tally of her worst days divided into chapters, each one feeling the same as the one that came before. Towards the end, I found myself skimming pages, knowing that it wouldn't matter if I missed a paragraph, because it didn't say anything new. The exception to this was the epilogue. It was by far the most interesting section of the book. Here she seemed to open up a little, sharing stories & details on her life and loosely touching on recovery. If only the whole book were like the epilogue I might have enjoyed it a little more.

Portia de Rossi is absolutely gorgeous, inside and out. This book gives us insight into her insecurities she faced as she became a model and then an actress. These insecurities ultimately led to anorexia and bulimia. She writes in detail how she calorie-counts and her exercise regimen. And she is painfully honest when she lists the foods she binged on. The other battle was hiding the fact that she is gay, and how she hid this from not only Hollywood but the majority of her family.

This book substantiated to me just how silly and superficial our society is (with the help from Hollywood). Poor Portia weighed 110 lbs at 5"8' which is considered underweight by BMI, but people delight at how good she looks?? Then there is the woman telling a 12-year-old that she has a "saggy butt"??

Upon finishing the book, I felt that this book was not complete. There were small side stories that she never finished. For example, she was very concerned about telling the producers of "Arrested Development" about her being gay but never reveal to us the conversation or what happened. I guess we assume that they were okay with it since she was on the show?? Readers should not have to assume so much. And what happened to the one NY friend who actually noticed she was too thin? Is she still friends with her? Who knows - she is never mentioned again.

Also, I noticed by the middle of the book, I was skimming some parts because I did not need another description of how fat her thighs were or how she prepared the perfect 300 calorie meal. The epilogue was excellent because it contained more in-depth thoughts and discoveries. I wished the whole book was more like the epilogue.

This book was a fantastic retelling of the horror that can be anorexia. I could see a lot of my own struggles through the words of Portia.

I felt, however, that the "and then went to expensive rehab, married Ellen, and got super thin again because I only eat vegan," was not a good ending. How unattainable is that for the regular person?

I selected this book because I like Portia De Rossi. Especially in the last couple years, she comes across as very warm and approachable in interviews. The book tells why that is -- after years of self-loathing and deception, she can be her authentic self. The book is not celebrity gossip and her focus is on her own struggles and obsessions, because I think for a very long time that's all she could see. Very few stories of Alley McBeal, other than how the pressure to fit her wardrobe or look good in her undies exacerbated her weight issues. No stories about Arrested Development other than she was at a point in her life where she wasn't hiding her love of women and told the producers she was gay right away. This book will absolutely not work for you if you want this to be more than the diary of a woman with eating disorders. That's the focus and remains the focus.

She asks Ellen to read the manuscript she'd written, the one the reader just will have just read, and Ellen does and says, "Baby, you were crazy," and the reader can only nod along. The book makes it clear that Portia's thinking was distorted for a good 14 years and the book is a diary of that. If you happen to own Ally McBeal, you have only to watch the second season when Portia appears and is whippet thin and imagine her hating herself for not being thinner. The episode that really sent her into a tailspin is the one where she seduces Cage while wearing a bra and panties, ribs clearly visible, and with a figure that would make most women weep with joy and become nudists. All Portia could see was an unattractive woman who had to keep fooling people into thinking she was thin, beautiful, and worthy.

What I enjoyed was Portia's efforts to bring you into her mind at this time. Of note is that we know people had to be telling her how beautiful she was (is) and yet all she mentions in the book were the insults and moments of insecurity, because I really don't think she was hearing the compliments at that time. (She was told by a modeling client at age 12 that her rear was saggy.)

Portia was not afraid to allow herself to look bad -- to write in detail about the binges and purges and, even what I know had to be painful for her, her semi-neglect of her dog. She also when speaking from a place of illness has less-than-charitable thoughts about overweight women, which makes utter sense, but she's still so brave to put that into words.

I think that this is an excellent book for young women, because Portia pulls no punches. I'm taking a little off just because her recovery was handled almost as an afterthought and I think that, having read her journey, more of the getting well and more of her subsequent well-earned happiness would have been perfect.

She says exactly what every anorexic does not want you to hear. She says what we all were thinking. And she shows us that if there's a will, there's a way...out of it. That it takes time, and a lot of work, but the light at the end of the tunnel soons becomes a reality. And she tells it in a way that allowed me to laugh, cry and cringe the whole way trough. This book has helped me, I can honostly say, maybe it seems that it helped me more given my current location on the path to recovery. I cannot say that it would help a person who is curretly in the throws of the disorder (where the romance has only just begun, and it's very hard to see any other way than the way of the voice), but to someone who is certainly willing to bid ED farewell, this book really shows you that you are not alone and that you CAN over come. It also inspired me to give to my loved ones, to shed a little light on the darkness that was going on inside my head, throughout the period where my disorder had it's firmest grip. I have never read the articulation of my thoughts, and I am grateful that Portia was brave enough to give them life on a page.
**That said, if you are someone who knows a person suffering from this disease, I caution that you don't recommend this book, at least not right now...think it through. As I can only speak from experience, I know that when I was just beginning the "love affair" with my disorder, books like this gave "great tips" that I would put in to practice to feed the beast. Someone who is in such the frame of mind that they can't seperate autobiographical facts from a "how to" book, should not be reading this. That would be the only reason I mark is 4 out of 5...it can be dangerous to the fragile, but definitely an asset to the open minded and the strong willed ones who wish to recover,and family/friends that wish to understand.

I found it hard to put this book down, even before the Summer ( in Australia ) holidays started. Well written, honest, touching, & frank.