Customer Reviews

Vampires vs. Zombies

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(11)

 

 

Vampires Vs Zombies has a very misleading title. First of all, no vampires fight zombies in the movie. Well, there's one point where perhaps that is what is happening, but it's not very clear. The only clear thing about this movie is the fact that it is a total piece of crap. Seriously, your average shoestring budget porno has better production values. At a few points in the film, the only lighting is that of a flashlight wielded by a character. And I'm sure their budget was very small, because at one point, while our two lesbian leads (the movie is very loosely based on the Sheridan Le Fanu classic "Carmilla") are driving their jeep down a dirt road, the car is obviously being pushed, because I don't think cars can drive that slowly. I suppose the slowspeed chase made it possible for a cameraman to walk alongside for a better view of the "erotic" shenanigans.

Personally, I think the movie is a steaming, festering pile of dog feces, but my hubby thinks it's the funniest thing he's ever seen. His rationale is that any movie which incorporates Doom and Ren & Stimpy sound effects during a zombie battle is hilarious. Plus, chainsaw sound effects affixed to a hedge trimmer (with the safety on) being used to eviscerate zombie school girls is the stuff of dreams.

I'm writing this while watching the movie. And really, I'm not missing a whole lot.

The movie starts with a young woman asleep. She begins to writhe and squirm, and then a womans seductively goes between her legs. And bares her TEETH. Wow. She bolts awake. Her dad is driving somewhere, and turns to her to and says 'Whats wrong? Nightmare?' and she goes 'THE nightmare again'. Then, they hit a zombie on the road. Yea, 'what?' indeed.

In the first ten minutes you'll understand whats going to happen throughout, and things only get more awesome-er-ish.

There are many things to point out, that are worth your time: First, is the plot. What would happen if people became infected with zombie viruses, and vampires were... also there? Look no further. Second, the General. Who even thought this guy up? I will strive my whole life to be even half as cool as the General. From my favorite line (said with a laugh) "All right... Zombie [...]" Also, they call becoming a vampire "The Bite". How original, and.... obvious!

So, this father-daughter (travis and jenna) team go on a magical journey to survive. When they meet a mysterious stranger, they agree to add one to their party, the 'daughter' of Camilla. Camilla is something more than she seems, and carries a strange power (or something). THE BITE!!!! Until, we meet the General! This grizzly old guy is the baddest bad [...] that ever ball kicked. He calls Travis frequently, and they conspire to find Carmilla and her vampire [...] squad. They meet a zombie, driving along merrily. They kill him, take his jeep and split up. The two girls head out together. The girl they've picked up starts getting it on with jenna. Lesbians AND zombies?! Yea, and she even goes 'I have my period' suddenly and for no reason. And the other girl tells jenna 'go over there or do it here, I don't care'. Yep.
Then: FLASHBACK!

Oh, and can I remind you: No zombies have fought any vampires yet. At all. Afterwards, they find a zombie... with a stake in his chest. They Continue onward, till they reach... A fully populated cuty, complete with traffic. Inside a convent, they get attacked by killer zombie schoolgirls. And a vampire school girl, who has ren and stimpy sound effects. The Colonel punches girls whenever he wants, and even trys to kill Travis. And... then his daughter gives him The Bite. After a ten minute stand off, Jenna saves him using TAPE. Yes, you stand corrected, tape can do anything. Including kill Vampires. The ending is great. True style. Trust me.

Overall, this movie got a middle of the road rating, 3.5 (if only) because of it's quality. But the Colonel bumped it to a 4. The story makes up for the other stuff. But here it
is:
Picture sucks. After school special at best. Also, the lighting is terrible. Some of the shots are day when they are supposed to be night, and they only use a dark filter to create this effect. And as for visual effects, there are NONE. Blood looks like chicken blood, or tobacco chew.
Sound was terribly muddy, and the effects [...] Some of them are actually from DOOM. The game. For Windows 3.5...

Special features are nearly non existent.

First up is 'Heads are gonna roll', nearly the best part of the disc. Almost as little talent acting and the same amount of story. I don't even know why this was made, unless it was a Tarantino thing. Then it would be world famous and people would say 'it changed my life'. Despite it being pointless.

The rest of the features include dual audio tracks, trailers, and scene selection. I would love to hear directors commentary, especially after reading someones note that this film took six months to PLAN. As though you'd ever be able to tell.

Final Thought: Notice how there's still no vampires FIGHTING zombies? You wouldn't be able to notice. Nor would you care.

I feel honored to be the first to review this "masterpiece" of horror that pits vampires vs zombies. To sum it up, the movie is one of the most hilarious things you will ever witness. The zombies getting run over, the "General", the fact that vampires have no real special abilities, the 10 mph speed limit imposed on all vehicles in the movie, and that fact that ***spoiler*** zombies and vampires never battle each other add up to a memorable evening of laughs.

