Customer Reviews

Vanilla Ride (Vintage Crime/Black Lizard)

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Reading one of Joe R. Lansdale's Hap and Leonard East Texas crime novels always brings tears to my eyes. I'm not crying. I'm laughing so hard that I'm near busting a gut. He's just that funny, that rednecked, and that insanely offensive in everything he puts on the page.

VANILLA RIDE is the first Hap and Leonard novel that's come down the pipe in a while, and I have to admit that I was somewhat antsy we might not see any more books about the two near-do-wells that have so captured my imagination. Joe's a busy guy and likes to have a lot of irons in the fire, from screenplays to comics to short stories to novels about crime and novels about horror. In the meantime, he runs his own martial arts dojo where he's invented his own style that's been recognized in the martial arts community.

Joe's a friend, and I like him and his way of thinking a lot, so you'll have to forgive me. We grew up around (and probably were) the same kind of miscreants, troublemakers, and rabble-rousers that he writes about. We both know small town minds and ways, and both of us can pass for socialized individuals for hours at a time. But we ain't never truly moved away from those small towns.

At any rate, that's the background that Joe always brings to his book. The way he writes it? That's the way it is. Oh, the running gun battles, bar brawls, and body count is probably exaggerated a little, but that's to be expected of a first-rate small town storyteller if he's to keep the attention of his audience.

VANILLA RIDE starts off as a favor for Marvin Hanson, another series regular. Hanson's granddaughter has holed up with a drug dealer and Marvin already threw the guy a beating that didn't take. Since the guy has surrounded himself with thugs, Marvin knows he's going to subcontract the next butt-kicking to a couple of guys that kind of enjoy the work and don't flinch at the prospect.

Hap and Leonard, with all the customary name-calling, philosophizing, and backbiting that has become their trademark, get the job done. But things just get worse from there. Before long, they're up to their eyebrows in alligators (literally at one point) and the Dixie Mafia. Things get so bad they even have to call in another couple of hard guys to help tote the load.

The plot is pretty straightforward and builds naturally to a roaring bonfire and even an Old West High Noon shootout, but it's Joe's way of telling the story that really shines. His prose is lurid, descriptive, and a lot of readers are going to have to resist the impulse to read passages or one-liners out loud because it just won't set well in public. And sometimes you have to really be there in the moment to get what's going on.

His dialogue is dead on. But it's his focus on the friendship between his two heroes that really shines, as it does in every book. Leonard Pine is black and homosexual, and always in the middle of trouble that's caught up to him or he's instigated. Hap Collins is white and not overly upwardly mobile or even ambitious. But the two are as true to each other and what they believe in, even when they're stepping on each other's toes, as magnetic north.

On the surface, VANILLA RIDE is a lightweight action read with a lot of humorous overtones and larger-than-life characters. But Lansdale always piles in a lot of commentary about life and the human race that climbs in under the carpet when nobody's looking. I just wish I'd gotten to meet the enigmatic Vanilla Ride longer. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be getting reacquainted with her soon. I just have to hope she doesn't blow holes in Hap and Leonard.

I've read all of Joe Lansdale's novels, and this one might be the most fun yet. Hap and Leonard are back and in a boatload of trouble (just the way we like 'em), and it's the getting into and then out of that trouble that provides the core of the book -- that and the relationships between the two and their assorted friends and foes. Tonto is a great new addition, as is the title character, and they're filled with the rich character touches we've come to expect from Lansdale. The action is non-stop, but the book still manages to be thoughtful and introspective. The final paragraph is a textbook study in the way to effectively end a novel, and wraps a fist tight around your heart. Lansdale just keeps getting better -- reading him is to remember why you started reading books in the first place and why you still love to now. Write on, Joe!

Okay, this is probably going to be a long review, so bear with me. First of all, I have a lot of things here to say about Joe R. Lansdale. I've said many of these things before in other book reviews, but I'm going to repeat them because I want you to know whom Joe Lansdale is, and I want you to buy and read his books. This author deserves to be on every bestseller list there is in the county, but so far it's only the Italians who have chosen to recognize him first as a great American writers. Shame on us!

I first became acquainted with the horror fiction of Joe Lansdale back during the late eighties and early nineties. It wasn't until the year 2000, however, that I actually read something by him. The book was The Bottoms, and it blew me right out of my little white cotton bobby socks. The Bottoms is probably one the best novels I'd ever read and I eventually wrote a review on it, stating that this book deserved to have been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize. I felt that way then, and I feel that way now. A few months later, author John Connolly (creator of the fabulous "Charlie Parker" series) paid me a visit when he was in Las Vegas to promote his newest novel. He was looking at the books on my shelves and saw The Bottoms. He picked it up and said, "This is a great book." He then asked if I'd ever read any of Joe's Hap Collins/Leonard Pine novels. I told him no, and he ordered me to get a few, saying they would have me laughing my butt off, while delivering a solid story of suspense and redneck violence.

