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Uncommon Graces: Christlike Responses to a Hostile World

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Uncommon Graces is an uncommon book. It is one of those rare offerings that brings together wisdom, insight, biblical integrity, freshness, and creativity, and presents it with clarity and economy. This is no dull laundry list of Christian duties. It will both challenge and excite the reader. It was a real joy!

Dr. Vawter's book is a wonderful review of the all to often forgotten social graces of gentleness, attentiveness, loyalty, candor, mercy, kindness, and repentance. It is pleasant to read and filled with personal examples taken from his own life's experiences.

A member of our congregation shared this little book with me and it was like water in a parched land. I found Vawter's book insightful and inspiring. He reminds us all that our world and our society often seek to de-humanize and separate us from one another. The call of the gospel is to be more fully human and more deeply caring for one another. In other words, Christians are called to bring healing and good news into a world that is broken and hurting. Unfortunately, Vawter notes, the Christian church is all too often devoid of such "uncommon graces." This is a reminding of who we are, and a call to live out a grace-filled life, for he sake of other believers, and for the sake of the world around us. Great book.

I had high hopes for this book but found it a disappointment and wish I had just read my Bible instead. The concepts are sound, but there is a smug tone to the anecdotes that bothers me. There is an over-emphasis on telling tales of church conflict and Christians being unkind to one another. Ironically, the author devotes a lot of space to criticizing critical people. My advice is to skip this book and read the Gospels and Epistles of the New Testament instead.

Rating: 4.25 STARS

Introduction:

Dr. Vawter, a Baptist pastor, writes a compelling Christian-living book (primarily for Christians) from his pastoral and conciliar experiences about the "uncommon graces" of: Gentleness, Attentiveness, Loyalty, Candor, Mercy, Kindness, and Repentance. The last part of the book talks about how a Christian can nurture these "uncommon graces" in the chapters of: building community, establishing "circuit breakers," and living the Golden Rule.

The plethora of personal anecdotes makes this 191 page book a very fast read. I found "Uncommon Graces" at my local public library in San Jose. Published in 1998 by Navigator's publishing arm - NavPress.

Author:

"John Vawter is senior pastor at Bethany Community Church in Arizona ..." starts the backup description. In addition, the last page of the book is dedicated to informing the reader about the extensive evangelical work of the author and the backcover lists his academic credentials (M.Div. from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, and D.Ministry from Bethel Seminary). Reading the personal family anecdotes one learns a lot about Dr. Vawter (sometimes more than I wanted to know) - about how deeply honest, self-critical, yet impulsive and one "who always wants to win" he is. I have to say, I was surprised by Dr. Vawter "brag lists" of accomplishments at the end of the book, but looking at the content of his book I feel that he has a caring and loving heart, and candidly wants Christians to be transformed into Christ-like believers and true followers of Jesus Christ. Dr. Vawter, is also the author of 2003's "Hit by a Ton of Bricks (Family Issues)" book from Family Life Publishing.

Content:

While the book's subtitle is "Christlike responses to a hostile world" one learns from the early pages that while living in a society that is "in-your-face," and "where the spirit of the age always finds its way into the church" (well noted by Francis Schaeffer), Dr. Vawter's book is directed towards churchgoers than the world. As he states, too many churchgoers are obessed with a list of sins, while tolerating a list of "safe sins" and thus the church today seems to need a support group, an AA for the Arrogant and Abrasive.

The following are some excerpts, my nuggets of wisdom that I took from this book on Christian living:

GENTLENESS chapter

* "If grace has become a rare commodity in our day, it is perhaps because we have forgotten Paul's warning in Romans 12:2: 'Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould, but let God remake you so that your whole attitude of mind is changed. Thus you will prove in practice that the will of God's good, acceptable to him and perfect.'" (pg. 22).

* "A more troubling attitude is also at work. It says, 'If you don't agree with me, you're my enemy.' As Christians, one way we do this is by putting our general preferences, our personal convictions, and our most important doctrinal positions on an equal level. As a result, if someone doesn't see eye to eye with us on every single cultural, economic, political, moral, and theological issue, we think we have the right ot be belligerent toward them." (pg. 23)

* "I've known far too many Christins who are like this. Their lives seethe with anger, which they try to explain away as conviction. After years of seeing this kind of thing happen in churches, I've come to a surprising conclusion: Anger is not the root problem - dishonesty is." (pg. 23)

ATTENTIVENESS chapter

* "This is just the opposite of what the brother of our Lord tells us in James 1:19: 'Be quick to listen, slow to speak.'" (pg. 38).

