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Walk with Us: Triplet Boys, Their Teen Parents & Two White Women Who Tagged Along

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In this little miracle of a book WALK WITH US Elizabeth K. Gordon has managed to tell a story that encompasses or addresses many social problems, problems with our health care system, problems facing minority groups such as African Americans, Muslims, Lesbians, Quakers, et al, problems with teenage pregnancies, and universal problems of human relationships. The story she relates is true, is sometimes harsh to read as it exposes thorny problems, is one that vividly depicts life in the ghetto areas of all of our cities. It is also a story so powerfully told that it brings light to dark realities and results in an appreciation of the importance of understanding and acceptance of the many differences among the people that make up this country.

The full title of the book tells the basic story: the author and her partner Kaki are a happily adjusted Quaker couple who happen upon a fifteen year old pregnant African American Muslim girl Tahija and her boyfriend Lamaar, and out of genuine caring and generosity befriend the homeless girl (and family!), adapting their life style to the traditions and quirks of their guests, accompanying Tahija through her pregnancy of triplets, and the aftermath of conflicts of life style and philosophy of child rearing. But that is only a brief outline of what this book is about. Gordon weaves her story with the flavor of the poorer Philadelphia neighborhood populace, a neighborhood comprised of every minority group imaginable, finds the languages that without condescension make the story flow in an unbiased, very realistic manner, and almost casually and inadvertently opens windows of understanding without preaching but with her gift for recording sensitive issues in an open and nonjudgmental manner.

Given the story is one so interesting and involving that once the reader begins this book, putting it down before discovering the interesting conclusion approaches the impossible, the overwhelming impression at book's end is the brilliance with which Elizabeth K. Gordon writes! This is an important writer, one with skills so polished that she makes every brief chapter a rhapsody. Her 'Introduction' alone reads like an epic poem. She is able to plainly draw from personal experiences that reveal her own beliefs: 'We're together. It echoed back from some hillside of intuition within me. It felt, as Quakers say, rightly ordered'. Her observations of events come from the heart: 'Tahija Ellison was about as far from humble and grateful as you get without leaving the solar system. She was a bane to residents, nurses, and doctors alike. She was an arrogant, selfish, ill-tempered adolescent. To share my house, my money, my time, my best friend and lover with this ornery stranger, this pretentious child, this hurt and angry woman so in need herself of mothering, who carelessly and without means to support them was bringing three innocent lives into the world...' It is with this degree of honesty that makes the transcendence of this story more moving and more completely credible.

The obvious 'lesson' behind WALK WITH US is message of co-habitation of all peoples of this country. And not simply co-habitation but acceptance of differences and likenesses that connect us as fellow citizens in this country wholly comprised of Immigrants, whether historic or current. With the recent election breathing hope (an in some places continued despair as in California's voter response to human rights) this is a timely book to read just now. But it is such a beautifully written book that it will remain on the shelves reserved for frequently re-read books for many years. Highly recommended. Grady Harp, November 08

This is an important book. It is the true story to two white women who provide a home for a pregnant 15 year old black girl, her partner, and their triplet sons after their birth. The author is a published poet, and it shows in the writing. This book is beautifully written, and Ms. Gordon's honesty is so complete that it is sometimes painful to read. This is a true examination of conscience. It is also an examination of the history of race relations in the US and the current state of those relations, not from an observer who visited a ghetto a few times for a story, but from someone who lived it. Make no mistake, there is also much that evokes laughter here. Ms. Gordon has a marvelous sense of humor, and she is not afraid to laugh at herself. I consider this book "a must read" for anyone interested in and concerned about race relations in America. And that should be everyone, shouldn't it?

"Walk with Us" is a deeply moving true story about a white middle-aged woman, her partner Kaki, and their commitment to Tahija, a pregnant African American adolescent. We are introduced to Tahija through Lamarr, Tahija's boyfriend and the father of the triplets they are expecting. He had asked Kaki if she she'd let Tahija move into her home until the babies' were delivered, because Tahija's mother was in rehab at the time and she needed a place to live.

Gordon walks us through the streets of Philadelphia, and the affect racism has upon each member of this newly constructed family. While Elizabeth and Kaki let us in on their struggle with the bazaar chain of privilege their whiteness has assured them, Tahija gives us an intimate view of the world that she, as a young Muslim woman of color, inhabits. Given their hertories few of us can be surprised at the vast differences between them.

As a result of Gordon's character the sensitivity and strengths of each individual in "Walk with Us" is remarkable. The constant thrust of obstacles set before them is heartbreaking. The birth of the triplets leave you in the midst of the most fragile and often troubling conflicts known to pose problems between parents and caregivers. For ex: How does one let a mom be a mom with minimal judgment or interference from other household members? How does one respect a very young mother who is still growing-up, her need for boundaries and her right to mature in her own time when you are certain that her inexperience and troubles may be hurtful to her children? Those are some of the questions Elizabeth must ask herself. And letting one's conscience be her guide may not be enough in this situation for there are multi-cultural considerations to be made as well.

