Customer Reviews

The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(9)

 

 

Cleaning out a back room of our house I came across the copy of "The Unimaginable Life". Could have brought it to the local used book store and gotten a little cash. Instead, I tossed it in the trash and decided to write this review. Why? Because I couldn't bear the the thought of some other soul in a relationship crisis picking up this book and trying desperately to get something from it. Also, because something so much better, stronger, and truer is out there: "Passionate Marriage", by Dr. David Schnarch, and his more technical "Constructing the Sexual Crucible", written for therapists.

I was that soul in crisis two years ago. My much-loved husband of 22 years and I were at a terrible, and terrifying marital crossroads neither of us could make sense of. In this state, I came to Amazon one night and typed in "marriage" and "relationships" and looked at what came up. I read readers reviews. I ordered perhaps half a dozen books which seemed promising. This was one.

Today I shook my head over the desperate high-lighting of phrases and sentences I had picked out, trying like crazy in my deep panic to find something to latch on to, something that would take me deeper, or make sense. God it was painful to see those underlines and to realize that I could EVER have fallen, even slightly, for such immature and unhelpful stuff! Not that I fell in a big way: At the time I remember thinking, reading it, "Well, parts of it sound good, sort of --- though you'd have to have a major pop-star's income to spend all this time running off to Hawaii on retreat and wherever to think things over...nobody that had a real job could ever do this." as well as "Well, this is self-indulgent."

Now I know that these are the least of the faults of this deeply flawed, narcissisitic book --- and for that matter, most books on marriage and relationships, such as Harville Hendricks "Getting the Love You Want".

Fortunately, the same Amazon order contained the real thing, the key I was looking for which eventually --- with a LOT of hard work on his part and mine, and over time --- unlocked the room in which we had boxed ourselves. This was a Passionate Marriage.If you are in crisis, buy that book, not this one, and probably not any other. It doesn't say it all, but it says enough that YOU will find it all out, for you --- in the individual ways the mechanics of marriage play out in your case, and why, and best of all, how to start coming from the strong side of yourself, rather than the weak.

PM, as it is affectionately known in our house, is the one approach I have ever found that truly tells it like it is --- "it" meaning the dynamics of grown-up, real-world, long-time committed relationship love and passion. We continue to go deeper and deeper as a result of the reshifting of many of our most basic and cherish assumptions, which Schnarch's truly groundbreaking work forced us --- painfully --- to do. Painfully --- but with what joy and wonder do I regard the results!

When I picked up the Loggins book today I thought back to the agony I was in when I bought it. My husband and I, through the ideas in PM (note: IDEAS, not "how-to"s) have not only weathered our crisis but learned how to go through crisis and take meaning and strength from the anxiety, to love on life's own terms as two adults, not as two babies in grown-up bodies suckling on the same infantile "fusion fantasies" that love will save everything and solve everything and that you have to feel "safe" in order to love (a major Loggins tenet that doesn't hold up in the real world).

Through the brave work of Schnarch, thanks to teh reviews of readers, my dear partner and I found a way of understanding that has plainly transformed us and the way we are for and with each other. The PM approach is not something you pick up a few tips from and set aside... it is life-changing, and will flow into every relationship you have if you are brave enough to really take it in --- maybe most of all, or at least first of all, your relationship with yourself.

I have recommended PM to everyone I love --- now I recommend it to any other reader who is truly prepared to grow up, develop, self-confront, and learn how to love and be loved with their whole heart. If all you want is the New Age rehash of the same old romance myths with an overlay of "wounded child" stuff, that the Unimaginable Life is for you --- but you might want to save your money for the divorce lawyer you will eventually need with these beliefs. As for my copy: into the trash with it. Thank God it's a book, and not my marriage, that went into the trash.

And thank God I found Schnarch, "Passionate Marriage", the brave comments of other PM readers, and the courage to real take on the tough, rough and tumble self-examination through which I was able to break through and really, finally, truly love someone. How amazing that it is my dear partner of all these years!

After listening to the CD, The Unimaginable Life, my husband and I thought, "Finally! Another couple who really "get" it!"

I quickly ordered the book....and was I ever disheartened. They still don't "get" it. Sadly, they think they have it all figured out....

Kenny can feel free to lust after any woman he finds attractive as long as he is only intimate with Julia. Julia has the unrewarding job of keeping Kenny from going to bed with other woman by filling his head with brain-washing non-sense.

I found Julia needy, passive-aggressive, and self-degrading. Kenny is one of those guys who needs to have his ego constantly fed in order to feel like a man. Both are immature, unenlightened beings.

I would suggest that you read To Love And Be Love by Sam Keen if you want a REAL approach towards a loving relationship. I think Kenny and Julia should read it as well! Maybe someone will send them a copy. ...

Yes...an unimaginable life. I could never imagine being in a relationship like theirs!

I have always loved Kenny Loggins' music, so I bought the book, hoping to learn a little about one of my favorite musicians. Waaaay too much information. Are these two of the most self-absorbed whiners, or am I missing something? I found their "passage" to "true love" boring, trite, unenlightening and just plain nutty. Only in California! I'm disappointed to find that Kenny Loggins is the typical celebrity, too much time, money, and self indulgence. Blech, I'm still choking on the treacle.

