Customer Reviews

The Usual Error: Why We Don't Understand Each Other and 34 Ways to Make It Better

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I've recently finished reading The Usual Error for the first time, and already am rereading it. I've found it enormously helpful for communication between me and my husband. He and I are rather different, me being very emotive and him rather stoic, but I was able to use what I learned from this book to define terms between us that I didn't even realize were the source of our conflicts! I'm so much happier now than I was just a week ago, in my marriage and with myself because of the Usual Error.

I agree with many other reviewers here. The Usual Error is extremely readable, with bite-sized chunks that I could read through and apply a little bit at a time. Examples from the authors' lives made it easier to see where I was making the same errors in my communication.

I enjoyed this book immensely and would highly recommended it- and have been recommending it to all of my friends- for anyone who's ever wanted to communicate to loved ones or friends or even co-workers more successfully.

In this book, Pace and Kyeli examine how people communicate and where they most often make mistakes. They unfold their findings in a conversational style that makes the communication principles easy to remember. Reading this book taught me things without me even realizing how much I'd retained; the ideas seeped right into my brain.

This book includes material about the traditional communication techniques such as active listening and "I statements," but it goes well beyond those. The authors discuss communication dynamics (how we communicate and some fundamental problems that can occur when we try), boundaries (how to set them, discuss them, and respect those set by others), conflict (how to avoid it, and resolve it if it occurs), and positivity (how to improve your outlook, thus improving your relationships with other people).

Some of my favorite concepts are the Usual Error (assuming that everyone thinks like you do), "We are made of meat" (my physical needs affect everything), feeling considered (how to respect others' needs without being a pushover), and the question, "what do I get out of being right."

This book has practical advice, memorable metaphors, wonderful illustrations, and I recommend it to anyone who wants a fresh approach for the age-old problems of communication.

This was a thorough, easy-to-digest book on communication! It was an easy read and the authors present some fairly complex ideas in very simple and humorous terms. (I was PARTICULARLY blown away by the "voodoo doll" analogy.)

"The Usual Error" is so named because of the usual error everyone makes: the assumption that people are just like you and, as such, think like you do and do things for the reasons you would.

This is absolutely KEY to understanding misunderstanding! Once you realize this concept, you'll see it everywhere and wonder how you completely missed it before. The whole book is like that; presenting straightforward explanations for human behavior which result in many "lightbulb" moments.

While I tend to find discussions about communication very dry, this book was - instead - extremely entertaining as well as charmingly illustrated by Martin Whitmore.

This is simply a fantastic book. I find it hard to imagine a person who would not benefit from reading it. Not only is it full to the brim with useful communication tools and information, it is also presented in a way that is both easy to understand and fun to read.

I would give The Usual Error 5 stars in a heartbeat, were it not for the dishonesty contained within. Put simply, the book was written (and the lessons, presentations, and concept created) by not two, but three people. After an acrimonious divorce, that third person was pushed out of the project, and the book was edited and published without her. This would have been acceptable, but Pace and Kyeli also chose to then whitewash away any mention of the third author, taking credit for her work and her words, changing her name in all stories save one, and mentioning her only as someone who 'helped with the first draft'.

As the astute reader may have already gathered, I was that third author, and so my 3 stars may be considered nothing more than sour grapes. But honestly I find it an important and depressing flaw to have so much deception in a book that claims in its first pages to be based on the principle of honest communication.

But hypocrisy aside, this book is still worth purchasing and worth reading, and I do recommend it.

I'm an avid reader of self-help books, and this book is a refreshing take on a topic that affects all of us: relationships and communication. The book is written in an easy to read bite-sized format, and I read most of it on a bus ride between two cities.

Before reading The Usual Error I thought I was a pretty good communicator, I had read books like Non-Violent Communication and The 5 Love Languages. What I didn't know was that I kept making the usual error! Now I'm sharing my "favorite parts" of the book with my boyfriend, and we're already seeing changes in the way we interact.

My next step will be to share these ideas with my family members and friends. I am confident that this book will help you and your communications partners as much as it has helped me. Oh, and the personal stories are fun, sticky, and offer a lot oh "ah! ha" moments.

This book is full of fantastic tips and tricks to help you communicate. There are 34 discrete sections that can be taken individually or together - but I guarantee if you even practice one of these, you will be communicating more effectively.

