VoiceMale: What Husbands Really Think About Their Marriages, Their Wives, Sex, Housework, and Commitment [Hardcover]

Neil Chethik (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 3, 2006

In their own words, married men reveal what they really think about marriage, sex, housework, commitment, and intimacy.

Much has been written about what women want from their relationships and marriages. But what men want has remained a mystery -- until now. In his groundbreaking new book, VoiceMale, author and journalist Neil Chethik reveals surprising truths about married men and challenges many of the myths about men that prevent couples from creating strong and lasting relationships.

Based on a landmark survey of American husbands across the country, VoiceMale reveals that most men are not commitment-phobic, that they don't have sex on their minds all the time, and that they are willing to talk frankly about their relationships -- just not in the same way women do. Men have complex inner lives, just like women. But they have a unique, masculine style of loving that focuses more on doing than talking, on sharing space rather than sharing feelings, and on side-by-side closeness rather than face-to-face intimacy.

In VoiceMale, Chethik weaves together real-life stories and survey results to create a unique portrait of the American husband. Men share their thoughts on the myriad issues that married couples face: commitment, money, careers, children, in-laws, and more. They openly discuss the character traits they seek in a woman when they're looking to marry. And they speak honestly about their struggles adjusting to marriage, raising children, balancing work and family, keeping marital sex exciting, and avoiding infidelity.

Chethik spent two years traveling across the country, talking with men of different ages, religions, and ethnic backgrounds, in urban centers and rural towns. His interviewees had been married for anywhere from a few weeks to as long as seventy-two years. He notes the enormous changes in American marriage since the 1960s and explores how men have tried to adjust to them -- sometimes successfully, often not.

Full of surprising revelations and the strong feelings that men have about their lives -- and about the women who share those lives with them -- VoiceMale demonstrates that despite their many differences, most husbands and wives ultimately want the same thing: a trusted fellow traveler in their journey through life.

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

As Chethik learns from in-depth interviews with 70 men and a survey of another 288, sex, money, in-laws, styles of communication, the division of housework and child-rearing philosophy are the most volatile areas of the marriage relationship. No surprises there. But within those categories Chethik culls insights about the importance of these issues and successful strategies husbands employ to minimize the friction they create. For example, Chethik (FatherLoss) found that couples who divide housework satisfactorily are less likely to consider divorce, less likely to stray, less likely to say their marriages are unstable, and, for good measure, they have more frequent sex. According to Chethik, marriages pass through four phases—newlyweds, family times, empty nest and mature marriage—and he explores husbands' changing viewpoints as they pass through these stages. Readers will find the discussions of mature marriages most original and will also be encouraged by the level of happiness reported by so many men in long-lasting relationships. Chethik ends with a number of suggestions on how to develop a happy marriage that are well taken and offered with a generous spirit.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"An insightful, engaging book that dispels damaging myths about men and paves the way for greater compassion between the sexes. A must-read for anyone seeking greater insight into male-female relationships."

-- Dr. Linda Nielsen, professor of women's studies, Wake Forest University, and author of Embracing Your Father

"A surprising, challenging, and compassionate book on the inner world of a misunderstood species -- the modern husband. Nearly every husband will understand himself better if he reads this book, and nearly every wife will say, 'Now I get it.'"

-- William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota and author of Take Back Your Marriage

"This thoroughly researched, engaging, and timely book explains how men experience intimacy, love, and marriage. I don't know whether VoiceMale will be more valuable to men or women. Men will see themselves here. Women will come to understand the men they love."

-- Steve Nock, Ph.D., director of the Marriage Matters Project, University of Virginia

"Very few books about marriage look at the relationship from a man's point of view. This one does, and it's filled with the latest research findings plus an abundance of good common sense. Highly recommended if you want a lasting marriage."

-- David Popenoe, professor of sociology and codirector, National Marriage Project, Rutgers University

"They say men won't talk, but VoiceMale shows that men actually have a lot to say about what makes them tick. It's a wonderful guidebook into the minds and souls of men."

-- Diane Sollee, MSW, founder and director, SmartMarriages.com

"VoiceMale is so well written, so full of people's stories, and so full of common sense, I hope every couple reads it."

-- Michael Gurian, author of What Could He Be Thinking?

"Neil Chethik gives us fresh research, new thinking, and surprising conclusions to the question 'What do men really want?' as well as useful information for men about men, and for the women who live with them. This is a book that will challenge gender stereotypes."

-- Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls and Writing to Change the World --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster (January 3, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 074325872X
• ISBN-13: 978-0743258722
• Product Dimensions: 10.1 x 6.4 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,370,482 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

26 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely fascinating!, January 28, 2006

By 

Kurt A. Johnson (North-Central Illinois, USA) - See all my reviews
(HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)    (TOP 100 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: VoiceMale: What Husbands Really Think About Their Marriages, Their Wives, Sex, Housework, and Commitment (Hardcover)

In this fascinating book, the author of FatherLoss looks at what American men really think about women and marriage. Drawing on information gathered from a national telephone survey, and from in-depth interviews with some 70 husbands, the author found surprising links between good fathers and good marriages, between housework and sex, and between working together and marital success.

Overall, I must say that I found this to be an absolutely fascinating book. You would think that as I am a husband, that this book would have nothing new to say to me. Well, in fact I learned a lot from this book. First of all, I found that some of the issues between my wife and I are not unique to ourselves, but are part of many marriages. But, most of all, I enjoyed the advice given by men in the book, it is a goldmine of information on running a successful marriage.

This is a fantastic book, one that I highly recommend to all women that want to understand the man in their lives, and to all men that want to understand themselves and their marriage just a little better. I give this book my highest recommendations!

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An extremely wise and helpful book!, January 23, 2006

By 

Robert Ferguson PhD "Psychologist" (Chapel Hill NC USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: VoiceMale: What Husbands Really Think About Their Marriages, Their Wives, Sex, Housework, and Commitment (Hardcover)

"This is an extremely wise and helpful book. The stories are fascinating, and the research solid. The thoughts and feelings of husbands are presented with insight and compassion. Women will better understand men, and men will better understand themselves. I recommend this excellent book."
--Robert Ferguson, PhD Psychologist

12 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Men and women should celebrate this book!, May 29, 2006

By 

S. D. Haltzman (Rhode Island) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: VoiceMale: What Husbands Really Think About Their Marriages, Their Wives, Sex, Housework, and Commitment (Hardcover)

Author Neil Chethik has written an excellent, thoughtful, easy to read and enlightening view of the world of married men. They say statistics can lie, and I was wary when I saw the number: 288 married men, I worried that the results may not reflect the "average" man who struggles with the challenges of husbanding. Quite the contrary, Chethik's results parallel all the major studies done about men, and reinforce some of the keys to a happy marriages that researchers have discovered in the last 20 years.

I was a bit worried at the beginning of the book, because it seemed like all the interviews were with men in their second (or more) marriages. But, as the book progressed, I saw more representation of first marriages, and, in fact, like it or not, many men are already in their second marriage, so why not use their "expertise" and experience as well. This vehicle ended up being able to be used to the book's advantage, because it provided input into more marriages--the ones that worked and the ones that didn't work!

Chethik's first book, FatherLoss, was a winner, and this book is the same. I recommend it to many people who buy my book: "The Secrets of Happily Married Men."