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The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism
 
 
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The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism [Hardcover]

Temple Grandin (Author), Sean Barron (Author)
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (34 customer reviews)

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Book Description

November 1, 2005
Silver Award Winner in the 2005 ForeWord Book of the Year Awards!
 
Born with autism, both authors now famously live successful social lives. But their paths were very different. Temple's logical mind controlled her social behavior. She interacted with many adults and other children, experiencing varied social situations. Logic informed her decision to obey social rules and avoid unpleasant consequences. Sean's emotions controlled his social behavior. Baffled by social rules, isolated and friendless, he made up his own, and applied them to others. When they inevitably broke his rules, he felt worthless and unloved. Both Temple and Sean ultimately came to terms with the social world and found their places in it. Whether you are a person with autism, a caregiver in the autism community, or just someone interested in an "outsider" view of society, their powerful stories will enthrall and enlighten you.
 
Helpful sections include:
  • Two Perspectives on Social Thinking
  • Two Minds: Two Paths
  • The Ten Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships, which include:
    • Rule #1: Rules are Not Absolute. They are Situation-based and People-based
    • Rule #2: Not Everything is Equally Important in the Grand Scheme of Things
    • Rule #3: Everyone in the World Makes Mistakes. It Doesn’t Have to Ruin Your Day.
    • Rule #4: Honesty is Different than Diplomacy
    • Rule #5: Being Polite is Appropriate in Any Situation
    • Rule #6: Not Everyone Who is Nice to Me is My Friend
    • Rule #7: People Act Differently in Public than They Do in Private
    • Rule #8: Know When You’re Turning People Off
    • Rule #9: “Fitting In” is Often Tied to Looking and Sounding Like You Fit In
    • Rule # 10: People are Responsible for Their Own Behaviors

       

     


Frequently Bought Together

The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism + The Way I See It, Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition: A Personal Look at Autism and Asperger's + Thinking in Pictures (Expanded, Tie-in Edition): My Life with Autism (Vintage)
Price For All Three: $36.79

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“If you’ve ever wondered, ‘What is going through my child’s mind? Why can’t he get social interactions?’ then this book is for you! ‘A-ha!’ moments abound.”
Veronica Zysk, editor of Autism/Asperger’s Digest and this book, both published by Future Horizons.

 



“I wish I had this book when Sean was a child. It would have helped me understand Sean so much more.”
Judy Barron, co-author of There’s A Boy In Here and mother of author Sean Barron.
 



“I would love to have the ten rules from page 119 as my screensaver!"
Lindsi Cavender, Person with Asperger’s Syndrome
 

About the Author

As a child, Temple Grandin could not speak. Her silent existence was broken only by rhythmic rocking and occasional fits of screaming and thrashing. Diagnosed with autism, Temple’s many caregivers eventually helped her contradict her doctors’ morbid predictions and go on to become one of the autism community’s most beloved success stories. Temple Grandin, PhD, is a popular international lecturer on autism and the author of Emergence: Labeled Autistic, Thinking in Pictures, Animals in Translation, and Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships. One of the world’s leading experts in livestock facility design, over half of the cattle in North America are handled in facilities designed by her. She credits her visual thinking and her systemizing mind, both characteristics of autism, for her ability to be “the woman who thinks like a cow.” Temple continues to be an inspiration and role model to millions.

Sean Barron is a very interesting and intelligent young man who has faced the challenge of autism. He and his mother wrote an insightful book on their lives together. There’s a Boy in Here has won many accolades for offering the unique perspectives of two people who look at the same world but see and feel entirely different things. Mr. Barron has progressed to the point that it is difficult to even realize that he once was truly impacted by autism/Asperger’s Syndrome. He is now a freelance writer, lives independently, and recently co-authored Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships with Dr. Temple Grandin. Sean is a graduate of Youngstown State University, and works as a reporter for the Youngstown Vindicator. He’s pursuing a second degree in journalism.

Veronica Zysk has been working in the field of autism since 1991. She served as Executive Director of the Autism Society of America from 1991-1996, and then joined Future Horizons as Vice President of Administration. Veronica moved into an editorial position within the company in 1999, as Managing Editor and visionary for the first national magazine on ASD, the Autism Asperger's Digest, winner of several Gold awards for excellence. She continues in that position today. An award-winning book author, Veronica co-authored with Ellen Notbohm, 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, a Learning Magazine 2006 Teachers’ Choice Award winner, and has been the editorial driving force behind several collaborations with Dr. Temple Grandin: Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships, winner of ForeWord magazine’s prestigious Book of the Year Silver Award and Dr. Grandin’s most recent autism release, The Way I See It, based on columns written for the Digest magazine.


