Customer Reviews

The Unscratchables

5 star:		(29)
4 star:		(15)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!
Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!

I read this to our dog, Wendy and a friend's cat, Bruno. At the end I asked them to rate it from one to five stars. We tried paper ballots but Wendy chewed hers up and Bruno tore his to shreds. So, we went with a voice vote and the results are recorded above. The title is theirs, too.

Our discussion was at times a shambles. Bruno complained that there was too much about dogs and Wendy, of course, thought the cats were given way too much print. They were much more vocal about their positions than I care to relate.

All three of us agreed about the following:

The portrayal of the characters was amazingly consistent throughout. Maintaining any "gimmick" for this many pages is difficult , but Kane handled it marvelously. Wendy & Bruno have been imitating their favorite characters (and I'm getting more than a little spooked).

There is a running line of social commentary throughout the book as well. Bruno and Wendy were whispering between themselves for a few minutes. When I asked what they were talking about, Wendy said "It's pretty amazing how a guy who writes about dogs and cats also seems to be writing about humans."

There was a well developed story line and constant action. As with all good mysteries, there's no space wasted on fluff and filler; there are red herrings galore and trips down dead end streets. This is a non-stop race to the finish line.

The writing was well done with realistic (given the speakers) dialog. And the word play is hilarious! (I have to say it again: the word play is hilarious!!!)

We three wished that the book had been longer, but agreed that for the story being told it stopped at the right place. (Plus I was losing my voice, itching all over and had this hacking cough.)

Since Kane left it open for a sequel to this*, we'll be back then.

* ("With fewer cats!" says Wendy. "With just cats!" says Bruno.)

The fur is a-flying in this flea-bitten murder mystery. The same old cop tale (er.. tail?) gets a brand new treatment in Cornelius Kane's "The Unscratchables". The story is familiar, but the world is different. Instead of Gotham or New York City, you now have the Kennels of San Bernardo and the high-rises of Kathattan. This is a world where cats and dogs are the cops and robbers. Here, the plot focuses on a vicious set of murders of two Rottweilers who work for the mob. It would seem a monstrous feral cat was responsible for this attack and a subsequent chain of murders in San Bernardo. Grizzled bull terrier Crusher McNash and Siamese FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation) agent, Cassius Lap, are tasked with find out the true `tail' behind the murders.

Kane has come up with an ingenious way of rebooting the crime drama. He does not simply take characters that would have been human otherwise and claim they are cats and dogs. He truly creates the animal world with the characteristics and behaviors that are known of these animals. The actions you are familiar with from your typical house cat or dog are instantly recognizable in McNash, Lap, and all their colleagues and suspects.

A particularly amusing aspect of Kane's novel is how reverential he is to some great films, as well as modern pop culture. You can easily pick up traces of Apocalypse Now, Silence of the Lambs, and The Godfather in this story. It also isn't very hard to find figure out who he is spoofing with such celebrities as Mutt Damon, Benji Affleck, and Tom Manx.

Taking an overdone plot and turning it into something wholly original is not very common these days. However, Cornelius Kane succeeds marvelously.

When I first picked up the scent of THE UNSCRATCHABLES I didn't know what I was getting my snout into. But before I could turn the first page my tail was wagging and I couldn't stop it. Of course many will attribute this to my dogmatic attitude. Even my catonic wife was perking her ears up as I barked out loud with laughter. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of serious action and a very deep analysis of government/corporate control of society that will really get your tail up, but it's the writing... so good that you can bet your whiskers on it... it is that good! I'am telling you your going to be bowwowing about this to your friends for some time to come.
CRUSHER McNASH is one hardcase detective, a barrel-chested bull terrier, no one wants to cross or throw the ball to. When some Rottweiller gangsters take an unexpected one-way ticket through a slice & dice modus operandi near the river CRUSHER is called in. Soon the ante starts getting higher and CASSIUS LAP, a razor sharp smart Siamese in the Feline Bureeau Of Investigation, teams up with CRUSHER. McNASH ain't humping any legs over this partnership but he is dog obedient for a while.
I remember when I turned the first page and read that the cheif ordered McNASH to have a wash-his first in two months-and that he was feeling so clean he almost gagged. The fleas even began to wonder who he was. Well reader its about time you too roll with THE UNSCRATCHABLES. Find out about the PPU, The Party of The Perpetual Underdog, or The Office of Enforced Perspectives, or go from the junkyards to the penthouses, from the gambling dens to cat prison to the PAVLOV Center, rub shoulders with serial killer Quentin Riossiti, media mogal Phineas Reynard, cat mob boss Don Gato, dog boss Pompey the Gross and attorney Thomas Schrodinger.
Thanks for cocking your ear awhile. You don't have to be spitgroomed or flash your tags to visit SAN BERNARDO. But when your finished visiting and turn that last page you'll be feeling like me...full of coyote juice and wanting to hump the first.....
...Sorry...where was I? ... Oh..By the way my wife hasn't purred like this since Pussy Foot won the Derby.
I'am dog tired. So in conclusion, I'am giving this 5 Dog Bones!!!!! My wife's giving it 5 Cheshire Grins :) :) :) ;) :)

Thats a Wrap King.

