36 of 43 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Infantile; waste of $. Try Passionate Marriage (Schnarch), November 29, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love (Paperback)
Cleaning out a back room of our house I came across the copy of "The Unimaginable Life". Could have brought it to the local used book store and gotten a little cash. Instead, I tossed it in the trash and decided to write this review. Why? Because I couldn't bear the the thought of some other soul in a relationship crisis picking up this book and trying desperately to get something from it. Also, because something so much better, stronger, and truer is out there: "Passionate Marriage", by Dr. David Schnarch, and his more technical "Constructing the Sexual Crucible", written for therapists.
I was that soul in crisis two years ago. My much-loved husband of 22 years and I were at a terrible, and terrifying marital crossroads neither of us could make sense of. In this state, I came to Amazon one night and typed in "marriage" and "relationships" and looked at what came up. I read readers reviews. I ordered perhaps half a dozen books which seemed promising. This was one.
Today I shook my head over the desperate high-lighting of phrases and sentences I had picked out, trying like crazy in my deep panic to find something to latch on to, something that would take me deeper, or make sense. God it was painful to see those underlines and to realize that I could EVER have fallen, even slightly, for such immature and unhelpful stuff! Not that I fell in a big way: At the time I remember thinking, reading it, "Well, parts of it sound good, sort of --- though you'd have to have a major pop-star's income to spend all this time running off to Hawaii on retreat and wherever to think things over...nobody that had a real job could ever do this." as well as "Well, this is self-indulgent."
Now I know that these are the least of the faults of this deeply flawed, narcissisitic book --- and for that matter, most books on marriage and relationships, such as Harville Hendricks "Getting the Love You Want".
Fortunately, the same Amazon order contained the real thing, the key I was looking for which eventually --- with a LOT of hard work on his part and mine, and over time --- unlocked the room in which we had boxed ourselves. This was a Passionate Marriage.If you are in crisis, buy that book, not this one, and probably not any other. It doesn't say it all, but it says enough that YOU will find it all out, for you --- in the individual ways the mechanics of marriage play out in your case, and why, and best of all, how to start coming from the strong side of yourself, rather than the weak.
PM, as it is affectionately known in our house, is the one approach I have ever found that truly tells it like it is --- "it" meaning the dynamics of grown-up, real-world, long-time committed relationship love and passion. We continue to go deeper and deeper as a result of the reshifting of many of our most basic and cherish assumptions, which Schnarch's truly groundbreaking work forced us --- painfully --- to do. Painfully --- but with what joy and wonder do I regard the results!
When I picked up the Loggins book today I thought back to the agony I was in when I bought it. My husband and I, through the ideas in PM (note: IDEAS, not "how-to"s) have not only weathered our crisis but learned how to go through crisis and take meaning and strength from the anxiety, to love on life's own terms as two adults, not as two babies in grown-up bodies suckling on the same infantile "fusion fantasies" that love will save everything and solve everything and that you have to feel "safe" in order to love (a major Loggins tenet that doesn't hold up in the real world).
Through the brave work of Schnarch, thanks to teh reviews of readers, my dear partner and I found a way of understanding that has plainly transformed us and the way we are for and with each other. The PM approach is not something you pick up a few tips from and set aside... it is life-changing, and will flow into every relationship you have if you are brave enough to really take it in --- maybe most of all, or at least first of all, your relationship with yourself.
I have recommended PM to everyone I love --- now I recommend it to any other reader who is truly prepared to grow up, develop, self-confront, and learn how to love and be loved with their whole heart. If all you want is the New Age rehash of the same old romance myths with an overlay of "wounded child" stuff, that the Unimaginable Life is for you --- but you might want to save your money for the divorce lawyer you will eventually need with these beliefs. As for my copy: into the trash with it. Thank God it's a book, and not my marriage, that went into the trash.
And thank God I found Schnarch, "Passionate Marriage", the brave comments of other PM readers, and the courage to real take on the tough, rough and tumble self-examination through which I was able to break through and really, finally, truly love someone. How amazing that it is my dear partner of all these years!
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18 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Unimaginable? Try Undesirable!, August 8, 2001
This review is from: The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love (Paperback)
After listening to the CD, The Unimaginable Life, my husband and I thought, "Finally! Another couple who really "get" it!"
I quickly ordered the book....and was I ever disheartened. They still don't "get" it. Sadly, they think they have it all figured out....
Kenny can feel free to lust after any woman he finds attractive as long as he is only intimate with Julia. Julia has the unrewarding job of keeping Kenny from going to bed with other woman by filling his head with brain-washing non-sense.
I found Julia needy, passive-aggressive, and self-degrading. Kenny is one of those guys who needs to have his ego constantly fed in order to feel like a man. Both are immature, unenlightened beings.
I would suggest that you read To Love And Be Love by Sam Keen if you want a REAL approach towards a loving relationship. I think Kenny and Julia should read it as well! Maybe someone will send them a copy. ...
Yes...an unimaginable life. I could never imagine being in a relationship like theirs!
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17 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
OH PUH-LEEEEEEZ!, October 27, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love (Paperback)
I have always loved Kenny Loggins' music, so I bought the book, hoping to learn a little about one of my favorite musicians. Waaaay too much information. Are these two of the most self-absorbed whiners, or am I missing something? I found their "passage" to "true love" boring, trite, unenlightening and just plain nutty. Only in California! I'm disappointed to find that Kenny Loggins is the typical celebrity, too much time, money, and self indulgence. Blech, I'm still choking on the treacle.
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