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Up in a Heaval (Xanth, No. 26)
 
 
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Up in a Heaval (Xanth, No. 26) [Mass Market Paperback]

Piers Anthony (Author)
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)

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Book Description

October 19, 2003
A Spot of Trouble

An innocent piece of Mundane Snail Mail has provoked the dreaded Demon Jupiter to hurl his Red Spot at the magical land of Xanth. As the dire Dot draws closer, the unwelcome ordeal of saving the enchanted realm falls to Umlaut, an unlikely lad with an unknown past and an uncertain future. With a handful of colorful companions at his side, Umlaut must unravel a high-stakes intergalactic puzzle, uncover the secret of his mysterious past, and learn to understand the urgings of his own heart.

It might have been the merest chance that brought Umlaut to Castle Zombie that morning and launched him on a harrowing adventure. But in the magical land of Xanth, things are seldom left to chance, and adventures lurk around every corner.

An unassuming young man with a uncanny knack for attracting lovely young ladies and an uncommon talent for emulating anyone he wished, Umlaut was forced to flee a flock of overly friendly females by disguising himself as a Zombie girl. In his haste to find a hiding place, he found himself face-to-face with a dreadful dragon and feared he would soon meet his end. But in Xanth, things are seldom exactly as they seem, and he soon discovered that the dragon was really a sinuous female sea serpent named Sesame, with a gift similar to his own, who had become accidentally entrapped in the Castle's dungeon.

When the two happen upon a packet of mail from Earth delivered by mischance to the Zombie King, they inadvertently set in motion a sinister scheme that could spell the end of Xanth. A letter they forward to the Demon Jupiter unexpectedly enrages him, causing him to send his own Red Spot hurtling toward Xanth. Soon everything is up in a heaval, for no one knows how to avert this interplanetary peril. Even the Good Magician Humfrey is baffled, for some strange force has obscured the future. In desperation, he instructs Umlaut and Sesame to deliver the remaining letters to their far-flung recipients, in the faint hope that this may somehow stop the Spot.

As they set out on their appointed rounds, Umlaut and Sesame are soon joined by two feline friends, Jenny Elf's companion, Sammy Cat, and a lovely, prescient creature named Claire Voyant who can sometimes see the future. Beguiled and bedeviled by the delicious Demoness Metria, who uses her shapely assets to distract him from his goal, Umlaut leads his allies on an unforgettable odyssey to the farthest reaches of the enchanted realm, from the submicroscopic Nth Moon of Ida, and the home of all dreams and nightmares, to the unmagical land of Euphoria, where he meets a sweet and sprightly young girl named Surprise who captures his heart. But before Umlaut can complete his quest and return to his beloved, he must unravel the unfathomable puzzle of his own existence, which is somehow inextricably entwined with the fate of Xanth.

A satisfyingly suspenseful tale filled with mystery, magic, and merriment, Up in a Heaval is exciting and entertaining fantasy adventure from the pen of a master storyteller.

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Piers Anthony is one of the world's most popular fantasy authors and a New York Times bestseller twenty-one times over. His Xanth novels have been read and loved by millions of readers around the world. In addition to his bestselling Xanth books, Anthony is the author of a series of historical fantasies called The Geodyssey, that makes the broad sweep of human history into very personal stories. Piers Anthony has a devoted fan following, and he daily receives hundreds of letters and emails from them. Piers Anthony lives in Inverness, Florida.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