Sniffs yas later
Investigators

I didn't like this book. My daughter, loved it. Why the difference? Well, she's really into a good play on words and puns. I'd like to think I enjoy them as much as the next guy, but in reality, one or two work for me, but not a whole book! I found myself rolling my eyes and groaning, not enjoying the book.

The title is perfect or should I say 'purrrrrrfect'! The writer is talented and keeps up the cats n' dogs puns throughout an entertaining storyline, but like I said, for some of us... just too much.

If you are the sort of person who loves movies like the Naked Gun series... this would be the read for you. The other 70% of the population might not enjoy it as much and should look elsewhere.

Cats and dogs don't live together in "The Unscratchables," a parody police procedural that deftly and punnily mixes the tropes of the genre with a world in which dogs are downtrodden curs segregated from the cream of cat society, but they do rub along in a way that'll raise the hairs on the back on anyone's neck.

The story is told through the color-blind eyes of Crusher McNash, a bull terrier detective for the San Bernardo Slaughter Unit. The short-tempered mutt who bears a temperamental resemblance to Mickey Spillaine's Mike Hammer goes ballistic when the possible involvement of a cat in a series of dismemberment murders he's working on gets him assigned a partner: Cassius Lap from the Feline Bureau of Investigation.

There's a lot of reasons for McNash to hate Lap. The well-bred kitty from Kathattan is intelligent, well-dressed and imperturbable. He is also Siamese, and McNash remembers how he was captured and tortured during the recent war with Siam (yeah, Kane is referencing Vietnam). And Lap, who studied dog psychology in college, knows all the right words to make McNash obey his orders.

Fans of Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child's books will also see a certain resemblance between Lap and their Southern-fried detective hero, FBI Special Agent Aloysius X. L. Pendegrast (in fact, it seemed like I could read his dialogue in the same cadences Scott Brick uses in his audio versions of the series).

The rest of the book follows McNash and Lap through the underbelly and behind the ears of society as they investigate the killings. They encounter the media magnate Phineas Reynard, and McNash falls hard for the fox's glamour wife that leads to an assignation in a hotel room. There's political pressure from above to drop the case as the duo works with Lap's former partner, the serial killer Quentin Riossiti (think Hannibal Lecter), as they realize that they're uncovering a conspiracy that reaches those who pull the leash.

As you can see, it's easy to get into the spirit of the book. Kane -- actually Australian literary thriller writer Anthony O'Neill -- peppers puns and animal-associated words in every page, and his freshness and inventiveness is on a part with Jasper Fforde.

I don't know if McNash and Lap will return, and while the reader in me hopes so, the writer in me hopes not. Kane has created a perfect mix of noir and parody, that it would be a shame to dilute it with sequels. "The Unscratchables" is a shaggy-dog story with not a flea on its glossy coat.

What at first seemed to be just another murder mystery, turned out to be a delightful satire of everything cat and dog. For instance, the Siamese cat detective, Cassius Lap, is a member of the FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation) and lives in the metropolis of Kathattan. The bull terrier dog detective, Crusher McNash, fights crime in an area called The Kennels, utilizing "sniffer squads". Every page uses words evocative of cats, dogs or other animals, giving the reader a laugh a minute.

I would call this a genre book, because it is a hard-boiled detective novel -- but it doesn't fit the genre, because it stars cats and dogs rather than humans. And as good as it is in terms of the noir genre, it is just as good, if not better, in the use of animals in the story. Perhaps it should be considered simply as satire.

"The Unscratchables" has exactly what one would expect in a satire: the author does quite a lot of playing around with cliches and standard motifs from the noir genre, keeping true to some and changing others to fit the unusual main characters; there are a tremendous lot of puns and pop culture references, everything from boxing promoter Don King to Hannibal Lecter from "Silence of the Lambs;" and the narrative voice is over the top, so hard boiled that you can't help reading in an angry growl. But what's surprising about the book is that there are also some fascinating and original ideas. The author has not simply replaced human characters with animals; the animals stay true to their natures, at the same time that they are acting like Sam Spade or Special Agent Pendergast.

The main character, Detective Max "Crusher" McNash of the San Bernardo Slaughter Unit, is nicely done: we explore enough of his past to understand just why he hates cats so violently, but we don't dwell in the past so much that we lose track of the storyline. The focus in the book is definitely on the mystery: the slashing deaths of several dogs, apparently by some outrageously powerful and quick feline. This means that Crusher has to work with a partner, and not just any partner: he has to work with an agent from the Feline Bureau of Investigation, come straight over from Kathattan, a slick little Siamese named Cassius Lap. The problem is that Crusher fought in the war against the Siamese, and he may not be able to keep himself from giving Lap a death shake, let alone working alongside him.

