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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
17 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Makes shoestring budget pornos look well made,
By
This review is from: Vampires Vs. Zombies (DVD)
Vampires Vs Zombies has a very misleading title. First of all, no vampires fight zombies in the movie. Well, there's one point where perhaps that is what is happening, but it's not very clear. The only clear thing about this movie is the fact that it is a total piece of crap. Seriously, your average shoestring budget porno has better production values. At a few points in the film, the only lighting is that of a flashlight wielded by a character. And I'm sure their budget was very small, because at one point, while our two lesbian leads (the movie is very loosely based on the Sheridan Le Fanu classic "Carmilla") are driving their jeep down a dirt road, the car is obviously being pushed, because I don't think cars can drive that slowly. I suppose the slowspeed chase made it possible for a cameraman to walk alongside for a better view of the "erotic" shenanigans.
Personally, I think the movie is a steaming, festering pile of dog feces, but my hubby thinks it's the funniest thing he's ever seen. His rationale is that any movie which incorporates Doom and Ren & Stimpy sound effects during a zombie battle is hilarious. Plus, chainsaw sound effects affixed to a hedge trimmer (with the safety on) being used to eviscerate zombie school girls is the stuff of dreams.
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Well, howzat for awesome!,
By
This review is from: Vampires Vs. Zombies (DVD)
I'm writing this while watching the movie. And really, I'm not missing a whole lot.
The movie starts with a young woman asleep. She begins to writhe and squirm, and then a womans seductively goes between her legs. And bares her TEETH. Wow. She bolts awake. Her dad is driving somewhere, and turns to her to and says 'Whats wrong? Nightmare?' and she goes 'THE nightmare again'. Then, they hit a zombie on the road. Yea, 'what?' indeed. In the first ten minutes you'll understand whats going to happen throughout, and things only get more awesome-er-ish. There are many things to point out, that are worth your time: First, is the plot. What would happen if people became infected with zombie viruses, and vampires were... also there? Look no further. Second, the General. Who even thought this guy up? I will strive my whole life to be even half as cool as the General. From my favorite line (said with a laugh) "All right... Zombie [...]" Also, they call becoming a vampire "The Bite". How original, and.... obvious! So, this father-daughter (travis and jenna) team go on a magical journey to survive. When they meet a mysterious stranger, they agree to add one to their party, the 'daughter' of Camilla. Camilla is something more than she seems, and carries a strange power (or something). THE BITE!!!! Until, we meet the General! This grizzly old guy is the baddest bad [...] that ever ball kicked. He calls Travis frequently, and they conspire to find Carmilla and her vampire [...] squad. They meet a zombie, driving along merrily. They kill him, take his jeep and split up. The two girls head out together. The girl they've picked up starts getting it on with jenna. Lesbians AND zombies?! Yea, and she even goes 'I have my period' suddenly and for no reason. And the other girl tells jenna 'go over there or do it here, I don't care'. Yep. Then: FLASHBACK! Oh, and can I remind you: No zombies have fought any vampires yet. At all. Afterwards, they find a zombie... with a stake in his chest. They Continue onward, till they reach... A fully populated cuty, complete with traffic. Inside a convent, they get attacked by killer zombie schoolgirls. And a vampire school girl, who has ren and stimpy sound effects. The Colonel punches girls whenever he wants, and even trys to kill Travis. And... then his daughter gives him The Bite. After a ten minute stand off, Jenna saves him using TAPE. Yes, you stand corrected, tape can do anything. Including kill Vampires. The ending is great. True style. Trust me. Overall, this movie got a middle of the road rating, 3.5 (if only) because of it's quality. But the Colonel bumped it to a 4. The story makes up for the other stuff. But here it is: Picture sucks. After school special at best. Also, the lighting is terrible. Some of the shots are day when they are supposed to be night, and they only use a dark filter to create this effect. And as for visual effects, there are NONE. Blood looks like chicken blood, or tobacco chew. Sound was terribly muddy, and the effects [...] Some of them are actually from DOOM. The game. For Windows 3.5... Special features are nearly non existent. First up is 'Heads are gonna roll', nearly the best part of the disc. Almost as little talent acting and the same amount of story. I don't even know why this was made, unless it was a Tarantino thing. Then it would be world famous and people would say 'it changed my life'. Despite it being pointless. The rest of the features include dual audio tracks, trailers, and scene selection. I would love to hear directors commentary, especially after reading someones note that this film took six months to PLAN. As though you'd ever be able to tell. Final Thought: Notice how there's still no vampires FIGHTING zombies? You wouldn't be able to notice. Nor would you care.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
5 stars for comedic value, 0 for actual horror,
By
This review is from: Vampires vs. Zombies (DVD)
I feel honored to be the first to review this "masterpiece" of horror that pits vampires vs zombies. To sum it up, the movie is one of the most hilarious things you will ever witness. The zombies getting run over, the "General", the fact that vampires have no real special abilities, the 10 mph speed limit imposed on all vehicles in the movie, and that fact that ***spoiler*** zombies and vampires never battle each other add up to a memorable evening of laughs.
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