Customer Reviews

UpDating! : How to Get a Man or Woman Who Once Seemed Out of Your League

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Want a wealthy mate? Here are some dos and don'ts from "Updating" by Leil Lowndes (LL):
* Get the National Geographic and Scientific American magazines off your coffee table! Those are middle class! Only display literary or foreign magazines. And forget about National Enquirer or Sports Illustrated-those are low class!
* Never wear bright colors! Red is a proletariat no-no! (Didn't anyone inform Nancy Reagan of this?) And natural fibers only, please. (Note - in the 21st century synthetic fibers don't exactly look like John Travolta's leisure suit in Saturday Night Fever.)
*Never wear a baseball cap or a tee shirt with writing on it. (I saw a picture of Bill Gates the other day wearing a baseball cap.)
*Never have a second hand on your watch. "The leisure class doesn't need to track seconds." page 118.
* Have a threadbare oriental rug in your living room and décor alluding to "Mother England"
*If you must lower yourself to owing a television, keep it hidden.
*"Royals" never use a euphemism such as "restroom" or "bathroom". Only use the word "toilet".

As you can probably tell from the above, LL is advising you on how to pass yourself off as an old money blue blood. She offers this as serious advice, but I find this chapter outrageously funny. She even gives you a quiz to tell how high class your living room is. (Subtract 3 points for each color photograph you display.)

I'm not sure that I, being of Eastern European Jewish ancestry, could successfully pass myself off as being blue blood, having been at Hebrew school when I should have been at the debutantes' ball. And someone of African ancestry might have even more trouble. Subtle (and some not so subtle) ethnic and regional prejudices abound in this book.

Another piece of advice on landing a wealthy mate is to move to a wealthy neighborhood. LL tells the story of a middle income gold digging friend who moved out of her nice apartment in Queens to an expensive neighborhood in Manhattan where she paid big bucks to rent a closet-size apartment. But a year or so later, the friend told the author she had good news that she could only deliver in person. So LL goes to her friend's new apartment which is the penthouse of the same building. Her friend had married the multi-millionaire art dealer she met in the elevator! Gold digging success! This gambit paid off handsomely for LL's friend, but if you don't meet your megabucks mate this way, oops! There goes your retirement money.

Any book on gold digging worth its ink should give advice on how to land new money! Afterall, is a gold digger fussy about whether she (or he) lands a nouveau rich Microsoft millionaire? But there's zero advice on how to land Bill Gates' single friends.

I don't want to mislead you into thinking this is only a gold digging manual, however. You also learn (chapter 3) "How to Find a Drop-Dead Gorgeous Mate". The trick here is to give no indication that you are swooning over them for their looks. Instead, feign (oops that was my word) an appreciation for their kind heart or integrity. Don't let on that you landed them for their looks.

The book rather implies that good looking and/or wealthy people are better specimens of humanity than the rest of us, although LL acknowledges that even beautiful people can have flaws. She gives the example that you're with your ho-hum (read average looking) date when you spot an extremely attractive stranger who smiles at you and dines alone. Well gosh dang it, you're stuck with a frog! LL recommends you give all frogs (and frogettes) their hopping papers to free yourself up for "royals". Frogs, according to the context of this book are anyone not rich enough, beautiful enough or otherwise not good enough for you. LL uses a bit of evolutionary biology to justify gold digging and looks-ism, see page 2 "Bugs and Beasts Are Smarter When Choosing a Mate." Afterall, animals choose mates based on looks and ability to bring food for the offspring.

There's also a bizarre chapter on "How to Capture a Magical One-of-a-Kind Mate" which is basically a quirky artist type with unusual sexual habits. Another seriously intended chapter I recommend only for entertainment value.

Ironically, after the chapter telling you how to pass yourself off as blue blood is the chapter, "How to Find an Honorable Mate," which preaches impeccable honesty at all times. It's one of only two chapters that in my opinion give good dating advice, if taken in isolation from rest of the book. The other bit of good advice is the section in the last chapter, "Be Careful What You Wish For (You Just Might Get It!). Here she quotes studies showing that finding your rich or beautiful partner might not make you happier! For instance, the former hippy chick who married a wealthy blue blood and lived in a mansion in the 'burbs with a maid, cook, and gardener. With no job and nothing to do, she turned to alcohol and drugs. Wow, so after writing a manual on gold digging and landing gorgeous people, LL tells you you might not want to be doing this after all! A fine unintentionally comic ending for a dating book that belongs in the humor section.

Everybody has dreamed of dating better people. But after reading Updating, the dreaming is over and it's becoming a reality. Having the typical "You gotta show me" mentality we have in Missouri, I needed proof. Not to sound arrogant, but I read Updating and now I'm convinced that I can get the best -- and I know how to do it. The author gives studies which back up everything she says. And one of them is that people always underestimate their ability to attract.

As she wrote, because of many reasons, especially lack of self-esteem, we SUBCONSCIOUSLY shy away from making a 100% effort to go after what we want. We only go after who we think we deserve. It's so true. Now I know where to find and how to appeal to the men I want -- and know I deserve. My self image and my love life have improved spectactularly. Read this book and you will soon be hanging with a better class of people too.