* "Most of all, we miss out on the hidden depths and fascinating stories that exist in the lives of people all around us." (pg. 39)

* "Of course, it's easier to make snap judgements based on stereotypes than to engage a person in thoughtful conversation. It's hard work to understand someone else's point of view. It takes time and energy, things that are in short supply in our fast-paced society." (pg. 39)

* "This ongoing self-awareness of sin and a willingness to change are necessary for the continued growth of Christ's life in ours (1 John 1:6-9)" (pg. 43)

* "The battle cry of God's people should ot be confused with the cry arising from the world. Ours is not 'victory through intimidation' but 'transformation through service.'" (pg. 44)

* "We bring people into that kingdom by serving their needs. And one of their greatest needs is to speak what is in their hearts to someone who has a heart to listen." (pg. 44)

* "Listening displays the opposite of selfishness because it makes another person more important than ourselves." (pg. 44)

* "Admitting our limited understanding, especially in regard to spiritual truth, is a mark of humility." (pg. 46)

* "We need to realize that communication is, at best, an imperfect science." (pg. 48)

* "'Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.' (Proverbs 26:4)" (pg. 50)

* "We also miss a perfect opportunity to proclaim the gospel, because most people will learn more about the love of Christ from our attentive silence than they ever will from our 'expert' opinions." (pg. 50)

* "Whether we are listening to support someone else or to find guidance for our own lives, we need to learn how to put all that information in perspective. To do tha, we must be willing to negotiate." (pg. 52)

* "During His life on earth, Jesus repeatedly demonstrated that compassion could change people. Jesus recognized sin for what it was, but He never lost compassion for the sinner." (pg. 54)

LOYALTY chapter

* "I am reminded of the words of Solomon in Proverbs 18:24: 'A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.'" (pg. 57)

* "'You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love' (Galatians 5:13)" (pg. 59)

* "Loyalty can grow in our relationships only if we are also willing to cultivate intimacy." (pg. 60)

* "In his wonderful little book 'Secrets,'Dr. Paul Tournier says that having secrets is an important part of being human. When we share them with others, those same secrets have the power to strengthen relationships as few other things have the power to do. Intimate friends are the ones with whom it is safe to share such secrets." (pg. 62)

* "The stronger our commitment to loyalty the greater differences the relationship can endure and the greater growth it can experience." (pg.64)

CANDOR chapter

* "'An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips' (Proverbs 24:26)" (pg.74)

* "Practiced with love and discretion, candor strengthens rather than weakens relationships." (pg.74)

* "'Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body' (Ephesians 4:26)" (pg.77)

* "The third reason we're reluctant to be candid is our need to win. I've observed, particularly among leaders, that the truth is not always important as the triumph." (pg.77)

* "The real benefit of living a life of candor is that you can stand the heat of examination and be proven a sincere person. And the people who really matter respect you." (pg.79)

* "Solomon observed, 'Better is open rebuke than hidden love,' and 'Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses' (Proverbs 27:5,6).

* "When our candor is balanced with courage and compassion, it's not up to worry about the responses to our candor. Truth eventually wins out, even if it takes a long time to do so." (pg.84)

MERCY chapter

* "If we judge others by their coarse words and harsh reactions without looking beneath the surface to the wounds in the soul, we won't be following the example of the Great Physician Himself." (pg.91)

* "'See to it that o one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many' (Hebrews 12:15)" (pg.95)

* "It is important not to confuse mercy with sympathy. It is not a feeling but an action. It moves. It motivates. It makes a difference in people's lives. But to make the difference, mercy sometimes has to be blunt." (pg.97)

* "A desire for justice, ..., cannot be used as a defence for refusing to show mercy. ... The difference between the two is this: Justice seeks responsibility for the offense, while mercy seeks restoration for the offender." (pg.99)

* "Jesus made it abundantly clear that forgiveness is not some alternative therapy with a high success rate in dealing with victimization. Forgiveness is not an alternative but an imperative." (pg.100)

* "Romans 12:18 says, 'If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.'" (pg.101)

* "Extending mercy doesn't always bring peace. Even when it does, the peace process is seldom easy. ... So much of the time we're so self-absorbed that we can't even see the needs of others, let alone meet them." (pg.101)

* "While extending mercy comes at a price, failure to do so exacts a higher price." (pg.102)

* "I've talked about many concepts in this chapter: Letting go of the past. Showing mercy. Serving others. ... But there is no better example than Jesus Himself." (pg.103)

KINDNESS chapter

* "Kindness is an attitude of graciousness, a generosity of heart. But it doesn't stop there; it leads to 'acts' of kindness." (pg.106)

* "Is is sobering to recognize that if we don't show kindness, then we are distorting that reflection - and therefore distorting the very image of the Almighty." (pg.107)

* "'With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be' (James 3:9-10)." (pg.109)

* "We should be consistent. We shouldn't act one way in public and another way in private." (pg.110)

* "If we want to be like God, we have to be consistent in our kindness. And that means being kind even to our enemies." (pg.110)

