Customer Reviews

Vampire Kisses: The Beginning (Vampire Kisses / Kissing Coffins / Vampireville)

5 star:		(19)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(9)

 

 

Standards have really fallen if this tripe is allowed into publication. There are thousands of other books out there, don't waste your time on this one.

The writing, ugh!!! The entire book reads like an outline that the author forgot to fill in. Apparently saying the brand name of everything counts as an acceptable description. I lost count of how many times she uses "just then" or "all of a sudden" to interject a random plot point. And wasn't this written by a comedienne? The supposedly "witty" banter between the characters had me rolling my eyes when the so-called "romance" wasn't making me gag.

The writing is terrible, but the characters will have you tearing your hair out. Raven is convinced she's an outsider who's too good for "Dullsville". No one understands her because she's a goth, whine whine whine. For someone who rags on society for judging her by her appearance, her entire basis for liking Alexander is her suspicion that he's a vampire. Alexander has the personality of a wet mop, and the only thing interesting about him are the fantasies Raven is constantly dreaming up. She never stops her incessant ramblings about their gothic escapades, like dancing to Marilyn Manson, cuddling in a coffin, or having dinner in a graveyard. The author took a run-of-the-mill girl and plastered her with every goth stereotype she could find. For a book that tries to teach "appearance isn't everything", every page succeeds in proving it wrong.

Ha, I just noticed the quote on the back says goth girls can "look up to" Raven. Really? That's like saying Dracula can look up to Edward Cullen.

If you want to read some excellent contemporary vampire lit, pick up the Morganville Vampire series instead. Heck, even Twilight is a step up from this garbage.

"Vampire Kisses" is one of those series that leaves you wondering if the author wrote the thing ghastly mess as an elaborate parody. Ellen Schreiber's "Vampire Kisses" series is a good example -- it's basically an extended "Twilight"-style personal fantasy, with horrendous writing, shallow romance, and a putrescent heroine. "Vampire Kisses: The Beginning" brings together the first three books of this series, which only reinforces the simple fact that there's no plot.

Raven (cliche name alert!) has always been obsessed with vampires and goth trappings, so she's delighted when the local haunted mansion is purchased -- and even more so when she is rescued (from a "preppy" guy) by a mall-goth "Gothic Guy, Gothic Mate, Gothic Prince." And because you can tell everything about a person by how they dress and look, it's love at first bite.

Then aven starts to hear rumors that Rich Goth Hottie may be a vampire. She ends up being invited to Rich Goth Hottie's mansion -- and of course because she wears black, he knows she's the only girl who can "accept him for who he really is." Yep, he's a vampire.

Unfortunately, Alexander vanishes in pretty short order -- and by "Vampire Kisses 2: Kissing Coffins," an emo Raven starts randomly searching for him in the nearby city of Hipsterville. But she soon runs afoul of an Evil ShockRockerGoth vampire named Jagger at a local cliche goth club -- and he has a hilariously contrived reason to hate Alexander (who, naturally, shows up just in time to save Raven). Of course, Jagger don't give up so easy.

And the plot gets even slimmer in "Vampire Kisses 3: Vampireville." The vampire twins Luna and Jagger are still hanging around Dullsville, and apparently have dark and deadly designs for the much-despised Trevor -- and for some reason, Alexander and Raven have a problem with this. So they spend more than half the novel trying to puzzle out where Jagger and Luna's resting places are, even as Raven becomes best buddies with Luna.

"Vampire Kisses" is one of those embarrassing stories that many teenage girls write about themselves -- they are edgy, dark and oppressed by the two-dimensionally alike "snobs" who don't appreciate them, until they find eternal love with a Hot Immortal Rich Dude. Most of these stories go unnoticed on fanfiction.net or other such sites, but sadly this one actually made it to print.

Unfortunately Ellen Schreiber's writing style is pretty much on the same page. Most of the book is Raven telling us constantly how GOTH GOTH GOTH she is (down to what cereal she eats), and how awesome her Rich Immortal Hottie is. Her writing is painfully bad: Raven views everything through a glass not-so-darkly ("Moss and ivy grew on the roof like a gothic Chia Pet") and the dialogue is horrendous ("Alexander's so dreamy. His eyes are like milk chocolates").

What's more, her bloodsucking mythos is as thin as her plot -- apparently vampires are DEAD, but they can produce similarly dead offspring as well as LIVE human babies... no, it doesn't make any sense to me either. What little we see of their culture is culled from the cheesiest of vampire movies and books.

Raven herself is the biggest joke of all -- a selfish, shallow, whiny, malicious and pretentious Hot Topic Goth who hasn't matured since kindergarten, and whose "love" with Alexander seems entirely based on the fact that he's a male vampire doppelganger of her. And the "knight of night" (ugh!) Alexander isn't exactly worthy of female attention -- he's quite possibly the blandest and least interesting vampire I have ever read about. Jagger is a 2-D villain/stalker who is as menacing as a blob of oatmeal, and his ethereal sister loses any cool factor once it's revealed that she's basically a vampiric Raven. Waaa waaa, I'm such an outsider and I hate my little brother, boohoo.

"Vampire Kisses: The Beginning" is an omnibus of books so poorly-written, so immature, so cheesy and so pretentious that they cross the line into parody. Completely bloodless.

As an avid reader, I enjoy classics, young adult picks, romance, science fiction and fantasy books. I found the language of this young adult pick to be outdated and the authors lame attempt to connect to her teen audience. The vernacular tried to hard to be "hip" and just came across as annoying. It was very dry reading and although the author tried at suspense, the plot was predictable and not in a good way. This is only the second series I have opted not to finish reading past the first book.

