Venus in Blue Jeans: Why Mothers and Daughters Need to Talk about Sex [Hardcover]

Susan Abel Lieberman (Author), Nathalie Bartle (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 28, 1998

For generations, mothers and daughters have struggled to say the right thing -- or have said nothing at all -- when the time has come to discuss sex. VENUS IN BLUE JEANS brings refreshing hope and guidance for every mother who has been undone by such questions as "Mom, what's French kissing" or "What's oral sex?" or who has agonized over her teenage daughter's newfound interest in boys. In this wise and radiant book, Nathalie Bartle tackles some of the toughest topics of sexual education: What do girls know about sex? When is the right time to begin talking with them about sex? How can mothers get the conversation right? Today's teenagers face enormous pressures to become sexually active; by age nineteen more than 50 percent of American girls have had intercourse. From billboards to cyberspace, society is awash in sexual images. Parents assume that teens possess abundant sexual knowledge, but information gleaned from the media or the teenage grapevine can be woefully inaccurate: many teens list AIDS as the only sexually transmitted disease; others assume they can't get pregnant "the first time." We need a new dialogue for this generation of young women, Bartle argues. Combining her own stories of raising a daughter with the generously honest voices of mothers and daughters who have struggled firsthand with this topic, she illuminates the invaluable role that mothers can play in their daughters' sexual education -- without encouraging them to be sexually active. Adolescent girls crave information, but they may be too afraid or embarrassed to ask for it, worried that their moms will think less of them or assume they are preparing for sex. The rich stories here help dispel common myths, encourage candid conversation, and reveal the importance of placing sexual information within the broader context of relationships and a moral framework. Filled with strategies, keen understanding, and a warm sense of humor, VENUS IN BLUE JEANS will inspire mothers and others to persevere with these vital conversations and will empower girls to think of their sexuality as a natural part of adolescence rather than something they need be defiant about or shamed by. This is an indispensable book for anyone concerned with guiding today's young women safely through the upsets, infatuations, and intimacies of adolescence.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

In an era when 50 percent of all teenage girls have sex by the age of 19, discourse about teenage female sexuality remains remarkably sparse. With the important and fascinating Venus in Blue Jeans, Nathalie Bartle and Susan Lieberman turn up the volume on this hushed discussion by chronicling the way mothers and their teenage daughters communicate about sex.

Bartle conducted comprehensive interviews with 23 pairs of adolescent girls and their mothers. The girls, some from an inner-city public school and some from a more affluent private school, vary widely in their economic, ethnic, and social backgrounds, and in their interest and participation in sexual activity. The mothers, though demographically distinct, share a strong concern--and confusion--about the best way to talk with their daughters about sex and the accompanying risks of pregnancy and disease. The portraits are vividly drawn and the conclusions are vital. Bartle and Lieberman stress that vague discussions about the birds and the bees are not enough, and offer many tactics to help girls grow up with a confident, secure sense of their own sexuality. The authors urge mothers to encourage abstinence-based education rather than abstinence-only education in order to teach their daughters to think of their sexuality and sexual desire as a natural part of womanhood, and to follow their daughters' lead while maintaining an ongoing dialogue about sex. The compassionate advice and practical strategies Venus in Blue Jeans sets forth will help mothers of adolescent girls sort through their own discomfort and reluctance surrounding this issue and support them in the effort to see their girls safely to womanhood. --Ericka Lutz

From Publishers Weekly

Based on a series of interviews with a diverse group of 23 teen girls and, separately, their mothers, this empathetic study deftly illuminates their fears, dreams, goals, frequent misconceptions and daily concerns as they navigate the often dangerous waters of female adolescence in the 1990s. The voices of both generations of women are honest and forthright, and nullify many myths about the mother-daughter relationship. Bartle, an Allegheny University educational psychologist, writing with Lieberman (The Real High School Handbook), reveals that while mothers may not always know everything their daughters are up to, they are very realistic about the issues and pitfalls of young womanhood, drawing on their own experiences and media portrayals of the threat of disease and violence. Their most common hopes for their daughters include "wanting the girl to enjoy good health, to develop positive self-esteem, to be well-educated, and someday have a satisfying career that would provide financial independence." They try to deliver the sex education their girls need to retain the freedom to reach these goals, with help from peers, schools, churches, girls' clubs and doctorsAbut, most often, not from fathers. With 30 years of teaching and counseling behind her (as well as her own raising of a daughter), Bartle writes from experience, and her never-condescending voice reports and comments on her findings with authority. Her advice on opening and using the lines of dyadic communication to shape the sexual choices of young women is frank, aware of differences in lifestyle and caring. Author tour.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 252 pages
• Publisher: Houghton Mifflin; 1ST edition (May 28, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0395841720
• ISBN-13: 978-0395841723
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.2 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,898,639 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

32 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The only book that talks about how girls deal with sex today, June 11, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: Venus in Blue Jeans: Why Mothers and Daughters Need to Talk about Sex (Hardcover)

This terrific book is filled with girls voices. From girls that any woman or mom would identify with to the girls you knew at school but didn't talk to. No other book I've read so clearly conveys what girls are thinking about and dealing with. It gives new parents like myself something to work towards as far as communication goes and something to hope for in raising healthy, safe girls. I've never understood adolescence--even when I was in it. I'll be facing it soon enough with two daughters and I'm so glad and relieved to have this smart, sensitive book give me a leg up.