Suburban housewife and vampire queen Betsy Taylor makes an alarming discovery: her half-sister is truly the Devil's daughter, and she can't wait to raise hell.
Undead and Unwelcome
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About the Author
MaryJanice Davidson is the New York Times bestselling author of the Undead novels featuring Betsy Taylor; Derik's Bane, and the new young adult novels featuring Jennifer Scales, written with her husband, Anthony Alongi, among other titles.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter 1
So, if I’m reading this correctly, you’re a vampire now. Not a secretary.”
“Not an administrative assistant,” I corrected automatically. I mean, jeez! I knew Cooper was old and creaky, but what century did he think we were living in? (Or in my case, dying in and then reliving?)
“The important bit,” Cooper went on, “is about the vampire.”
“Well, yeah.”
“And how you’re the queen of them.”
I sighed and flopped into an airplane seat. I examined the toes of my navy blue Cole Haan Penny Air Loafers . . . not a scratch so far. “I guess some people would consider that an important point. The queen thing.”
“It’s bulleted and boldfaced. Also, the date of your death is in italics, along with how you don’t have to urinate anymore.”
“My pee or the lack thereof is nobody’s business!” I gnashed my teeth and added, “Give me that.”
I snatched the memo away from Cooper so quickly, he didn’t see my hand move until his wrinkly fingers were clutching air. This startled him into a gasp, which we then both pretended I hadn’t heard. That, I was learning, was vampire etiquette. Or, that is, vampire etiquette when dealing with humans. I’d finally figured it out after three years of being undead.
There should be a class, you know. Vampire Etiquette When Dealing with Humans 101. In another fifty years, I could teach the stupid thing.
I scanned the memo, my eyes bulging so much they felt like they were trying to leap from my skull. Cooper hadn’t been kidding. Jessica had sent him a memo detailing my bodily functions. Two pages!
To: Samuel Cooper.
From: The Boss.
Re: Betsy, Vampirism, and Cargo.
Cargo? My gut churned.
And the part about me being the vampire queen was bulleted.
“I can’t believe she sent you a memo.”
“She always does. And I send ’em to her. Increasing fuel costs, licensing issues, route changes. You know how expensive fuel’s getting now that China’s buying all the oil? The E.M. ain’t cheap, you know.” The E.M.: Jessica’s private joke. It stood for Emancipated Minor.
“And she sends her memos to me to keep me in the loop, don’t you know. Seems this one’s a little late, though,” he muttered.
“ ‘Creepy speed and unnaturally grotesque super- strength’?” Aghast, I kept reading as other blechy phrases leaped out at me. “ ‘Still obsessed with shoes but married rich and can now actually afford the stupid things’? That scrawny traitor, I’m going to—agh! ‘Immortality hasn’t given her any interest in any topic she cannot refer to in the first person.’ Why, that—okay, I can’t really argue with that last one, but she didn’t have to highlight it. Look! It’s highlighted.”
“So is ‘extreme narcissistic tendencies.’ In any case, I’m to fly you to Cape Cod, so you can meet with the King of the Werewolves and make sure he doesn’t sic his pack on you.”
“I think it’s pronounced Pack.”
Cooper heard the capital P and nodded. “Right. This Pack, they’re pretty ticked? Because of that little gal Antonia?”
I nibbled on the inside of my lip, distressed, as always, by any mention of Antonia. It had only been a week. It didn’t still sting, as much as feel like a lateral slice through the liver.
See, poor Antonia was making the trip with us—in the cargo hold, as all corpses flew. In a plain wooden coffin, the lethal bullet holes all over her skull still not filled in by an undertaker. My husband, Sinclair, and I had no idea what werewolf funeral customs entailed, so we’d given orders that her body simply be placed in a coffin and loaded onto Jessica’s private plane.
We didn’t even wash her beautiful, dear face.
But that was nothing compared to what we did with Garrett’s body.
“Look, Cooper, the important thing is now you know what you’re getting into. So if you can’t fly us out there, or if you think you—”
“Bite your tongue, miss. Or missus, I suppose. I’ve been flying for Jessica Wilson since she was seven years old, don’t you know, and we’ve had hairy days and we’ve had hairy days.”
“Cooper, I never, ever want to hear about your hair.”
He ignored me. It was just as well. “I’ve seen and heard things—never mind, that’s private family business.”
