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Vordak the Incomprehensible: How to Grow Up and Rule the World [Hardcover]

Vordak T. Incomprehensible
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (68 customer reviews)

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Book Description

August 24, 2010 10 and up Vordak the Incomprehensible1140L (What's this?)
Slip on your acid-free gloves, make sure you have a duplicate copy of How to Grow Up and Rule the World (just in case something should happen to this one) and try to follow along as the incomparable, superior-in-all-ways Vordak the Incomprehensible teaches you a thing or two about villainy.  Now you, too, can try (and fail) to attain Vordak's level of infamy.

From selecting the most dastardly name, to choosing the ideal henchmen, to engaging in witty repartee with disgustingly chipper superheroes, experienced supervillain Vordak the Incomprehensible guides readers step-by-step toward the ultimate goal of world domination (from his parents' basement in Trenton, New Jersey). 
With chapter titles like "Bringing Out the Evil" and "Building a Top-Notch Evil Organization," numerous bold illustrations, and detailed quizzes to assess your level of dastardliness, this book provides everything necessary to rise above the masses, and then rub your ascent in their faces.

In return for this wealth of knowledge, Vordak requests nothing more than an honored place in the evil regime of he who achieves control of the world. (And, of course, the opportunity to assume command, should things not work out.)

Publisher’s Weekly Starred Review
Writing as the ultra-evil Vordak the Incomprehensible, Seegert offers a comical step-by-step guide world domination.  With a hyperbolically inflated self-image and no shortage of bathroom humor, Vordak guides readers through such topics as how to choose a costume (“the more flamboyant the better”), build a lair, and acquire enough minions to build a top-notch evil organization (“At times they can be difficult to control, but at their best they can be a relentless plague upon civilization”), all of which are paired with Martin’s appropriately cartoonish artwork.  Seegert gives Vordak a voice so magnetic and absurd that readers, especially young male ones, are going to soak up his warped wisdom like a sponge and circulate it at recess, even as Vordak insults them with admonishments like, “You are just a sniveling, whiny little goober, after all.”  No one is going to rule the world after Vordak’s farcical directives, but readers will have a grand time turning pages to see what outlandish thing he’ll say or suggest next, while perfecting their own villainous laughs.  Muahahahaha!  Ages 8-up.  (Aug.)

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Vordak the Incomprehensible: How to Grow Up and Rule the World + Vordak the Incomprehensible: Double Trouble
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Editorial Reviews

From School Library Journal

Gr 4-8–Evil mastermind Vordak the Incomprehensible shares his “evilosity” with aspiring supervillains in this hilarious spoof on superheroes. His comical narration features over-the-top self-congratulation matched by supreme contempt for readers and everyone else. He applies that bravado with great comic effect, sharing evil insights on everything from “choosing the lair that's right for you” to the four basic options for costume color: “dark black, black, light black, and dark dark dark dark gray.” Each section goes beyond obvious jokes to explore all possible angles of satire. The “Bringing Out the EVIL” chapter, for instance, includes evil laughter tips, evil manners, “three ways to make your little brother look like an idiot,” and a description of Santa Claus as an evil genius. Comical black-and-white cartoons on nearly every page extend the humor. Many, like the “lemon-based-beverage” stand, work as stand-alone jokes. Vordak's distinctive voice, peppered with alliteration typical of the genre, remains fresh and funny throughout. Pop-culture references and varied elements of grossness are sprinkled in regularly, along with 15 “commandments of incomprehensibility” and repeated references to “diabolically clever yet slow-acting death traps,” which get funnier each time. So does the ironic fact that despite his egotistical rants, Vordak is actually a completely unsuccessful supervillain. The humor, subject matter, and visual appeal should make this a top choice for fans of Jeff Kinney's “Wimpy Kid” (Abrams) and Dav Pilkey's “Captain Underpants” (Scholastic) as well as any readers who enjoy superheroes without taking them too seriously.–Steven Engelfried, Wilsonville Public Library, OR. (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

From Booklist

Crude and irreverent, this fictionalized self-help manual calls on kids to embrace their inner evil and go after those stupid, morally upstanding jerks in power (adults). Amplifying the cheeky fun are instructions, advice, anecdotes, rhymes, charts, and cartoon illustrations for destroying the planet and putting together a deadly organization capable of wreaking havoc on humanity. This is really the same scenario over and over, but many middle-schoolers will enjoy that they can open up to any page and find lots of discussion about vomit, farts, boogers, and poop, as well as coverage of elaborate assassination apparatus, described with wordplay and alliteration: instructions for tying a victim to a conveyor belt include the phrase, gaze gleefully as he glides towards his grisly good-bye, for instance. Puns are frequent: Hal Itosis, Aunty Social. And some of them are sure to offend: Special Ed. But whether it is the ad for putting up a little brother for adoption or the fantasy of punishing those in authority, the over-the top parodies tap into kids’ wild fantasies. Grades 5-8. --Hazel Rochman

Product Details

  • Age Range: 10 and up
  • Hardcover: 208 pages
  • Publisher: EgmontUSA (August 24, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1606840134
  • ISBN-13: 978-1606840139
  • Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 0.8 x 8.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (68 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #75,418 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

A very funny book and well worth reading for anyone at any age! rareoopdvds  |  21 reviewers made a similar statement
This is the funniest book I've read in a long time. Willow  |  11 reviewers made a similar statement
My 8 year old son loves this book. S. Potter  |  11 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Vordak the Hilarious September 4, 2010
Format:Hardcover
Meet Vordak the Incomprehensible, the creation of lesser mortals Scott Seegert (author) and John Martin (illustrator). In his first book, Vordak addresses young readers with aspirations of supervillainy and world domination, although he regularly reminds them that they will never actually be as great as he is because no one possibly can be!

