Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse (Even if they are adults now), Fourth Edition [Paperback]

Lynn Daugherty (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 0977161439 | ISBN-13: 978-0977161430 | Publication Date: February 1, 2007 | Edition: 4

"A good simple, beginning book for child, teen, and adult survivors" - authors Ellen Bass and Laura Davis describing Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse in their groundbreaking book for abuse victims, The Courage To Heal.

"As well as helping victims, it is also a book for people who want to learn more about child sexual abuse" - Adrian Ford, Senior Social Worker at The Children's Hospital, Camperdown, NSW, Australia writing in her introduction to the Australian edition of Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse. 
  
Adults and adolescents who were sexually abused as children find help and healing in this classic bestseller from a respected Clinical Psychologist. Now in its fourth edition, this warm and personal, beginning guide gives you . . .
 
- answers to child sexual abuse questions
- stories of male and female victims
- insights into sexual abusers
- explanations of effects on victims
- step-by-step guidance to begin your recovery
- resources for additional assistance
 
Understand important psychological concepts easily because they are presented in clear, everyday language. Feel understood and valued as you begin healing from the pain of child sexual abuse with this classic bestseller.
 
> Honored as an Editor's Choice Selection by Booklist
> Over 60,000 copies sold worldwide
> Recommended reading by support groups from New Jersey to Alaska, Scotland to The Netherlands to Fiji

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Clinical psychologist Dr. Lynn Daugherty is an award-winning author of the classic bestseller Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse, now in its 4th edition, and the new ebook available on Kindle, Child Molesters, Child Rapists, and Child Sexual Abuse.  An internationally respected expert on child sexual abuse, she has been bringing hope and healing to victims and their families for more than twenty-five years.

Although working with abuse victims has been her specialty, Dr. Daugherty has also focused on treating children and adults with brain injuries or ADHD, helping teachers understand and manage the behavior or their students, and providing services to attorneys and the courts in the area of forensic psychology.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

THE ABUSE WAS NOT YOUR FAULT

The most important thing for you, the victim, to remember is that total responsibility for the abuse lies with the abuser. This is even true if you enjoyed some of what happened. This is true even if the abuser says the abuse was your fault. This is true even if you received special rewards because of the abuse. This is true even if you did not try hard enough to make the abuse stop.

It was not your fault if someone tricked, trapped, bribed or forced you into sexual contact. If someone touches a child in a sexual way and the child does not stop the contact for whatever reason, it is not the child's fault.

Most children assume they are guilty for being sexually abused. When the sexual abuse is discovered, it often causes a crisis in the family. Most children then assume that this crisis is also their fault and feel guilty for the crisis too. They think, "I must have done something terribly wrong." Again, this is not true. Total responsibility for the abuse and for any crisis that results lies with the abuser.

The person who sexually abuses a child has serious psychological problems and needs help. The child was the victim of the abuser's problems. The abuser chose to harm the child to meet his or her own needs.

Abusers are usually older and more powerful than their child victims. The child has the right to expect protection, not abuse, from the abuser. When a child is abused, he or she has the right to tell others about the sexual abuse. The abuser, not the child, must assume full responsibility for any disruption that takes place because the sexual abuse was reported.

Do you feel guilty in any way about the sexual abuse you suffered or about anything that happened afterwards? Do you have feelings that the sexual abuse was your fault? Do you feel guilty for any of the things you did to stop the abuse? Do you feel guilty for any of the things that happened to your family or to the abuser? For exactly which things do you feel guilty?

FEELING GUILTY DOES NOT MAKE IT TRUE

Just because you feelguilty doesn't make it true! You can change the way you feel by changing the things you tell yourself. If you tell yourself that the sexual abuse was your fault, then of course, you will feel bad. So stop telling yourself something that isn't true, something that is inaccurate!

The sexual abuse was not your fault. You know that now. Keep pointing this out to yourself whenever you notice feelings of guilt. Argue with yourself! Once you truly accept the fact that you were the victim and not the person responsible for the abuse, you can stop feeling guilty about being abused.

