The Velveteen Father: An Unexpected Journey to Parenthood [Paperback]

Jesse Green (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 2, 2000

Being a parent was not a high priority--or even much of a likelihood--for acclaimed journalist and novelist Jesse Green. Yet when Green, at the age of thirty-seven, fell in love with a man who had recently adopted a baby boy, fatherhood suddenly fell into his lap. Now in this warm, humorous, deeply personal book, Green recounts the unexpected journey he and his partner traveled together on the road to parenthood.

In becoming the father--or rather one of the fathers--of Erez, Green faced challenges familiar to all parents, from the first bath to the first tooth, along with a host of dilemmas unique to his situation. As Green discovered, even in blasé New York City, reactions to his unconventional family ranged from the funny to the frightening, the unaccepting to the all-embracing. The Velveteen Father is a moving record of the transformative effects parenthood can have on people who least expect to become parents-- and of how we are repeatedly made anew by the love of children who need us.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Journalist Jesse Green's delightful memoir makes it quite clear that the pleasures and perils of parenting are always the same--even for a gay 37-year-old man who stumbles into it by falling in love with a person who has an adopted son. As Green puts it in a typically well-turned phrase, "fatherhood trumps gayness," which is to say that heterosexual parents at the playground sometimes find it easier to relate to Green, his boyfriend, Andy, and son, Erez (soon joined by baby brother Lucas), than do the well-buffed, perennially youthful male guests at a Fire Island party--they flinch at the sight of diapers and baby bags. As the author searchingly and intelligently considers what it means to gay people to become parents, and the ways in which it does and does not pull them closer into the mainstream, his narrative is often extremely funny. (Joking about Erez's apparently heterosexual inclinations, Green deadpans, "We tried our best: We played him Judy Garland records and showed him tapes of West Side Story.") A very moving examination of identity and the making of a meaningful adult life that resonates profoundly for people of every sexual orientation. --Wendy Smith --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

In his late 30s, award-winning journalist and novelist Green (O Beautiful) became a father to two boys after he fell in love with their adoptive father. In this memoir, he offers a moving series of meditations on what it means to be a child, a parent, a gay man and a Jew in a culture that often avoids complicated discussions of these identities. Drawing on his own childhood experiences as the second son of a Jewish mother and Catholic father in Philadelphia and those of his partner, Andy, he probes the social fears around gay men and children, the conflation of parenthood and adulthood and the role that Jewish family traditions played in his desire to create a family. Green is clearheaded and unsentimental in analyzing how he gave up his orderly, work-centered "Mary Richards" sort of life and replaced it with fatherhood. He also makes a number of astute observations, such as when he suggests that gay men's desire to parent is a reaction to the AIDS epidemic or when he assesses the initially negative reactions of both his and his lover's parents to gay men raising children. While the bulk of this memoir is intensely personal, Green maintains a chatty style that can give way to glib generalizations ("This is what gay men did instead of having children: they had houses") or easy moralizing. But more often, Green's opinions hit home, and are likely to challenge both gay and straight readers. Agent, Cynthia Cannell.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books; Reprint edition (May 2, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345437098
• ISBN-13: 978-0345437099
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (34 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,655,465 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Beautifully written, touchingly candid, and filled with love, October 28, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Velveteen Father: An Unexpected Journey to Parenthood (Hardcover)

As a 44-year-old gay adoptive father of two, and a sperm donor for a lesbian couple's child, I found that Jesse Green's book resonated with many aspects of my own experience. His candor about his own weaknesses and doubts, and his loving yet unflinching look at both his and his partner's lives, is moving and beautifully expressed. I found myself laughing frequently, and in tears just as often. Anyone who sees this parenting story as just a recipe for dysfunction doesn't know anything about being a gay man or adopting a child. There are no perfect families in the world, in spite of cultural stereotypes and religious prejudices; Jesse Green's window into one's man's journey to fatherhood is one of the most genuine and honest parenting stories I've ever read.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Velveteen Reading as well, June 3, 2000

By 

James Hiller (Beaverton, OR) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Velveteen Father: An Unexpected Journey to Parenthood (Paperback)

In Jesse Green's newly released in paperback, "The Velveteen Father", he spends an entire book waxing philosophic about the joys and pains of rearing a child in today's world. It might be so tempting to pigeon-hole this book into convienient, politically incorrect categories (as several reviews have shown; to which I qiuckly respond: why are you reading this book in the first place?), but in doing so, the true message and meaning of the story is missed. This isn't a book about two gay men adopting a child, this book really is about adopting a child, and the joys and pains and complexities of child-raising. To me, the fact that a gay man is doing the adopting was secondary, but still an important part of the story.

For anyone, the path of adoption is complicated and emotionally-charged, as Jesse so brilliantly captures in his book. He covers all the usual bases in his story (how to conceive a child, the conservative world that may fight him tooth and nail, personal childhood stories) but does it in a poetic, wordy manner that forces us as readers to slow down and feast.

I highly recommend this book, along with "The Kid" by Dan Savage, for anyone of any sexuality wanting to adopt a child in today's complex world.

9 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Engrossing and informative, July 23, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Velveteen Father: An Unexpected Journey to Parenthood (Hardcover)

My husband and I both enjoyed the book immensely. For those outside gay society, he provides insights into the search for meaning that many gays go through, since they usually don't have the simple fix of having kids. The book is most interesting in its discussion of his lover's background, the history of gay parenthood, and descriptions of life with the kids. As some other readers have indicated (rather harshly), the section on his own past is not that interesting and could have been greatly condensed (maybe because his childhood was so ordinary). Possibly the author is just being hard on himself, because he portrays himself least sympathetically of all the characters -- as a somewhat aloof, cold person. Despite this, the book is compelling and a good read. It's a pleasure to read a book on parenthood and adoption that is well written, since there are many, many poorly written ones out there!