on July 3, 2012
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:)
on May 11, 2012
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.
(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)
on September 11, 2012
For years i had wondered what little Jim (because you go there for a work out) would look like with a new and stylish hair cut. Stephan, my hair dresser, has always recommended that I get my eye brows waxed as he claims it would open up my eyes and remove 10 to 15 pounds of hair from my brow, easing strain on my neck and preventing scratching my corneas prematurely.
So i thought, why stop at the eye brows. Surely Jim deserves a new lease on life as well. I mean, he gets very hot in there and begins to smell like a giants sock that got left in the corner of the bathroom for two weeks following playing in a mud puddle.
As any male would do, I paid off reading the label. If i didn't read them when replacing the brakes on my grandmas 1992 Pintara, I certainly wouldn't for this. Setting myself up for success, I attempted this after enjoying six scotches (to numb the pain) and lowered myself into a dry bath with the plan of banging on the water when the time was up to scrub away what resembled tom seleck wearing an oversized spider on his head. I imagined the warm water rushing over the smooth as eggs marbles and a deceptively bigger looking Jim. Jim would frolic in the water while I lavished attention on him, and we would be the happier for it.
Needless to say, 30 mins later i woke up to a piercing scream that sounded somewhere between Alanis Morrisette singing opera and a baboon that just ate its own turd for the first time. It took me a few minutes to realise that this sound was emitting from my own throat. Jim now resembled a midget in a bright red swim suit cowering in fear in the corner of a room, sitting on an equally bright red bean bag.
It has now been 2 weeks. The medicated hand lotion that I rub into the team hourly has eased most of the pain. Pants are now able to be worn when moving around without Jim causing my brain to implode, and he is now able to be handled without the use of a soft felt cloth, cotton balls and a lot of TLC.
All in all, I would recommend the experience to all. It now looks like two slightly sunburnt looking "`Mini-me's" hanging below a more resourceful, more dynamic, more capable and certainly a well groomed Jim. Of a side note, both my parents and the treating doctors at the emergency ward commented on how smooth and well groomed the package looks. It's a shame the rest of my body still looks like the wolf man having sex with a Yeti.
on April 26, 2014
Veet and other Amazon reviewers warned me not to put this product on certain ... sensitive areas of my body. I decided years ago that I never want children of my own, so I ignored these warnings.
Lo, though I soon learned that the prophets which spake of Hell fire verily spake truth!
Within 5 seconds of applying the product to these forbidden regions I felt an increasingly intense burning sensation. Choosing to see this as a challenge to my masculinity I laughed to myself and proceeded to wait for the remainder of the 4 minutes. Sweat was beginning to form on my forehead, but it was finally time to use the little, plastic scrapper thing to rid myself of those cursed hairs.
First swipe with the scrapper - my mouth surely dropped open in horror at the pain. I clearly remember looking down to ensure that only hair was removed and not skin!
Second swipe - random expletives and nervous laughter.
Third swipe - whimpering. Seriously.
Then I got the bright idea of watering down the Veet before continuing with the hair scrapping. I hoped for merciful, healing waters. Instead, the fiery lake of Beelzebub descended upon my flesh!
Realizing then that water was only going to re-activate the now partially dried up Veet, I hurried scrapped off more and more hair. Hobbling to my shower I decided that i would instead wash the Veet and my hair off as fast as I could.
After 15 minutes of washing myself in the shower over and over the pain had greatly subsided. It was finally over! Happily drying myself I remember laughing and thinking "I must have a really high pain tolerance", once more confident in my masculinity.
Then, to my horror I realized that not only was the pain gone, but that I no longer felt hardly any thing down there! Like a deer staring at headlights I stared downwards while my mind screamed "... did they die?!!"
Lotion - I hastily found my savior and baptized myself with its cool, soothing relief. Ever so slight burning sensation ... mild burning ... very hot burning ... suddenly I felt the pain of a thousand paper-cuts exposed to jalepeno peppers!
Sprinting to my nearby box fan I stood there shaking, hoping for salvation. The cool air changed nothing. I ignored the warnings of the prophets and there would be no mercy for me! For the next 20 or so minutes I paced back and forth desperately waiting for the punishment of my transgression to cease.