1
 
Emulation
 
 
It all started, others agreed later, with Umlaut. Because he wasn't what he seemed to be. His talent was emulation, which was mostly a matter of causing others to see him as he represented himself to be, to a degree. But it might as well have been troublE with a capital E, because of the mischief it led to. It was the teenth of the month, and all the teens were out, but that was only the setting.
At the moment Umlaut was pretending to be a seventeen-year-old girl. The age was right, but not the gender. He was doing it to escape the attention of a real girl who had taken an unwholesome fancy to him. In fact she was chasing him. That might have been all right, for Sherry was pretty enough, except for her talent. That was in her kisses: They were sweeter than wine. Which was fine, up to a point. Unfortunately her first kiss made him feel so pleasant that he wanted more, and three made him tipsy, and last time he had awakened next morning with a dreadful hangover and no memory of the date. But Sherry's father had warned him that if he did it again, he'd have to marry her. That might not have been so bad, except that what good was an experience if he couldn't remember it? So he was trying to take it easy, at least until he figured out whether he really wanted to marry a sixteen-year-old girl just yet. She thought he was strong, handsome, and suitable; now he regretted emulating her ideal man quite so thoroughly. It would be impossible to do it continuously, and what would happen when she found out how dully ordinary he really was?
Umlaut rounded a bend and spied a group of teenagers having a party. That seemed ideal; he could merge with them and conceal himself until Sherry gave up the chase. Then he could sneak away, free, and return to his normal, somewhat inadequate self.
He ran up to them, hastily adjusting his emulation to make him seem like one of them. "Sorry I got lost," he said somewhat breathlessly. "What's up?"
"We just got a package of Wetti shirts," the tallest and handsomest boy replied. "We traded a rock hound for them."
"Rock hound?"
"Don't you remember? We found it in the old rock mine last week. Friendly dog made of stone."
"Oh. sure," Umlaut said. Of course he didn't remember, because he hadn't been part of this group. Then, to hide his ignorance, he changed the subject. "What are Wetti shirts?"
"We're not sure, but they say they're a lot of fun for girls to wear and great for contests. So why don't you be the first? Put one on." He shoved the package at Umlaut. Of course he took Umlaut for a girl, because that was what he was emulating.
At that point Sherry rounded the turn and ran up. She was breathing hard with the effort. She was a fairly full-figured girl, and several of the boys were looking with interest. "Have you seen Umlaut?" she panted.
"Who?"
"A strong, handsome, suitable boy, running down this path." She paused for a deeper breath, straining a shirt button or two in the process, along with a male eyeball or two.
"No, only another--"
"Try a Wetti shirt," Umlaut said quickly, shoving the package at her. "They're great fun for girls and contests."
"Now wait," the boy protested. "She's not one of us."
That got Sherry's dander up. The dander immediately flew off in search of a flock of deese, but that didn't stop Sherry. She grabbed the boy by a lapel and planted a kiss on his face. "You were saying?" she demanded, well knowing her power.
The boy looked pleasantly dazed, as if he had just downed a glass of something intoxicatingly sweet. "She's one of us," he decided.
Sherry took a shirt from the package and put it on over her blouse. Suddenly a wash of water fell on her, making her scream pleasantly. The new shirt turned transparent and clung to her body, which seemed about twice as fully formed as before. "I like it," she said. "Who else is in this contest?"
"Contest?" the boy asked, his eyes locked to her front profile. So were the eyes of the other boys in the group, and some of the girls, though there might have been a difference in the girls' expressions.
"The shirt is for contests," she reminded him. "How can I win, if nobody else competes?"
"This girl, what's her name," the boy said, prying his eyes away and turning to Umlaut.
Oops. Umlaut couldn't put on one of those shirts. Emulation had its limits, and it would be shattered if his top half got transparently wet. Then the teens would all know he was an impostor, and Sherry would nab him. All she had to do was plant one sweet kiss on him, and he'd linger for another and be lost. Next morning he'd wake up with a headache and married. He simply wasn't ready for that, apart from the problem of fooling her. Because Sherry, however sweet her kisses and full her body, was not his idea of the perfect wife. Anyway, he was too young to marry.
He bolted. "Hey!" the boy cried. In a moment all of them were chasing him.
Now he was in twice as much trouble as before. Where could he go to escape?
