A penetrating examination of the insidious effects of the Internet on our personalities—online and off.
Whether sharing photos or following financial markets, many of us spend a shocking amount of time online. While the Internet can enhance well-being, Elias Aboujaoude has spent years treating patients whose lives have been profoundly disturbed by it. Part of the danger lies in how the Internet allows us to act with exaggerated confidence, sexiness, and charisma. This new self, which Aboujaoude dubs our "e-personality," manifests itself in every curt email we send, Facebook "friend" we make, and "buy now" button we click. Too potent to be confined online, however, e-personality traits seep offline, too, making us impatient, unfocused, and urge-driven even after we log off. Virtually You uses examples from Aboujaoude's personal and professional experience to highlight this new phenomenon. The first scrutiny of the virtual world's transformative power on our psychology, Virtually You shows us how real life is being reconfigured in the image of a chat room, and how our identity increasingly resembles that of our avatar.
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Editorial Reviews
From Booklist
As it does everything else it touches, the Internet has infiltrated the intricacies of its users’ psyches, spawning new forms of behavior, from the obsessive-compulsive checking of e-mail to the paranoid fear of identity theft. Equally hard-to-control character traits, such as narcissism and grandiosity, take on dangerous new meanings in one’s digital life, while video poker and one-click shopping elevate impulsive tendencies to uncontrollable levels, and avatars in parallel cyber-universes allow for the creation of alternate personalities. With a practice located in the heart of the Silicon Valley, Stanford University psychiatrist Aboujaoude credibly and rigorously explains how the way an individual functions in cyberspace impacts his or her behavior in the real world. Whether in rekindled romances facilitated by Facebook friendship or outraged ventings of opinion on a blog, offline selves are being influenced by online personae in ways society has yet to fully comprehend. Instantly engaging and eminently accessible, Aboujaoude offers an enlightening and cautionary exploration of an increasingly intrusive aspect of modern society. --Carol Haggas
Review
“This is a timely volume on how the Internet has changed all of us in ways that we may not be aware of or that we prefer not to think about. It is an eye-opener and brings back a much-needed commonsense approach to the challenges posed by modern information and communication technology. The added value of the book is in its reliance on observation, wisdom and clinical experience, as well as data-driven knowledge.” (Vladan Starcevic, MD, Sydney Medical School, University of Sydney )
“The effects of the Internet on our individual and collective psyches are becoming clearer and more worrisome every day. Elias Aboujaoude has written a book that not only has been needed for several years but could become a modern classic. A must-read for all of us who log on every day” (Alan F. Schatzberg, MD, former president of the American Psychiatric Association )
“Aboujaoude’s thorough review of the psychological and societal dangers of the online world is timely and important. These dangers are richly illustrated with clinical material and are thoughtfully analyzed using relevant research. Anyone who goes online at home or at work, or who has family or colleagues online, should carefully consider the issues raised in his volume.” (Dan Stein, MD, professor and chair, Department of Psychiatry, University of Cape Town )
“Dr. Aboujaoude documents a disturbing phenomenon that few medical professionals have written about, or understand, but most have witnessed. This important and intelligent book shows how the Internet has changed our lives, not all for the better. Relationships have become virtual, rather than real, and in the process, our personalities have been transformed to suit the new technology. Not suggesting we reverse the clock, Dr. Aboujaoude suggests we proceed with caution in this brave, new world, and try to better understand the transformative power of this new ‘virtualism.’” (Donald W. Black, MD, professor of psychiatry, University of Iowa Roy J. and Lucille A. Carver College of Medicine )
“The effects of the Internet on our individual and collective psyches are becoming clearer and more worrisome every day. Elias Aboujaoude has written a book that not only has been needed for several years but could become a modern classic. A must-read for all of us who log on every day” (Alan F. Schatzberg, MD, former president of the American Psychiatric Association )
“Aboujaoude’s thorough review of the psychological and societal dangers of the online world is timely and important. These dangers are richly illustrated with clinical material and are thoughtfully analyzed using relevant research. Anyone who goes online at home or at work, or who has family or colleagues online, should carefully consider the issues raised in his volume.” (Dan Stein, MD, professor and chair, Department of Psychiatry, University of Cape Town )
“Dr. Aboujaoude documents a disturbing phenomenon that few medical professionals have written about, or understand, but most have witnessed. This important and intelligent book shows how the Internet has changed our lives, not all for the better. Relationships have become virtual, rather than real, and in the process, our personalities have been transformed to suit the new technology. Not suggesting we reverse the clock, Dr. Aboujaoude suggests we proceed with caution in this brave, new world, and try to better understand the transformative power of this new ‘virtualism.’” (Donald W. Black, MD, professor of psychiatry, University of Iowa Roy J. and Lucille A. Carver College of Medicine )
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More About the Author
ELIAS ABOUJAOUDE, a Stanford University psychiatrist, earned an MD from Stanford University and a bachelor's degree from the University of California, Berkeley. His books include "Compulsive Acts" and "Virtually You." He lives in San Francisco.
