Understanding Men's Passages: Discovering the New Map of Men's Lives [Hardcover]

Gail Sheehy (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 5, 1998

This is a book every man should read and every woman will.

Understanding Men's Passages is the most intimate and candid account of what men's lives are really like today, revealing their doubts, their passions, their hunger for renewal. Given their increasingly unpredictable and elongated lives, men need to reinvent themselves and expand the ways they demonstrate their manliness.  
     Hundreds of men have told their stories in their own words to Gail Sheehy, author of the bestselling New Passages and The Silent Passage. Sheehy makes the case that it is men in middle life who have the best chance to become masters of their fates. Featured are confidences from both celebrities and everyday heroes, creating a mirror in which every man can locate his possibilities for growth and change. These bold, feisty, imaginative men recount how they have discovered what is missing and forged new directions to invigorate the second half of their lives. They share a fantastic secret: "Hey, I'm not as old as I used to be!"
     Understanding Men's Passages is a concise guide for men (and the women in their lives) as they confront the major issues of each passage:

¸  How do you make change work for you?
¸  Where can you find new passion and pur-pose?
¸  How can you be the father you wish your father was?
¸  What can you do to exercise influence as you grow older?
¸  How can you deal successfully with "male menopause"?
¸  What strategies can defeat depression?
¸  How can you survive a job change or downsizing?
¸  What keeps a man young?
¸  When men and women face the same passage with different needs and directions, how does marriage survive?

     The stories of men who are redirecting their lives offer concrete information as well as inspiration.Gail Sheehy's Understanding Men's Passages will be a man's secret friend--a short, witty, knowing guide to self-renewal. And every woman will find it a must-read.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Gail Sheehy's taboo-breaking book about women's menopause, The Silent Passage, was named one of the most influential books of our time by the Library of Congress. Understanding Men's Passages is just as powerful and is certain to change the landscape of the psychology of men. Inspired by her husband's struggle with a midlife career crisis, Sheehy has compiled nearly 10 years worth of interviews and research into this book, revealing the fears and self-doubts of men over 40 who struggle with identity crises both at work and with their partners and children.

Sheehy also defines male menopause as a period in which hormones, including testosterone--and therefore potency and sex drive--drop, and men suffer from irritability and mood swings. She cites the statistics that claim more than 52 percent of men between the ages of 40 and 70 can expect some degree of impotence--which translates into at least 20 million men. "When ignored or denied, this sexual freeze extends more deeply into every aspect of a man's life than was previously thought," she writes. "It can be an underlying cause of depression, divorce, even suicide."

The men Sheehy interviewed were surprisingly candid about their situations and are glad that they've opened up a discourse. Says one man about the silence regarding sexual changes his father endured during his passage into male menopause: "The only sign of getting older probably was that earlier trip to the bathroom in the morning--which we call the six a.m. passage." In addition to covering male menopause and the latest treatments for impotence, Sheehy also includes chapters on how to handle empty-nest syndrome, job downsizing, and the strain on marriage that retirement brings about, but her main point rings clear throughout: "We need an expanded definition of manliness."

From Publishers Weekly

The years after 40 offer men a "second adulthood," declares Sheehy, a chance to reinvent themselves. But first they must shift from competing to connecting, from incessant striving for external rewards to a quest for inner fulfillment through meaningful pursuits, after determining what they really want of the second half of their lives. In a constructive, enlightening guide to self-discovery for men and their partners, the author of Passages and New Passages uses 100 male interviewees, case histories and medical and psychological research to probe men's feelings about death, spiritual hollowness, empty nest syndrome, separation anxieties, their envy of their empowered working wives, pre-retirement jitters and waning sexual potency. There are enough fresh angles in this searching exploration of male malaise to help men tailor their goals and dreams to real-life circumstances. Author tour.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 292 pages
• Publisher: Random House; 1st edition (May 5, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0679452737
• ISBN-13: 978-0679452737
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.1 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,000,363 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #18 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Nonfiction > Social Sciences > Gender Studies > Men
  • #25 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Psychology & Counseling > Social Psychology & Interactions

More About the Author

Gail Sheehy is the world-renowned author of fifteen books, including Passages, which remained on the New York Times bestseller list for more than three years and has been reprinted in twenty-eight languages.

As a literary journalist, Sheehy was one of the original contributors to New York magazine. A contributing editor to Vanity Fair since 1984, she won the Washington Journalism Review Award for Best Magazine Writer in America for her in-depth character portraits of national and world leaders, including both President Bushes, Bill and Hillary Clinton, former speaker of the house Newt Gingrich, former British prime minister Margaret Thatcher, former Iraqi president Saddam Hussein, and Mikhail Gorbachev. Sheehy is a seven-time recipient of the New York Newswomen's Club Front Page Award for distinguished journalism. She currently resides in New York City.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

24 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Three stars is generous . . ., February 17, 2003

By 

"johnwebwriter" (Brunswick, ME USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Understanding Men's Passages: Discovering the New Map of Men's Lives (Paperback)

This isn't an awful or poorly written book, but it really seemed skin-deep to me (42yo male). The author skimmed the topics, even though she apparently interviewed a lot of men. It just isn't deep at all -- to me, it was like watching a television show. By comparison, "Iron John" by Robert Bly was very deep and thoughtful. Years after I read that book, I'm still thinking over some of what he said.

35 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars You've got to look for the jewels of wisdom in this one., June 26, 2000

By 

JohnB (Southern California) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Understanding Men's Passages: Discovering the New Map of Men's Lives (Paperback)

Gail Sheehy's book contains some wisdom that I found helpful, but I also found myself wanting to throw the book out the window more than once during the reading.

The good side is that she interviews men whose stories I could understand and whose words touched my pain. There are plenty of stories from men that have been where I'm going now at age 48. About 25 percent of the stories made sense to me and filled in more than a few puzzle pieces in my life.

The bad side is having a good writer like Gail Sheehy write a book about the male world is like Newt Gingrich writing a book about lesbian life. Eventhough the writer tries hard not to interject their innate opinion it comes through, and I as a man resented and felt hurt at the stereotyping the male species, the paragraphs that you just don't say to a guy that's down on his luck, and the "how great women are doing these days."

The book does contain some wisdom that I'm glad I found: older men talking about their lives. The downside is I had to read some passages that just ripped my guts out . . . almost like stepping on a landmine.

I'm glad, though, that I read it.

25 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Psycho-Social Primer on Adult Male Development, January 12, 2003

By 

NiceGuy1 (Onalaska, Wisconsin USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Understanding Men's Passages: Discovering the New Map of Men's Lives (Paperback)

Gail Sheey's "Understanding Men's Passages" is a good book to read to grasp the basic developmental stages that men go through in life. Other books on men's issues sometime fail to recognize the importance of these sequential and natural passages of early, middle, and later male adulthood.

I enjoyed the book, but Sheey sometimes overuses examples from men who, quite frankly, do not quite fit the norm (rich, famous, and powerful). It appears that data supporting Sheey's book came from men in all walks of life. Why then, does she often use interview data from men who the average reader cannot identify with? When reading through this book, I sometimes wondered if Sheey met the elusive "every man" in each of us, but truly does not know the common personality characteristics that we, as men, exhibit. She also mentions virtually nothing about single men.

Strengths: The cover is eye-catching. And in general, Sheey is a gifted writer who draws the reader into her train of thought. She has also really done well in connecting with medical personnel who are familiar with men's health issues. Parts IV, V, and VI were perhaps my favorite parts of the book to read.

Years ago, I read Sheey's "Passages" for a class on adulthood and aging. She goes beyond that book in "Understanding Men's Passages," but not quite enough.