Customer Reviews

I Was #87: A Deaf Woman's Ordeal of Misdiagnosis, Institutionalization, and Abuse

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Anne Bolander suffered from congenital hearing loss which her paternal grandmother attributed to prenatal exposure to a certain medication. Anne and her twin brother, Peter, born in 1954 become part of a large family. Sadly, their mother dies in 1957 and Anne has trouble navigating in the hearing world. Unable to remain in preschool because of her hyperactive behavior and inability to hear directions, her father, stepmother and paternal grandparents are ill-equipped to meet her needs.

Misdiagnosed as retarded in October 1959 at Johns Hopkins, Anne then serves a five-year sentence at the Stoutamyre School. The "school" sounds like a medieval torture chamber; the children are not educated in academics nor taught self-care. Margie Stoutamyre, the school's director made, in the words of Anne's co-author, Adair N. Renning, Nurse Wretched Ratched of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" infamy look like Mary Poppins. Dickensian workhouses pale in comparison to this place.

Children were beaten by Margie at the drop of a hat; if one so much as looked at someone else being beaten, they, too received a beating. Belts, whips and a board with holes were used; children could only use the bathroom three times a day and even then Margie allotted them a certain amount of time which she monitored with a stopwatch. Illnesses did not exempt one from beatings. In one memorable passage, Anne was forced to eat another child's vomit simply because she saw him vomit at the table.

In addition to the beatings, children were locked in the root cellar for days; kept in a windowless seclusion room and even strapped to a chair. Anne Bolander literally survived in hell. Mealtimes were rigid affairs where one had to eat in a certain way and keep a straight spine at all times. Failure to do so resulted in beatings. Anne describes how some children were literally beaten to death and she even recounts how she saw a boy being pounded to death simply because he had diarrhea.

Her grandmother was the only person who was kind to her. In 1964 she takes Anne out of Stoutamyre for a few days to enjoy the World's Fair. By 1965 Anne's father and stepmother have her discharged. Anne, in her words has exchanged one Margie for another. Pat, her stepmother treated her in the same brutal and erratic fashion that Margie did. The only girl in a houseful of brothers, Anne concluded that being male was the way to survive and that "love" meant "being beaten" because she had been told by Pat how much Margie "loved" her.

The one bright spot in her life during that period was the 1965-1966 school year she spent at St. Mary's. Kind, loving nuns nurtured her and helped heal much of the harm that had been inflicted upon her. Sadly, she is forced to leave the place because her father has been transferred to another state.

Anne's secondary and adult years are marked by social unawareness. She is easily mislead by those who are not well meaning and this pattern of gullible trusting follows her into the workplace. She thinks the nickname "Retard" is an honor because she wanted a nickname "like the other kids," not realizing the stigma attached. She steals gifts so as to gain popularity and is willing to do anything to have people like her. While understandable, the results are no less devastating.

Anne graduates from high school in 1974 at the age of 20. She spends a summer in a hospital training program at a college in N.Y., but finds that the adjustment was more than she was then able to make. Anne exceeds her father's low expectations of her by not only graduating, but buying her own car and paying for the insurance herself after taking driving lessons. She spends the next number of years living in her own mobile home and with friends, some of whom use her.

Luckily, Anne meets angels, such as Ruth and Glenn, who help her navigate tricky social terrain. Ruth encourages her to fix herself up; Glenn tells her what certain obscenities mean so she will no longer fall prey to the rude and mean spirited jokes her co-workers play. In time, Anne learns these things.

Setbacks occur, such as when Anne is raped by her father in 1979. She spends December of 1980 in a hospital, sorting out the problems in her life, starting with Stoutamyre. By the time she is released in early 1981, Anne is ready to put her life together. She moves out of one bad household where she was being monetarily exploited; becomes active in the deaf community and reconnects with her youngest brother. In March of 1984, her father remarries and Anne has by then realized that with the exception of her youngest brother, she has to cut her losses where her family is concerned. The final blow was when her father and stepmother argued over her brother's surgery when her father said he was not going to spend any money on his son as he was no longer a child.

A hard, intense and much needed book, Anne is the voice of inspiration. She has survived in hell and, like the phoenix risen up out of the ashes. This book makes me think of the passage from Scripture and related song, "On Eagles' Wings."