I took John's advice and ordered every Hap/Leonard book that Lansdale had written up to that point and started reading the series from the middle outward, beginning with Bad Chili. The first chapter of that book had me laughing so hard that I got stomach cramps and almost fell off the couch. The novel also made me wonder how someone could write a book like The Bottoms and then turn around and write a novel like Bad Chili, which is about a pair of good ol' Texas boys (think Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson), who always get more than they bargained for whenever they help out their friends. Hap is a white laid-back, former Vietnam activist who served some time in prison for his liberal beliefs, while Leonard is an angry, black, gay Vietnam Vet, who's studied the martial arts and wants to right every wrong he comes across. By the end of Bad Chili, I was in love with these two characters and wanted to read every book in the series, which I did in less than two weeks. I then wrote reviews of all the Hap/Leonard novels, trying to let as many people as possible know about this one-of-a-kind series. When you read something that's downright great, you want to share it with everyone in the world. I was also lucky because the newest Hap/Leonard novel, Captains Outrageous, was due to come out a few months later in hardcover. This was in 2001.

I've been waiting eight long years for the next Hap/Leonard book to arrive at the stands and during this time Joe Lansdale has written some of the best literature that's come out of the state of Texas--A Fine Dark Line and Sunset and Sawdust--along with a number of western novels, some fantasy, a ton of short story collections, and a number of mainstream thriller novels such as Lost Echoes and Leather Maidens. This is an author who can write in any genre he chooses and do it like a true master of the written word.

Now, what about the newest Hap Collins and Leonard Pine novel, Vanilla Ride? Was it worth the eight-year wait? Yes, it was! I personally think it's the best Hap/Leonard novel that Joe has written. This was a book I couldn't put down. It had me laughing out loud in a dozen places, not to mention wanting to hide out when characters like the Big Guy came onto the scene. I couldn't have asked for a truer Hap/Leonard tale than Vanilla Ride to make up for all the lost years away from the boys. It made me want to sit down and have some vanilla wafers and a couple of Dr. Peppers with them, and to talk about those years and what had been happening with them.

Vanilla Ride begins when Leonard and ex-homicide detective, Marvin Hanson, show up at Hap's house. Hap is in the middle of having some fun with his buxom, redheaded girlfriend, Brett, and has to quickly slip into his bathrobe and bunny slippers to let his buddies into the house. It seems that Marvin's granddaughter has taken up with the wrong, drug-dealing crowd, and Marvin would like Hap and Leonard's assistance in getting her back. Being that Marvin's an ex-cop and still wounded from a recent injury, there's little he can do to help in the process, other than to offer his good blessings. That's enough for Hap and Leonard. After being stagnant for several months, they're ready for a little action and getting the granddaughter out of the hands of some drug-dealing trailer trash doesn't sound too difficult. And, it isn't. Hap and Leonard kick butt and take names, flushing all the drugs they find down the toilet, and in the process, rescuing Marvin's granddaughter. That, however, isn't the end of it.

What Hap and Leonard soon discover is that the small operation belonged to the Dixie Mafia, and the big, mean, guys at the top don't like their people being messed with by a couple of red-neck cowboys. They send their C and B list of enforcers to take care of Hap and Leonard, but a lot of people end up dead and it isn't our two wayward heroes. That's when the two, wisecracking Texans are offered a deal by the local police and the F.B.I. to help bring down the Dixie Mafia. Of course, Hap and Leonard can't expect any help from the authorities, but if they want to stay out of jail for killing the bad guys, then they need to take the offer and to run with it as fast as they can. This will lead them to having to face some of the meanest and most violent criminals of their career, especially one man named Big Guy, who scared the dickens out of me. And, if these guys can't handle Hap and Leonard, well, there's the ultimate killing machine, Vanilla Ride, who always completes her contracts to the Mob. No one has ever gotten away from her alive, but then again, this is Hap and Leonard, and she's never encountered anything like these two wisecracking guys who don't seem to take anything too seriously, even their lives. Still, both men may have met their match with the Dixie Mafia and Vanilla Ride.

As I mentioned to someone else a couple of days ago, reading Vanilla Ride was more fun than rolling down a hill with a bunch of armadillos. I started laughing the minute Leonard noticed his friend's bunny slippers and started making sarcastic remarks about them. This is pure Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson banter, and nobody could play Hap and Leonard better than these two actors.