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44 of 45 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
Books of this ilk almost exclusively blow, which I guess makes how good this one is even more impressive. The premise of Virtually You is that the costs of the internet are felt away from the computer, far enough away that often we fail to recognize the link. It's a pretty straightforward book--he pinpoints five negative psychological forces enabled by the web and each gets a chapter: Grandiosity, Narcissism, Darkness, Regression, and Impulsivity. The point isn't that these things happen online, it's that they happen online in ways they could not happen in real life. It's more difficult to pretend to be someone else in person, selfishness is questioned or ostracized, anti-social behavior isn't tolerated and compulsions for sex or material things are tempered by actual physical constraints. There's a well-trod and tired psychology trope for the web: people create alter-egos online so they can vicariously live through them. Well, what if 15 years into widespread internet usage, that isn't true anymore? What if who people pretend to be online changes who they are offline, and what if the electronic medium inherently encourages certain types of dysfunctional, unhealthy behavior? The latter part is definitely true. There are people who develop compulsive shopping addictions online but have no problem controlling themselves in stores. Or poker addicts who don't have the slightest desire to go a casino. And the former, in my experience, is increasingly more true. Does the aggressive and short tone we can take in emails bleed over into our personal interactions? I think so. I've long since grown exhausted with books of internet and technological cheerleading. The web won. Now it's time for books like this to help us make sense of what that victory truly means and how we can live productive, healthy lives within it.
32 of 33 people found the following review helpful
By S. Spilka
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
I am deeply affected by this book, even though I am not addicted to the Internet (I am not on Facebook, Twitter, smart phones, etc.) Dr. Aboujaoude's warning in his conclusion is particularly chilling. Using Hobbes' description of our fate in "the state of nature" (i.e., without civilization) when the life of man would be "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short," the good doctor warns that "the worst possible outcomes [Hobbes] feared have echoes in a medium he could not have imagined" (281).
The Internet, which offers many good things that support civilization, also offers a perpetual pleasure playground that makes us more distracted, nasty, arrogant, brutish, and narcissistic. Many of us on the Internet see ourselves as "outside of normal rules" (57), larger than life and invincible. This is a dangerous game that entices us to invest "in start-up stocks," seek fame "at all costs," and pursue "reckless sexual pairings," or "impossible-to-fund shopping sprees" (57). Using Freud's categories, Dr. Aboujaoude claims that the Internet has become a strong and almost unbeatable ally of our "id," an ally that could hold our minds, our wills, and our conscience (i.e., our "superego") captive.
As a college professor, I am particularly struck by Aboujaoude's description of the changes in our writing and reading habits. The Internet has already shredded most of our grammar rules. But I was even more alarmed by the changes in reading habits, for it is reading that teaches good writing. According to the British Library study (2008) which Aboujaoude quotes (one of the many invaluable sources he uses) "online readers are 'promiscuous, diverse, and volatile'....Their information-seeking behavior is 'horizontal, bouncing, checking and viewing in nature....They 'scan, flick, and power browse their way through digital content, developing new forms of online reading'" (190). The purpose of this reading method is "'to avoid reading'" (191). Relying on a study by John Gehl and Suzanne Douglas, Dr. Aboujaoude explains that the old way of passing information (we might add wisdom and passion too), the one-to-many model which assumes that "the message sender had more information than the message receiver" (203) is on the way out. The one with the control, Gehl and Douglas write, "'is not the one with the message but the one with the mouse'" (203). Perhaps professors would be the first to be washed out in the tide, but the journalists, economists, and experts of various ilk would not be far behind.