Product Details

  • Hardcover: 383 pages
  • Publisher: Future Horizons (November 1, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 193256506X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1932565065
  • Product Dimensions: 9.6 x 6 x 1.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.6 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (34 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #12,789 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

34 Reviews
5 star:
 (27)
4 star:
 (3)
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 (2)
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Average Customer Review
4.6 out of 5 stars (34 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

260 of 264 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful!, November 20, 2005
This review is from: The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism (Hardcover)
I love this book and would strongly recommend it to anyone interested in autism and/or sociology. I mention sociology because, even if you have no interest in autism, the book is a great look at all of the unwritten rules and codes in our society that we live by but may be unaware of. Also, we are reintroduced to Sean Barron, thirteen years after we first met him in "There's a Boy in Here".

I really feel that anyone who is working on social skills with someone on the autistic spectrum should read this book. I have looked at plenty of other books on teaching social skills, but there are some things that the books written by non-autistic authors just don't cover. Temple and Sean give frequent accounts of their reactions in social situations during various points in their lives, followed by explanations of why they reacted this way and what their rationale was at the time. There is a ton of really useful information here!

One point perhaps worth mentioning is that the focus of this book is very much on teaching those on the autistic spectrum about the rules and expectations of our society, so know that going in. This is a point that people may feel differently about - while some people advocate teaching these things to varying degrees, there are those who (in my understanding, at least) advocate for autism culture and believe in less 'adjustment' on the part of people with autism and instead more acceptance of the autistic way of doing things. Either way, I think there should be something in this book for many different types of readers, be it a background in teaching social skills, a look at sociology, two interesting partial auto-biographies, etc.
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77 of 78 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating Guide to Understanding & Teaching the Autistic Mind, March 28, 2007
By 
Jack Gardner "jvg1" (Austin, TX United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism (Hardcover)
Fascinating. One author with minimal, and one with maximum, emotionally-influenced autism, provides a range of insights for understanding and teaching minds on the autistic spectrum.

One important theme is that professionals often don't know what they are talking about and may do more harm than good, though many are trying and helping. Often, determined parents and common sense are the best approach, though understanding how to teach the autistic mind is difficult.

For example, one mother was aggravated over her son's tracking dirt in, constantly telling him to wipe his shoes and punishing him over time. One day she noticed as he came in that he bent down and carefully wiped the top of his shoes. Once she demonstrated what she meant by wiping one's shoes, there was no more problem.

Kids are unique. Being corrected about how to place eating utensils and napkins at a dinner table is a helpful learning experience for Temple, but a depressing condemnation for Sean. He sees his error as incompetence and something everyone else knows. Must first gain a perspective on how important this error is in the broader scheme of things.

The first half gives insights into how these two learned things and why they had troubles. The second half of the book gives ten rules of life that autism makes it difficult to understand and suggests ways of teaching these.
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118 of 124 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars I don't know when I last recommended a book this widely..., June 17, 2006
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism (Hardcover)
...or this fast! I haven't actually finished it yet, you see, but every page seems to be a revelation. After sharing several passages with my teen son, who has Asperger's, today he took it away from me and began reading it himself. The front flap is his bookmark, the back flap is mine.

This book has incredibly valuable information for everyone who has contact with someone on the autism spectrum, most especially parents and teachers. My plan is to order a number of copies, highlight personally relevant passages, and hand out free copies to teachers and administrators as my son enters high school. I am convinced that the information in this book has the power to improve not only the life of my son, but of every other child and adult on the spectrum, diagnosed or undiagnosed, that they have contact with.

Great, great thanks go out to Temple and Sean and their genius of an editor. This is a book with the power to help effect positive change for a long time.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
When I was a child I was a big fan of Superman and The Lone Ranger. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
basic social functioning skills, public versus private behaviors, emotional relatedness, neurotypical people, unwritten social rules, verbal thinkers, courtesy rules, sensory issues, autism community, autism mind, spectrum children
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships, Scene One, Scene Two, Aunt Bella, Miss Jillian, North Carolina, Harry Potter, Tinker Toys, Aunt Ann, Theory of Mind, Ten Unwritten Rules, Tony Attwood, Jennifer Mcllwee Myers, Really Bad Things
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