26 of 29 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
fascinating topic but flawed execution, February 18, 2006
With a never-ending tsunami of parental separations washing up ever more children onto the beach of one-parent homes, intensely candid memoirs like this one have much to add to our understanding of what happens when the nuclear family splits apart. However much you may disagree with Maria's risky decision to cede custody of her three young children to her husband, I believe she deserves credit for great courage in sharing with us her unusual story, knowing that so many will find her actions indefensible. While some may accept her rationale for allowing her husband to retain the marital home while she moved to an inexpensive nearby apartment, her subsequent relocation to California for her lover's sake seriously distances her from her kids in NJ and raises many questions about her judgment. Nonetheless, we remember that this is a woman who had suffered the unimaginable loss of her 3-year old daughter to cancer; once freed post-divorce from housewife/mom burdens, Housden was, moreover, successful in turning her terrible tragedy into "Hannah's Gift", a best-seller that many regard as an inspirational gift to parents coping with a child's death. In short, this is a very complicated picture of a woman trapped between responsibilities to her children and a search for personal fulfillment that may require her leaving them. No doubt written as a rebuttal to those who insist that a Mom's only place is at home, I found Housden -- for all her new-agey soulfulness -- far too cursory in responding to the profound questions her story raises. For example, she describes her reaction when first hearing her husband's divorce proposal that he become primary custodian: "I felt as if life was being squeezed out of my heart. 'Are you crazy?' [she exclaimed]. I was willing to entertain a lot of new possibilities in my life, but I could never leave my kids." Imagine then reading a mere two paragraphs later that --within less than a week -- reassurances from her lawyer convinced Maria "there was no need to panic" over loss of primary custody and "intellectually... I could see how [her husband's] proposal might make sense."
Another anecdote that eroded the author's credibility: living in California in her paramour's home and working on her book about Hannah's death, Maria tells of a call from her agent, urging her to fly to NY to meet with editors who had expressed interest in her manuscript. "I had only $700 left in my bank account, the final remnants of my divorce settlement. I had no job, no source of income, and in two weeks, my kids were scheduled to come spend the whole summer with me." Round-trip plane fare of $400 reduced her funds to a pittance for the stay in NY, and the reaction, as described by Maria, of Roger, her lover? "'Are you crazy? You only have three hundred dollars left,' he said." Forgive me if I find inexplicable that this is all that Maria recounts of her interchange with the dreamy man for whose sake she put 3000 miles between her and her three kids! When we learn a few sentences later that she received a $250,000 offer from Bantam, it almost comes across as much a smug rejoinder to Roger as a wondrous reward for her desperate gamble.
Indeed, by the end of her book, I was confused about the nature of the author's relationship with Roger; a huge portion of the book is devoted to the single rapturous week that Maria spent at a silent retreat where, while still married to her first husband, she meets and beds Roger in an idyll she later tells a friend was right out of The Bridges of Madison County; at her wedding, "I looked into Roger's eyes and could think of nothing more to dream." Romantic perfection appears to be her reward for risking all for the man she loves -- that is, until the second to last page of the book, when for the first time she mention's the challenge of dealing with Roger's dark side and continuing doubts about having given first husband Claude primary custody of their kids. In a very brief mystifying epilogue, she seems almost defensive in acknowledging that it is important for the reader to know that she and Roger, although still married and in love, have his and her homes in NY and NJ, respectively, and "live our lives separately and together."
Similarly, we are left with contradictory feelings about Claude, toward whom she had sufficiently positive feelings to be able to leave their two toddlers and young son for her new life 3000 miles away, but who, she reveals at book's end, is -- even years later -- still unwilling to utter or write a single word to her or even look at her when they crossed paths. In the book's final sentence, however, Housden concludes that her love for Claude -- mindful though she was of his setting a terrible example for the kids -- remained 'solid and unwavering'. Go figure!
The riddles of the author's relationship with both Claude and Roger had me wondering about the real feelings that Housden and her children had for each other. By book's end, we have learned remarkably little from Housden about how the children truly adjusted to life without Mom.
In sum, Housden has without doubt boldly journeyed where few other (healthy, sane) women would dare to go (much less tell the world about), but her travelogue is strangely disquieting in its superficial coverage of such an extraordinarily rare experience.
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20 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Definitely a waste of money, January 4, 2006
There is simply no reason to buy "Unraveled" -- there is nothing inspiring, educational or even hopeful in this book. It is like reading a bad blog. The author is self-absorbed to the point of absurdity, and nothing in the book gave me any idea how to cope with the tragedy in my own life better or how to live the life I was meant to live. Losing your child is not an excuse to do whatever you want or to abandon your other children. I know this, because I too lost a 3 year old daughter to cancer, and am now going through a divorce. As for the reader who asked, in her review, why Maria wrote this book, the answer is obvious: the money from "Hannah's Gift" was running out, and she needed the income. The fact is, if she had nothing better to say, she would have been better off not writing any more books and going back to her old career in finance.
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41 of 49 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
quit while you are ahead, July 25, 2005
There are times in life when it is best to quit while you are ahead and perhaps this author should have paid heed to that advice. While I loved 'Hannah's Gift', sadly I did not enjoy this book at all. I agree with the premise that there are times when givng the father primary custody is the best thing to do but........I am not sure this is one of those situations. She shows her ex-husband to be physically abusive, noncommunicative, unsupportive and seemingly unaware of the emotional needs of others and yet this is who she leaves her children with? I suspect the hired nanny ended up being the primary caregiver because I found it difficult to imagine her ex-husband stepping up to the plate.
In my opinion, Maria seems to have a very cavalier attitude towards childbearing and I found this disturbing. She realizes early on that her marriage is troubled yet keeps having child after child, seemingly on the spur of the moment.
Clearly, she is her children's main source of comfort and emotional support then she leaves them to 'find herself' as an artist. Anyway you slice it, this would have to be devastating for a very young child. I have to agree with her friend who called her 'selfish'.
The part about hooking up with this guy while she is on a retreat that is supposed to help her heal after her daughter's death was just plain creepy. And it read like a Harlequin Romance novel. I can only imagine the complete and utter devastation the death of a child brings, and I kept trying to see her actions through the lens of a still grieving parent, but ended up just as puzzled by her choices.
In the end I would have to say," No Maria. It wasn't woth leaving your children to write this book".
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