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Wanting to Be Her: Body Image Secrets Victoria Won't Tell You

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How many of us have had a conversation with God similar to this one?

"God: Do you know that I made everything you see?

Michelle: Oh yes, Lord, and what a great job you did! Down to every last detail --- bravo! Standing ovation, even.

God: Do you know that I made you too?

Michelle: Right. Good job. The human body is pretty amazing. And so is mine, well, all except for my hair. It's a little limp, and the color needs some livening up. But other than that --- and my thighs don't look exactly swimsuit-ready. And now that I think about it, you could have improved slightly on my chest. It's not just like everyone else's. Oh, and my skin's too freckly, and there's the matter of my height, and my hips, and my eyes. Actually, God, I have a short performance review I've typed up for you that might help in your future people making. I mean, really great job in general with humanity. But my particular body could have used a better design."

The Michelle half of the equation here is Michelle Graham and the conversation can be found in her book, WANTING TO BE HER: Body Image Secrets Victoria Won't Tell You. If you can relate to her insecurities about her physical appearance --- and really, what woman can't? --- then you'll appreciate this biblically informed look at the basis of a healthy body image.

Few would argue with Graham's proposition that we're more likely to view our bodies through culture-informed glasses rather than through the eyes of God. And the facts of which the culture is informing us --- via airbrushed magazine covers and television shows like "The Swan" and "Extreme Makeover" --- often lead us to a pervasive sense that we fall short in the looks department. Why else would we Americans spend $20 billion on cosmetics, $2 billion on hair products, $74 billion on diet foods, and $7.4 million on cosmetic surgery each year? We're obsessed with the way we look.

But it would be too easy just to blame the media. "Though a sea of media-promoted beauty surrounds us, it is actually those closest to us who do the most damage," writes Graham. "We pass on our body obsessions to each other like a nasty strain of influenza. New research shows that feelings about body image start very early, long before the media play a significant role in girls' lives. A survey at Kenyon College discovered that elementary school girls who were more concerned about body shape and weight were more likely to have mothers who made weight-related comments. The study quoted Ira Sacker (coauthor of DYING TO BE THIN): 'Some of my patients, who are just out of nursery school, tell me that they're fat. Turns out that their moms are saying the same things about themselves.'"

Graham combats these negative messages with nuanced commentary from Christian thinkers like Lillian Calles Barger and, more importantly, with Scripture. She advocates a balanced approach to our bodies --- neither denying nor elevating their importance --- that's steeped in the stories in the Bible. If that sounds stodgy, or predictable, it's not. There are no sermons here. Just stories of women, including Graham, who have lived and learned a thing or two about what it means to look in the mirror. Reading this book is like getting good advice from a wise, older sister --- you're a bit surprised you're still listening, but you don't want her to stop talking.

--- Reviewed by Lisa Ann Cockrel

I have read some books that talk about body image and self-esteem, etc. without really getting much out of them, and I didn't think that I really had any real problems in this area. However, I read this book anyway and loved it. Graham is so real and isn't afraid to put everything out there. It left me feeling encouraged and beautiful. I would recommend it for any female whether she be a teenager or an elderly woman.

This book really gets to the core of what body-image issues are all about: caring more about what other people say makes us beautiful as women, than what God says. I am a person who highlights and underlines and makes other markings in books as I read them, and there is hardly a page in "Wanting to Be Her" where I did not mark something that resonated with me. My hope is to start a women's discussion group about body image, using this book as a guide. I believe strongly, as the author does, that it is important that we wrestle with these issues in community, as we continue the journey to freedom from societal beauty standards. Thank you Michelle Graham for your honesty and vulnerability, and for calling a spade a spade. For another wonderful book about body-image, I highly recommend "Who Calls Me Beautiful? Finding Our True Image in the Mirror of God" by Regina Franklin.

Why do we do all this body image "stuff" without realizing WHY we do it? This book gets at the core of that issue. What a great book!

Today i met with the author, Michelle Graham, and it was so amazing to talk to her. She is so down to earth and easy to talk to. I feel like this really comes through in her book. Wanting to Be Her is very well written and easy to relate to. Every woman has felt some kind of insecurity about herself and no matter what that insecurity is, she can relate to and learn from this book.

The term I love the most about the book is when she refers to today's women as being "prostitutes". Prostitutes are lonley and desperate, and they will sell anything they have to get what they want. Many of us do this when we sell ourselves short by trying to look a certain way to please a man, or trying to act a certain way to please people. This is fruitless because you cannot please man, nor can a man please you. God is the only One who can fill our lives with joy, peace, and purpose. In the end, the only person we should please is GOD, because He is the only One who judge you in the last day. Overall, we need to spend our lives pleasing the Lord and stop trying to please this perishing world. Time is running out, and God is fulfilling His word daily in the news and world events. This book has woke me out of my slumber and its high time for the rest of us virgins(and you know who you are) to get our oil filled and lamps trimmed to meet our Bridgegroom!