"Vampire Kisses: The Beginning" contains the first 3 books in the Vampire Kisses series, & let me go ahead & confess that I stopped reading in the middle of the third book, "Vampireville." I just couldn't take it anymore. The writing is far too juvenille, & I have read most of the teen vampire books out there right now. There is absolutely no world building, & we don't even find out where this book is set. Raven says she lives in Dullsville, which adds to the overall idea that this book is a joke. The town isn't even real.

I'm only giving this volume 3 stars because the first book, "Vampire Kisses" was actually pretty good as a stand alone. In this book, we are not even sure that Raven's boyfriend, Alexander, is a vampire. We only get confirmation of this fact in the second book, "Kissing Coffins." I would recommend buying the 5.99 paperback that is only "Vampire Kisses" before investing in this volume.

My co-worker and I were Twilight fanatics when she recommended this series. This review is not a comparison to the other series, so when she gave me the bag full of books for the whole series, I was elated to have something else to read. The next day I gave her back the bag. I read the first 200+ pages, and it was forced. The characters are under-developed, boring, simple and the plot is worse. Combine the dumbest vampire myths and petty middle school intelect, and this book would be the result. Not interesting... couldn't even finish the first book.

Save your money. Apparantly the author is adamant about decribing how goth the character "Raven" is. lol ...this book is just so lame i had to write a review to warn fellow vampire lovers. lol Dont buy it, its not worth the time or money. Hell, ill mail you my copy if you want it that bad. As long as im allowed to say i told you so after. On the back it says girls can look up to Raven??? lol. Barf. Geez! Just my opinion sorry :(

Ok so I have pretty much most of this book read... the ONLY reason I am still trying to finish it because I am waiting for the good to start. This book must be one of the worst vampire books I have ever read. I have been into the paranormal and supernatural since I was pretty much born, 31 years ago, so for me to say this is just straight up terrible... I have the extensive "resume" to do so.

The main character never calls her boyfriend just a boyfriend, it's ALWAYS her "gothic boyfriend, vampire boyfriend" and my favorite... "Knight of Night". I mean how many times can you pound in the fact that the girl is "gothic" or that shes different then everyone else. It's like the author had to make sure everything was stereotyped, because that's what this book is. She took all the stereotypes and cliches she could find and then threw them all into the book.

She is constantly reminding you that she wears black lipstick, nail polish, clothes. She is constantly reminding you the girl is "freak" and no one wants to be her friend... BUT then it's cool to be the freak and now people like her and it just got to the point that I am literally rolling my eyes when I read a page. I would suggest finding a different book to read, do not waste you money on this. I normally ignore bad reviews, but I wish I listened to the ones written on this one.

Even as vampire novels go, this is a stinker. It was probably the cheesiest thing ever, and absolutely no thought went into it. Everything about the vampire lore was traditional and illogical (they had to sleep in coffins, allergic to garlic, could change into bats), and there was nothing in this book that you couldn't find in vampire movie 80 years ago. And Raven, the protangonist, was not "Goth". No matter how many times you call yourself Goth, no matter how many times you use the words "gothic" on the page, that does not make you Goth. True Goths do not define themselves to a Goth stereotype. The romance between Alexander (who has no personality) and Raven was completely flat. The romance consisted of this: Raven sees Alexander and automatically falls in love with him based on his appearance (which she describes constantly) and decides it is true love. Raven does not go through the process of falling in love, nor does she displays that she loves him. She simply meets him and tells the readers she loves him. The dialogue amongst all the characters is predictable, as all the plot twists. Even though I am not a big fan of Twilight, it would be a step up compared to this series.

This was a vampire story for young adults. At least that is what it says on the product description. I would have to say though, that if toddlers could read, they wouldn't even bother with it. This book features the first three books in the Vampire Kisses series. The first book was okay to read, but as you moved on to the second and third book you sill start to feel like throwing it in the trash. The writing was juvenile, the plot was boring, and we hardly even get to hear from the main paranormal character of the book! We get to hear from Raven and her life at school, her friendship with Becky, and her constant bickering with Trevor who is the class snob! I am glad I had this on loan from the library and didn't spend my money on it. If anything, I would only recommend the first book in this series. I don't even think I will bother with reading the rest in this series.

I have to say that the 3 books contained in this particular volume are 3 of the worst books that I've ever read. The plot is weak, the characters are really bad stereotypes, and to top it all off the author can't even be consistent with her own timeline.

At some point early in the book, Raven says that she used to watch "Dark Shadows" on a black and white TV that her parents got for opening a bank account. I read this and think, 'ok. this story is set somehwere around the late 1960s or 70s (maybe a little later if reruns ran at some point that I'm not aware of), especially because no one would get a black and white TV set in the last 10-20 years for opening a bank account. Then, all of a sudden Raven has a "Nightmare Before Christmas" alarm clock (or some other sort of "Nightmare" merchandise)and (I think) a cell phone, but don't quote me on that because it's been a while since I read these books. I'm sorry but Raven would not have been watching Dark Shadows (a 1960s vampire soap opera)on a black and white TV that her parents got for opening a bank account in the late 90s or 2000s (I'm still really unclear about when this story takes place); it's just not consistent; it doesn't make sense.
As for the plot itself, I think a lot of the other reviews covered it pretty well, but this story is beyond predictable. Everything that happened in this story I saw coming a mile away. And nothing of real interest actually happens.

Frankly I think Raven is lame. I'm all for female characters who reject society because of the way that society thinks that they should dress or act, feminism and female strength are fantastic, but come on! Raven is not a strong character, just because she is Goth doesn't mean that she is a strong character.

I'm normally not very critical of novels. I can easily look past the negative aspects of a novel, whether they be some minor writing flaws or undeveloped characters, and see the bigger (and better) picture. But in this novel, there is no bigger or better picture that is conveyed. The reader just has to fight through pages upon pages of bad writing to get nowhere.