* "Defending the truth is a noble thing. But 'obeying' the truth is nobler." (pg.110)

* "' ...Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just asin Christ God forgave you.' (Ephesians 4:31-32)" (pg.111)

* "One thing it tells us is that not all anger is wrong. 'In your anger do not sin,' wrote the apostle Paul. 'Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry' (Ephesians 4:26)" (pg.112)

* "Sadly, kindness is in short supply for the very people who need it most - even in the church." (pg.114)

* "Don't get me wrong; the convictions of Christ demand that we stand up for truth. But the character of Christ also requires us to weep over Jerusalem - or Washington - not overwhelm those cities with vast armies of indignation." (pg.117)

* "Unfortunately, people like Christ are a minority, not only in society but in the church." (pg.117)

* "The word that God speaks is most often spoken through the lives of people ... As we think about reaching our communities for Christ, we must realize that one of the greatest ways we can touch people is through kindness." (pg.118)

* "Kindness is not a character quality buried deep in our lives that we have to excavate. It's not something we build one brick at a time. It's organic, something that grows within us. More accurately, it is 'grown' within us by the work of the Holy Spirit." (pg.118)

REPENTANCE chapter

* "...We need to quit playing games, quit ignoring the warnings we receive, quit blaming others, quit judging others - and take a good hard look at ourselves." (pg.124)

* "When we rush to judgment, we disobey God and fail to further His kingdom." (pg.126)

* "All too frequently, the church is the scene of such exchanges. ... The truth is, I don't [have all the answers]. I don't know what you do with people who refuse to admit they're wrong. ... In Proverbs, he [Solomon] tells us not to waste our time with a fool (26:4), that a fool will not listen (23:9), that a fool will not change (17:10), and that a fool will not grow (18:2). If a person refuses to come to grips with an obvious weakness, sometimes it is best just to walk away." (pg.130-131)

* "I think we should be all asking God to develop enough humility in us that we are willing to listen to what people say ... Responding to and growing in the truth should be the issue - not winning." (pg.131)

BUILDING COMMUNITY chapter

* "We [Baptists and Evangelicals] stress personal salvation while forgetting that the biblical view of redemption includes both individuals and groups. We teach that spiritual growth emerges primarily from personal study and prayer, but we forget that a mature faith includes accountability, which requires other people." (pg.137)

* " 'On the other hand, I thought about what I often see in the church and in Christian circles, and that made me sad. Sad that people not in attendance are criticized. Sad that people who show up and disagree are demeaned. Sad that people - Christian people - attach each other instead of help each other ... in the church there is a lack of humility and little need to depend on God' [words of a friend of Vawter, father of a heroin addict daughter]" (pg.151-152)

* "If our Christian community is to be a place where we are submitting to each other, we need to grow in our sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. We need His help." (pg.152)

* "First, we need to keep a check on our attitude toward other people ... Second, we need to remember that we speak with more than just our mouths." (pg.153)

ESTABLISHING CIRCUIT BREAKERS

* "Why is it that so many people who claim to be followers of Jesus Christ live lives that are so offensive? Why is it that so many people who claim to be Christians are themselves so unChristlike?" (pg.155)

* "A mark of maturity is our willingness to listen to outside voices, to people who point out something that may be a problem in our lives ..." (pg.160)

* "Let's follow God's example and start looking beyond people's faults to their needs. Let's extend the same amount of grace and love to others that God has extended to us. If we will do that, the Holy Spirit will use us as circuit breakers in their lives." (pg.163)

LIVING THE GOLDEN RULE chapter

* "'In everything do to others what you would have them do to you' (Matthew 7:12). In many ways, that rule sums up the uncommon graces." (pg.171)

* "John [a fraternity brother of Vawter] captured the essence of the Golden Rule in the phrase 'mutual respect.' The apostle Paul captured it in other words: 'Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others' (Philippians 2:4)." (pg.174)

* "Living the Golden Rule is where our faith puts on its walking shoes. With one foot we trust. With the other we obey. And that's how we walk with God." (pg.179)

Conclusion:

I whole-heartedly recommend this read for anyone interested in growing spiritually as a Christian and being more Christ-like. While the book has a lot of gems (read the excerpts above) I feel that it was a very light and fast read. After being used to reading meaty and contemplative booksfrom the likes of Bonhoeffer, Thomas Merton, Henri Nouwen, Thomas A. Kempis, Philokalia, I found this a very light read, theologically speaking. It almost felt like pop-psychology mixed with personal stories and compared with Bible verses. Nevertheless, even though Dr. Vawter did not focus on the 9 fruits of the spirit of Galatians 5, he did an excellent pastoral job writing about Gentleness, Attentiveness, Loyalty, Candor, Mercy, Kindness, and Repetance.