60 of 62 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Use Their Energy, October 1, 2002
Like many books, I first came upon this book, because it was referenced in an article. And I have since read this book many times.
Just saying verbal judo to others gets a laugh. However, this is a very serious and valuable book.
Have you ever walked away from someone, telling yourself, "Next time ... I am going to be prepared. Next time, he or she will not get me. I will be ready?"
What mastering verbal judo takes is for you to be fully in the moment, conscious of who you are, and not only conscious of what you are experiencing, in the presence of your interlocutor, but also willing to to use your interlocutor's energy to redirect what they expressed to you from something destructive to something mutually empowering.
I have taught myself to smile, on the inside, and to even, ever so slightly nod, when someone has insulted me. This is my anchor, if you will, to breath my way to using their insult to defuse what just happened.
Here's an example, "Calm Down!"
My Verbal Judo response: (said in a calm, relaxed demeanor) "I am as calm as I know how to be, right now. And with your help, I can be more calm. Are you ready?"
This response is an acknowledgement of your interlocutor, and it is a declaration of your self-respect. This is teaching your interlocutor how to treat you well.
Another example is, "You think too much!"
My Verbal Judo Response is, "Yes. I do think a great deal. And I thank you for your disguise compliment, because thinking for myself is so important to me."
My response told this person that I value who I am, and that I appreciate his or her awareness of what matters to me.
Over the years, because I use life as a human lab, I have created several real life examples of how to respond, instead of reacting to manipulative people, or as Scott Peck would call, "evil people."
An additional tool in my being able to do this was when I read John Bradshaw's, "Healing the Shame That Binds You."
I learned what stops a person from being able to master verbal judo, in the present moment, really is fear (false, education, appearing real). And when you realize that your conscious mind is telling your subconscious mind what to do, you are free to tell your conscious mind that although you have just been attacked, this is your opportunity to teach this person to take their self-hate somewhere else.
Read this book as a tool to get more out of your life. The authors are humorous, wise and compassionate. And the book is so easy to follow that you will be compelled to master the lessons.
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41 of 41 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Formulaic and oversimplified, but... it works!!, January 10, 2005
This review is from: Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion (Paperback)
I first read this book about ten years ago. I then took a course by the same title at the police academy. Essentially, Dr. Thompson tries to take a few simple concepts and by simplifying them further, give police officers a way to de-escalate conflict. My first thought as a negotiator was that these concepts had been dumbed down too much, but I decided to give it a chance in the real world. For the most part, it works. Every time I used his techniques on a police scene, the situation was settled without force.
I believe that this book is a good starting point into the arena of active listening. The area that should be expanded on is the response... i.e. situational response based on more factors than a book can cover (personal experience, perception, urgency, etc...) vs. the patterned responses suggested in the book.
I recommend the book, but I would consider twice before taking the expensive follow-up seminars (unless of course - your department is paying for them :))
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32 of 32 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Practical & Highly Memorable, August 19, 2000
By A Customer
With such a unique background, any stories he'd tell would be interesting. However these practical demonstrations are so memorable, I found myself immediately and naturally applying them in my own life.
I've recently read a number of "communication" books because I've been feeling that I could do better in this area. This is the book I'm passing on to my teenage sons. Dr. Thompson's many examples, coming from all angles of life, are the treasure. I don't expect to encounter the heavy situations he handled in his police work, but he's correct: if his methods of staying in control work there, they'll work anywhere. My one and only caveat is that in order to understand and apply Dr. Thompson's methods, one must possess a certain amount of emotional maturity to begin with. Reading this book will not turn a social moron into a diplomat, at least not until he's worked on his personal issues. But for those of us who interact well most of the time, and occasionally have situations blow up in our faces without understanding why, this is a perfect book.
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