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Understanding Other People: The Five Secrets to Human Behavior [Kindle Edition]

Beverly D. Flaxington
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (95 customer reviews)

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Book Description

Get Rid Of Those Difficult People!

Learn The Secrets To Remove Them Once And For All

Leveraging decades of experience working with people in many different areas and experiences, the author has found a way to explain to all of us what we simply don't learn naturally -- how to understand and communicate with others more effectively.
Readers will gain the insights they need to identify relationships missteps, and then apply easy-to-learn techniques to bring relationships to a more meaningful level in both personal and business settings.

Editorial Reviews


"Humans are strange creatures that are difficult to understand, even if you are one. 'Understanding Other People: The Five Secrets to Human Behavior' is a guide for people who want to better understand these peculiar individuals that they encounter every day. Drawing upon decades of experience, Beverly Flaxington encourages listeners to take her advice and apply it where they can. From better empathy to avoiding mistakes, 'Understanding Other People' is truly a valuable audio." -- the Midwest Book Review

From the Author

After years of working with people in business and personal situations, trying to help make effective change happen, I noticed a theme with difficult relationships. Sometimes when we are struggling in a relationship, everything else in life seems hard to deal with for us. I began to capture the common threads that run between most people and finally taught a graduate course called "Dealing with Difficult People" using my understanding. At the end of the class, students said -- "This should be a required course for everyone in life!" I heard that message and decided to write a book -- so that everyone could access these ideas and use them. One reviewer said, "Everyone on planet earth should read this book!" I hope you enjoy this and find it useful in your own life.

Product Details

  • File Size: 268 KB
  • Print Length: 106 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: ATA Press; 1 edition (May 22, 2009)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B002BNL4N6
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #136,965 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
4.2 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
98 of 103 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Concise Useful Principles High on Content February 11, 2012
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Understanding Other People is well titled; a useful, earthy and concise book, especially for someone who hasn't been through one of the "Leadership" seminars. I finally settled on four stars for the merits of the book with one star off for the "demerits." Flaxington is succinct and largely descriptive. The use of the term "secrets" in the subtitle is good marketing, everyone wants to know "secrets."

Flaxington's premises are basically that you're going to get along easily with some people, with others it may not be easy but if you understand what's going on you may be able to make it work, and in other cases you either live with the situation or move on, but you're not going to change it. Straightforward enough, and Flaxington's value added are principles, context and the real and rare strength of the book, a clear and honest assessment that you're not going to change other people. The first chapter is a good reminder to check our own perspectives, but unless you're reading this at someone else's suggestion, there's a good probability you're above average in self awareness.

The Chapter "Don't Assume I Know What You Mean" is valuable enough to justify reading the book. The tools and thoughts from that chapter are universally useful.

The two "demerit" areas, based upon my "filters," are the lack of context for DISC and not addressing personality disorders. The DISC behavior style assessment is one of many communication/personality/behavior/value diagnostics; Myers-Briggs may be the most widely recognized. It would be good to know, briefly, why the author believes DISC is a good choice relative to other alternatives. She does state that it is validated and proven.
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124 of 133 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Is it time for a filter change? July 18, 2009
There are plenty of business books available out there to help us better understand the behavior of others. The problem I have found with most of them is that they are written from the perspective of the clinical psycologist, not from the persective of the business leader, rendering them of little or limited value. No so with UNDERSTANDING OTHER PEOPLE: THE FIVE SECRETS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR, by Beverly Flaxington.

The book begins by examining the many built in filters we use to view the world. Our filters don't necessarily make us right or wrong, they simply determine our viewpoint. One person may be devastated by the death of Michael Jackson. The next person may view it as, "One less pedophile in the world." One person may view Barack Obama as the Messiah, the next person may view him as the anti-Christ. These are just the filters each person sees things with.

Flaxington teaches us that by being aware of our filters, we are more cognizant of the fact that we are not necessarily right or wrong, we're just us. This concept leads us to understanding the principle of "It's all about me." The author cogently explains this simple truth by asking the reader to consider a time when we went out of our way to help someone, supposedly out of our own goodness, only to be offended when the recipient failed to "according to our filters" properly thank us.

