Customer Reviews

Waiting for Daisy: A Tale of Two Continents, Three Religions, Five Infertility Doctors, an Oscar, an Atomic Bomb, a Romantic Night, and One Woman's Quest to Become a Mother

5 star:		(47)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(7)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I am in the throws of infertility treatment, and this book was a tremendous help to me. Even though I have been open with my friends and family about what I'm going through (I've just completed injections and am moving onto IVF), and even though they have been sympathetic, I have often felt as though no one can truly understand how painful, draining, and frustrating this process is for me and for my husband. Waiting for Daisy captured many of these emotions perfectly for me, and managed to somehow insert a little spot-on humor into the whole situation that, for the first time, helped me to laugh at the absurd nature of everything I've had to endure. At one point Peggy Orenstein writes about the Clomid spiral, comparing it to cautionary tales of drug addiction -- first you pop a little Clomid, then next thing you know you're taking out a second mortgage on your home to pay for IVF. I laughed out loud at this passage. Just last year I took my first Clomid, thinking that I'd immediately get pregnant. Just yesterday I was calculating whether I should consider a home equity loan for IVF. Likewise, when the author describes how she didn't buy clothes for 3 years because she kept expecting to get pregnant, I was moved by how this little detail sums up the experiencing of being in a holding pattern for years because you know that your life will change at any moment once you get pregnant. For example, I didn't take a "real" vacation for a year and a half, always expecting to need my vacation time to tack onto my maternity leave. Other passages have moved me to tears, since the author gives voice to the pain I am experiencing; the roller coaster of periods coming, of trying to maintain some amount of hope when all I have felt is despair, and of trying to protect my marriage throughout the entire process. Please read this book if you are going through infertility treatments, know someone who is, or even if you just want to read an authentic, beautiful story.

I must stress that this book is not just for mothers, infertile women etc. It is a book about being human and everyone could benefit from reading it. Would be fathers, singles, grandparents - read it. Mothers -buy it. Women who choose not to have children- read it. Women who can't have children, buy it. You will see yourself in her mirror somewhere in her book. It will make you laugh, squirm and cry and you won't be able to put it down. It is one of those books that sticks to your ribs and you will be thinking about Peggy O and her life for awhile. Her high school boyfriend who has 15 children is great non fiction - life IS better than art in this book.

I too suffered from "unexplained infertility" and went through the fertility mill like the author but sadly I don't have her gift for writing. I now have two beautiful children and I was trying to read the last 14 pages on Saturday morning while my two kids were climbing all over me and begging me to please read But not the Hippopotamus. I selfishly ignored the very children I tried for 4 years to will into being to finish reading a book that touched on that awful, obsessive infertile "I am less than a woman" stale eggs time for me with a sledgehammer. (It was only 15 minutes or so)

Peggy O is my new literary heroine.

After reading Orenstein's book, I was left with mixed reactions. Her ambivalence about managing motherhood and career captured the struggles so many of us face today. Her tales about the crazy maze of infertility treatments captured the process perfectly. At the same time, the book felt a bit too much like reading someone's journal. It was too self indulgent to be very funny to me, especially when she talked about adoption. I was sad reading about her ability to treat these children as disposable in her quest for pregnancy. As she made the decision not to follow up with the adoption of Kai after learning she was pregnant and learning the process would be difficult, she reinforced the old idea that adoptive parenting is less meaningful and important than biological parenting.

This book is nothing short of a stunning tour de force! At first I thought, why would I read a book about a woman's battle with infertility?? I don't have children and am not trying to get pregnant right now. And noone I know is suffering through this kind of harrowing ordeal.

But I read Peggy's last book, Flux and absolutely loved it. I made my bookclub read it and raved about it to everyone I knew. So when I heard "Waiting For Daisy" was coming out, I thought, why not?

And what I discovered surprised me deeply. This book is not just about Peggy's excruciating experiences trying to become a Mother. It's also a profoundly intimate portrait of her marriage and the kind of love that transcends grief, loss and disappointment.

At times, her searing portrayal of the toll that her quest for a child takes on her marriage is so intensely personal that I feel as if I am literally sitting at her kitchen table as the events unfold. She spares nothing and shows their shared joy at the first pregnancy and the profound disppointment at the subsequent miscarriage and successive harrowing attempts at fertility treatment. Through it all, she paints her husband Steven in such a fully multidimentional way that I feel as if I've known him for years. And above all I come to see the love they have for each other and the way that that loves sustains in spite of the anger, tears, frustration and longing. As a single woman, witnessing that kind of loyalty and steadfastness in this day and age of 50% divorce rates is profoundly reassuring.