I bought this book a number of years ago. I'm a big Kenny Loggins music fan. I thought the book might offer some insight into developing relationships that work. He seemed to have found some way to make it work, although I have to admit to being a bit uncomfortable with Kenny's public pronouncements that he's found THE ANSWER. Now I just learned that he is divorced from Julia. Marriage is hard work, and I don't judge him for the failure of his marriage. But it may be a cautionary tale to the rest of us that we have to take advice from others about relationships with a grain of salt. Despite all of Kenny's song lyrics and prose about finding success in relationships, in the end he couldn't make it work forever either.

That doesn't mean marriage can't succeed, but we might do better to study couples who have been together for a lot more years to get a glimpse into what works and what doesn't.

I have read this book two years ago and I was online ready to order a copy of the book and CD as a wedding shower gift for my sister. I scrolled down to the "review section" and was surprised to see some unfavorable perceptions of this book. I kept my mind open as I read some of them. I came to an understanding that just like many before Julia and Kenny Loggins.....they have contributed an authentic experience that our society hasn't totally embraced....yet! There are traditional models and psychological models of romantic love and marriage that are still being clung to. Our human understandings are evolving and my sense is that these old models are not. In time, I truly believe as we people continue shifting our consciousness, we will look back upon this book and say, "Wow, these two lovers were way ahead of their time!"

Furthermore, the depth of the lyrics in "The Unimaginable Life" CD were inspired from the passionate, honest, open, and courageous writings of both these two enlightened beings.

The fact that these two people could think that their courtship and relationship so facinating that they should share it with others is truly unimaginable. I actually held on to the book for a year wanting to mail it directly back to the Loggins, but finally threw it away, not wishing to subject anyone else to the painful experience of hoping for a redeamable point - nope - just two people who find themselves and colonics fancinating. And the reviews with 5 stars - no doubt - friends and relatives trying to get the ratings up.

These people are so deluded and in love with the idea of their own "preciousness" that it could make the reader dry heave. I think this is an excruciating example of two people w/ complimentary sickness/neediness latching onto each other for dear life. Most couples in this condition keep it to themselves, but because Kenny is a celebrity (and Julia clearly *wants* to be one) they have written a tedious tome with blow-by-blow details of her willing martyrdom to the cause of becoming the 2nd Mrs. Loggins. After years of her relentless pursuit, Kenny becomes so worn down by her trite New Age pleas and manipulations to be "totally, brutally, nakedly HONEST and to reach out for your True Soulmate," that he starts espousing this crap too -- at the peril of his sucessful career.....

Now he can always look back on this embarassing book and, in retrospect, see how this pretentious woman played him like a violin. But then, he won't mind-- because "Love is Never Wrong." Gag.

I read this book a couple of weeks ago and I am still thinking about it.

The book does not show a "mindlessly happy couple" who feel above the issues of life. Their story documents the struggles they faced and the decisions THEY made during the early portion of their relationship to a life.

I did not feel they were trying to preach to me. I took it as one couple telling story of how THEY worked on being "present" in their relationship.

Mr. Loggins writes of a dream of a songwriters workshop in which each songwriter wrote eight bars of music--each connected to the last but with its own surprise or twist (paraphrased).
The reader is then invited to read their story and write a unique eight bars.

I appreciate that they did not try to pretty-it-up or make it into a fairy tale. It helped me to look at myself more deeply. Take loving risks.
When I found something that was not true for me I opened myself up to my own mirror.

I was able to see how Fear can rule me. I could also see the walls I use in my relationships. No not the same walls or fears in the Loggins relationship. I do not have kids. I have been married more than fifteen years to the same person. But am I always honest about why I am angry even when it could be presented in loving ways? No? Why? What fears do I harbor?
How responsible am I willing to be? Do I choose to blame my spouse when I am really angry at my boss? How do I see my connection to God(Spirit)?

Yes, I know that they have separated. Their story still touched me. I have still learned from it and feel it was a gift. There are actual self-help books that I will now read because I am open to what I can learn.

I am very happy that I read the Loggins story.

We are 3 fans of Kenny Loggins and were curious to know more about his two albums "Leap of Faith & "The Unimaginable Life". The words, music and the arrangements are exceptional.We were prepared to read something seriously helpful for all relationships. Instead we laughed incessantly and could hardly believe that these two people Kenny & Julia are so immature and self-absorbed.We all have our "tapes" from the past and they can wreck havoc on any relationship until they are understood both intellectually & emotionally.To subect the other person in the relationship to bear the brunt of these destructive feelings goes too far. That is what therapy provides. Honesty, trust,compassion are all necessary for relationships to succeed. To share all the pain and angst is abusive and destructive to the other person.Both Julia and Kenny were and perhaps are still very needy and Julia's insecurity and lack of self respect allowed her to be abused for so long. Two very strange people. That's what the world is about. We wish them well on their journey.The wedding as well as the family bedroom are just two much!

I recommend this book to anyone tired of the 'old ways'; the 'this is what you do' and 'this is what I do' in life. If you've longed to understand the deepness of our Purpose here on Earth, this book will shed an incredible amount of light on your Path. Be ready for a 'no holds barred, no shadowy area left untouched' approach. I have read this book three times, and each time, different sections will awaken another area of my spiritual heart.