~ ~ ~

A FINAL WORD: From Victim to Survivor

You were once a victim of child sexual abuse. In some ways this has made you stronger. In other ways it has made life more difficult for you. This book has discussed a number of things you can do to recover from the negative effects of child sexual abuse and has helped you start on your journey.

Now it is up to you to make the changes in your life that you desire. You may do this on your own, or you may seek the help of a professional counselor. You can change the way you think, feel and act.

You are no longer a powerless victim. You have the ability to make your own choices. You can, and must, decide how you will live the rest of your life.

Product Details

• Paperback: 128 pages
• Publisher: Cleanan Press, Inc.; 4 edition (February 1, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0977161439
• ISBN-13: 978-0977161430
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.6 x 0.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #124,125 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

As a clinical and forensic psychologist, I specialized in evaluating and treating victims of child sexual abuse and sex offenders for many years in my private practice. I have recently closed my practice to spend more time writing.

Although I no longer provide psychotherapy or evaluation services, I hope to continue helping former victims of child sexual abuse, and their families, through my books and media contacts.

My study of psychology began at Middlebury College in Vermont and continued at the University of Tulsa and the University of Montana, where I completed a Ph.D. and a postdoctoral training program in clinical psychology. I spent most of my professional life in New Mexico, but now my husband and I divide our time between New Mexico and Florida.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely a gem, August 19, 2008

By 

Marcia Brubeck "Marcia E. Brubeck" (Hartford, CT) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse (Even if they are adults now), Fourth Edition (Paperback)

This is a perfectly wonderful little book, not just for victims of childhood sexual abuse and those who love them but also for service providers. It is simply and clearly written, but the ideas and insights set forth in these pages are the very essence of good psychotherapeutic practice. A few of the topics Daugherty covers in remarkably few pages: how information can help you take charge of a problem; the importance of accepting and acknowledging your ambivalent feelings about other people; why anger is valuable and how it can be used constructively; how to manage fear and anxiety; how to build a capacity for trust; how identifying the options among which you can choose will make you feel better; and how to build your self-esteem and increase your enjoyment of life. Daugherty's recommendations stress the importance of honoring and being guided by your feelings. Her wisdom and compassion will come as a boon to anyone seeking greater understanding of him- or herself as well as others.

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A good beginning book, May 11, 2008

By 

nm201 (New Mexico) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse (Even if they are adults now), Fourth Edition (Paperback)

As the blurb says, this is a "good beginning book." In clear, simple English--not psychobabble--it explains the experience of child sexual abuse, its effects on victims, and ways that former victims can change their lives for the better. It also contains stories told by victims about their abuse, and a guide to further information and help. The section on how to select a therapist is especially helpful, for people going that route.

The book is easy to read. Its everyday language and basic explanations may seem overly simplified to some readers, but this is not really a problem if a "beginning book" is what you want. People who have already done a lot of reading in the field will find no "sophisticated" approaches here--just good, practical suggestions for ways to feel better.

The book addresses male as well as female victims and both "conservatives" and "liberals" should find it useful. The informal writing style helps readers connect with the author. She is clearly knowledgeable about child sexual abuse and inspires confidence not only in her guidance but in the reader's ability to heal.

I recommend this book to anyone who wants to start learning about recovery from child sexual abuse.

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars It really helped me, May 7, 2008

By 

dee-dee-cc (Florida) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse (Even if they are adults now), Fourth Edition (Paperback)

This is a great book. It really helped me. The stories from other people who were molested when they were kids helped me see that it happens to lots of people in lots of different ways. There were stories from boys too so it is not just something that happens to girls.

The book was easy to read and it was quick. You could just read parts of it at a time. It also made sense and sounded like the author really understood. I have never talked to a counselor before but I am thinking about doing that now.

At the end of the book it tells you that if the book was helpful you should loan it to a friend who needs it. I have been doing that except I bought some books and gave them to my cousins who were molested by the same uncle as me. They said they liked the book too.