The Unburdened Heart: 5 Keys to Forgiveness and Freedom [Hardcover]

Mariah Burton Nelson (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 2, 2000

     Molested as a young teenager, Mariah Burton Nelson found herself decades later still consumed with anger. Drawing on her own poignant story of betrayal and reconciliation, along with psychological studies, spiritual wisdom, poetry and original interviews with othrs who have forgiven offenses great and small, she shows how forgiveness can help us achieve a profound and lasting peace. Her five keys to forgiveness--Awareness, Validation, Compassion, Humility, and Self-Forgiveness--help us to understand, validate, and ultimately free ourselves from the overwhelming burdens of past wounds--from the shame, recrimination, retribution, and superiority that all too often consume us. Powerful, personal, and ultimately practical, this guide offers new hope for anyone who wants to explore forgiveness as a way of life.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Having written thoughtfully and persuasively on women, competition and American sports culture, Nelson now detours out of sports writing; yet her latest book emerges from her previous writing as well. The lengthy process of coming to terms with having been sexually abused as a teenager by a coach and the larger phenomenon of coach/athlete abuse that she discussed in The Stronger Women Get, The More Men Love Football have led her to write this accomplished and engaging book about forgiving others. The book is constructed around what Nelson calls the "five keys" of forgiveness: awareness, validation, compassion, humility and self-forgiveness. Woven into Nelson's own story and her cultural and intellectual analysis of forgiveness are the often inspiring stories of people who have forgiven (or sought to forgive) both unimaginable crimes and everyday betrayalsAsuch as rape, torture, the murder of children, adultery and the abuse of authorityAand the peace and strength they seem to find. Whether it is entirely in everyone's interest to become a forgiving person is a question Nelson acknowledges, if gingerly and without resolution. She also acknowledges that forgiveness is a complicated, messy, never-ending business, and that victims do not always shine with innocence. Yet in seeking to apply her simple rules of forgiveness to all things significant and insignificant, Nelson sometimes minimizes her message. As with so many self-help books, while the person who is most completely served by the book is probably the writer, most people will recognize at least a little of themselves in this considered and eloquent volume. (June)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

More than a dozen titles have been published in the last year on forgiveness. What does true forgiveness mean, and how does one achieve it? These two titles attempt to answer those questions and more. Each, in fact, goes so far as to claim that forgiveness is important not only for spiritual but also medical reasons (it lowers blood pressure, for example). The Unburdened Heart focuses on Nelson's five-step formula for complete forgiveness: awareness, validation, compassion, humility, and self-forgiveness. The former professional basketball player and sports writer also considers whether to reconcile with the perpetrator or say goodbye and whether one can still forgive if the apology is insincere. At the core of her compelling narrative is her experience of being sexually abused by her high school coach; at the time, she very much believed his story that they were having an adult affair. While researching a previous book, The Stronger Women Get, the More Men Love Football (LJ 5/15/94), she could not get other coaches to comment on abuse, but here she reconnects with her old coach after 20 years to start the forgiving process. Written in straightforward workbook style, Nelson's text ends with three pages of group discussion questions. Ketterman and Hazard, a speaker/ psychiatrist and an author, respectively, write in a more folksy, storytelling style, but their point is no less convincing. Because they take a Christian stance, their book may be especially helpful to religious counselors; the chapter "A Personal Reckoning" poignantly illustrates what forgiveness means. Like Nelson, Ketterman has a deep personal connection to her topic: she had already divorced her successful husband when he called to tell her that he had been arrested and needed her help. They worked through their problems and remarried after he was released from prison. Both of these titles use forceful personal vignettes to show the process of working through events to exoneration. Nelson's book is better arranged for group work, while Ketterman and Hazard's is more amenable to an individual read.DLisa Wise, Broome Cty. P.L., Binghamton, NY
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: HarperSanFrancisco; 1st edition (May 2, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0062515993
• ISBN-13: 978-0062515995
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.6 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,543,305 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Touched Me Deeply, June 22, 2000

By 

Lolma Olson (California) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Unburdened Heart: 5 Keys to Forgiveness and Freedom (Hardcover)

The Unburdened Heart touched my heart and helped me key back into my need to stay current with the people in my life that I care about most and with those with whom I have on-going conflicted feelings. Mariah's writing style is open, engaging and makes sense. I am using her five key points in my personal life and also in my professional life as an organization development consultant. I would recommend this book to anyone wanting to change the way they relate to their partner, family, friends or colleagues. This is one of the best books I've read and the best on forgiveness - great job!

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Overcoming Fear and Confusion, Becoming Whole Again, May 23, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: The Unburdened Heart: 5 Keys to Forgiveness and Freedom (Hardcover)

Mariah Burton Nelson is a powerful, honest and eloquent writer. Her new book is wonderful. As a survivor of childhood molestation, I know how much strength it takes to push through the fear and confusion until you come to a place where forgiveness is possible. Ms. Nelson expresses that strength, even as she understands the fear. My thanks to her for sharing her story in a way that can help me (and maybe all of us) forgive and be whole.

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Leading the way, May 12, 2000

By 

Danleigh Spievak (Soquel, California) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Unburdened Heart: 5 Keys to Forgiveness and Freedom (Hardcover)

I believe in the future this book will be seen as the beginning of a sea change in our culture; similar to _The Feminine Mystique_ in its impact on our society. Mariah is at the forefront of a powerful cultural spiritual awakening that will not be stopped. She is one of our teachers. She is a woman who faces life fearlessly and is willing to share her journey with others. Her message has changed the way I do my life and I believe everyone can benefit from her message. She has given us a road map, a gentler way to do our lives.