Elizabeth and her partner often pause to be sure they are not crossing lines that include imposing racist norms and assumptions about their power on Tahija, Lamarr and their own family values. However, natural differences between the wisdom of one's elders and the naivete of the young must also be considered while the urgent care needed for the triplet's leaves very little time to draw lines between right and wrong. And when in doubt about boundaries, Tahija makes it clear to them that they need to step back and follow her lead! Make no mistake, these are her babies. Her children will be raised to be strong enough to face a world that will go out of its way to harm them and no one knows that better than Tahija. Why? They are of color.

Tahija is convinced that one strengthens their babies by resisting the urge to come to their aid when they cry. Just as she is convinced she must prepare them for poverty by feeding them less no matter how hungry they are. Exactly what kind of stress is Tahija dealing with? Are the accumulative pains of poverty, rejection, fear and depression a mental health problem that she may need treatment for or a staple affirming her capacity to endure extreme deprivation that must be handed down to her boys'? And will these concerns wipe out the good times? There are good times. There is also a lot of love between Tahija, her mother and other family members too. So, we often wonder where they are.

In "Walk with Us" everyone, including the reader, is called upon to question their own motives and prejudices.

Tahija and Gordon's honesty leaves us receptive if not longing for resolutions and even happiness for the children and the adults who love them. Yet we would suspect the changes they must undergo together, will lead them further into the complexities of adulthood, the inevitability of disappointments and the rigorous demands of cross-generational family life and they do.

Ms. Gordon's writing leaves no stone unturned. Once you finish reading "Walk with Us" you realize that you have come to know Tahija as daughter, as mother, as partner and writer. You have also come to know Lamarr as brother, as father, as son and partner.

The triplets are sweethearts. Kaki is kind. The love and respect she and Elizabeth have for one another which they so freely share with others is courageous. You also realize that the department of social services continues to be as flawed as the spirituality of Tahija, Elizabeth and Kaki is inspired.

"Walk with Us" is a gift for you and a gift for others. Open it up and let the healing begin.

For anyone who wants to understand cultural differences, who wants to understand the roots of poverty, ignorance and bigotry, Elizabeth Gordon has given us a window into that world. She shares her acquired wisdom (and continuing feeling of insufficiency) with palpable honesty and elegant metaphor. She sees second graders "whirled away like leaves in a gust to decorate the playground with their happy cries." She describes her young charge as "caught by accident under the bell jar of her misery" and, later, as "a nail head under the hammer of minimum wage." She is a writer who thinks visually and paints with her pen.
The blurb on the back cover of Walk With Us and the subtitle, Triplet Boys, Their Teen Parents, & Two White Women Who Tagged Along, did not prepare me for the world in which Elizabeth Gordon immersed me. For nearly 50 pages, I colored my comprehension with the hidden impression that I was reading the story of a couple of middle-class do-gooders who were proving that homosexuals can be as socially conscious as heterosexuals (a credit to their gender, my inner bigot whispered), while happily bringing ghetto-living have-nots into the illuminated world of haves.
And then the raw reality of it finally penetrated my shield of self-congratulatory liberal smugness. The gender of two privileged whites is beside the point, though perhaps their backgrounds are not. They represent two classic caricatures of white society - the middle-class, well-fed American from a prosperous family and the working-class, first-in-the-family-to-have-a-college-degree American from a stretched-thin family plagued with alcoholism and abuse.
Elizabeth and her partner Kaki plunge themselves into a culture about which they know nothing. This is not a simple tale. It is not the story of someone given the gift of enough to eat or a college education and living happily ever after.
Tahija is fifteen years old, pregnant with triplets, drifting from one relative's home to the next while her mother completes a stay in drug rehab. Her friends and relatives live in subsidized housing, where someone can be evicted by having a guest who stays longer than a few days. Enter Elizabeth and Kaki, who create a safe haven for Tahija, including a room of her own, a nursery for the babies and a healthy, balanced diet. It is Tahija's seventeen-year-old boyfriend, Lamarr (father of her babies), who makes the connection through Kaki, whom he met while attending an AVP (Alternatives to Violence Project) workshop that she was leading.
In the course of their association with the young black couple, Elizabeth and Kaki get a first-hand appreciation of a world where people expect to spend more time standing in queue for services than receiving services, where people expect to be treated with bored disregard, where people expect to be defined by what they don't have and can't do. Like most family groups bound together by mutual need and caring, the serendipitous family of two middle-aged white women, two black teenagers and three growing babies explodes into pieces of hurt and misunderstanding, suffers the pain of humility learned, then reassembles in a form more supportive of the people they have become through the experience. Gordon quotes Hannah Arendt: "The only power we can have over the past is forgiveness."
One of the themes that colour this narrative is that long-term racism does not remain one-sided, but bifurcates into a two-way mistrust, creating a balance that erects a wall between human beings. These seven people lay themselves bare to show us how this works and point us in a better direction. I had expected a story about the difficulties of being lesbian and the problems of cultural differences. I was blind-sided by a story of love and hope and excruciating, debilitating racism. Elizabeth Gordon has produced a classic work about the personal face of racism. It should be required reading in every secondary and tertiary classroom that touches on the subject.