Oddly, the pain did cease and quite suddenly. I think that numbness has set in, like when you eat waaay too many hot peppers. Maybe my skin just died. Either way, my trials and tribulations are over, so I am truly joyous!
Heed the words of warning inscribed on the Veet bottle - spare yourself the flames.
on June 4, 2014
So, there I was, thinking that I would never need to remove hair from anywhere on my person. One day my wife tells me that I need some manscaping, whatever that is. Well, she starts plucking eyebrows, nosehair etc.. Calls me a baby the whole time, but that stuff hurts, so whatever. I thought to myself "how bad could it be?". I stripped down in the bathroom, took one of my wifes hand held mirrors, put that bad boy below and I was shocked to see what looked like a 90 year old, one eyed salty pirate looking back at me. I decided that before my wedding tackle gets plucked one by one, I'll head it off at the pass, which brought me here, looking up hair removal products.
A few things you will need for this, all of which can be found here on Amazon:
1: Glad 2 ply bags, or an old pair of fishing waders and scissors.
2: A roll of duct tape, or gorilla tape.
3: Rubber Gloves
4: A roll of crime scene tape
5: Multiple Ice Packs
6: Pain Killers (not optional)
7: Veet for men hair removal gel creme
Take the glad 2 ply bag and cut 3 holes in it, one for each leg and the third right smack dab in the middle. If you are using fishing waders, you just have to cut one hole.
Take the roll of duct tape and apply liberally arount the bottoms of the holes, making what looks like a large black diaper on a 300 lbs man. You can also use the duct tape to apply the crime scene area tape accross the bathroom door, or wherever you decide to do this. You don't want people walking in on this process, trust me.
Put the ice packs on the side for later use.
Take as many pain killers as possible before and after.
Put on the rubber gloves and apply on all areas uncovered by the diaper.
I don't remember using the ice packs, but if you make it longer than I did, they may be helpful.
If this goes anything like mine did, you shouldn't need anymore manscaping. It was 753.43 for the ambulance ride and about 2310.00 for the ER and a 1 night stay in the psych ward. I tried to explain to them what I was doing, but the EMS folks described the scene to the doctors and that's where things wen't downhill.
Anyway, I no longer have that same Pirate looking back at me, just a nice wrinkled old Mr. Clean. 5 star product.
on October 14, 2014
This stuff works great. Although some of the reviews are quite humorous, I am writing this to give you a few tips to make it go smoothy.
Shower first with a soap that will remove all the oil from the hair. I use dish detergent. Dry completely. The cream works on dry oil free hair. If it is not clean and dry the cream does not remove the hair instead it eats your skin and you get the reviews posted here.
Second stand near a mirror so you can see what you are doing and use a liberal amount of creme on any and all hair you wish to remove. By liberal I mean cover the hair in cream you shouldn't see the hair or the skin.
Wash your hands and any areas you may have gotten cream that you shouldn't have. The head or your penis is a place you shouldn't put the cream. Shaft and balls should be okay.
Use the plastic tool which comes with the product to monitor the progress. If you didn't get the plastic tool just use a credit card. Scrap off all the hair and cream. Throw the used product in the toilet.
Get in a lukewarm shower, use a washcloth to remove any remaining hair and or cream. Do not scrub at your skin.
Use a gentle soap and wash your entire body thoroughly. Anywhere there is cream that you didn't remove will burn your skin.
Dry yourself off and apply a non scented body lotion to all your now hairless parts.
Wait 24 hours before engaging in any vigorous sport which may cause chaffing.
on May 24, 2015
The one reason I am giving 1 star is that this does not mention it's expiry date! It does mention to test small area before using but why not in the world mention expiry date? Or is there no expiry date for this product?