It may sound cliched, but her writing is truly transcendent. I didn't think it was possible to laugh and cry at the same time. Peggy has the phenomenal ability to convey heartbreak with wit and humour, and laces in truly hysterical vignettes with bittersweet moments. And all with absolutely no trace of maudlin or sappy prose.

And through it all, the book is a veritable nailbiter that you can't put down. It's probably the first book I've ever been truly tempted to turn to the end to find out exactly how it turns out!

I strongly recommend this book to everyone woman or man who's ever wanted to see what a truly incredible marriage looks like and how you can survive just about anything if you have love on your side.

Waiting for Daisy is that rare extraordinary book that takes up an immediate and permanent spot in your heart. This is a book that may possibly change your life.

It is difficult to categorize this book, which is a tribute to Peggy Orenstein's great gift as a writer. It transcends genre as it effortlessly weaves personal memoir, emotional impact, cultural diversity, humor, and brilliant insight. The result is a book which will open your eyes in a very personal experience of your own.

The title of the book and its descriptive subtitle reflect this multi-faceted aspect of the book perfectly. Those who might find the subtitle unwieldy may not perceive the gentle humor as a reflection of Peggy's engaging style, nor do they realize that by touching on each of these elements on the cover Peggy is giving a hint of the many layers to come between the pages.

The framework for this amazing story is one woman's articulate narration of an infertility ordeal. From the decision to have a child through difficulty in conception, from the grinding trial of the infertility industry to the agony of frustrated efforts, Peggy paints an emotional portrait of what so many women endure. Her sympathetic sharing of her own struggle is an outstanding addition to this field of literature and makes Daisy worth reading for anyone, but for any member of the reluctant sisterhood of infertility, it should be considered required reading.

But where most infertility books begin and end with what is unquestionably a consuming drama, Peggy goes beyond and explores topics which enrich the story immeasurably. Her bout with cancer, the saga of the survivors of Hiroshima, the choices of women in a modern professional society: these topics and others are explored with insight and empathy and contribute to the recurring theme of her infertility in an unexpected but rewarding way. The individual concepts form a tapestry where each thread is somehow a perfect complement.

Perhaps the most surprising but ultimately resonant thread is Peggy's emphasis on her relationship with her husband. Her interactions with him, and the effects of her actions and choices on their mutual relationship, are given equal weight with her attempts to deal with her fertility issues. Many infertility memoirs focus almost exclusively on the woman's situation, understandably and appropriately. Peggy moves outside that narrower scope, frankly discussing the effect on her marriage and providing her husband's perspective on how her behavior impacted him personally. The book somehow becomes as much a story of faith in each other, of the miracle of unshakeable love between a man and a woman, of making mistakes, of honesty, and of repentance and forgiveness. Her unflinching analysis of how her relationship weathered the storm makes Daisy as much a manual on marriage as it is on motherhood.

This book will win your heart. Peggy's style, which is so personal and real that you almost imagine her sitting with you as you read her words, draws you in and captivates you from the first page. In intermingling all the various elements of her tale in an engaging and thought-provoking way, she creates a window to the sweep of life in all its complexity. You will laugh and cry and most of all you will be enlightened and inspired in so many ways. And when you are done, you will tell everyone you know to read it too, which is the highest compliment any author can receive.

As someone who traveled the same path as the author, in some ways, this book was painful to read. On the other hand, it was wonderful (and refreshing) to read someone else's journey to motherhood and to realize that I wasn't alone in my feelings. I loved this book and highly recommend it.

This is such a courageous book. Orenstein is strikingly candid about her personal motivations (not all of which were sunny and praise worthy) and the cost of this chase on both her life and her marriage. This should be required reading for all of us considering parenthood and wondering what measures we'll go to in order to make it happen.