Yep, Vordak is a megalomaniac. He dedicates the book to himself, for example: "To me, without whom not a single one of my glorious accomplishments would have been possible." Then, in addition to Acknowledgments (of a sort), he offers Condolences: "I would like to take this opportunity to offer my sincere condolences to any other authors who have the misfortune to be releasing a book this year. As you are well aware, there is only so much attention to go around, and my book will rightfully be receiving the lion's share of it. Just so we are clear on this, I don't want to hear any whining."

Vordak is an expert at the kinds of things kids who like video games, fart jokes, and books along the lines of Diary of a Wimpy Kid will greatly appreciate. Vordak really covers the bases, offering advice on everything from supervillain costumes to how not to talk to your arch-nemesis in clichés.

His suggestions about lairs are especially good, beginning with the "Starter Lair," AKA your bedroom. Vordak includes an "Evil Lair Gradual Upgrade Chart" to show how he began his own career by turning his bedroom into a lair (using saved-up birthday money), next remodeling a tree house (financed by money earned mowing lawns) before moving on to a converted garage (paid for by bagging groceries at Smart Mart). Oh, and then there's Lair #4, a Geosynchronous Doomsday-Class Orbiting Space Station. Vordak financed that one as follows: "Received $100 billion ransom from the League of Nations after threatening to use my inconceivable evaporation ray to completely drain the Atlantic Ocean."

And wait till you see Vordak's take on superheroes. Here we get my favorite chapter title: "SUPERHEROES--Noble Upholders of Justice or Big, Fat, Stupid Jerks?" A running joke is that supervillains always put superheroes in "diabolically clever yet extremely slow-acting death traps." Keep an eye out for the three reasons superheroes bother having sidekicks around, too.

Seegert has a marvelous time playing with comic book, TV, and movie tropes about supervillains. He writes Vordak's voice with consistent arrogance, all the while keeping up a tongue-in-cheek tone. (Vordak reminds me a little of Doctor Drakken, the main supervillain in the Kim Possible TV series.) The icing-on-the-cake touch to this book is that Vordak toys with his reader as he goes, pulling the kind of page-turn pranks on them that only a supervillain or an 11-year-old boy would dream up.

Now, can you tell this is the kind of book you might be driven to read aloud to your relatives every few minutes, till they finally bellow, "Stop it! Just let me read the whole thing when you're finished, all right?"

With that in mind, I'll quit quoting already and point out that your 8- to 13-year-old son will love this book. And you might, too!
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book! Tom, age 9 September 20, 2010
A Kid's Review
Format:Hardcover
Great book I read it twice and loved it. It was funny by mixing words and reading upsidedown. I recemmend this book.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars VORDAK IS AWSOME!!!!!!! October 14, 2010
A Kid's Review
Format:Hardcover
There are one millon positive things I could write about this book and -10000000000
negative things I could write. I've used a few techniques from the book myself. I shall let no one see/read it,(unless paying $[...]) or they could just go away and not get snapped into one of my slow acting death traps because they demanded it from me MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!So that is that. Well I'm not going to reveal the whole book to an imbecile like you so you can rule the world. No not even if you plead at my feet. You have to buy it yourself! I've read it tons of times over to get every exact detail right.

this review is by Sam age 10
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars ...even Doctor Doom is taking notes...
So this is must-read material for any Bond villain. If only Voldemort or Sauron or Cthulhu or French Police Inspector Javert had perused these pages, the world would've been... Read more
Published 1 month ago by H. Bala
3.0 out of 5 stars Not for reluctant readers
I'm always on the lookout for books that will get my sons to read. I was hoping this would appeal to my 10 year old. Read more
Published 1 month ago by TheLastCoyote
1.0 out of 5 stars Horrible and nihilistic garbage
Scholastic should be ashamed to pump this stuff out. We are parents of kids that we want to raise in a sweet and loving household. Read more
Published 1 month ago by E. Fjell
4.0 out of 5 stars Enjoyable yet Troubling but Brilliant!
The book is unlike other children's novels. Vordak is not a nice person nor claims to be. For example, his younger brother was put up for adoption when he wasn't evil enough. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Sylviastel
5.0 out of 5 stars lol
if you have a kindle and get a sample vordak will be verry mad at u because somewhere he says "return this book if you cant comprehend this".
Published 3 months ago by New mom in California
5.0 out of 5 stars Vordak is basically Megamind.
If your kid liked Megamind, they will love this book. Seriously. Mischievous and funny, and definitely villainous! Read more
Published 4 months ago by Bored
5.0 out of 5 stars Great for uninterested readers
This book has made readers out of a couple of my boys that hate reading. It's funny and their kind of humor and plot. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Anne Crossetti
3.0 out of 5 stars Vordak
I got this book for my 10-year-old nephew, who also enjoys reading, thinking this book would be along the lines of the Wimpy Kid books. It took him quite some time to finish it. Read more
Published 8 months ago by Ms Toni
4.0 out of 5 stars Vocabulatory Superiority
Packed with snarky humor, this book contains Vordak's sixteen Commandments of Incomprehensibility that will help you, a random doofus, to RULE THE WORLD! Read more
Published 8 months ago by Bookmark
5.0 out of 5 stars Makes for a Villainous Reading Experience
I really intended to share this with my kids even though, technically, I bought it for myself. I thought I'd just open it and read the first few pages to pique their interest in... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Wendy Sparrow
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