The Uncensored Bible: The Bawdy and Naughty Bits of the Good Book (Hardcover)

by John Kaltner (Author), Steven Mckenzie (Author), Joel Kilpatrick (Author)
Key Phrases: sheep penises, ketonet passim, penis bone, The Uncensored Bible, Hebrew Bible, Song of Solomon (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
In this unexpectedly delightful (if juvenile) little book, two Bible professors and a journalist unpack some of the more outrageous interpretations of the Hebrew Bible, focusing on juicy tales of sex, dysfunctional families and body parts. What if Eve was not made from Adam's rib bone but, as one biblical scholar has suggested, his penis bone? (Don't laugh this theory away until you've read the chapter.) Despite taking on serious questions of biblical interpretation and Hebrew translations, the authors maintain a tongue-in-cheek demeanor as they address questions like Did Abraham pimp Sarah? Did Ruth and Boaz have a roll in the hay on the threshing floor? and Was Joseph a cross-dresser? (Answers: yes, maybe, and probably not.) One chapter proposes that the assassin Ehud (Judges 3) escaped King Eglon's rooftop after murdering him by slipping down through Eglon's latrine. Some of the authors' conclusions are a stretch, but it's always in good fun. This is perfect bathroom reading, and PW means that in the best possible way. (June)
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Review
"Based on the best contemporary scholarship of the Bible—but funny as hell! The Uncensored Bible finally reveals what your Sunday School teacher was afraid to tell you or did not know." -- Jonathan L. Reed, Professor of Religion, Univeristy of La Verne

[The Uncensored Bible] makes for some interesting (not to mention steamy) reading. Euphemism, puns and sarcasm abound. -- Religion News Service

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: HarperOne; 1 edition (June 10, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0061238848
• ISBN-13: 978-0061238840
• Product Dimensions: 7.5 x 5.8 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #716,985 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Terrific content, marred by irritating style, July 16, 2008

By	Michael C. Molloy - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

The Publisher's Weekly review on this page describes this book as an "unexpectedly delightful (if juvenile) little book". It's a fair comment; I would stress the "juvenile" a little harder than PW did, though. That is to say, the subject of the book is fascinating, or more descriptively the several subjects of the book are all fascinating. If you've ever felt like there must be more behind the frequently terse, and occasionally quite puzzling, stories of the Bible, such as Abraham's seemingly odd, repeated denials that Sarah and he were married (in Genesis 26), or Job's bizarre response when his neighbors in Sodom threatened his angelic houseguests (Genesis 19), or many other cases, you'll find fascinating and informative (and brief!) discussions in this book. Some of the discussions involve conjecture and even guesswork, and the authors are pleasingly up front about what is a guess and what is more solid. More generally the discussions in this book cast a lot of useful light on the extent to which the translations that most of us read today are themselves guesswork; often Biblical passages include words whose proper translation is just not known for sure (often because a given word of ancient Hebrew is used only once or a few times throughout the Bible, providing little context for translations). Altogether, very valuable stuff for the lay reader such as myself.

But my goodness, they lay it on thick with the juvenile business. As the two primary authors (Kaltner and McKenzie) say in their acknowledgements, the book was composed in two stages: first they wrote the book, then they handed it off to the third author (Kilpatrick) to give their presumably academic prose a more popular, humorous style. It was a good idea, I suppose, and that sort of thing is fine in the proper amount, but I found the implementation here much too heavy handed. They seem to get a juvenile and, to be blunt, rather lame joke into every second or third sentence; juvenile I can deal with, but the jokes mostly just aren't that funny, and their frequency gets in the way of enjoying the main narrative, rather than enhancing it. I'm currently about two thirds of the way through and, while the subject matter is terrific (see above), the style is so bad I'm finding it hard to continue. On the whole I find the intrinsic interest of the material wins out over the lameness of the style, but it is a struggle.

I do recommend this book, but because of the style, guardedly rather than enthusiastically.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Turning the Bible into Toilet Humor, August 24, 2008

By	BookMan (Rancho Santa Margarita, CA) - See all my reviews

I admit, I couldn't resist the title of this book and thought that it might take a fascinating foray into some of the more mischievous closets of the Bible - and perhaps even make obscure passages worthy of further examination. Of course, adding a little humor might also take the edge off some of the more risqué parts of the Good Book as well as expose (no pun intended) some additional meaning that would otherwise be overlooked.

While the Uncensored Bible does examine quite a few intriguing and puzzling matters, the extreme overabundance of infantile and patently sophomoric humor overwhelms anything the authors might have hoped to accomplish - I only finished the book because it was not only a quick (but tedious) read but also because I would look up the passages referenced and found that the authors, John Kaltner and Steven McKenzie ("Bible professors"), did seem to have a decent understanding of Biblical scholarship. Unfortunately, it appears as if the final writer, Joel Kilpatrick (a "journalist"), was employed to take the prose and add a bit of humor to it. That was, without question, a disastrous decision and resulted in turning a potentially fascinating book into 224 pages of non-stop locker-room banter befitting immature young men who have just gone through puberty and are still held captive by nearly-lethal doses of youthful hormonal imbalance - that well-known and documented male condition which causes acute cerebral failure whereby the brain is temporarily relocated to the nether regions of primal lust (located far south of the brain's normal placement).

It's really a shame that the Uncensored Bible failed so miserably in accomplishing anything the authors might have hoped for; had it done so, it would have been a truly interesting book. Instead, the book is a complete failure due to the inanely incessant humor that clutters nearly every single page (make that nearly every paragraph). The only reason I gave this book more than one star is due to the fact that it is possible to look up each Biblical passage that the authors refer to. Perhaps someday, someone will write a good book on the Good Book's most taboo topics. Oh well.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars The "Good" Book, August 16, 2008

By	B. Wilfong (Newark, OH) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

The Uncensored Bible is an intriguing and scholarly text that explores the myriad of possible interpretations of some Bible stories. It is written in an engaging and readable style, and the authors aptly realize that they are writing for a wide audience, not a bunch of scholars at a conference. Kudos to them for acknowledging that fact. This is a serious work, and I was greatly impressed by the rigorous standards that the authors gave to each "questionable' theory that they examined in the text. They are not trying to shock people, but rather to investigate the aspects of the Bible that are unseemly, and to come up with reasonable conclusions that are based on reliable research, and the Bible itself. Again, it is refreshing to read a work by a scholar that seems to be absent of the scholar`s personal biases and beliefs.
The main flaw with this text is the hideous amount of bad jokes. They are so many, and so lame, that they begin to detract from the text. Had the amount of bad jokes, puns, riffs, etc been reduced I would have given this text 4 stars.
If you know your Bible, and are open to thinking critically about it, then this is a quick and engaging read and worth your time.