First, I liked this book because it was entertaining. And a fast read. Orenstein is funny. She's extremely candid about her fertility treatments, both conventional and alternative. One of the things I liked MOST in the book is that she seeks out alternative medicine...and it FAILS. I get so tired of these inspirational, "I became a vegan and took acupuncture and all of a sudden...I was pregnant. Yippee!" In fact, Orenstein's acupuncturist basically dumps her when she can't get pregnant after a long time! LOL! She also even goes so far as to get donor eggs from a young woman whom she had befriended, who was an admirer of her earlier books. She feels guilty about asking this young woman to do it....but the guilt doesn't stop her. And the IVF with the 21 year old donor's eggs fails, too. She does conventional IVF, too, which ultimately fails..and writes about how shoddily her case was handled at IVF clinics, where the doctors seem more concerned with a fast profit than with long term success for their patients. Oh, and she had cancer, too, right before her infertility started. Frankly, I am surprised anyone encouraged her to go on all these fertility drugs and to get pregnant in light of that risk factor. But she goes for it anyway. So, Orenstein pretty much experiences it all...and watches everything.. . FAIL. She is also very frank about her fights with her husband, which seem serious.

One reviewer said the book is really negative, and whining. I don't agree with that. I think Orenstein is funny, and a survivor. She's an example of the kind of person who can take the hit and keep going back to the drawing board. I would think people struggling with fertility would actually empathize and enjoy reading this book. On the other hand, since Orenstein did have bad experiences with most of the things she tried, if people want to keep on rose colored glasses about their chances for any particular procedure, then yeah, Orenstein's recounting of her negative ones isn't going to give them any cheer....

The one potentially frustrating thing is that clearly this book is going to appeal to women who are having fertility issues. And this book contains a wierd, inexplicable happy ending of her being able to conceive and successfully carry the baby to term ... out of the blue. (Her main issue wasn't conceiving, but with experiencing constant miscarriage). On one hand, it's a good lesson that our bodies can sometimes do that sort of stuff...but if you are looking for commiseration in infertility, this sort of pat, inexplicable, Hollywood type ending, "And when I least expected it, I got pregnant!!!" may be exactly what you do NOT feel like hearing right now.... For stories of women who had infertility that did NOT resolve, then I would suggest Ann Taylor Fleming's "Motherhood Deferred" or Liz Tilberis' "No Time to Die." She also seems to want a biological child so strongly that she basically seems to intentionally avoid an adoption that almost falls into her lap. If you have adopted kids, or think you would like to adopt, you might find yourself disliking Orenstein or being amazed at her behavior regarding this...

I could have written this book. I SHOULD have written this book! But reading it was almost as good. Living in the San Francisco Bay Area, I recognized many of the players Peggy Orenstein encountered on her quest for fertility. As I sit here drinking mud-flavored Chinese herbs, trying not to get stressed because I am stressed that I cannot get pregnant, injecting myself with horrible concoctions to boost my hormones that have caused me to put on 15 pounds in the last 6 months, let's just say I can RELATE! This fertility stuff is NOT FUN and yet reading Peggy's book made me laugh so hard I cried. A kindered spirit! Someone else who has been there and survived! And been through worse than I could imagine. I tried reading it to my husband, hoping he would join in my glee at looking in the mirror and laughing at myself. Since his words were almost identitical to Peggy's husbands (why do we ALWAYS have to do it in the missionary position? Why can't I take a hot bath?) he could not even hear the words, they so hit the mark. Thank you Peggy for this well written (more than just a fertility book it also covers the Atomic bomb victims of Hiroshima and the beauracracy of adoption side by side with the feminist angst and ambilivence of wanting to be a mother and a career woman and a free spirit in today's society) and humorous glimpse into your life and the lives of so many of us 40 somethings who find ourselves wondering how did life go by so fast that the window of mother hood has almost slammed shut!?

This is a must have book for any woman who is struggling to conceive! I could very much relate to Orenstein's story as someone who is currently riding the infertility roller coaster. It is sad to hear of others who've gone through the same devastation month after month (or even year after year in her case), but Peggy's book gives validation to others who've gone throught it. After reading the book I now know that I am not alone and my experience is not unique--I am a "normal" woman! As I read the book I kept having to ask myself if Orenstein was writing about me ... I have had so many of the same thoughts and feelings and even had some of the very same conversations/arguments with my husband. I too have become obsessed with my quest and can't seem to think of anything else. My experience is changing me and changing my relationship with my husband, which is one of the many misfortunes of infertility. However, I like Orenstein hope to perservere! I can not thank Peggy Orenstein enough for her courage to share her story! Peggy's triumphant quest to motherhood should be an inspiration to all of us who are waiting for our Daisy!