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Unsung Lullabies: Understanding and Coping with Infertility Paperback – May 12, 2005


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin; 1st edition (May 12, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0312313896
  • ISBN-13: 978-0312313890
  • Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #353,151 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This empathetic self-help book argues that when couples find out that they can't have a baby, they're inflicted with an "unacknowledged trauma that leaves them feeling not only frustrated and angry, but sad, frightened, confused, guilty, overwhelmed and out of control." Having found little support for their own struggles with infertility trauma, Jaffe and the Diamonds (all clinical psychologists) co-founded The Center for Reproductive Psychology in San Diego, Calif. Here they sympathetically cover the core psychological issues of the matter, including the initial shock and denial, the persistent feelings of not being "healthy" or "normal," the relationship problems, the loss of sexual privacy, the grief and the belief that you're not really an adult until you have a child. Using their own and their patients' experiences, the authors offer many approaches to these problems: journaling, talking about infertility with your partner, practicing rituals to validate the losses, incorporating structure into your daily life and seeking out support groups and therapy. But the most important step, they say, is to recognize infertility for the trauma that it is. "Your losses are real," they explain. "Infertility does not merely represent a recent failed pregnancy, but a whole lifetime of dreams, hopes and plans that have gone horribly awry." One in ten adults of reproductive age is affected by infertility. For them, and for the friends and professionals who want to help them, this book provides compassionate insight into infertility's often unacknowledged ramifications.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"Must reading for the thousands of people struggling with the pain of infertility."-Christiane Northrup, M.D.
"I would HIGHLY recommend this book as required reading for anyone with infertility, all who work with infertility, as well as the families of persons with infertility."
--Marjut Herzog, President of RESOLVE, South Florida
"A new, creative approach that avoids psychological and medical jargon and makes the issues accessible to any reader."
--Miriam Tasini, Professor of Psychiatry, UCLA Medical School

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Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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This book served my needs and helped edify my feelings.
Michelle
It really validated my feelings and provided very helpful insights on dealing with all the ups and downs while undegoing treatments!
A. Harrington
I highly recommend this book to those that don't really like to go and talk to someone about how they feel.
Sarah in Idaho

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 19 people found the following review helpful By K. Baker on August 31, 2006
Format: Paperback
I can't say enough good things about this book. For several years,I have had problems mourning and moving past my infertility. This book helped me finally move on from the hurt and disappointment because it helped me realize that lots of other people feel the same pain and anger when they struggle with infertility. It made me realize that I am NORMAL and infertility is a devastating thing that should not be taken lightly. I feel so much better having read this book.
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16 of 17 people found the following review helpful By NW Parents on September 1, 2005
Format: Paperback
Out of all the fertility "help" books, this was our favorite. Not only was it informative but it helped us to feel 'normal' amidst a trying process. In fact we loved this book so much that we bought one for each of our parents. It's another tool to help educate them about the trauma we've experienced for over three years.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By A. Harrington on May 15, 2008
Format: Paperback
Wow! This book was amazingly on target. Just about everything I was feeling while going through infertility treatments was discussed. It really validated my feelings and provided very helpful insights on dealing with all the ups and downs while undegoing treatments! I only wished I read this sooner! I strongly encourage anyone going thru infertility to read.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful By C. L. Payne on January 11, 2007
Format: Paperback
Bought for my daughter who is experiencing the awful pain of infertility and failed IVF. She read it twice and I am reading it now to catch up. The authors have been through the same, which was important to my daughter. They speak with love, compassion, professionalism and authority on the subject.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Sarah in Idaho on March 28, 2009
Format: Paperback
When my husband and I were going through infertility this book was the only thing that really helped us. We started reading it and every feeling that we ever had was in there. I was so glad to read something that was exactly how I was feeling. I highly recommend this book to those that don't really like to go and talk to someone about how they feel. It also helps to get on infertility forums, but even that was too painful after awhile. Every week you would see someone that found out they were pregnant. I just couldn't keep up with forums. I read this book twice and think that it was what eventually helped us move forward with our life. I know that I will be OK without children and if we ever decide to go with adoption, I feel that my infertility issues will be easier to deal with.

Remember that infertility never fully goes away. The feelings you have can come back. This book helped me deal with making them not as life altering. Those that are suffering still, please know that there are others who feel the same and eventually there is an end in sight.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Miss California on January 28, 2008
Format: Paperback
In the midst of one of the most painful struggles of our lives (dealing with infertility), I cannot say how healing it was to finally feel heard and understood. When I first read about the "trauma of infertility" the authors describe, I thought that's exactly it - that's what we're going through!
There are lots of good books out there that deal with infertility, but let this be one of the first ones you read. You won't regret it.
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11 of 14 people found the following review helpful By Country MD on May 23, 2005
Format: Paperback
What can I say, having lived and struggled and finally come to terms with infertility; this book is flat out wonderful. I only wish it had been available 15 years ago! With incredible sensitivity, insight, and compassion Diamond/Diamond and Jaffe have created a reference work for both the lay public and professionals whose life work or lives cope and live with reproductive problems and their consequences. Unsung Lullabies is also a moving and illuminating "read" for those of us who are blessed with children, be they of our own making or adopted; fostered or cared for. Get it, read it, and grow; for it will open your eyes to parenting on a whole new level. Our world needs more inspiration like this. Bravo to the Diamonds and Jaffe for a terrific first book.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Nancy J. Christie on October 26, 2007
Format: Paperback
This book is exactly what I've been searching for. The validation of what we all are going through with infertility is unrecognized loss. this book is insightful about walking you through those feelings and emotions. I highly recommended it.
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