I thought Leil's "How to Make Anybody Fall in Love With You" was tops. But "Updating" is even better because it's not just how to make ANYBODY fall in love with you. She tells you where to hunt, and how to get, a spectacular partner.(Way out of your league?) What I like is that "one size doesn't fit all." In different sections, she gives you get realistic and researched techniques to win a different type of superior man or woman. Do you want someone who is:
1) Very rich?
2) Famous?
3) High class and discriminating?
4) Gorgeous?
5) Creative and interesting?
6) Ethical and honorable?
She tells you what type of person each is looking for, and why they respond to different approaches. "Updating " tells you where to find each particular type and how to win them over. I happened to want a beautiful and refined woman (they really ARE different than average women,) and her unusual techniques worked. I am now dating a classy 10!

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So this book may not offer the most indepth dating advice for one to follow, its still worth the read. Rather than reading this for the amusing how to marry rich chapter, it should be read for the know thyself concepts. I like that Leil really emphasizes for you to know yourself, and for you to know what you want.
Once you have established the type of person that you desire, she really emphasizes for you to stop dating people that do not measure up to your personal standards. This may be a person with integrity, or it could that rich person.
She doesn't really offer any special tricks or tips, but she does really ask you to be who you are, and then go about finding your mate. Pretending to be someone your not, will eventually fail. So know where are are starting from.
If you are looking for dating advice, this would not be my first choice. Even with the title that would imply that you may be a gold digger, I feel there is worthwhile content in here. I like that she doesn't have you using gimmicks, or playing games to find your mate. I like that she offers some advice, and that the heart of her advice is for you to stay true to yourself, and then not settle for people who do not measure up to your real wishes.

I highly recommend "Updating" for anyone who wants to upgrade their love life. There is fabulous information on what each type of "out of your league" person is looking for in a mate. Then the author tells you the precise moves to make to appeal to that particular type of superior person.

It's sure not the same old tricks you read about in most books on getting a partner! Gorgeous or classy people want a lot more and this shows you how to give it to them. She also tells you how to upgrade YOURSELF to appeal the above or more creative and honorable potential partners.

This book is FANTASTIC!!! Through check-lists, exercises, and hilarious examples (often backed up by proven scientific research), Leil takes readers on a journey to get THE BEST in life. After reading this book, I've developed the confidence to go after anyone. I've also learned "don't date any more frogs....only look for royals". Some of the concepts are quite simple, but VERY POWERFUL. I highly recommend this book.

First of all, almost half the material in this book is right out of Paul Fussell's "Class..." and the author even quotes straight out of this book. I hope he got a nice chunk from the sales!

I recommend MOST of the advice given in this book to novices who are of the working class or those who have never read Paul Fussell's book. However, being someone who has lived around old moneyed folks most of my life, I can tell you there are some advices in this book that is just wrong. For example: Cartier tank watchs are a must for old money, capri pants and anything shiny is out and cufflinks are pretentious. All wrong. In Palm Beach, capris are on every woman out for a casual walk, shopping, etc. especially in that shiny silk material most quality neckties are made of. Cartiers are definitely nouveau, whynot recommend a Rolex! Lastly, cufflinks on Frech shirts are worn by most preppies turned attorney/banker in New York - not everyone can pull this off, ONLY those gents who gone to the right schools and belong to the right clubs and speak properly.

This is a cute book, nice attempt and has some sage advice. HOwever, take the advice in this book with a grain of salt. Please note the author did not grow up among the upper class, she just dated someone who was and read Paul Fussell's book.

Even though I hate to admit there is a class sytem in Dating - well, there is. Whether I like it or not. Leil Lowndes gives some really good advice for dating people who seem out of your league. I thinks its a pretty good starting point.
But you also need to learn to adjust to your circumstances. It seemed to me like this was an "East coast" book. The "In" crowd in Hollywood is somewhat different than the people that Leil mentions, but they do have their requirements as well. And you need to use common sense and apply her ideas to your specific circumstances.
The book really made me think about how people look at you. And her advice is really practical, and so True it is amazing.

From The Daily Beast:

The veteran life coach and author wrote a 2003 book called Updating!: How to get a man or woman who once seemed out of your league. Now she advocates the opposite. "I wish I hadn't written that book," she tells The Daily Beast. "[Marrying up] is the wrong thing to do. It can really screw up your life. Tell people not to buy that book. I'm ashamed of that book. And you can print that." Her reasoning is based on what she calls the "equity principle of love"--if people don't roughly match in terms of money, status, education, character, personality and, yes, looks, they will struggle to last. "It's mother nature's plan," she says.

The title of this book should read: "A BIBLE FOR THE DESPERATE SHALLOW SOCIAL CLIMBER." And since Ms. Lowndes doesn't bother with political/ethical or any kind of correctness, I'm surprised that the title says otherwise. This book would have been a lot wiser if it just said : Do not pick your mate out of desperation, but first, strive for happiness and better things in life. THEN pick a good mate who is like you and therefore would be compatible with you." AND THAT IS IT. But no, she had to go into the whole issue of class, which she got COMPLETELY wrong. I have NEWS for you, Ms. Lowndes, it is only shallow self-gratifying rich people who believe in class, nowadays. A lot of people with very humble origins have a LOT OF CLASS, as you call it. Class is not money, class is not FAKING or being rich, class is NOT gas stoves and parquet floors. You are sadly mistaken and you're broadcasting this nonsense for all to hear.
Having class means possessing certain qualities irregardless of the bank account balance. And I'm most certainly sure that a classy person doesn't divide people into frogs and leagues. If you can't do, teach... eh? I especially appreciated the end of the book, where Ms. Lowndes warns about the dangers of being a high-class faker, but then promises to pray for those who chose do go down that road anyway. That's just precious!