Do we really want this confounding Babel Tower? Do we really want to live in a world where all opinions are equally valid, no matter how many years the expert has spent on studying his or her subject? Why are we so enticed by dumbness? What would happen to our civilized reading of the great classics, books by Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, George Eliot, Hardy, the Bronte sisters, D.H. Lawrence, Dickens, Kafka, Shakespeare, and others--books that have always given us startling beauty, wisdom, and self-knowledge?
Most sad is the Internet threat to our loving relationships. In cyberspace, Dr. Aboujaoude points out, "sex can be turned into a straightforward, simple transaction. Arranged online, it can be a mostly devoid-of-feelings pleasurable exchange of something, with no future-oriented expectation for long-term anything." Thus "the impatient, raw, cut-to-the-chase manner of transacting around issues of sexuality gets played out beyond Craiglist, causing tension and tipping the balance, in real life, away from love or romance or dating..." (184). The thought of a world without love is unbearable. It's "1984" all over again. It's life without meaning, cheap and disposable as a tin can. It's life in a sinister playground, where adults, of their own accord, childishly renounce responsibility, and children ride their "mice" to oblivion. I can't imagine such a life.
Finally, the Internet threatens the well-being of our democracy. As we all know, democracy functions well when its citizens are informed. But many of our citizens on the Internet are no longer informed; many of them can't think or read deeply; and many of them can be easily duped by cyberspace predators. As Aboujaoude points out, since the Internet has shortened our attention spans, it can become easier "for demagogues to spread...their one-liner propaganda slogans" (212). Indeed, we are already seeing the results of this dark process in a confused, divided, rude, and violent citizenry, a citizenry armed with an unfamiliar and unshakeable sense of entitlement.
I think that the survival of our civilization really depends on our ability to postpone gratification, an ability which has always been hard to achieve and sustain but which is now jeopardized more than ever, thanks to the Internet. Work, discipline, and seriousness of purpose will save us--not uninterrupted fun and games.
Dr. Aboujaoude, thank you so much for writing this book!
The Internet, which offers many good things that support civilization, also offers a perpetual pleasure playground that makes us more distracted, nasty, arrogant, brutish, and narcissistic. Many of us on the Internet see ourselves as "outside of normal rules" (57), larger than life and invincible. This is a dangerous game that entices us to invest "in start-up stocks," seek fame "at all costs," and pursue "reckless sexual pairings," or "impossible-to-fund shopping sprees" (57). Using Freud's categories, Dr. Aboujaoude claims that the Internet has become a strong and almost unbeatable ally of our "id," an ally that could hold our minds, our wills, and our conscience (i.e., our "superego") captive.
As a college professor, I am particularly struck by Aboujaoude's description of the changes in our writing and reading habits. The Internet has already shredded most of our grammar rules. But I was even more alarmed by the changes in reading habits, for it is reading that teaches good writing. According to the British Library study (2008) which Aboujaoude quotes (one of the many invaluable sources he uses) "online readers are 'promiscuous, diverse, and volatile'....Their information-seeking behavior is 'horizontal, bouncing, checking and viewing in nature....They 'scan, flick, and power browse their way through digital content, developing new forms of online reading'" (190). The purpose of this reading method is "'to avoid reading'" (191). Relying on a study by John Gehl and Suzanne Douglas, Dr. Aboujaoude explains that the old way of passing information (we might add wisdom and passion too), the one-to-many model which assumes that "the message sender had more information than the message receiver" (203) is on the way out. The one with the control, Gehl and Douglas write, "'is not the one with the message but the one with the mouse'" (203). Perhaps professors would be the first to be washed out in the tide, but the journalists, economists, and experts of various ilk would not be far behind.