With regards to the book and the series, perhaps nobody can better capture the southeast portion of Texas better than Joe R. Lansdale with its continuous energy, its people, the utter sense of melancholy that seems to permeate the poorer sections of the state, the pride that Texans feel at being native Texans, and the rampant sense of richness and complexity that arises in each story, not the mention the inner essence of redneck banter that is as true to the ear as any dialogue written by an author. Joe throws two fabulous characters right in the middle of all of this, allowing the reader a glimpse into a world of laughter and killing that only a Texan would understand. Joe shows us what true friendship means by accepting someone and all of their strengths and weaknesses into your life, protecting their back as they protect yours.

Joe R. Lansdale is the Edgar Rice Burroughs and Louis L'Amore of the 21st Century in his ability to tell a good yarn that stays with you long after the story has ended. Joe knows the meaning of entertaining his readers and never forgets that one very important fact when offering insights that deal with racism, homosexuality, the government with all of its false promises, and a friendship that outshines everything else. The Hap/Leonard series is some of the best writing in America today, and after reading a couple of their books, you too will want to sit down with them for some vanilla wafers and Dr. Pepper. But pray that you don't hog the cookies and soda because Leonard will quickly put you in your place while Hap sits there with a big grin on his face, thinking about Brett and the night ahead. Highly recommended to those readers with an unusual sense of the world and an oddball sense of humor.

I am a long-time fan of Joe R. Lansdale as well as Hap & Leonard. "Mucho Mojo" is one of my favorite books: A tightly-written thriller that has a great plot, laugh-out-loud humour and truly dark moments. Two-Bear Mambo and Bad Chilli make up the rest of my top three for much the same reasons.

However, to me Rumble Tumble marked a downturn in the series (or perhaps a step back to the simpler style of Savage Season). The plot seemed like an excuse to show as much strangely nihilistic violence as possible. Captain's Outrageous suffered from the same problems - Hap and Leonard even seemed nastier than before, their humor more cruel (for example, the scene in the Mexican jail cell with the millionaire's son.) I don't think I'd ever hate a Hap & Leonard book, but I was far from loving them.

Vanilla Ride arrives after eight long years and features a dedication to Hap & Leonard fans. I hoped this would mean a return to what I consider the better days, but the problems I mentioned are still around. Any mystery elements seem forgotten in the whirlwind of violence as our boys take on half of Dixie Mafia. I don't know if it's character development, but Hap now seems ready to kill at the drop of a hat. I liked it better when he had to struggle with his conscience.

On the bright side, it's always nice to see Marvin Hanson and Jim Bob, and the back-and-forth between the characters is still a joy. And even if the fights are laid on a bit thick, they are intensely written. On the whole, the book feels fresher than the two previous efforts.

Mr. Lansdale's recent work shows that he can still write a great mystery plot. I hope he will save one of them for the next Hap & Leonard book, because no matter what, I will always have a soft spot for East Texas' finest.

Best friends and freelance troublemakers, Hap Collins and Leonard Pine, help an old friend in rescuing his daughter from an abusive drug dealer, and wind up getting mixed up with the Dixie Mafia.
This was my first Hap and Leonard novel and I loved it. Loved the interesting characters. Loved the witty dialogue. Loved the no-nonsense writing style that just made the time fly by. This highly entertaining novel puts Lansdale on my must read list.

I have been reading the Hap and Leonard novels for about 15 years now and although Joe Lansdale hasn't written many books featuring these characters, the ones he has written have been excellent. Both characters are amongst the most down to earth and interesting people in crime fiction.

This novel is a bit ordinary, unfortunately. The main point of the books is the friendship and insights of Hap and Leonard, two small town men who couldn't be more different but nevertheless are the best of friends. The highlights of each book are when the two of them are either telling jokes or stories to each other, these are the times when the reader gets to learn something about human nature and gets a good laugh as well.

Now in this book, the action commences so quickly, the interaction between the two characters feels a bit rushed and it is almost as if the author decided to start the adventure and have plenty of shooting and violence without wanting to play to his strengths in having human interactions. Everything just felt a bit convoluted and contrived for my liking.

The whole novel just felt like the usual good guys get into trouble, get followed and get into a big firefight with the bad guys. The baddies die and the goodies walk off into the sunset.

Now Joe Lansdale is an excellent story-teller and his ordinary work is better than most writers best work but in this novel, he didn't come off as well as I would have hoped.

