Customer Reviews

VoiceMale: What Husbands Really Think About Their Marriages, Their Wives, Sex, Housework, and Commitment

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

In this fascinating book, the author of FatherLoss looks at what American men really think about women and marriage. Drawing on information gathered from a national telephone survey, and from in-depth interviews with some 70 husbands, the author found surprising links between good fathers and good marriages, between housework and sex, and between working together and marital success.

Overall, I must say that I found this to be an absolutely fascinating book. You would think that as I am a husband, that this book would have nothing new to say to me. Well, in fact I learned a lot from this book. First of all, I found that some of the issues between my wife and I are not unique to ourselves, but are part of many marriages. But, most of all, I enjoyed the advice given by men in the book, it is a goldmine of information on running a successful marriage.

This is a fantastic book, one that I highly recommend to all women that want to understand the man in their lives, and to all men that want to understand themselves and their marriage just a little better. I give this book my highest recommendations!

"This is an extremely wise and helpful book. The stories are fascinating, and the research solid. The thoughts and feelings of husbands are presented with insight and compassion. Women will better understand men, and men will better understand themselves. I recommend this excellent book."
--Robert Ferguson, PhD Psychologist

Author Neil Chethik has written an excellent, thoughtful, easy to read and enlightening view of the world of married men. They say statistics can lie, and I was wary when I saw the number: 288 married men, I worried that the results may not reflect the "average" man who struggles with the challenges of husbanding. Quite the contrary, Chethik's results parallel all the major studies done about men, and reinforce some of the keys to a happy marriages that researchers have discovered in the last 20 years.

I was a bit worried at the beginning of the book, because it seemed like all the interviews were with men in their second (or more) marriages. But, as the book progressed, I saw more representation of first marriages, and, in fact, like it or not, many men are already in their second marriage, so why not use their "expertise" and experience as well. This vehicle ended up being able to be used to the book's advantage, because it provided input into more marriages--the ones that worked and the ones that didn't work!

Chethik's first book, FatherLoss, was a winner, and this book is the same. I recommend it to many people who buy my book: "The Secrets of Happily Married Men."

I've been married for 15 years, yet this book opened my eyes to all kinds of subtleties about my husband that I've never known before. And, since the book has men's point of view, my husband actually has been willing to crack it open. This is the rare marriage book that's actually helping my marriage.

This is an excellent book which explains how men think. It describes in detail the problems my male friends complain about. Since the time I finished reading the book, I have loaned it to the wife of my best friend and the wife of my next door neighbor. Both women have read it and have said it helped them deal with their husbands. I highly recommend this book to any married woman who wants to improve her marriage.

The world has changed for men--to a huge degree. Chethik gives them a chance to reflect on how things are working, or not, and they jump at the chance. Not only does the author lift the curtain, getting men to speak of their fears and vulnerabilities (and men WON'T talk about these things unless it's really, really safe from criticism and ever growing negative judgments of what men like, do, and indeed, are....) The level of self disclosure surprised even the author.

Clearly, many individual men are confused about what is expected of them, and then will appear to be confused. Many, many reported that their fathers 'had it much easier' as roles were rather clear in the past...and many men could perform those roles well. Both women and men knew what was expected...and they 'didn't get in each other's way.'

Now, it's all different and both men and women have difficulty discussing expectations and preferences--and the contrasts that Chethik found between the recently married and the decades old married men is rather jolting. It is telling that so many old men feel badly about the obstacles that younger men must deal with.

The book does a wonderful job of detailing how the transitions from traditional role marriages of the past to 'modern flexibility' are working out, from men's point of view.

Overwhelming numbers of men are open to many changes. If they have a clearer expectation of 'what the wife wants' there is little doubt that they will move in that direction, and often, boldly so.

In terms of the author's bottom line, he might say that in the absence of traditional roles, it will still be a big mistake to expect the man to be much of a wife or for him to expect that his wife will ever be much of a husband. That is, there are basic gender traits and interests that may still serve as the basis for discussion and negotiations.

Read more books like this at smartmarriages.com (the coalition for marriage, family, and couples education)

Neil's book confirmed a lot of things I knew and felt, but had never expressed. Nor had I ever heard any other guys express these feelings. I realize I am not alone in how I feel. Most of us guys have not talked about our emotions.

Joseph Kinsey

Chethik's skill at getting men to open up and say things out loud that most of us keep inside is amazing. For men this book should be of great comfort; you are not alone. For women the book should enlighten you about the different ways men communicate, the way they love, and what kind of support they need. This is bound to be a great tool in helping couples to better understand each others needs, and to strenghten their relationships.

An excellent survey of how men view marriage-
a great read for those seeking to understand what constitutes a good marriage and friendship. Buy this for the man or woman in your life!

As someone who has read several books on the subject I'm finding this book disappointing. When I read reviews from other readers I could not wait to dive into this book. Now, I'm struggling to finish it. If men want an understanding of themselves I would pick up the Every Mans series by Stephen Arterburn or "True Believer" by Eric Hoffer.