Do we really want this confounding Babel Tower? Do we really want to live in a world where all opinions are equally valid, no matter how many years the expert has spent on studying his or her subject? Why are we so enticed by dumbness? What would happen to our civilized reading of the great classics, books by Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, George Eliot, Hardy, the Bronte sisters, D.H. Lawrence, Dickens, Kafka, Shakespeare, and others--books that have always given us startling beauty, wisdom, and self-knowledge?
Most sad is the Internet threat to our loving relationships. In cyberspace, Dr. Aboujaoude points out, "sex can be turned into a straightforward, simple transaction. Arranged online, it can be a mostly devoid-of-feelings pleasurable exchange of something, with no future-oriented expectation for long-term anything." Thus "the impatient, raw, cut-to-the-chase manner of transacting around issues of sexuality gets played out beyond Craiglist, causing tension and tipping the balance, in real life, away from love or romance or dating..." (184). The thought of a world without love is unbearable. It's "1984" all over again. It's life without meaning, cheap and disposable as a tin can. It's life in a sinister playground, where adults, of their own accord, childishly renounce responsibility, and children ride their "mice" to oblivion. I can't imagine such a life.
Finally, the Internet threatens the well-being of our democracy. As we all know, democracy functions well when its citizens are informed. But many of our citizens on the Internet are no longer informed; many of them can't think or read deeply; and many of them can be easily duped by cyberspace predators. As Aboujaoude points out, since the Internet has shortened our attention spans, it can become easier "for demagogues to spread...their one-liner propaganda slogans" (212). Indeed, we are already seeing the results of this dark process in a confused, divided, rude, and violent citizenry, a citizenry armed with an unfamiliar and unshakeable sense of entitlement.
I think that the survival of our civilization really depends on our ability to postpone gratification, an ability which has always been hard to achieve and sustain but which is now jeopardized more than ever, thanks to the Internet. Work, discipline, and seriousness of purpose will save us--not uninterrupted fun and games.
Dr. Aboujaoude, thank you so much for writing this book!
25 of 27 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
Virtually You is different from many books about the dangers of the Internet. Its focus is how our online habits are changing our personalities and affecting our offline behavior. It scared me a little and certainly made me think. This book covered a lot of ground, keeps you interested, and is well written and argued. It's just a good book that belongs in the library of anyone interested in how the Internet is changing us and our world.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars
Thoughtful, Cautious Tale of Our Virtual Existence
This book raises all the questions we should be considering as we engage the Web as virtual citizens. Read more
Published 2 months ago by John Robnson
4.0 out of 5 stars
If you need reinforcements, this book is for you
This book is heavy with case studies and numbers... depending on what kind of thinker you are, this may or may not be a good thing. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Jean Fan
4.0 out of 5 stars
Highly Helpful for Online Community Managers
At the end of "Virtually You," Dr. Elias Aboujaoude concludes that he has "tried to make the case for the existence of the online self as a relatively independent creature that... Read more
Published 11 months ago by David H. Rosen
5.0 out of 5 stars
what the e-personality is and how it impacts life on and off-line
Virtually You: The Dangerous Powers of the E-Personality is an eye opening exploration of how radically the internet has impacted people's personalities. Read more
Published 15 months ago by Dr. Greg Smith (aka sowhatfaith)
1.0 out of 5 stars
An exceptionally boring book
Before reading this book, I had high expectations of it. I thought it would shed light on the changing psychology of relationships and human interactions. Read more
Published 20 months ago by Anton Kunin
2.0 out of 5 stars
Disappointing
This sounded so promising. I think a lot of us realize that we are in the middle of a genuine revolution in human interaction and behavior thanks to the Internet. Read more
Published 21 months ago by C. P. Anderson
5.0 out of 5 stars
Essential Reading in our Digital Age
This book focuses on the negative or dangerous aspects of our digital lives. Aboujaoude shows how the internet can foster things like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (even creating... Read more
Published on March 15, 2011 by John R. Bowling
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great Book!
At last we're starting to get some *human-affirming* responses to what's becoming of us as we live predominantly machine-mediated lives. Read more
Published on March 11, 2011 by Bible Belt Unbuckler