The book continues in subsequent chapters to explain how these filters create difficulties in relationships, work environments and every day life with those around us. The concept being, by more clearly understanding why we, and those we interact with, react the way we do, we will begin to find ways to work towards what Dr. Stephen Covey calls, "Win-win, or no deal" and "seek first to understand, then to be understood."

I will stop here as I don't wish to give away additional content. The book is a quick, easy read. It is very well written and you will find lessons with immediate applicability.
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56 of 63 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Everyone should read and own this book June 17, 2009
This fabulous, concise, wisdom rich book is helping me to better understand myself in addition to others. The 5 secrets to understanding human behavior are revealed in a way that is easy to understand and incorporate into one's daily personal and professional life. I find these tools more natural to use than the other tools I am familiar with, including but not limited to Myers-Briggs, and Enneagram.

Using the Disc behavioral and core value tools, I have a clearer insight into human nature. `Don't assume I know what you mean' is one of the good personal reminders to place more context around my messages.

I intend to keep this book close to me until the 5 secrets have become a natural way of life for me, meanwhile I will pick up a few more copies for my friends. You should too!
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21 of 24 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Understanding other people March 16, 2010
This book was written for co-workers to better understand each other, but I also found it helpful to communicate better with my spouse.

Dr. Flaxington states that "The most powerful people are the ones who understand themselves better than others understand them." She helps us to find out more about ourselves by finding out what triggers our responses, what our values are and knowing how we communicate. The first and main secret is that everything is "all about me". Our reactions to others is how we unintentionally "view every experience through our own lenses". We need to watch others, listen and pay attention, watch our own reactions, recognize our own triggers and be committed to stop using our preconceived ideas.

She states that we don't need to change for anyone, but to adapt to situations and other people and communication will be improved.

I learned a lot and will definitely be using the 5 secrets in all aspects of my life.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars I liked it so much
If you have any difficult individuals in your life...READ this book. I liked it so much, I gave a copy to each of my family members (doubt they read it but still worth the... Read more
Published 20 days ago by Michael Lemen
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book!
This booked helped a lot to understand more about other people and how to communicate better . I will be putting these steps into daily practice
Published 24 days ago by Christina sears
4.0 out of 5 stars yep
Gf liked it
Published 1 month ago by firefly
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
great book, have read twice!
Published 3 months ago by becky
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Great Product
Published 8 months ago by PIPER SELLERS
1.0 out of 5 stars One Star
Why do I waste time with these books? Here's a secret to understanding people: observe and listen.
Published 9 months ago by Ray Ray
2.0 out of 5 stars NLP for dummies. Scratch that...NLP for complete noobs
This is a really watered down repetitive rehash of every puerile NLP magazine blurb ever written. It is overlong by half, and provides nothing of substance, unless you never heard... Read more
Published 10 months ago by Dentish
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book!
Great book!
Published 10 months ago by Zhonename
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Helpful
Currently in a new work situation with a manager who is totally focused on climbing the ladder and anyone who doesn't serve that one's purpose is sabotaged. Read more
Published 11 months ago by dw
5.0 out of 5 stars Liked it!
Very good book that I think would enhance my understanding of other people and what drives their opinions. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Abrar
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More About the Author

Beverly is a three-time bestselling and Gold-award winning author. She is a successful corporate consultant, a behavioral expert, a college professor, a hypnotherapist and an executive coach. Bev trademarked her own change management and goal achievement model called S.H.I.F.T. Her strategies have helped hundreds of people change their lives and their relationships for the better! Visit Bev at

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Topic From this Discussion
Why is it so hard for us to admit that sometimes "it's all about me!"
I noticed no one has responded to your start of a discussion "it's all about me" I'm not terribly surprised it is a hard thing for people to admit about themselves. I learned in therapy that we get something out of things we keep doing even if they don't work out for us there is some... Read More
Jun 22, 2011 by Tinker |  See all 2 posts
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