I have been using this for the past 2 years and yesterday when I used it, my skin started to burn like hell! I immediately rinsed off. But damage was already done. Look at the pictures. It's burned like hot boiling water
on September 12, 2014
After reading the reviews on this site I thought that using this product for rush week at our frat house would be pretty funny. Man was I dead wrong. The story I've told my lawyer over & over again goes like this. We snuck into one of our pledges rooms one night & liberally applied to his, at the time, tiny young pale berries. We then snuck out of his room & waited 5 minutes to hear what could only be described as a high pitched shrill shriek of death, like the sound of a cat being run over by a lawnmower. He barreled through the door & came at us with the veracity of a mother ape & we had stolen her child. He lunged at us & pleaded for help. With desperation in his eyes I caught a glimpse of his once tiny appendages, now gigantic purple & apple looking in form. Foaming at the mouth & tears streaming from his eyes he said one simple thing in a tone I will never forget. "Help me" he whispered. We quickly drug him to Billy's room since he was the only one we knew with a mini fridge with a freezer in it & the bathroom was on the second floor. We kicked open the door knocking over Billy's hookah in the process. We ripped open Billy's freezer & began rubbing one frozen item after another onto his now heirloom tomatoes with elephantiasisish stuff. I've honestly never before heard the sounds that came out of him nor will I probably ever again. I believe that there were tongues not spoken in a thousand years emanating from this young mans inner being. I have never been more afraid in my life. His eyes burned a bright red as if to be turning the same color as his now softball sized nuggets. The only relief came in a form of a can of fresca & a frozen bag of peas applied to the affected area. Clean as a whistle but still red as the devils dick we went up to the second floor to use the bathroom to wash off the remaining cream. Bad idea. Apparently water activates it even further, just pushing it around infecting other sensitive areas where hair also grows. Knowing there was no more fresca in house we tried a plethora of other sodas to no avail. A popsicle shoved into a place where no one ever dreams they would ever have one shoved was enough to quiet the screams momentarily. Just then we smelled smoke & realized the hookah that we knocked over in Billy's room had started the house on fire. Well, after the emergency room visit & 7 hours with the police department & fire department I'm out on bail & awaiting trial on the 4 felony counts & 2 misdemeanors I've been ridiculously charged with. Lucky for most the only real loss we had was the communal fish tank in which we were pretty much replacing after every party we had anyway since someone was always puking in it. After all is said & done, I'm happy to report that our frat house is being rebuilt & the pledge has become an honorary member leading the cause to keep me kicked out. Talk about motivation. The doctors also told me that he will never ever grow hair in the regions that I applied this product so I definitely give it 5 stars.
on July 3, 2015
basically melts your skin along with your hair..
hair comes back right away and I actually got permenant damage to my skin
only buy this if your trying to melt your skin
on June 13, 2013
Being a regular bloke who watches Football and does not like watching the WWWF l had never even considered getting rid of the hair down below, this was before l discovered l had somehow got infected with 100's of tiny new friends down there.
Also being a regular bloke l never, ever read reviews which is why l own 2 ''Sunggies'' and one of those lights you attach to your forehead to help you read at night ( those things really, really hurt ).
l thought about just shaving but my hands tend to shake when l get excited , plus had no idea how to deal with the wrinkly bits, l was so excited to find this product in the local chemists ( funnily enough it was a full stack of them, no-one else had seemed to buy one before.
I got home and again being a normal bloke l smothered the whole tube over my bits.
As others have mentioned, the first minute or so is actually very good, l felt very much how a nice hotdog must feel.
Then it got hotter and hotter and even hotter, my 2 veg vanished for their own protection and ''Percy'' turned a almost beautiful shade of deep purple. The good thing was that my little friends got the heck out of there, some using Percy as a tiny ( by then ) gangplank, was very much like rats leaving a sinking ship.
I cannot describe the pain l felt, the closest l can come is a huge toothache....but a hot toothache, that's if your tooth was floppy and you were drinking battery acid, it hurt so bad it made the time l at on a wasps nest seem trivial, the bad thing is now its gone l kinda miss it.
Fear not my friends, l soon discovered that ''Dannon'' yogurt ( Peach if possible ) along with that squirty cream works great as a relief, though you keep having to put more on every 20 minutes or so, as a bonus it smells pretty nice as well.
Wonderful product, removes hair and also gets rid of unwanted visitors. 5 stars from me and l will buy again