Cassius Lap is also an excellent character, though the author took advantage of Lap's professionalism to downplay his animal tendencies; apart from a fear of water and a liking for soy milk (Lap is sadly lactose intolerant), Lap comes off simply as a dedicated and intelligent investigator, rather than a cat. Most of the animal references are kept within Crusher's narrative voice, his thoughts and language are the most non-human parts of the book, often delightfully so -- I definitely enjoyed Crusher's description of driving in his "tooter," (That's a car.) with his head out the window because his windshield was cracked. But Lap's presence keeps the book focused on a genuine mystery, the solution of which played out quite nicely by the end. I especially liked the author's sociological thoughts, descriptions of the Mighty Lamb of societal pressure that has come to dominate its would-be shepherds, voiced through a particularly interesting character -- Quentin Riossitti. That one I'm going to leave for the book to explain. I highly recommend looking into it.

First off, if you are going to read this book you have to be in the right mood to read a ton to puns and humorous comparisons (imagine them putting on Flea powder after a shower instead of deodorant). Also, you have to be prepared to learn another language- they use words like "bobble" for head and "ticker" for clock... and this book is full of references like that. However if you can get past the puns and language barrier this book is actually quite interesting. It reminds me of some kind of old detective movie- one you would expect to be in black and white...It is written in that style. It is amazingly intriguing and shocking in some instances, and thoroughly enjoyable. If you are looking for a typical crime novel you won't find it here, but if you enjoy Terry Pratchet, with a twist of old detective movies you will probably like this book.

On the back cover of The Unscratchables by Cornelius Kane , the book is declared a "hard-bitten crime story and a sharp-fanged satire," but I must say that my most enjoyable feelings while reading the book was a fun comedy. The satire is there, sure, but many readers that enjoy the unusual will be carefully reading every word, to enjoy how the author has wonderfully translated the human world into "animal-speak"! Sometimes I smiled, sometimes I grinned, and sometimes I even laughed as characters were described:

Pompey was a giant Neapolitan Mastiff with undershot teeth, a slobber problem, and a clouded left eye where he'd run into a stick.

I was armed with a Fido & Wesson; Lap had a small carton of full-cream milk.

Scenes were developed:

I tried to ease into the spirit but all I could think about was that someone might see me [sitting beside a cat]...all sorts of dogs were crammed in...Celebrities: Brad Pitbull, Mutt Damon, Benji Affleck...

It all started when two `weilers were found near Slinky Joe's Sardine Cannery. They had been cut up pretty bad. Barnabus's droopy basset jowls smirked as he told Crusher that his autopsy showed that the Rottweilers were killed by a cat!

Max McNash (Crusher to his friends), a bull terrier Detective in the slaughter unit in San Bernardo and Siamese Cassius Lap of the FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation) from Kathattan are teamed when the killer is identified as a feral cat.

As murders continue, Max has little to go on. A security guard is the next killed and then a man who worked at Chumps, where pet food is made! There seemingly was no relationship between any of those who had been killed. Little by little however, Cassius was developing a theory, one that might reach into the police department itself and even higher! And even though Max hated to admit it, he was slowly growing to admire and respect Lap, even if he did use trigger commands like "Stay" and "Good" to get Max's support.

For no matter who was dying, somebody was responsible for how the cat had been changed into this "killing machine!"

This book is great! A fun read for animal lovers especially. For those that enjoy satire of governmental plots--it's in there! But...wait until you read why the cat killed all the dogs!

Seriously, The Unscratchables by Cornelius Kane is a great mystery and I love great mysteries...but this "new breed" of cops starring Max and Cassius is, hopefully, the beginning of a new series. I'm wondering if the author can keep his wordplay up for more books! What say you, Mr. Kane?

The premise of this book is ludicrous---a "hard-bitten" crime novel(blame the publisher for THAT pun, not me!) set in a world peopled by cats and dogs and a few other species--- but if you were intrigued enough by the premise to read this far, you will almost certainly love this book.

The bull-terrier narrator, a police detective named Crusher McNash, has more than the normal canine antipathy to cats as a result of experience as a prisoner during the Siamese war, but when investigation of a series of brutal murders of dogs points to a feral cat as the likely culprit, he is forced to work with a member of the FBI. That's right, the Feline Bureau of Investigation. The story takes off from there, and the author manages to include parody on a number of subgenres of crime novel, thoughtful (but not heavy) social satire and commentary, and a LOT of laughs.

The most enjoyable aspect of the book is the description of the animal society, where dogs drive Rovers, cats drive Jaguars, and the vulpine Phineas Reynard of Reynard Media tries to drive society in the direction he wants. It is a society with entertainment stars like Brad Pitbull and Tom Manx and sports figures like Tiger Woods, but there is higher culture as well, museums in Corgian buildings and Shakespaw's plays like Much to Mew About Nothing and As You Lick it. I had at least one loud chuckle on just about every page and a number of loud groans over REALLY bad puns!

But does the book succeed as a crime novel? I would say yes. Given the society, the conspiracy that causes these murders to occur is plausible, the investigations reasonable, and there are even some well-done clues for the reader (that I will confess I missed).

If there is a weakness I would say that the typical species characteristics are much better shown for dogs than for cats. This may be because the narrator is a dog, so the only way we see the cats is through his eyes.

I was extremely impressed that the author could maintain his high level of both credibility and entertainment for an entire book and hope he has it in him to do a sequel. Maybe this time the Siamese Cassius Lap could be the narrator, and the cats could get equal time.