At long, long last, East Texas' finest - Hap Collins and Leonard Pine are back. Hap is a white trash, good ol' boy, with an eye for the ladies, but a penchant for bunny slippers; Leonard is a black, gay, martial arts expert and Vietnam veteran. Together they've been through many years of dead end jobs, romantic troubles, fights, fun and friendship. In this outing, they agree to help an old friend, whose granddaughter is living with a local, small-time drug-dealer. A little skirmish later and our heroes have rescued the girl. Job done. Unfortunately, the drug dealer is tied to the Dixie Mafia - a rather scary bunch of guys with a seemingly never-ending array of assassins, all of whom now seem to be after Hap and Leonard. A great mix of viloence, thrills, humour, and added philosophy from Hap. This is one of my very favourite series, and Joe Lansdale is a truly brilliant writer, and a wonderful storyteller. As I wrote those first lines out for this summary, I wanted to get the book off the shelf and read it all over again. Love it, love it, love it.

So far I've never seen a book by Lansdale I didn't like or thought it wasn't quality in a holistic sense. Other writers have at least a bad book or two, but not Lansdale. He hits a home run on every one of his stories and does them with so much style, even the best novelists in the industry have to sit up and take notice.

As part of his Hap and Leonard series, Vanilla Ride does an awesome job being a stand-alone crime/caper novel. You don't need to know what happens before this book and you don't need to read the synopsis even, the staccato-like yet flowing dialogue with the sparse yet flavorful narratives gives you all you need to know about Hap and Leonard, the rather odd and sleek duo of the series. You don't need to dig in much to know about Hap's seemingly frivolous relationship with Brett, his sexy girlfriend, who happens to be as kick-ass as both of them, or Leonard's queer inclinations (for those who aren't into that speak, it means gay tendencies), you can pick out much of it as the book flows along at a pace resembling a freight train's.

You can certainly read the previous books to know how much humorous violence and teasing sarcasm these Hap and Leonard books contain, but even Vanilla Ride has that covered to a T. To describe the way Hap and Leonard efficiently and effectively decimates a group of drug dealing hippies in this book as offensively violent would perhaps be an understatement. Leonard slams a guy's tender face into a plastered wall so many times, the guy's teeth even remains lodged in it.

And Joe describes the wonderful carnage in a straightforward, take-no-prisoners style that, in many crime readers' eyes, could be categorized as noir, very direct noir and with just the same subtlety of a poultry farmer chopping apart a pig with a tree axe. The result isn't pretty but you will feel exhilarated by the ride Joe brings you through this sublime crime story.

And how he brings you through it is an art in itself. The plot isn't as complex as his previous novels, A Fine Dark Line and The Bottoms, and it starts off with Hap and Leonard as they try (trying for them means very much like succeeding with flying colors) to get back the daughter of one of their old friends, the drug-influenced, scrubby looking girl named Gadget, who doesn't like it at all when she's taken away from her sole supplier of drug-induced pleasure, but the underlying nuance and hilarity of the characters underlines it all. Which is why the book reads like one of those crime pulps, the pleasure feels guilty reading Vanilla Ride.

A suspenseful plethora of turns and twists happen but the truly climatic one comes when the real star of the book finally appears, Vanilla Ride, an atypical blond and sultry assassin with homicidal skills to easily match the guys'. And it leads to an interesting plot point that I myself didn't even see coming.

Reading this superbly written gem feels like plunging down a steep plume with your throat somewhere up in your head. Versatile storytellers like Lansdale are as rare as exotic blood diamonds.

I won't mince words about it - I like the vast majority of Lansdale's works. I like his gallows humor and ability to unflinchingly write about subjects that aren't particularly pleasant.

But I particularly like his two seminal characters Hap Collins and Leonard Pine. I first read of their exploits in 'Mucho Mojo' back about ten years ago and have since read everything else I could about the two of them (including the excellent collaboration with Andrew Vachss, "Veil's Visit" - [...]; the character "Veil" gets referenced in 'Vanilla Ride' very briefly, so it wouldn't hurt to know who he was).
I very much prefer the books in which Hap and Leonard kick the ass and take the names (unlike 'Two Bear Mambo,' which is easily my least favorite of their exploits), and in this regard 'Vanilla Ride' is superb. I will say that the violence in the book does seem to spiral a little out of control at times, but Lansdale's entertaining prose more than makes up for any odd points in the story.

While I wouldn't recommend this as a starting point for new readers to the Hap and Leonard books, it is a fantastic read nonetheless.

I've read a few books this year (14 and counting so far), but this is the book that I had the most fun reading.

It felt good to have Hap and Leonard back. Lansdale's non-Hap and Leonard books are good, but there is something special about these characters. Vanilla Ride ranks up there with my favorite Hap and Leonard books, the one-two punch of Mucho Mojo and Two Bear Mombo.

Fantastic read. I'm glad the boys are back.