He came up on a young woman who was walking in the same direction. "Uh, hello," he said somewhat breathlessly.
She turned to face him. She had an explorer's cap and a name tag saying Miss Guide. "May I help you?"
"Yes! Please tell me where I can escape a group of pursuing teens!"
"Take the left fork," she said. "Though you are welcome to dally a bit."
"Thank you!" He ran on ahead of her. Belatedly he wondered why she might want to dally with another girl.
But before he found a fork, he came up an another young woman. From behind she had a remarkable figure, and from before also, when he passed her. Her name tag said Miss In Form. "Is the left fork the one?" he gasped.
"In Dubitably," she agreed.
"Thanks!" He ran on.
He overhauled a third young woman, this one wearing a many-feathered bonnet. Her name tag said Miss Chief.
"Is the--?" he started.
"Oh, yes," she agreed. "You'll make a fine Indian maiden."
"Thanks!" He ran on. But something was nagging one corner of his mind. Those young women-if their name tags were literal, they might not be the best sources of information. Misguide, Misinform, Mischief…
Then he spied a fork in the path. The left fork was marked CONTEST BEACH and the right fork CASTLE ZOMBIE. Ordinarily Umlaut would have preferred the left, especially if he could have watched all the girls in the group donning Wetti shirts for the contest. But at the moment the right fork seemed better. Nobody much who wasn't zombie went there.
Sure enough, the pursuit soon languished. Umlaut knew the teens wouldn't be too disappointed, because Sherry liked to kiss people, especially boys. But just in case any of the girls followed, he kept running. He let his emulation lapse; he'd run by the castle and then go home.
He almost collided with a group of teen zombie girls. He hadn't realized that zombies had teens, but of course they would be out today if existed.
"Ooooz, ughsh!" one cried. "A live bzoy!"
"Who carez?" another demanded. "He'z male."
"Say, Yesh," a third said. "Letz kisz him!"
For some reason that escaped him at the moment, Umlaut did not want to be kissed by a group of zombie girlz. So he quickly refurbished his emulation. "I'm notz a boy," he protested. "I'm anozer zombie girlz."
"Oh, zo you are," the second girl said, disappointed. "Whatz you got?"
"Wetti shirts," Umlaut said, realizing that he still carried the package. "They're good for girls in contests."
"Letz try them!" the first girl said.
The zombies quickly took the remaining shirts and put them on. In a moment all were thoroughly soaked, their upper bodies showing to disadvantage. What looked great on live girls was somewhat sordid on zombie girls.
"Ooooz, ughsh!" they exclaimed, quickly appreciating that fact. "We look awzful!"
They tried to remove the shirts, but the wet things clung, tangling with the regular clothing underneath, so that the effect became worse. The girls were screaming with frustration as bits of cloth tore and dangled.
"What's going on here?" It was an irate black girl who appeared to be fully alive.
"Wetzi shirs," a zombie girl explained. "Contezt."
"A wet T-shirt contest? Zombies have no business getting into that. Who put you up to this nonsense?"
"Zhee did!" the girls said, pointing to Umlaut.
More mischief! Umlaut tried to shrink away but couldn't think of a suitable emulation on the spur of the moment; the spur merely jabbed him uncomfortably.
The black girl turned on Umlaut, a small black cloud forming over her head. "I'll deal with you later," she said menacingly. "For now, go muck out the dungeon."
Umlaut decided not to argue; he was in enough trouble already. This was evidently a person of authority. He hurried toward the castle.
He had expected something pretty dingy. He had underestimated the case. Castle Zombie up close was a festering ruin of an edifice. The moat was covered with sludge, and there was slime on the worn stones. The drawbridge was rotten and about to collapse. He did not want to try to cross over it.
"Got a problem?" It was a young man, fully alive.
Umlaut decided to stick with his zombie girl emulation. "Who zhou?"
The man smiled. "I am Justin Tree, master of Castle Zombie. You don't recognize me?"
Umlaut thought fast. "Bad eyzs."
"Of course, I should have realized. And you can't see the bridge clearly enough to cross."
"Yez. I waz zent to muck the dunzeon."
"Oh, yes, Breanna has been meaning to assign a crew for that. The dragon manure is accumulating. Don't be concerned; that bridge is stronger than it looks. Just walk across and take the first stairway down. You'll find a spading fork at the dungeon entrance."
"Zank youz." Umlaut walked cautiously across, and the bridge did turn out to be solid enough.
So the man was Justin Tree. Umlaut had heard of him. He had married a Black Wave girl a year or so back. That would be the one who had sent him here: Breanna of the Black Wave. They had taken over the castle after the original zombie master had retired. It looked as if they still had a lot of cleani...