“Oh, come on, we’re best friends. I mean, Jessica and me.” I didn’t know if Cooper had any friends. “There’s no way you know stuff that I don’t—”
Cooper ruthlessly interrupted my shameless scrounging for gossip. “This doesn’t scare me.” He nodded at the memo, inadvertently crumpled in my fist. “But I surely wish Miss Jessica had told me earlier.”
He meant, of course, “Like, how about before I flew you and the vampire king to New York City for your honeymoon, dumbass?” But Cooper neither a) freaked out, nor b) quit. And thank God, because finding another private pilot at this hour would have been a bitch.
“You got a problem with the boss?” I asked. “Take it up with the boss. What I want to know is, are we still leaving at eight o’clock?” Because if we weren’t, I (and probably my husband) was going to be in big trouble with seventy-five thousand werewolves. I held my breath, remembered for the thousandth time I didn’t have to breathe anyway, and waited for his answer.
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More About the Author
MaryJanice Davidson has been credited with starting paranormal chick lit. The New York Times bestselling author of the Undead series, she lives in Minnesota. Please visit her on the Web at www.maryjanicedavidson.net.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
92 of 95 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Undead and incomplete,
By
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Undead and Unwelcome (Queen Betsy, Book 8) (Hardcover)
I loved the start of this series. Undead and Unwed is a well worn, battered book that I still drag off the bookshelf and read on those days when the world seems glum. This book did nothing to recreate that happiness.The plot-such as there is, is simple. Antonia died at the end of Unappreciated. Betsy, Sinclair and Jessica go visit the Wyndham wolves to return the body. From the minute they arrive there is a threat that a war could happen-which seems vastly out of character for Michael and Derek. Betsy, hurt that her friend is dead, is upset because the wolves seem to blame her when she feels that the Pack never accepted Antonia in place and almost drove her out of Cape Cod. Short story long, a fight breaks out and Betsy gets staked-again. Plus something weird is going on with BabyJon-something that is really never clarified. Meanwhile back home Laura is flipping her lid. The road to hades is paved with good intentions and Laura falls down that slippery slope in a big way. Marc sends desperate emails (Laura has cancelled their phone services) that say things like, "Laura is LHFM!!!!" which makes no sense to Betsy or Jessica since they don't speak Twitter Text. They go home and walk into A Big Problem. Part of the problem with the Queen Betsy book is that it's only about 50,000 words, and reads shorter than that. It feels like an incomplete novella that has a "To Be Continued" line at the bottom of the page. I have no idea why-outside of being a predator-everyone was mentally prepared for war. In the couple of Wyndham books I've read, Michael and his wife are pretty level headed. BabyJon has super powers butthey aren't that interesting. Betsy, Jessica and Marc are all apparently idiots for not sending emails that people can read. (After sending 2 SOS emails shouldn't Marc send one in English? I'm just asking) Shouldn't Betsy or Sinclair care that their phones don't work? If this book had been $7.50 I would have been perfectly happy with the purchase. Instead I paid $15.86 (about $1.00 than JR Ward's 540 page Lover Ahvenged) and didn't get my money's worth. If the publisher wants to keep the Queen Betsy books as hardcover books, I suggest that a short story be added from another world to flesh out the purchase. Otherwise I suspect I'll wait for paperback.
50 of 52 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
In decline,
By
This review is from: Undead and Unwelcome (Queen Betsy, Book 8) (Hardcover)
How I loved Undead and Unwed - I thought it was original and witty. Undead and Unemployed was also good, but the books have gone steadily downhill since them. I understand how the tone of the series is light on plot and generally fluffy, but with every instalment Betsy just gets more and more irritating, and the books get weaker. This one didn't buck the trend. Please, MJD, if you're going to keep this series going, for pity's sake, improve the quality.
28 of 28 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Ugh,
By
This review is from: Undead and Unwelcome (Queen Betsy, Book 8) (Hardcover)
I cant believe I wasted 20 dollars on this book. I was finished in 2 hours and it the process I wanted to scream. Betsy used to be a lovable heroine but now she is just a moron. She never pays attention to anything and her relationship with sinclair is all about sex. This was cute the first 5 books but now there needs to be some substance. MJD needs to either step it up or put an end to this series so her loyal fans will stop wasting their money.
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