The Velveteen Principles for Women: How to Shatter the Myth of Perfection and Embrace All That You Really Are [Hardcover]

Toni Raiten-D'Antonio (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 1, 2007

The Velveteen Principles for Women is a motivational guidebook for those who want to identify the sources of their unhappiness and become genuinely Real themselves. It is essential reading for women who want to free themselves from self-doubt, silence their inner critics, and live as the Real, unique, and valuable women they are meant to be.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In her popular first book, The Velveteen Principles, psychotherapist Raiten-D'Antonio promoted individuality and being Real, in the spirit of Margery Williams's cherished children's classic. In this equally appealing sequel, Raiten-D'Antonio's style is light and appealing as she describes how our culture enforces conformity and how to become Real (i.e., yourself). Drawing on her own difficult childhood as the dutiful daughter of a mother with Parkinson's disease, she explains how girls are raised to be Barbie-perfect wives and caretakers. She calls our materialistic, stereotyping culture The Object Culture and the superficial language it uses Thinglish. The antidote, the way to feel Real, says the author, is a fully developed set of your own values and beliefs that are not generic but tailor-made by you. In her 13 principles (Becoming a Real Woman Is a Process, Real Women Are Flexible), she examines the practice of values such as empathy, generosity and honesty. In this simple, sweet and positive book, Raiten-D'Antonio offers a message that will be palatable to a couple of generations of women who have grown up seeking power in the workplace and in their relationships while remaining outwardly conventional and mainstream in their values. (May)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Toni Raiten-D'Antonio is a psychotherapist, acclaimed motivational speaker and adjunct professor of social work at Empire State College of New York. She has been featured in national magazines and on radio programs across North America. Her first book, The Velveteen Principles, was a runaway hit with more than 100,000 copies sold. She has a thriving private practice on Long Island, New York, where she lives with her husband.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 220 pages
• Publisher: HCI (May 1, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 075730561X
• ISBN-13: 978-0757305610
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.9 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #403,090 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

The thing that most seems to surprise people is that I really do try to live according to the Velveteen Principles. It isn't just something I wrote about...I think it really works. One of the principles states that Real Can Be Painful. It's true, I'm not always happy (with a capital "H") But when things feel off balance, the principles always seem to help me straighten out. Gratitude and empathy, including self-empathy, are my favorites. These are ideals that make life much more meaningful and fulfilling than the buy-and-compete messages in the United States of Generica.

I love to hear from people who've read the book. I want to do what I can to encourage more authentic communication. Here's hoping Amazon Connect can make more of this happen!

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Keeping it Real, June 20, 2007

By 

Kara Allison Stambach - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Velveteen Principles for Women: How to Shatter the Myth of Perfection and Embrace All That You Really Are (Hardcover)

I picked up this book by chance at BEA, and discovered it really defied all my expectations. This book does not give you permission to lower your standards or fail to meet your goals--rather, it encourages you to make your OWN standards and make sure the goals you're aiming for are truly YOURS. It allows women to take some time out of their daily care-giving routines to nurture themselves. I find myself returning to this book often and recognizing behavior and thought patterns that severely limit my joy: "I should lose weight; these extra pounds are so embarrassing. My skin should be tanned and free of blemishes; I feel hideous and shouldn't go outside. I shouldn't make any demands or act emotional in front of my boyfriend, or he won't want me." Should, should, should. NOT the Real me! The super-ego can be a wonderful thing; it helps regulate our own selfish desires so we can get along smoothly in society. But sometimes, in the quest for generic perfection (which doesn't really exist) we girls forget to keep it real, and our inner critic keeps insisting we have to twist ourselves into a pretzel because our Real, imperfect selves aren't worthy of love. This book shows us how to stop worrying about other peoples' expectations, and to redefine our own. I'm a happier person for reading this book, and very grateful to Raiten-D'Antonio for putting down on paper what must be racing through millions of women's minds. Velveteen Principles for Women is written in a tone so supportive, plain, and full of common sense, that upon reading it, it's almost impossible to deny that perfection is a myth, and Reality can be extremely satisfying. I recommend this book to anyone, especially to men who wish to better understand a woman's experience. I'll be sending copies to all my close friends and female relatives.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Loved this book, May 14, 2009

By 

Tammy A. Bennett "TB" - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Velveteen Principles for Women: How to Shatter the Myth of Perfection and Embrace All That You Really Are (Hardcover)

For over a year I saw this book on the shelf in my local book store and it was calling to me but I firmly ignored it. Last fall however I finally gave in and purchased it. I have to say that it gave me a boost in a way that I needed at that time in my life. I continue to go back and re-read sections when I need a reminder. I have since purchased it for many other women in my life and passed my copy on to many others who in turn have "passed it on" also. Being real is what we all strive for and Toni hits the mark in this book.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Great guide or reminder....where ever you are., March 28, 2009

By 

Patilo "Patilo" (Illinois) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Velveteen Principles for Women: How to Shatter the Myth of Perfection and Embrace All That You Really Are (Hardcover)

I received "The Velveteen Rabbit" as a gift when graduating @ the undergraduate level. Many years later as a practitioner & a faculty member, I used it to remind my students about"being real". Then, a former student sent me "The Velveteen Principles". I've used it at the graduate and undergraduate levels as a means to look at what really is important, among many other issues. One graduate student came back with "The Velveteen Principles for Women" and kept the "principles" in mind while working with groups of adolescence young women. The author, Toni Raiten-D'Antoni,was gracious and supportive when students contacted her about her book. I believe this book is a book for beginnings, but is also important for many other times in our lives. Simple does not only mean beginnings. Simple is something we seem to forget time after time. My hat is off to Toni Raiten-D'Antoni.