The chapters are not too long, and not too short. The illustrations and examples also helped me to understand the messages they were trying to convey.

I've been able to use the wisdom here to improve my working relationships, my friendships and my romantic relationships. It was a win, win, win, win, win for me.

In summary, this book is awesome. Enjoy!

"The Usual Error" by Pace and Kyeli Smith is an unusual book. It takes a look at how we, in 34 different ways, miscommunicate. The authors also provide uncommon sense yet simple ways in each situation to not make the same error again.

I not only learned much, but also enjoyed this book. Being someone who recalls pictures in detail more easily than a concept in words, I appreciate that there are (somewhat silly) drawings to depict each error. The authors state that this was done precisely for people like me, to give a dual approach to learning.

The examples they provide for each error are obviously from their own lives, adding a personal note that kept me from feeling preached at and sometimes being so familiar I caught myself saying "I've done that!" -- right out loud.

I would recommend this book for everyone, from teenagers to elders. If enough people read this book, we could solve generational, gender, national, and ethnic misunderstandings in our society.

The Usual Error reads like a Cliff's notes to communication in relationships. The authors hit all the major points and illustrate them beautifully with personal stories from their own lives. If anything, it's too short... it needs a workbook so that you can follow along with their advice by trying out some of the methods described in the book - hopefully, with a friend or significant other. And the illustrations are awesome!

Self-help as a genre has a bad wrap, and there's a good reason for that. Many self-help books aren't very helpful! However, this book is fantastically helpful. Let me count the ways.

First of all, it is in bite sized chunks. I am going to read it with my partner, but I read it on my own first and I'm happy to find that we'll be able to do a chapter at a time without feeling like we're taking a graduate seminar. Some of the chapters say everything that needs to be said in 2 or 3 pages, but even the longest chapters are short enough to be digestible. Each focuses on a concept and does not stray too far into analysis. I really like that about this book!

I think they were able to make the chapters short because they stayed focused and avoided much analysis, speculation and ideology. If you are a person that is interested in self-improvement, growth, healthy relationships, yadda yadda ya, then you've probably heard everything in this book before at one point or another. That may sound like a criticism, but it's actually not. The thing is, every time I read self-helpy type of stuff, it is couched in either dense academic language or, worse for me, some sort of religious or pseudo-scientific framework. And many times authors' messages become bogged down by those frameworks. On the other hand, these authors don't talk about their framework at all, so their arguments are clear and focused.

The book is also very thorough. I couldn't tell from the chapter titles, but now that I've read the book I realize that the chapters are like a line-up of the usual suspects for communication problems. I feel like if my husband and I find myself in an argument, we could put it on pause and skim through the chapter titles to figure out which pattern we're enacting. And we would find it.

The last point I want to make is about the topic of the book. This type of thing should be taught in schools. Some people get it from their parents, but most people don't. Or at least not all of it. Not having the meta-understanding of life that is elucidated in this book leads to fearfulness and needless pain. Although there is nothing ground-breaking in this book, it is packaged in such a way that anyone can understand and make use of it. And it is important that we do!

Developed out of a successful communication workshop, The Usual Error gets to the heart of the problem- every problem: roadblocks to communication. Nearly every problem can be solved, identified or endured with a little help from the collected wisdom of these expert communicators. Whether your problem is your partner failing to understand your needs, you failing to understand your partner's needs, or simply that you don't understand why someone can't just see things YOUR way, The Usual Error will put you on the path to enlightenment.

The Usual Error is not a magic potion to instantly solve all your communication issues. It is, however, a great inspiration; it is a starting point from which epiphanies are born. As you read, you will recall situations from your own life in which the knowledge would have been helpful, and after reading it, you will remember its simple, quirky and honest advice when future problems arise.

Chapters are short, easy to read and understand, and encourage reflection without the cheesy, condescending language that tends to dominate the self-help genre. Pace and Kyeli Smith write the chapters cleanly and pleasantly, no doubt as a result of the project's origins as a workshop and presentation, and the brilliant illustrations by Martin Whitmore capture the spirit and humor of the authors perfectly. All in all, the experience of reading this book is one of great amusement and deep reflection.

The term "self-help" may not apply to all books in the genre, but The Usual Error is honest and powerful in its ability to help you help yourself.