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Unseen-Unheard: The Journey of Straight Spouses Paperback – June 1, 2012


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Food for Thought Books (June 1, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0985424435
  • ISBN-13: 978-0985424435
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,942,527 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Towanda on March 5, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book was painful to read, because I am a straight spouse. It has been two and a half years and I'm still trying to put my life back together. The book shows some of the compromises that straight spouses have made as they try to figure out where to go from here You go from denial and despair hoping that your spouse will choose you over leading a gay lifestyle. It's as if your world that you knew comes to a abrupt end. You are grieving the lost of your marriage that you valued after 34 years of what you thought was a happy marriage. While your husband is experiencing what one of the people interviewed coined, " elderly teenage syndrome" which makes them euphoric. As my husband said to me, what brings him such joy brought me such pain. You fell that you have no control over what is going to happen next. You feel compassion and good girls don't get angry, so you internalized your pain and become depressed. In the beginning you go through a roller coaster of emotions, especially if your spouse feels they have found the love of their life. As my husband told one of his friends, unaware that I was sitting beside him said, "I would rather be a old, gay, lonely gay guy, then ever go back into the marital bed. For years he said, the best part of his day, was getting in bed with me. We were eating dinner with a friend when he said this as if I did not exist or had any feelings. In the first couple of months he felt I was being controlling by being depressed and crying. He said I was trying to put things back as they were before and he did not want to be manipulated. The man that I thought I had known for 34 years had changed. He told his friends and family, that I was upset because he had spoiled me.Read more ›
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By S.L on November 24, 2012
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This important work treats the subject of spouses married to men or women who later discover that their sexuality is not in agreement with the sexuality of the person they married. Spouses of these men and women feel a great loss and anger when they realize that their spouses are homosexuals or lesbians; they often feel cheated and lied to and have a very difficult time recovering; but in time recover they do. These same people can then transcend the horror and emerge more powerful often embracing a rarefied human awareness that sometimes borders on the mystical.

Something that remains surprising is that many of these men and women can participate in seemingly enjoyable sex with their spouses and even express *a form* of intense love towards them, but one day they discover outside their marital bond that they are fully completed with a person of their own gender; the sex and and intimacy they experience for their own gender appears blissful by comparison, and when they fall in love it transcends what they came to know in their marital domain as well as all prior intimate relations with opposite gender partners. When that discovery is made, it is as though their emotions and sexuality after being blurred for years come into a razor sharp focus and the shadows cast on the wall of their existential caves suddenly reveal themselves as a blinding source of light exposing their true nature in full color. Needless to say, this then precipitates a series of events leading to a breakup, a phenomena that has been observed in over 93% of cases.

As would be expected, the straight spouse is greatly affected and devastated, probably more so than the Gay spouse who has had a bit more time to reflect and digest his/her nature.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Amazingbob on December 24, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
A book about what is often a devastating discovery that your spouse is not quite who you thought they were. Sometimes, often after years of married life, a spouse either declared or is discovered to be gay. While there are any number of support groups for the newly out person, the left behind straight spouse is often forgotten and rendered invisible. This book attempts to be a guide for the spouse of a newly gay partner. Discussing the unique challenges and trials of the straight spouse. And offers many real-life examples of how some couples navigated this fundamental change in their relatnship.
It offers hope for the straight partners. And offers a path through the shame and guilt of this terrible time.
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0 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Helen Cassidy on June 10, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I know firsthand many of these stories and they are wonderful examples of courage; The editors are both amazing women, much to be admired.
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