An Unconventional Family (Hardcover)

~ Professor Sandra Lipsitz Bem (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Sandra Bem's name is familiar to two decades of behavioral scientists and their students through the Bem Sex Role Inventory, a research and teaching device that measures androgyny. Her earlier Lenses of Gender set out a feminist theory of gender, and the present book describes a practical and personal family experiment deriving from the theory. The trajectory of Sandra and Daryl Bem's engagement, marriage and family-rearing parallels the development of feminist theory closely. This is, in her words, "an autobiographical account of an attempt by a woman and a man to function as truly egalitarian partners and parents and also to raise children in accordance with gender-liberated, antihomophobic, and sex-positive feminist ideals." Luckily, both the author and her (now ex-) husband Daryl wrote and lectured frequently on their undertaking, so a detailed, forthright chronicle was available, and Bem supplements it with a short essay giving Daryl's viewpoint and edited interviews with her now grown children. The difference in this family's history is that a plan was devised for marriage and children, and behavior was deliberately channeled to fit the framework. A consistent certainty of being right pervades the narrative. Events are analyzed according to whether they fit or did not fit the model, presenting a certain joylessness about living that one hopes didn't reflect the family's day-to-day experience. Bem provides positive spins and rational explanations for lapses in feminist practice. The book is well written and thoughtful, and achieves its purpose, but also shows that utopian experiments are truly hard work and allow little time for just being.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

In this fascinating autobiography, Bem?Cornell psychology professor, lecturer, and author (The Lenses of Gender, Yale Univ., 1993)?provides details of the life experiences that led her and husband Daryl Bem (also a psychologist, lecturer, and author) to become pioneers in gender studies. She describes her early gender nonconformity and its role in her choice of a marriage partner, which resulted in a truly egalitarian union and the development of somewhat controversial feminist child-rearing practices. This work encompasses both the positive and negative experiences of their almost 30-year nontraditional marriage and provides valuable insight into sex stereotyping. In the final two chapters, Bem reassesses egalitarian partnering and feminist child-rearing using in-depth and poignant interviews with Emily and Jeremy, her grown children. The epilog and essay-commentary by Daryl Bem add a compelling finale to this well-written book. Recommended for psychology and women's studies collections in academic and public libraries.?Elizabeth Goeters, Georgia Perimeter Coll., Dunwoody
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: Yale University Press; 1 edition (October 11, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0300074247
• ISBN-13: 978-0300074246
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.7 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,041,800 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful Eye-Opener, December 17, 2000

By	Anonymous "Anonymous" (USA) - See all my reviews

This book really helped our family to recognize what ..... attitudes we were unknowingly bringing into our home. The Bems' autobiography gives a clear guide to raising non-...., non-homophobic children. Though my husband and I consider ourselves to be feminists, we were really suprised to discover that there was so much more we could do for our children, and good examples we could set for them.

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting look into an equal marrage, February 19, 1999

By A Customer

The Bems tried an equal marriage that no one had tried before them. They had no role models, no guide books, only their unconventionally gendered past to lead them into finding a marriage that could suit them both. The idea of equal marriage is an old one these days, but it was a scandal only thirty years ago. The subsequent description of their feminist child raising is a look at how difficult it is not to bring gender stereotypes into the home. The results of this genderless child raising is unique insight into how much freer people become when they are outside the constraints of gender. This autobiography is very enjoyable account of a one of a kind life. I recommend it for anyone curious about other forms of marriage/child raising.

4 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A book every woman and man should read, November 13, 1999

By A Customer

Bem is a pretty cool psychologist who lives her life in a way to test the theories she proposed. It really helps those who want to raise their kids in a non-sexist and gender aschematic way to gain more insights of the practical issues in doing that. I really appreciated that being a researcher Bem was able to share her personal life to others so as to illustrate the gender related problems and struggles in our society.