Elizabeth (Kathryn) Gordon writes of Tahija, Lamarr, and their triplet boys, who for almost two years shared a house with Kathryn and her partner Kaki. We share Kathryn's doubts and reservations, and her spiritual experience that invites Kathryn to provide radical hospitality to Tahija and Lamarr, becoming their major childcare provider and housemate. We observe at close quarters what it's like when the Department of Human Services threatens to take away the boys because Tahija is presumed unfit as a poor, black teen mother. We meet Family Court, doctors, and social service agencies which do not actively encourage fathers who want to be involved with their families. We witness Kathryn's struggle to love and support Tahija when their ideas about childrearing create a cultural divide; Tahija moves out as a heartbreaking result. And, we are there for the healing of the rift. Walk with Us invites the reader to walk with the little family, expanding our hearts and minds and souls along with Kathryn's, to include those who are not so different from ourselves.

"Walk with Us" by Elizabeth K. Gordon is an important true story about what happens when two middle-aged white women, two inner-city African-American teenagers, along with their triplet sons, all come together as one big family. Kathryn (Elizabeth), Kaki, Tahija, Lamarr and the triplets, along with many other people, learn how to get along with each other despite obstacles and challenges that could easily separate them. There are many obvious differences between the individuals -- race, religion, age, economic class, sexual orientation, etc. -- but there are also many commonalities. Rather than just emphasizing "otherness," the author addresses issues that motivate readers from all backgrounds to make connections between their own experiences and the issues that are presented in the book. In telling her own story, the author establishes the universality of the human experience. Because the United States today is a nation composed of people from all over the world, with diverse religious, racial and ethnic backgrounds, it would be impossible to describe a "typical American." It would also be unrealistic to stereotype a single, homeless, Muslim, African-American, teenage mother like Tahija. She is an independent young woman who is determined to make a life for herself and her family, despite her troubled background. In this book the reader is encouraged to explore -- from different points of view -- issues common to many different people who live in the United States and beyond. The stories from the book also remind us of the diversity in American society. It reminds us to be sensitive to the experiences of all Americans. As a transplanted Philadelphian, Kathryn learns that the experience of growing up can differ from one part of the country to another, from one ethnic/racial group to another, and from one era to another. Tahija and Lamarr's experiences growing up are dramatically different from Kathyrn and Kaki's experiences. Kathryn discusses her awareness of these differences and how she is shaped by it. The idea of family and identity is also explored by the author. The traditional nuclear family is getting harder to find today. Instead, new patterns are developing -- patterns which reflect changing attitudes about what defines a "family." Gordon also discusses the use of language and how it not only gives us the means to express our thoughts, but it also shapes the way we think and the way we look at the world around us. Kathryn and Tahija both speak English but they don't always speak the same language. That's what happens in a family sometimes, isn't it?

Elizabeth Gordon invites readers into a world of self examination, the kind needed to recognize and solve problems in human relationships, especially those tainted by racial stereotypes and cultural divide. Walking with Gordon and her make-shift family is a trip to a literary candy shop set on the deteriorating concrete steps of despair. I really enjoyed agonizing, laughing, and learning and yearning with this family. The book is a first course offering for young, old, Black, White, blessed and cursed. Don't pass it up!

This is an inspiring and compelling story of two women, Elizabeth and Kaki, who moved into a multiracial community in Philadelphia in order to improve the lives of those living there. As they embarked on this unique and moving journey, they were forced to confront their own personal issues, motivations and philosophies.
The author, Elizabeth, has constructed a beautifully written memoir detailing the joys and difficulties of meshing two cultures in on household. Tahija and Lamar, both young teenagers from dysfunctional families were invited to live with Elizabeth and Kaki before and after they gave birth to triplet boys. However, the author and her partner soon found themselves dealing with young parents whose entire methods and beliefs about parenting were vastly different and foreign from theirs. Only by learning to understand, confront and accept these difference while establishing necessary boundaries, were Elizabeth and Kaki able to hold the household together. It is a tale of love, and the accompanying compromises that has much to teach us all. The book also brings the reader into a world of racism, poverty, drugs, alcohol addiction and mental illness detailing both the harsh realities and the desire of all to protect the young, vulnerable boys. Although the families eventually separated and moved on, their mutual love, concern and support continues to evolve and grow.
This book is a must read for anyone in our everchanging culuture, particularly for those who have or care for children of any age. It has challenged me to relfect on and question my own attitides and judgements. Although I consider myself a liberal, it has forced me to think about how much I truly understand about other cultures or other people who hold different beliefs and engage in different life-styles,and how I would handle myself in a similar situation. The two women mentored this family deserve tremendous credit for their devotion and persistence in helping Tahija, Lamar and their three boys survive, develop and grow. I thank Elizabeth for sharing her story.