I AM THE MOTHER OF ADAIR WHO WROTE THE BOOK WITH ANNE BOLANDER.EVEN AS SHE WAS WRITING I WOULD GET CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE.I COULDN'T BELIEVE THE HOROR THAT WENT ON DURING THIS TIME PERIOD.I JUST REC'D MY COPY,I'M GLAD TO SAY AUTOGRAPHED BY BOTH ADAIR AND ANNE,I WAS VISITING MY DAUGHTER LAST WK.ANNE IS A LOVELY PERSON AND A PERSONIALITY THAT WON'T QUIT.HOW ANYONE COULD PASS THIS BOOK UP IS BEYOND ME.I HAVE SPREAD THE WORD THAT IT IS OUT.NOW THAT I KNOW YOU HAVE IT I WILL PASS THAT ALONG ALSO. FOR ALL THIS TO HAPPEN TO ANNE SHOULDN'T HAPPEN TO ANY ONE.I DON'T KNOW IF ALL THE PEOPLE ARE DEAD ,BUT WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND,WHAT EVER HAPPENS TO THEM WON'T BE IN HEAVEN. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME WRITE THIS.I HOPE BY BEING ADAIR'S MOTHER WON'T MAKE YOU THROW IT OUT.I DIDN'T DO IT TO WIN ANYTHING.JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO KNOW IT IS A GREAT BOOK. SINCERLY,BETTY NICHOLS

I was #87 is a true story, neither my daughter or I could put this book down until we finished it. It is about a little girl who was severely abused and also diagnosed as being retarded when she was actually deaf and of above average intelligence. The determination and survival of this child is so riviting and also inspiring at the same time. It makes you thankful for what we do have in this life. You will realize that the day to day things we might think of as obstacles or problems are so trivial. I would reccomend this book to everyone. There is a limied supply since it is out of print but it is available through the library also.

This was the most moving book I have ever read. I am sad to see it isn't available and very hurt that I cannot share it with my deaf friends. I was shocked to see the amount of abuse this poor gal suffered but sure could relate to how the general public and even family members treat the deaf and hard of hearing. What the brothers did to her was nothing extraordinary. Nothing different than most folks with hearing losses experience, ignorant attitudes, that's all. What is most horrifying about this book is what the school in Bridgewater did, and how many of her so-called friends had no conscience and cheated her, taking advantage of her innocence, robbing her of money and of life. Now this will be hidden forever. I am so upset. Sorry to vent, I just don't know what to do. My heart goes out to Anne, she is one courageous soul and an inspiration for us all to overcome any obstacle.

This book should be on every high school reading list. With all the news about bullying this book really can put life into perspective for the reader. Anne must be a remarkable person to rise above so much. As you read the descriptions you need to remind yourself that this is not a story, this is an account of a life that was not created for reading pleasure, not fiction but real. Anne shows the reader how everything we know and do relates to our individual experiences from the past.I did feel differently after reading the book, not a sense of pity but rather one of awe. I hope you read this book for the opportunity to view an ordeal as an opening for better understanding of yourself and others.

I am not a fan of reading books, but the title of this book caught my attention. I could not put this book down once I started reading it and finished it over a weekend. I recommended this book to my entire family and I hope everyone gets a chance to read it. I was so moved on how Anne survived through all of the horrible obstactles she faced. It is sad to think that all of her "supposeable friends" during that time in her life took advantage of her the way they did when she needed them the most. I feel like I know her and forever I will think of Anne. I wish her the best and I hope the future for her is the most rewarding, for she has earned it!!

I was so touched when I read Anne's book. She went through so much and I cannot tell you how brave I think she is. I wish her all the best. Thank-you Anne. Carole

A wonder book by Adair Renning, her friend has had one difficult life, as you read the book Anne has been through alot and needed attention from her parents. The book was well written by Adair and it will be a very good seller.

Dear Anne and Adair, I was in the libary one day last week and while glancing at titles randomly, your's stuck out. I picked up the book and since I am a Direct Care Worker in a Gp Hm, it appealed to me. I wasn't 5pps into it and I had real tears flowing... My heart ached as I read your book, I still can't comprehend the horror you went through and how you survived. Then your family to treat you so utterly terrible too! My gosh Anne, You are a very strong person to have done so. I have wanted to talk with you, tell you how sorry I am society treated you so badly, how I felt every word you wrote! I have passed this book onto so many people. If possible, can you please wb to me, I would like to be email penpals with you and get to know you better and hear you are doing well! If not, I understand, but I should hope you and Adair would write your present life and Ms. Renning, you did a beautiful thing to helping Anne out sincerely. Best wishes to you both and happiness always, dawn~

The book is well written and worth reading for those interested in the subject. However, I am skeptical about the author's ability to remember so much between the ages of six and eleven. She also describes a lot of word for word dialog although she says she was deaf. She never explains why her parents would pay to send her to a private institution during a time when state operated facilities were open and available. Having worked in institutions from 1965 to 1979 I find it hard to believe she was called #87 instead of by her name. Why did she return to the place and then come away without photographs? Perhaps she is being used once again by people who want to have a story to sell.