The Usual Error: Why We Don't Understand Each Other and 34 Ways to Make It Better [Paperback]

Pace Smith (Author), Kyeli Smith (Author), Martin Whitmore (Illustrator)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 1, 2008

This is a down-to-earth communication guidebook filled with methods we've learned and tested, and punctuated with actual stories from our lives. You'll learn why miscommunication happens so often, how to avoid needless conflict, how to resolve arguments peacefully, what societal myths block clear understanding, and how to be happier by changing the way you speak. So throw away that mind-reading helmet you bought on eBay. It doesn't work anyway. We'll show you better ways to be understood and to understand other people, and we'll entertain you in the process!

Product Details

• Paperback: 208 pages
• Publisher: Connection Paradigm Press (December 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0982162103
• ISBN-13: 978-0982162101
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,019,174 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Best and most helpful book on Communication I've read!, February 25, 2011

By 

Amber Flaherty - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Usual Error: Why We Don't Understand Each Other and 34 Ways to Make It Better (Paperback)

I've recently finished reading The Usual Error for the first time, and already am rereading it. I've found it enormously helpful for communication between me and my husband. He and I are rather different, me being very emotive and him rather stoic, but I was able to use what I learned from this book to define terms between us that I didn't even realize were the source of our conflicts! I'm so much happier now than I was just a week ago, in my marriage and with myself because of the Usual Error.

I agree with many other reviewers here. The Usual Error is extremely readable, with bite-sized chunks that I could read through and apply a little bit at a time. Examples from the authors' lives made it easier to see where I was making the same errors in my communication.

I enjoyed this book immensely and would highly recommended it- and have been recommending it to all of my friends- for anyone who's ever wanted to communicate to loved ones or friends or even co-workers more successfully.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars a wonderful resource!, January 9, 2009

By 

April Parra (Austin, TX) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Usual Error: Why We Don't Understand Each Other and 34 Ways to Make It Better (Paperback)

In this book, Pace and Kyeli examine how people communicate and where they most often make mistakes. They unfold their findings in a conversational style that makes the communication principles easy to remember. Reading this book taught me things without me even realizing how much I'd retained; the ideas seeped right into my brain.

This book includes material about the traditional communication techniques such as active listening and "I statements," but it goes well beyond those. The authors discuss communication dynamics (how we communicate and some fundamental problems that can occur when we try), boundaries (how to set them, discuss them, and respect those set by others), conflict (how to avoid it, and resolve it if it occurs), and positivity (how to improve your outlook, thus improving your relationships with other people).

Some of my favorite concepts are the Usual Error (assuming that everyone thinks like you do), "We are made of meat" (my physical needs affect everything), feeling considered (how to respect others' needs without being a pushover), and the question, "what do I get out of being right."

This book has practical advice, memorable metaphors, wonderful illustrations, and I recommend it to anyone who wants a fresh approach for the age-old problems of communication.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Avoid Relationship Pitfalls, January 31, 2009

By 

Hayden Tompkins (Raleigh, NC) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Usual Error: Why We Don't Understand Each Other and 34 Ways to Make It Better (Paperback)

This was a thorough, easy-to-digest book on communication! It was an easy read and the authors present some fairly complex ideas in very simple and humorous terms. (I was PARTICULARLY blown away by the "voodoo doll" analogy.)

"The Usual Error" is so named because of the usual error everyone makes: the assumption that people are just like you and, as such, think like you do and do things for the reasons you would.

This is absolutely KEY to understanding misunderstanding! Once you realize this concept, you'll see it everywhere and wonder how you completely missed it before. The whole book is like that; presenting straightforward explanations for human behavior which result in many "lightbulb" moments.

While I tend to find discussions about communication very dry, this book was - instead - extremely entertaining as well as charmingly illustrated by Martin Whitmore.