A is for apple
See the nice green apple.
M-M-M-M-Good.
How many nice green apples can you eat?
Make a circle around the number of nice green little apples you ate today.
1 2 3 4 7 12 26 38 57 83 91 116
B is for baby
See the baby
The baby is fat
The baby is pink
The baby can cry
The baby can laugh
See the baby play
Play, baby, play.
Pretty, pretty, baby.
Mommy loves the baby more than she loves you.
Z is for zoo
Let's go to the zoo
See all the animals!
The animals are locked inside the cages.
Poor animals!
Who will let them out???
See the elephant in the zoo. Give the nice elephant some peanut shells with pepper inside. That will be a good joke on him. Ha. Ha. Ha Ha. The elephant is mad but don't worry -- By tomorrow the elephant will have forgotten all about it.
Poor hippopotomus. The hippopotumos has a bone stuck in his throat and can't get it out. Poor hipopothomus the hipopottomos has no fingers like you do. Poor hipotopomus. Say, maybe he is not a real hiptopomos after all. Maybe he is really a royal prince that has been turned into a hipopotomos by a wicked witch and when some person takes the bone out of his throat the spell will be broken and he will turn back into a prince again and give whoever did it a million dollars in gold and a horse and a castle.
See the hippopotimus in the zoo
Whew!
Copyright © 1961 by Shel Silverstein
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
76 of 77 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A classic NOT for young children!,
By
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This review is from: Uncle Shelby's ABZ Book: A Primer for Adults Only (Paperback)
I have always thought of Shel Silverstein as the American counterpart to England's Roald Dahl--someone who writes ostensibly for children much of the time, but whose worldview is dark, perhaps a little damp, and steeped in a winking cynicism. Silverstein proves my point adeptly in the 1961 classic "Uncle Shelby's ABZ," a loopy uproar of a book that should never, NEVER be given to young children. You will, however, want to get a copy for every adult you're fond of who doesn't already own a copy.As Silverstein explains in the foreword (done here, as throughout the book, in his own handwriting), he has thought and thought about children and as he wasn't blessed with children of his own, he has come up with this "primer" for all children. The book opens with a wee poem: O child learn your ABZ's That ought to give you an idea of what's to come. Silverstein meticulously addresses every letter in the alphabet, descending further and further as he does into a swirling pit of black humor. He starts off, of course, with "A," writing with great jollity about how many green apples he thinks the reader can eat (everything is addressed directly TO the reader, as though the reader is a child, making the text all the more seductive). "E" is a hoot: E is for egg. Silverstein's humor is subversive, to say the least. One page has a coupon, which Silverstein accompanies with the following text: Kids! Clip out this certificate and bring it to your friendly neighborhood grocer and he will give you, absolutely free . . . A REAL LIVE PONY! I have seen adults absolutely dissolve off their chairs with helpless laughter on reading "Uncle Shelby's ABZ." It wickedly plays off every insecurity and worry and doomed hope that any child secretly entertains, and it does so with a ruthlessness that's mighty to behold. This is highly, highly, HIGHLY recommended for any adult.
43 of 46 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Wickedly funny,
By
This review is from: Uncle Shelby's ABZ Book: A Primer for Adults Only (Paperback)
You surely don't need me to introduce you to the late Sheldon Allan Silverstein. Even if you're not aware that he wrote the lyrics to e.g. 'A Boy Named Sue' and 'Cover of the Rolling Stone', you've undoubtedly at least heard of _The Giving Tree_ and _Where the Sidewalk Ends_ and _A Light in the Attic_ and _Lafcadio, the Lion Who Shot Back_ and _The Missing Piece_ and . . .
You probably don't need me to introduce you to this wickedly hilarious and subversive book, either. It's one of the most side-splitting things Silverstein ever wrote, and if you know who he was, you've probably heard of it. It's brilliant, and it's guaranteed -- maybe even deliberately designed -- to annoy the sort of person who says 'I have a sense of humor, but'. (Which always, _always_ translates to 'I don't have a sense of humor'. You can take that to the bank.) But if you don't yet have your own copy, you might be put off by the fact that the new edition's title says it's for 'adults only'. That's misleading; in fact it's almost exactly the reverse of the truth. There's no 'adult material' in the entire book -- just some stuff that might be a little risky for kids too young or unsophisticated to understand the jokes. But the jokes are most definitely for kids -- even really tall, forty-plus ones like me. Do you know any 'adults' who would be amused at the sly hint that you should give Daddy a haircut while he naps because, having spent all his money on toys and oatmeal for _you_, 'poor poor poor poor Daddy' can't afford to go to a barber? Or who would laugh uncontrollably at the suggestion that if you tell the kidnapper your daddy has a lot of money, maybe he'll let you ride in his really keen fast car? 'Adults only', my tochis. Kids understand this humor _way_ better than 'adults' do; any grownup who laughs at it is really a great big kid. I'm giving a copy to one of my daughters for her birthday, with strict instructions not to show it to my wife. [Later note: Her reaction when I gave it to her was to laugh herself silly on every page and say repeatedly, 'That is _so_ wrong.'] Kids are nowhere near as touchy about this dark-humored stuff as 'adults' are. When I was a toddler, my parents used to sing me a cute little song about chopping me up for kindling wood; I don't think I suffered any emotional scars. And most 'nursery rhymes' -- not to mention fairy tales -- are bloodthirsty horror stories. When most kids find out what 'Ring Around the Rosey' is _really_ about, they think it's _cool_. Your own kids' chances of keeping their sense of humor into 'adulthood' increase immeasurably if they have a copy of this book to help them. Give it to them at once. No loving parent subjects a child to an unnecessary risk of maturity.
17 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Hilarious...I can read it over and over and over and over,
By A Customer
This review is from: Uncle Shelby's ABZ Book: A Primer for Adults Only (Paperback)
Now I know why I've loved Uncle Shelby's poetry all these years - I stumbled upon this book a few years ago and just love rereading it over and over. It never fails to make me laugh. I share it with everyone I know. Great book for parents and babysitters - we can fully appreciate the jokes as we've been there. Would kids like it? Maybe, maybe not. But I think that adults are the ones who fully get it. It's kind of like the way I feel about Tom and Jerry the cartoon. I loved it as a kid, but find it so much funnier as an adult. (not that ABZ book is similar to the cartoon, just the age thing).If you love humor, you will love this book. Uncle Shelby is not gentle in this book. Instead, he has a wicked sense of humor. Very refreshing, very entertaining.
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