Customer Reviews

An Unfinished Marriage

5 star:		(18)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

I found Joan Anderson's first book, A Year by the Sea to be a life altering book for me. This follow up doesn't quite live up to the original but it is interesting to see where the first book left off and what happened the year after the year by the sea. I recently met Joan Anderson at one of her wonderful weekend by the sea retreats and she told us that she had been asked why she and her husband got back together after a year apart, and she said it is because he is my best friend. As simple as that. This book does show the love and tenderness that Joan and Robin have for each other especially after Joan breaks her ankle and has to completely depend on her husband for everything. After an awkward start, he becomes an expert in domestic duties much to Joan's delight. Who knew? Given half a chance, men can take care of a household as well as a woman if he is willing to try. And their two weeks at the dune cottage while their house was being renovated was a kind of a whimsical adventure. With no electricity, running water or telephones what can you possible have to do for two whole weeks? Well, they managed to do a lot of discovery about themselves and their surroundings during that time. Everyone should have such an opportunity to get away from the rat race once in a while. I recommend the book but only after reading A Year by the Sea first if you haven't already because otherwise you won't get it.

"A Year by the Sea," to which An Unfinished Marriage" is the sequel, is the memoir of a woman who peeled off the layers of her life and found again the person hidden under those layers. This is not unique in literature, nor in the lives of women, but Anderson's story is satisfying to women, most of whom are unable or unwilling to take Anderson's drastic and courageous approach to reshaping their lives. It was well-written and, deservedly, it sold well; a lot of us who read it learned from her experiences and appreciated her insights.

Unfortunately, "An Unfinished Marriage" is a bogus effort to take advantage of that success, with little basis. "Write a sequel, Joan. A lot of readers will buy the book, thinking that you really have something else to say."

Most of this book--and most of the so-called work on "finishing" or rescuing the marriage--takes place in Joan's head, not between Joan and Robin. Robin, newly retired, is undeveloped in the book, presented as though he has little or no role in the marriage and little or no interest in taking any steps to preserve it. He is trying to redefine himself as a retired person, a position for which Anderson has little sympathy. Having spent the preceding year re-evaluating and changing her life, she has not much interest in his attempt to do the same in the year she has apparently designated for re-evaluating and changing their marriage. This is a man who has obviously failed to get with the program.

Joan seems to feel that the future of the marriage is entirely in her hands and that somehow the marriage will move forward if she is very introspective and contrives everything possible into a series of lame metaphors that supposedly represent the marriage. A trip to the dump makes her realize that the marriage can be recycled like an aluminum can or a plastic bucket? Oh, please. Robin and Joan undertake the renovation of the beach house that has now become their year-round home and that is a metaphor for the remodeling of the marriage. Yes indeed, a recycled metaphor.(Which came first, the renovation or the metaphor?)

The dialogue in this book is stilted, way too heavy for normal conversation, fraught with meaning. In fact, everything in the book is fraught with meaning, too significant. If this reflects the their daily life during the period reported in the book, no wonder reassembling the marriage was so difficult. It seems that every action, every conversation, every event must be analyzed, reshaped and forced into significance for the sake of the book.

And therein lies the major problem with this book: It was forced into being. There is no book in this book.

Readers who read Anderson's first book, "A Year by the Sea" will find this a beautiful sequel and equally as compelling as her first book. After seeing Anderson on the Oprah show, I was as impressed with the author as I was with her book. In this book, Anderson and her husband reunite after a year apart. The reunion was not without its ups and downs as would be expected after the author's year sabbatical. According to Anderson, she and her husband had to make several changes to avoid making the same pitfalls and mistakes that had caused the couple to drift with a different tide. I particularly enjoyed "their trip to the dump", a learning experience that proved, like many objects we cast away, marriages can also be recycled.

Anderson is a down-to-Earth woman who spent considerable time searching for her true self - much of which had been lost in her marriage. In discovering what made her tick, she also discovered a part of her marriage that was worth saving. As a counsellor, I hear so many stories of marriages that lose their spark. Not all marriages can be salvaged or "recycled" and some should not be; however, love is our most powerful emotion - it can overcome all obstacles if we are willing to make the commitment and changes to resolve the issues. Through the pages of this wonderfully inspiring book, many readers, particularly women, will be able to relate to Anderson's tale and perhaps see a little of themselves. The book reminds me of the saying, "If you love something set it free; if it comes back, it is yours; if it does not, it never was."

Hats off to Joan Anderson for having the courage and wisdom to take a journey into self-discovery with all the risks involved and the determination to write a book which contains a valuable lesson for women everywhere. The only constant in life is change. If we are not able to go with the changes life throws our way and are not willing to take risks, we will never reach our goals. Hopefully, she and her husband will have many beautiful and enriching years together, and ebb and flow with the same tide.

An ongoing relationship and an unfinished journey!

In 1999, Joan Anderson's book, A Year by the Sea was published to unanimous acclaim. Written primarily as a memoir, the author focused on the year she separated from her husband and lived alone in their Cape Cod cottage. This slim volume spoke volumes to legions of women and quickly became a bestseller. Now in her newest book, An Unfinished Marriage, Anderson continues her story as she reconciles with her husband and he moves to the Cape.

Certainly, Joan Anderson took a bold step by separating from her husband to find herself and perhaps in part to add a new dimension to her married life. And while many women who are married for sometime would find this the thought of a solitary year intriguing, Anderson admits it was not always an easy experience. Neither is everything so wonderful during the time Robin and Joan joined together again.

