Chapter One
My whole life is over!
I know I sound all over-the-top dramatic like my girl Diamond, but I can't help it. I'm still walking around in a crazy funk because everything I've dreamed about all my life is now...so...over.
It's been more than a week and I still can't believe it. We lost! The Divine Divas lost the Glory 2 God talent contest in San Francisco. Can you even believe it? I don't know if we came in second or third or last. It doesn't even matter -- we didn't come in first, and that means that we aren't going to be getting on any kind of airplane going anywhere near the NYC.
New York -- that was my real dream. Everyone thought that I just wanted to be a star. Well, duh! I mean, for real -- who wouldn't want to get a phat contract and cut lots of tracks? That $250,000 recording deal sounded real good to me, 'cause then I would've been able to help my mama move me and my brothers out of this run-down apartment building. But even though I was feelin' the bucks, what I wanted more than the Benjamins was that trip to New York.
And that had been all part of my plan.
Last week at this time, Diamond, Aaliyah, and I were flying to San Francisco. And then, later on, we hooked up with India. We were supposed to get on that stage with guns blazing and smoke the competition.
But it didn't happen.
Just thinking about how we lost gave me a headache. I guess that was why it took me forever to walk home from the bus stop, and longer than forever to walk up the stairs to the third floor. I guess losing just made you tired.
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it...
I snatched the plugs from my MP3 player out of my ears and turned off my all-time favorite song. Natasha Bedingfield may have been the one blowin', but her words were all about me. With the Divine Divas, I was so close, but now it was all so far away.
I took my key out of my pocket. And then the moment I put it in the lock, every single solitary thought I had about the Divine Divas, New York, and Natasha left my mind. My apartment door swung open, and I'm telling you, I was scared straight. No one was supposed to be here. Mama was still at work. And D'Andre, D'Angelo, D'Marcus, and D'Wight were still with our grandmother. Big Mama never brought them home until around six. So I just knew there was some kind of burglar in our house.
But then I saw who it was and I wasn't scared anymore. I was just mad.
"Well, well, well!" D'Wayne grinned at me with a toothpick stuck in between his two big buck front teeth. "If it isn't the star herself. How ya doing, Lil' Mama?"
"My name is Veronique," I growled at him.
"Don't you think I know what your name is?" He was looking at me with his eyes all wide. It made me want to barf -- all over him. "But I like calling you Lil' Mama."
I didn't care what he liked calling me. All I wanted to know was what he was doing in my house. "Why are you here?" Even though it wasn't all that warm outside, I stayed in the hallway, not wanting to step one foot into my own apartment -- not as long as D'Wayne was there.
"Who do you think you are asking me that?" His grin was all the way gone, and he screwed up his face like he was eating something nasty. "You're not grown. What would your mama say?"
I hoped my mama would say that he needed to get up out of our house. But I had a bad feeling that she wouldn't say that. Mama was probably the reason why big-tooth D'Wayne was in our apartment.
"I don't need to be answering your questions," he said as I slowly walked past him. "You don't pay no bills around here." D'Wayne closed the door and just had to add, "But if you need to know something, it's that I'm gonna be here a lot from now on. Your mama and I are back together."
I rolled my eyes, but I didn't let D'Wayne see me. And he didn't hear the voice in my head either. The voice that said he was nothing but a lying fool.
He followed me into the kitchen and kept right on talking. "Your mama and I are getting married."
Yeah, right, I talked inside my head again. I wasn't even a little bit worried. D'Wayne was always saying that. Ever since I was about six or seven years old, he'd come around and tell Mama he wanted to get married. Sometimes he would stay with us for a long time. But then it always went down the same way -- one day I'd wake up and he'd be gone. And Mama would be crying. And then not too long after that, Mama would have a baby.
I might be only fifteen years old, but I peeped D'Wayne a long time ago. The thing was, I couldn't figure out why my mom hadn't. I just hoped that this time, my mama didn't end up having another baby. Not that I didn't love my little brothers to Reese's pieces, but four knuckleheads were way more than enough for me.
"So now that I'm gonna marry your mama..."
Dude, why are you still talking to me?
"I'm gonna be your daddy!"
I stopped all that talking inside my head and turned around so fast I almost fell over. "You will never be my daddy!" I screamed.
I ran straight to my bedroom and slammed the door. I knew that if my mother was home, she'd come after me for dissin' D'Wayne like that, but I didn't care. I threw my backpack on the floor so hard it felt like my whole room shook.
How could he say something so stupid to me? That man made me crazy-sick. He would never be my daddy. I already had a father, and I didn't need a broke-down one like D'Wayne.
I bounced so hard on my bed that the legs wobbled like the whole thing was about to fall apart. That would've been some mad mess. If I broke this bed, my mother would have a fit. So I backed up a bit, closed my eyes, and tried not to think about that man outside my room.
Instead, I thought about another man, a really handsome one. With a bald head and a little bit of a beard.
Of course the man was tall, like Diamond's father. He had smooth, Hershey chocolate-colored skin, like Aaliyah's father. And he had lots of muscles, like India's father. He was strong, and he could whip D'Wayne's big ole butt any time he wanted.
I laughed out loud just thinking about my daddy beating down D'Wayne, but I didn't laugh for long. Thinking about my father always made me feel happy and sad at the same time.
Pushing up off the bed, I sat at my keyboard. Even though I tried to make up a new song every day, today I didn't feel like playing a thing.
I stood and pressed my nose against the tiny window. It was hard to see anything through the dirt from the outside that made the glass always so murky, but I could see clear down into the alley. Since the garbage had been picked up this morning, the alleyway was empty. No cats or rats or addicts hunting for their dinner through the trash. And right now, it didn't stink like it always did. It might have been fine now, but by tomorrow, everything would be back to ghetto-normal.
I bounced on my bed, lay down, and closed my eyes. I went right back to thinking about my daddy -- and him coming to take me away from this crazy mess. In my head, I could almost see my father -- even though I couldn't remember ever seeing him in person. All I had were those old, faded-out pictures hanging on my wall of my mother and father back in the day.
But I had the best picture of my father in my mind. Just like Diamond looked like her dad, I was sure I looked just like mine.
I knew for sure what my dad sounded like. And what he would say to me the first time he saw me. "Baby girl, I've been looking for you forever. But now that you found me, I promise we'll always be together." And then he would hug me for a long time, before he said something awesome like, "I love you."
I just had to find a way to get to my dad now that the Divine Diva plan was a bust. I had to find a way to get to New York -- and when I got there, I would find my daddy. Trust and know. Copyright © 2009 by Victoria Christopher Murray
