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Violence in Families: What Every Christian Needs to Know

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Within two short years Reverend Miles has given the Christian world two revolutionary books. He's taken his experience and expertise in domestic violence and abuse and opened Christian eyes to the dirty, hidden truth that's ignored by most Biblical believers. We're blind to the domestic terrorism that lives in every one of our churches ' even next door or in the parsonage. We choose not to see, either due to our theology, or due to our past, painful, private, and personal experience with the family violence we each try to forget.
There is an Evangelical theology of marriage that forgets the Scriptural teaching that each of us is responsible for our own sins. We can't blame another for violence by responding, 'If you had cooked a better meal I wouldn't have had to smash your face into the refrigerator.' No level of perfection on the part of the victim is sufficient to prevent the cyclical, but relentless onslaught of brutality. The issue is not about the victim's maturity. The core question is about the ongoing attempt by the abuser to establish complete and uncompromising power and control over his spouse and family.

Reverend Miles, in his first textbook, 'Domestic Violence; What Every Pastor Needs to Know (Augsburg Fortress, 2000),' demonstrates his grasp of the evil among us by introducing clergy to the horror which more than a fourth of church families experience behind closed doors. Subsequently, he broadens his audience by appealing to the Church in general by sharing this compassionate treatment of the subject in his follow-up study, 'Violence in Families; What Every Christian Needs to Know (Augsburg Fortress 2002).'

Fact ' Christians batter their spouses and children

Fact ' Most Biblical believers don't think Christians are capable of brutality

Fact ' Most clergy are in denial about abuse in their own congregations

Fact ' The 'theology' of female submission and male dominance contributes to the evil

Fact ' More than a fourth of women in our pews are victims

Fact ' Clergy of all stripes are ill prepared to deal with domestic violence and abuse, and in many cases they revictimize their parishioners with a counsel that is neither compassionate nor Biblical

Al Miles introduces us to another hermeneutic that is both Biblical and scientifically accurate. In his texts we're introduced to a study from the social sciences that refuses to depart from the solid foundation of Biblical inerrancy. The truth of recent scientific studies is presented to us with Scriptural corroboration: men are beating their wives; the Church's teaching of female submission to their husbands is contributing to the terror; and the Church is ignoring an evil that's universally prevalent without regard to race, economic status, or denomination.

Seminary courses in pastoral theology shirk the responsibility to prepare clergy to respond compassionately and competently to an evil that affects more than a fourth of female congregants, as well as untold numbers of males and children. Al Miles in his detailed and unusual study of one hundred fifty-eight clergy, male and female, confirms that few victims will find safety in their pastor's office. More than one victim has been sent back into the snake pit with the instruction to be 'more submissive and loving' to their batterer.

The secular bookshelves are full of books, texts, and studies of domestic violence and abuse. The world has known about domestic terrorism for many years, but the Church still has its head in the sand. Christian bookstores are loaded with Dobson, et al, world renowned experts who are giving us outstanding teachings on how to fine tune already acceptable or solid marriages. But the Church's teachers of repute are ignoring the dangerous dysfunctions of verbal, physical, financial, and sexual abuse on their own doorsteps. Reverend Miles rises head and shoulders above the Church masses and courageously opens doors that many of our leaders would rather leave locked.

I own these two books. As a domestic violence and abuse consultant, on a recurring basis I furnish these writings to clergy, elders, and victims. I can think of few other textbooks for the faith community that can assist the involved parties with a trustworthy, Biblical paradigm of the evil of family violence. It's time to open Christian eyes to the disease, and to provide a treatment for both victims and perpetrators. Thank you Al Miles for your resolute handling of a sensitive subject. I pray that the desperation of more than a few victims sitting with us on Sunday morning will find Godly compassion due to your dedication.

Violence in Families: What Every Christian Needs to Know by Reverend Al Miles (Pacific Health Ministry Coordinator of the Hospital Ministry Department at The Queen's Medical Center, Honolulu, Hawaii) is a powerfully charged survey and analysis of emotional, sexual, verbal, and physical abuse among marriages and dating couples. Particularly denouncing those Christians who misuse scripture to justify abuse or even murder, Violence in Families is a sobering and soberly recommended account of a very real problem within the Christian community and our secular society, -- and what is to be done about it in terms of both prevention and intervention.

In addition to reading this book, I was blessed to have gone to a seminar by the author thanks to a scholarship from a local women's shelter for abused women.

The descriptions are so vivid that they helped me understand what is going on even when I didn't understand it myself. I felt that God must be mad at me that this has all happened to me. I only wanted to keep my son safe and yet my husband would be physically, emotionally, verbally and spiritually abusive.

The night that I left and took our son with me I told him I am a child of God and you can't treat me this way.

This author's book helped me after I left to put the pieces back together and see that God does not approve of husbands or fathers who treat the women in their lives this way.

I had such a deep sense of guilt and having done something wrong and a spirit of fear that I could not explain. This book helped me see why and point to the scriptures to tell me that this is not okay.

This author understands the control issues and how the abuser can control the partner with a word, a glance and how even only a few violent episodes can leave the abused partner controlled and doing everything they can to avoid sparking that behavior again.

It is a great perspective on a topic which even the people going through it don't understand. I rank it at the top along with Patricia Evans and Lundy Bancroft. A great work, thank you!

Rev. Al Miles makes domestic violence accessible and discussable. He presents the information in a way that respects and honors faith while naming the reality that is prevalent in too many families, even Christian families, even every church. As a local church minister, I recommend that this book be placed in every church library, campus ministry resource center, denominational resource center, and every minister's library. It is that vital to the health of the church.

Violence in Families What Every Christian Needs to Know is what every Christian, parent, and counselor needs to know. The book is informative about how to help both victims and perpetrators of family violence. Misused scripture is confronted. There is also a section of warning signs that your teen may be involved in a violent relationship and how to help. The book is easy to read and has questions for discussion at the end of each chapter making it an excellent book for church discipleship studies.

It is sad that even Christian clergy continue to stereotype men as the bad guys. As a result there is no compassion for men's suffering. Well, we men get trained well that our reason to exist is to protect women, even at the risk of our own death. There is little new in the book. Just more of the same old same old.
I recognize that there is a lot of violence by men toward women. What is overlooked, denied or dismissed as unimportant is the comparable amount of violence women do to men. For example, does anyone recognize that ongoing nagging by women is a form of serious psychological violence? Le Roi