For Joan, the reunion is initially fraught with tension and compromise. While Robin has retired and is now seeking a new meaning and purpose to his life, Joan has already found this during her year of solitude. Joan feels crowded by his presence both physically and emotionally. As Anderson also described unearthed emotions in her first book, she continues to reveal her innermost thoughts concerning the changes and growth for them as individuals and as a married couple. Month by month for the year of their reunion, Anderson charts the ups and downs of her marriage and their lives. With total candor
and great insight, she presents a vivid look into the inner working of this union. Drawing upon glimpses of their early, married life and their years as parents of two young boys, for many readers these scenes will serve as reminders of their own lives. While at first I was put off by Anderson's thought and words likening them to literary whining, this was short lived as the book intensified with emotions and resolutions. And all at once I came to fully understand the author's desires and wants not only for herself but for the two of them as a couple.

I do recommend reading both A Year by the Sea and An Unfinished Marriage. Both books evoke memories of Nan Martin's journey in the fictional title Pull of the Moon by Elizabeth Berg. This is a wonderful renewal of spirit both as a woman and wife. I think that many would agree after reading this book that for Joan and Robin Anderson their journey continues and readers everywhere I imagine will wish them well.

After reading her amazing book "A Year by the Sea" I was excited to pick up Joan Anderson's latest book "An Unfinished Marriage." From the minute I cracked it open, I was hooked and couldn't put it down. She picked up the story right where she left off in the previous book--her husband was going to retire early and join her at their cottage on Cape Cod. I was very interested to see how their strained relationship would pan out. I was pleasantly surprised to read that, like most marriages, it had its ups and downs. As she shared her experiences and thoughts, I learned a lot about my own marriage along the way. I kept putting myself in her shoes, wondering how I would react in similar situations. Well, I give them both credit for working out their differences and taking a chance on making their marriage work. Sure they have a few kinks to work out, but that's part of the fun, isn't it? I loved reading about their unusual dinner party with friends, their new cottage renovations, and their two-week stint at an isolated dune shack. I can't wait to hear about what happens next. Perhaps she'll write a third installation about becoming a grandmother and the impact that has on her own life and marriage.

I loved Joan Anderson's book "A Year by the Sea" and I was very happy to see that she had written another book about her life. I wasn't disappointed with this novel and read it in one sitting. I have come to the conclusion that either you like this writing style, a memoir with a homey feel, or you don't. With that said, what this book is, is Joan's opinions about her life and her observations about her marriage. This book won't appeal to everyone. Not everyone will agree with her opinions and may find her constant observations egocentric but for me, it was a wonderful look into an intelligent woman's world of what makes her relationship work and not work. I love the way Joan writes through the seasons, expressing her transformation from the self limiting roles of wife and mother to the open ones of companion, trusted friend and soulmate. Anderson is not afraid to take a hard look at herself and analyze the reasons she falls into negative behavior and attitudes. What's more she genuinely wants to transform and allow her husband to transform in his own unique way without interfering. Not an easy thing to do. As I finshed the book, I felt as if I had just ended a conversation with a friend who had shared some secrets, fears, laughs and accomplishments with me. This was an enjoyable and enlightening memoir.

We are supposed to believe that Joan Anderson has created a new and better self in her year of solitude by the sea. Self? Or selfishness? While she pretends to be self-analytical, she proves herself to be self-centered. Where is her affection for her husband? And how does she expect to do her part in creating a marriage if she doesn't have it? I sympathized with Robin and kept wondering why she didn't. She doesn't describe him positively. He is often described by what he can't do. He is *rarely beguiling.* While the reader is expected to listen to and learn from her forays into the past, she sees nothing of value in the moment when Robin pulls things saved in a box, precious since childhood. While she took a year to *find herself,* she has no patience with Robin's own attempts to adjust to their new life together. She doesn't want him to find his own way; she wants it him to do it HER way. She would like the reader to think this book is about how she and her husband create a new phase of their marriage together. But don't let her fool you. This book is all about HER, and everyone else, friends, family, and most especially poor Robin, are merely minor characters. Joan may have learned to love herself in that year by the sea, and good for her, but she is far from being the role model she sets herself up as in this book. She still has much to learn about loving other people.

An Unfinished Marriage, unlike Anderson's A Year by the Sea, was a disappointment. While reading An Unfinished Marriage, more times than not the thought of the author writing what we want to hear entered my mind. It seems as if this second book is a corporate publicity stunt to help finance the cottage's renovations rather than an inspiration. The story of Joan and Robin's choosing to get back together after the year separation and the writer's first hand exploration of it surely are comforting to the large audience of married people- and unmarried people alike! What the writer fails to do in this book, however, is have a genuine voice. The book is overthreaded with quotes rather than her own insight, which is tossed aside. A Year by the Sea is a great read, but I will not be passing along An Unfinished Marriage this summer.

I like both this book and Joan's first book, A Year by the sea. I like her written style and her honesty. When I read this book, I feel my heart beat and try to find out what is going to happen. It is a great book! As a woman, I understand her situation. I feel sorry for her. However, I just wonder how Robin (her husband) thinks of these two books. These two books unveiled their unfinished marriage, just like be naked in front of the public. I don't think I would like my husband to write and published our relationship "in public." And, I also wonder how her grown up children feel about the books? Will they feel comfortable about their parent's "problem" to be known? Will the books help their marriage? Well, I don't know. Probably I will have an answer as soon as Joan publishes her third book.

I appreciate some help in thinking through this stage of life and long marriages. Joan dares to turn back the covers and examine her marital union, her needs, her husband and to assess whether or not she likes what she sees. This is a brave act by someone who realizes that time is precious for both herself and her husband. Had she not examined her existing life, she would not have found herself again and her husband would not have gained an opportunity to soul search, as well. It's always refreshing to see a person refuse to be a sheep and actually think about life. Am recommending this book to many women my age.