Customer Reviews

On the Up and Up: A Survival Guide for Women Living with Men on the Down Low

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

Read this book and respect the woman for her survival skills and ability to put her life back on track. But believe at your own risk her contentions that men can be "cured" of homosexuality through prayer and made marriageable to women. There is just no excuse for spreading that kind of ignorance.

Last May I reviewed a great book titled On The Down Low by J.L. King. In this book, King gave insider information for women to use to help protect themselves from men who secretly have sex with other men. With the increase in African-American women contracting HIV, his book was on time for a much needed wake-up call. Yet, there was an area of the lifestyle that Mr. King could not fully reveal. This area is how the spouses or girlfriends of these men handle the situation when they discover their man's secret life. As I read On The Down Low, I continually thought, "This is a man who is telling the whole world he likes to have sex with other men, but he can't admit he's gay or bisexual." With this in mind, I wondered what his now ex-wife had truly gone through.

ON THE UP AND UP by Brenda Stone Browder, J.L. King's ex-wife answered my questions about discovering your husband is heating on you with a man. As her words flowed from the page, I could feel her pain, anger, and betrayal; hear the voice telling her something was wrong; understand the self-doubt that somehow she was lacking; cheer when she realized that J.L.'s actions were is and had nothing to do with her; and rejoice when she found ove again... Along her journey, she pointed out signs to look or, the types of women these men seem to choose, and also included a survival guide for women living with men on the down low. Being so public about something so private couldn't have been easy for Mrs. Browder, but she's done an excellent job, and I'm sure ON THE UP AND UP will help thousands.

Reviewed by Deatri King-Bey
(...)

When I read "On The Down Low", I was left angry by what I thought was a book made out of swiss cheese (too many holes), and I wanted to hear her side of the story. I was pleasantly surprised when I read the book, "On The Up and Up". I was glad to know 2 revelations from the book, that gay is gay, and the Lord is a waymaker.
Whether or not you agree with her book, it was interesting to say the least. In talking with most of my girlfriends, this is the conclusion I've come to: If you liked JL King's book, you're really not going to like Mrs. Browder's book, and vice versa. This is a subject that has polarized people and should really make everyone think. The one thing that both books have in common is one piece of advice: trust your instincts.

I think that Brenda Stone Browder's On the Up and Up is an excellent tool for any woman who feels that she is at a crossroads in her marriage, regardless of the reason. I found a lot of insight and wisdom from a woman who has "been there" and "done that". Mrs. Browder tells the story of her marriage to J.L. King, its disintegration and her own personal journey toward forgiveness honestly, but she maintains the dignity of her family in the process. While helpful advice is given for women who suspect men in their life of being homosexual, the book encourages women to listen to their intuition (the voice that women often drown out or ignore for fear of troubling relationship waters). I think that every woman who enters a serious relationship should read it.

Brenda Stone Browder is a Christian woman and lay minister, so while her book is not a salacious tale as some would like,it does offer insight as to how a spiritual person, one practicing her faith CHOSE to deal with the harsh hand dealt to her. I applaud her for her candor and strong conviction of faith, that brought her through a very difficult time in her life.

I was truly disappointed with this book. I read this book for my book club, along with On the Down Low, and I must say that my expectations were not met. She addressed some things J.L. King spoke about in his book, but not enough. Ms. Browder went into long tirades about faith and conversion (not sure I agree) and other things except how to help women who have lived with or currently live with men on the down low. She never explained how she helped her children get through it and it seems like she, at times, defended her ex-husband's behavior. I'm not sure who Mrs. Browder is helping to survive, herself or other women.

Brenda's book is not sensational (as her husband J. L. King, On The Down Low). It is personal, reflective, cautious with a focus.

First my book club picked "On the Down Low" (which I wanted to rate a 0, but you can't), then they picked "On the Up and Up". Ok..I felt compelled to give it a chance. Afterall, it could not be as bad as the husbands. Well, it was. First of all, their stories do not match...he said in the book that she saw him when he was meeting the guy from his church, she said she did not know...but always suspected, until he came out on the Oprah show. So, you have a book, where the "so called victim" tells her side of things, and you just don't really feel anything...either for her,her family or the story itself. She points to several times when she should have known what the deal was, and yet she denied it. I think I would have enjoyed the book more, if she had really addressed some key issues: infidelity (husband cheating with other men), trust (it would be difficult to trust another man after this happened with your first love), relationships (just deciding to trust again and remarry should have warranted a chapter), keeping a family together (they didn't tell the son and the daughter's reaction was not discussed)..and she could have spoken more about how she dealt with starting a new relationship with another guy a short time after her divorce (she was remarried a short time after her divorce).

I found her writing style to be disjointed, if that is the appropriate word, and I groaned page after page. I just didn't care! I even began to think, did she just write this book to make money or as pay back to her ex (who of course she says she speaks to). I could never figure it out!

I normally would have never read this book, if it had not been the selection of a book club member. And my instincts would have been correct....leave it on the shelf.

I read this book along with my bookclub and we were totally disappointed with the stories that were told by Mrs. Browder, she never fulfilled any topic for which she was talking about. It was almost as if she was reading on the down low and responding to that book without giving any true feelings or emotions of her own. The book offered no survival skills for women in this situation. My book club members have all returned the books to the store for a full refund.

I thought the book was going to be more indepth as far as what to look out for, but it ended up being a book on her background. Boring!!!!