The Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends (Paperback)

~ (Author), Eileen Kennedy-Moore (Author) (Author) "Almost every child has trouble with social relationships in some way, at some time..." (more)
Key Phrases: shy children, vulnerable children, escalation trap, Born Leaders, Little Adults, Different Drummers (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Elman, director of the Summit Center for Learning in Summit, N.J., and Kennedy-Moore, a Westfield, N.J., psychotherapist, offer a detailed examination of the different ways children interact with their peers. Often, otherwise bright and "normal" children behave in ways that cause other children, family members and teachers to label them as disruptive, unhappy or troublesome. There are nine types of children, according to the authors, including the "short-fused," "little adult," "born leader" and "different drummer." Parents will immediately be able to identify their child from the detailed descriptions included. For example, "Short-Fused Children may appear to be strong, but inside they feel vulnerable. These children are extremely sensitive. They often believe that the whole world is against them. Because they feel threatened, they respond angrily, instinctively fighting to protect themselves." As they explain the various types of behaviors, the authors depict a number of scenarios to show the difficulties children can have relating to others. The challenge for the parents is to help their children learn "the Unwritten Rules" so they have fewer problems and form happier, more productive relationships. The authors provide specific sentences that both parents and children can use to change these destructive behavior patterns, but some parents will probably hope for even more specific do's and don'ts. Given that other childrearing tomes rarely cover this topic, this book is a welcome addition to the parenting library.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Description

"Nobody likes me!" is a complaint that parents hear all too often, and few utterances make them feel more helpless. Now help is at hand: This practical and compassionate guidebook enables parents to sharpen any child's social skills by pinpointing the child's particular social strengths and difficulties. Some children have trouble resolving arguments, some find themselves in a constant clash of wills, and some have trouble making any friends at all. Each chapter--from "The Shy Child" to "The Little Adult," from "The Short-Fused Child" to "The Sensitive Soul"--uses case studies that focus on the specific social conventions that certain children don't "get," and offers drills that parents and teachers can use to help children understand the unspoken underpinnings of social situations, the knowledge essential to building, sustaining, and repairing relationships.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: Little, Brown and Company; 1 edition (September 3, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0316917303
• ISBN-13: 978-0316917308
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #4,959 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

45 of 45 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Godsend and Ideal For All Ages, March 27, 2005

By	BeatleBangs1964 (United States) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)

This book will help many a shy adult as well as people of all ages with Asperger's Syndrome. This book is an excellent navigational tool in decoding the Tacit Social Codes & Rules. Asperger's Syndrome, which is in the autism spectrum includes a lack of intuitive knowledge of these Social Codes & Rules and their accompanying skills. This book reaches people on the spectrum on the cognitive level and helps many to compensate cognitively for what is lacked intuitively.

I like the way it empowers parents and educators to realize that not everybody can just approach a peer and make an instant friend. Instead of relying on tired cliches such as constant reassurance at best or criticism/blame at worst, this book acts as a "how to" guide in order to improve social skills. No promises are made and encouragement is given instead. Had this book existed when I was a child, much sorrow and shame might have been avoided. Compassion is the tone of the book and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

If I could give this book a higher rating, I would cheerfully do so.

43 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wish my parents had this when I was a kid, August 9, 2005

By	Jennifer Merrill - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

As a shy child who had troubles making friends, this book would have been enormously helpful. I bought it because I realized my daughter was having the same problems I used to have, and I felt helpless to know what to tell her to help her. I didn't want her to suffer as I had, but I wasn't exactly qualified to tell another person how to make friends! I am so glad I got this book. It is full of practical, detailed advice on what you can do to teach your child social skills. I'm finding it useful too! I would recommend it whole-heartedly to anyone who is in the same situation I was in.

21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Grateful Mental Health Counselor..., November 6, 2003

By A Customer

This book is an absolute must for parents AND teachers who want to guide children through the mastering of essential social skills for building friendships. The all inclusive presentation of means and methods for knowing and implementing The Unwritten Rules will spare many children from the pain of unknowingly inviting social rejection. It's all within The Unwritten Rules...clearly visible to the mind and heart. The authors admirably and impressively answer many children's calls for help.