This is a sadly misunderstood film because everyone is taking it too literally; it is actually a powerful and deliberate statement about postmodernism. A critic might say, "Why does a movie called 'Vampires Vs. Zombies' have no fighting between vampires and zombies?" The decision to use this title is a brave indictment of marketing and how it affects our preconceptions; it proves the postmodnernist thought that everything is relative to one's viewpoint. It is not well known, but auteur Vince D'Amato originally considered the title "Lesbian Vampire Boogaloo" but eventually settled on its current title to emphasize his point. And speaking of lesbianism, the film is also a bold statement about relative sexuality, since every last woman in this movie is a lesbian. Critics say the cars are driving at 5 kph (it was filmed in Canada) due to a limited budget and filming locations, however, this was a deliberate choice to show the relative passage of time and distance according to one's perception. The incomprehensible flashbacks are an ingenious way of showing the fickleness of human memory, and the ambiguousness in the mental hospital scenes is a shining example of the distrust we should exercise over our own senses. The existence and under-utilization of the few zombies in the movie with no explanation at all or even surprise by the characters is a striking portrait of how events outside our control--even events as large as a zombie apocalypse--are beyond meaningful comprehension. I could try to explain more of the meanings behind the interactions of the main characters, but there is none--and that is the point! For instance, when the father of the converted lesbian vampire has a wooden stake through his shoulder and is soaked in blood, she calmly asks, "Is everything all right?" I was simply blown away by the postmodern implications of this statement. You'll just have to see this movie for yourself.

With such a philosophically challenging film I can see how its greatness has yet to be recognized. I believe that within a few years this will be hailed as the first great postmodern horror flick. But that's just my viewpoint.

This is the worst movie I have ever seen. Everything about it is horrible - acting, editing, plot, special effects (if you could even call them that), etc etc.

Because of that, however, it's become a favorite with my group of friends. I've shown it to just about everyone I know and we all find it hilarious, so I'm buying it for one of my friends as a birthday present. I don't know. I suppose it has it's own special place in our heart in a "so-bad-it's-good" kind of way.

Have you ever seen a softcore porn movie with no softcore porn? Well then, you haven't seen Vampires vs. Zombies. This is the second worst movie I have ever seen, (Troll II being the worst). This must have been filmed in somebody's back yard. If you enjoy zombie movies, do not bother with this. If you enjoy vampire movies, please stay away. The only thing keeping this from being the worst movie ever is that fact that there is a little bit of comic self-awareness. And, I hesitate to mention this, because it will lead to some hard-up teenager renting this movie, but there are a couple of topless shots included. The director was not a complete dunce, which is why this is second only to Troll II as the worst movie of all time. There isn't even a scene in which vampires fight zombies!

this movie is worth seeing for 1 man... the general.... seriously, the general rules, his noncholance dispaching vampires is awsome & check out the groovey cowboy hat....
the storys got zombies all over,there shown similar to hobo's - with vampires like smack addicts, dangerous but in the shadows...

see it for the general, ges like a stocky willie nelson killing vampires

First off, this movie was so ridiculously bad, that it's the best movie I have ever seen. One of my favorite features is that half of the movie is shot at an old gas station that is decorated to be something. The good old punching sound effects come up whenever a zombie is hit by a car (which, in this movie, everytime a zombie pops up, it gets hit by a car). I love this movie, and would recommend this to anybody with a sense of humor.

I am not going to say much about this movie, that hasn't already been stated in this forum. This movie "sucks" in plain English. I wanted to watch this movie to witness Vampires fight Zombies. Consequently, Vampires and Zombies battling never transpired in this film, if you choose to call this rubbish a film. Therefore, I am a bit disconsolate that I was misdirected by the alluring title of this movie. I feel like it lied to me, like some women I have dated. The type of woman who presents herself in one manner and really is the complete opposite, well that is Vampires and Zombies in a nutshell.

There were a couple of cute girls in this movie, but if I wanted to observe a movie with cute girls I would have shopped other genres of cinema. If you want to watch a movie and feel robbed after you view it, see "City of Angels". Why, because the movie doesn't hid the fact that it sucks, so there are no surprises.

Please take a look at the DVD cover of "Vampires vs. Zombies," and you will notice that two scary creatures are facing each other like "Alien vs. Predator." Probably someone thought of renaming this cheap zombie flick, trying to cash in on "AVP" which is not a great film, but at least honest about its content. In this ultra-low budget "Vampires vs. Zombies" you see no battle between zombies and vampires. All you see is two guys, old and middle-aged, and three or four ladies (some with false teeth), all driving cars somewhere in the woods or roaming in the poorly-lighted building, not knowing what to do, saying whatever nonsense you don't care.

Frankly I don't know what I should write about its thin story. A young woman and her daddy are traveling in a car. The radio is talking about some terrible, very terrible news like outbreak of `zombie disease' or something, and suddenly a weird-looking guy appears before their car, and BOOM! They hit the guy, whose head is rolling on the ground, but hey, it's OK because that's only a zombie! Am I supposed to be scared?

After that they pick up a girl named Carmilla, who turns out a vampire. And there is some old guy called `The General,' George C Scott look-alike who is looking for Carmilla. That far I could understand, but the rest of the story is so muddled and confusing that I started to lose interest in whatever they say or do, except some brief nudity and chopping off the heads. And they are not much fun.

The film's opening credits include the name of the 19the century Irish writer Sheridan Le Fanu, and the film claims that his classic vampire story `Carmilla' is the basis of the film. OK, to be fair, the filmmakers seem to have read the original. It is certain there are some scenes or elements in story that faintly resemble this well-known story - female traveler leaving her `daughter' behind, etc. - but my impression is just this: "So what?" Probably yours will be the same.

Everything in this `film' is amateurish - editing, acting and lighting, everything. Brinke Stevens appears twice as someone whispering something to the daughter, or someone who is supposed to be mysterious, but her roles in the story just don't make sense, and neither do most part of the film.

In short, don't waste your time just like I did