Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences (Paperback)

by Laura Carpenter (Author)
Key Phrases: ginity loss, first vaginal sex, interpreted virginity (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"I've read many books in the field of sexuality, and I must say that this is one of the best I've come across.... A joy to read." - Denise Donnelly, co-editor of Sex Matters: The Sexuality and Society Reader"

Product Description

Nervous, inexperienced, confused. For most, losing your virginity is one of life's most significant moments, always to be remembered. Of course, experiences vary, but Laura Carpenter asks: Is there an ideal way to lose it? What would constitute a "positive" experience? What often compels the big step? And, further, what does "going all the way" really mean for young gays and lesbians?

In this first comprehensive study of virginity loss, Carpenter teases out the complexities of all things virgin by drawing on interviews with both young men and women who are straight, gay or bisexual. Virginity Lost offers a rare window into one of life's most intimate and significant sexual moments. The stories here are frank, poignant and fascinating as Carpenter presents an array of experiences that run the gamut from triumphant to devastating.

Importantly, Carpenter argues that one's experience of virginity loss can have a powerful impact on one's later sexual experiences. Especially at a time of increased debate about sexual abstinence versus safe sex education in public schools, this important volume will provide essential information about the sex lives of young people.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 295 pages
• Publisher: NYU Press (November 1, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0814716539
• ISBN-13: 978-0814716533
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #315,066 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I Never Knew There Was So Much to Learn About Virginity, June 15, 2007

By	Frederick S. Goethel "wildcatcreekbooks" (Central Valley, CA) - See all my reviews (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

I bought this book to learn a little more about virginity, as I am dealing with the issue with my 16 year old daughter. While I am open, and discuss things freely, I still thought maybe this book could give me new information about when people lose their virginity and how they feel before, during and after.

The book begins with a history of virginity in the America beginning with the earliest colonies and proceeding through to modern day. The history focuses on attitudes towards virginity and sex, and is quite interesting.

The following section deals with the question of what, exactly, virginity is. Can you lose your virginity by oral sex, or is penetration necessary? And when do homosexuals that haven't had heterosexual relations lose their virginity? Can you regain your virginity after you have lost it? And, finally, do rape victims lose their virginity when attacked, or are they still virgins since the act was done under force and duress? The author answers these and other similar questions through research and from comments with individuals that she interviewed.

The next three sections deal with the three main types of the way people view the lose of virginity. There are "gifters", "stigmatists", and "processors". Each is a distinct character type with reasons and feelings about virginity loss. The author explores these three areas through interviews and details how each views the loss of virginity. Her interviews take place across socio-economic barriers, with different racial types, as well as with people of different sexual interests.

The book finally concludes with a section on abstinence. Since that has been a more prevalent attitude in recent years, it provides yet more insight into the process of virginity loss.

This book, while written as a scholarly work, is very readable and contains some fascinating information. It has given me an entirely new prospective of virginity loss, and while reading it I found myself thinking back to my own experiences. I would recommend this book for the parents of any teen, or for anyone interested in the process. It contains information that can help open dialogues and, in my daughter's case, allow teens to see where they fit in and how others have handled similar situations.

5.0 out of 5 stars A surprisingly fun read!, June 10, 2008

By	Olivera Teodorovic "Olivera T." - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I decided to take a Human Sexuality class for a behavioral sciences credit at my college. I had heard a lot of good things about the course, and I knew that I would enjoy it (which I did). A large requirement (20% of the grade) for the course was to select, read, and report on a book about human sexuality, anything from childhood development to abuse to positions. Reviewing the list of approved books, Virginity Lost immediately caught my eye, so I signed myself up for it before it was taken by someone else.

As part of her research, Dr. Laura Carpenter interviews (if I recall correctly) 61 people, of which the vast majority are non-virgins. She features many of their stories, writing down parts in the book as focal points of discussions. In her research, she found that all of the people she interviewed saw sex as one of three things: the stigma, the gift, or the rite of passage (in many cases, the rite was often present with the stigma/gift view).

The first thing the book dives into is defining what sex and virginity is. Chapter 1 is the brief history on virginity loss - very brief indeed, but provides valuable insight on later chapters. Did you know that early Christians believed women to be naturally pure and only had to keep their abstinence, but it had to be cultivated in men and had to be encouraged to be celibate? Or that the "date" was invented by middle-class White people in the late early 20th century, and men paid for dates because they were the ones who worked and had money? Or that, through the ages, views on sexuality swung from very free to very conservative?

Even further, the book touches upon how to define virginity loss in itself. Generally the accepted view is vaginal intercourse, but where do homosexuals fit in? Are their views of sex incorrect, and are they always going to be virgins because they do it differently? If a person has oral sex, but not vaginal sex, can they consider themselves moral virgins (as many people in the past did)?

Thing is, no matter how interesting the subject is, it can always be made out to be DREADFULLY boring if the writing style is too technical. Dr. Carpenter doesn't fall into this trap. Although her book could obviously be used for students of sociology or psychology or by her peers in the field, it can also be read and understood by pretty much anyone with at least a 10th-grade reading level (although I've always scored very high on reading tests, so I may be distorting my memory of other 10th graders' reading abilities). Although she doesn't skimp on the detail *due to necessity*, Carpenter's style of writing is relatively simple for a rather complex idea and study. I didn't find myself phasing out and re-reading the same page 6 times, like I have with other frustrating reading requirements. She does not overload the reader with advanced theories and go on long tangents that almost entirely remove themselves from the book's topic.

I recommend this book to anyone who likes sociology or psychology, needs to write a paper on a book (like I did) but has no idea what kind of book, or simply would like to know more about sexuality and virginity loss.

4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting Read, January 12, 2008

By	Manish Malik (India) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I flipped through this book in the library, and while it was initially a 2-minute "glance", I ended up reading most of the book, spending the next hours in the library.

Cutting the case, here's my verdict: The book makes a good, interesting read. As one of the other reviewers said, I never did envision someone writing about virginity in detail, and that too, in this way. The written way is clinical (as yet another reviewer mentioned), but the way it has been organized and the real-life stories that are packed in - add up to make it an interesting collection. I liked the way the author builds on with the basics, explaining the meaning of 'losing virginity' (and how it depends on what you 'think' or have been 'taught' to respect).

I would recommend this as a parenting book, as well as a self-discovery book. Parents should read this book to understand what dilemmas their kids would go through (and how "different" would these dilemmas be from the parent's own experience), and how to choose what to communicate. As a self-discovery book, this can uncover the feelings one had while 'growing up', or still having them.

Overall: Interesting topic, Well written, and Definitely Recommended by me.