Product Details

  • Mass Market Paperback: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Tor Fantasy; 1st edition (October 19, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0812574990
  • ISBN-13: 978-0812574999
  • Product Dimensions: 6.7 x 4.3 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #83,637 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Piers Anthony is one of the world's most popular fantasy authors, and a New York Times bestseller twenty-one times over. His Xanth novels have been read and loved by millions of readers around the world, and he daily receives hundreds of letters from his devoted fans.In addition to the Xanth series, Anthony is the author of many other best-selling works. Piers Anthony lives in Inverness, Florida.

 

Customer Reviews

8 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.2 out of 5 stars (8 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Another Punny Day in Xanth, December 14, 2002
By 
Up In a Heaval (2002) is the 26th Xanth novel. As usual, the plot is just a framework for the characters and puns. The hero is Umlaut, a facsimile, whose talent is emulation.

Umlaut "accidently" takes shelter at the Zombie castle. As he is mucking out the dungeon, Umlaut uses 19 questions to discover that the male dragon is really Sesame, a female Sea Serpent. They also discover a pile of long overlooked Snail mail and meet Sammy the Cat. Umlaut is charged with delivering the mail and both Sesame and Sammy join him in an extended tour of Xanth locations and personalities while the demoness Metria tries to distract and obstruct them.

At the isle of cats, the trio meet Claire Voyant, the knowing cat, who also joins them. In Euphoria, they meet Surprise, the daughter of Grady Golem and Rapunzel, who becomes Umlaut's sweetheart and keeps visiting him in various ways during the journey.

Umlaut is faced with many temptations and doubts in his travels, but perseveres despite all. Of the many puns encountered, Ptero-bull stands out, but other groaners abound. Naturally, Anthony tells all, or at least enough, in the Author's Note.

This book is for Xanth fans and those who are not too proud to groan at a real stinker of a pun. A really fun book.

-Arthur W. Jordin
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Likable character and more bad puns, January 18, 2003
A bet between Demons Xanth, Jupiter, and Fornax sends Umlaut on a quest to deliver messages sent from our Earth to Xanth. Although Umlaut is a construct, he is endowed with excellent ethical judgement and good luck in finding friends. Demoness Metria will do anything to stop the quest because her son's soul is at risk.

Umlaut's quest takes him through Xanth and into contact with characters familiar to readers of the Xanth series, as well as introducing new characters. Author Piers Anthony delivers a rich assortment of the bad puns that readers of this series delight in. The Xanth series is also known for its sexual teasing (say PG-13). I thought that UP IN A HEAVAL did a good job delivering the tease without dramatically overstepping the bounds of taste. Umlaut's romance with Surprise was teetered at the edge between sweet and sensual--about right for a teenage relationship.

Umlaut was an interesting character because of his compassion. Although he lacked a lasting reality (being a construct of the demons for the sake of their game), Umlaut had a conscience and a drive that made him sympathetic.

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5.0 out of 5 stars Up in a Heaval, September 3, 2009
This review is from: Up in a Heaval (Xanth, No. 26) (Mass Market Paperback)
A book for my grand daughter's collection. It was mailed to her and she loved it. Thanks
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
It all started, others agreed later, with Umlaut. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
nameless castle, three little princesses, curse fiends, toe truck, magic talent, ant column, enchanted path, bed monster, nineteen questions, sand witch, pie tree, dream realm, next realm, human folk
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Good Magician, Red Spot, Princess Ida, Sammy Cat, Demon Jupiter, Zombie Master, Sesame Serpent, Castle Zombie, Com Pewter, Isle of Cats, Jenny Elf, Castle Roogna, Zombie World, Land of Xanth, Gap Chasm, Adult Conspiracy, Nada Naga, Princess Ivy, Claire Voyant, Queen Irene, Breanna of the Black Wave, Demon Xanth, Nymph Retreat, Surprise Golem, Tandy Nymph
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