I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids: Reinventing Modern Motherhood [Paperback]

Trisha Ashworth (Author), Amy Nobile (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 19, 2007

"I don't know how she does it!" is an oft-heard refrain about mothers today. Funnily enough, most moms agreethey have no idea how they get it done, or whether they even want the job. Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile spoke to mothers of every stripeworking, stay-at-home, part-timeand found a surprisingly similar trend in their interviews. After enthusing about her lucky life for twenty minutes, a mother would then break down and admit that her child's first word was "Shrek." As one mom put it, "Am I happy? The word that describes me best is challenged." Fresh from the front lines of modern motherhood comes a book that uncovers the guilty secrets of moms today . . . in their own words. I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids diagnoses the craziness and offers real solutions, so that mothers can step out of the madness and learn to love motherhood as much as they love their kids.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Trisha Ashworth has produced advertising for American Express, PepsiCo, and Levi's. She lives in Northern California with her husband and three children.

Amy Nobile has led public relations programs for Visa, FritoLay, and Webvan. She lives in Northern California with her husband and two children. The authors have been on Oprah, Today Show, 20/20, Rachel Ray, Early Show, Fox News and NPR.

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Chronicle Books (April 19, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 081185650X
• ISBN-13: 978-0811856508
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (91 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #197,933 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

117 of 138 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Not What I Expected, June 6, 2007

By 

Alexa Jones "AZ mommy" (Tucson, AZ) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids: Reinventing Modern Motherhood (Paperback)

I bought this book because I saw an interview with the authors on 20/20 and thought that it would be an interesting and funny read. I actually went to my local bookstore and bought it the next day and looked forward to curling up and digesting it from cover to cover. When I started perusing it, I was surprised to find out that it was written in an almost condescending style and tone and was touted as a self-help book. At the beginning of each chapter, it has these lists where you can check off the dumb things that you may have done since being a mother. Also, interspersed throughout the chapters are "Dirty Little Secrets" that the authors share with you. One of them was that the author had "locked her kids in the car not once, not twice, but THREE times" and acted like this fact was entertaining and funny. Sorry, but it was not. Also, they give advice after each chapter like the ever-present and common knowledge fact that "as a mother, you need to take some time for yourself". No kidding! As if these were the first mothers to discover this new tidbit of information! The whole general tone of the book acted like because we were reading the book, that we were dumb and did not know how to balance our lives as mothers, wives, career-woman and friends. I thought it was going to be a funny collection of essays, first-hand accounts of parenting and slices of their lives as mothers that I could relate to, but after finishing the book, I almost felt insulted. The cover of the book looks great, but I would not recommend it at all.

152 of 182 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Not Useful or Uplifting, February 20, 2008

By 

D. Kerr (Rhode Island) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids: Reinventing Modern Motherhood (Paperback)

Maybe it's the timing. I've just read a book on Shant Kenderian's book about his experience getting out of Iraq alive. Then I read this book with ladies whining that middle class life in America with two kids is just so hard and I thought modern moms have lost their perspective.

I read the book because the title was catchy and I thought maybe there were some new insights I could glean. I soon realized that there was a lot of whining and complaining to wade through to get to any helpful advice.

The authors' position is that the problem with modern motherhood is "all the choices." (p. 20) I would suggest the problem with modern mothers is the expectation of being happy (and guilt and expectation-free). Motherhood has many happy moments but the purpose of motherhood is not to make you happy. Jewish author Leo Rosten sums it up best, "I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all." When we bring another life into this world, we are faced with the needs of someone else supplanting our own. If we allow ourselves to get caught up in "my needs" versus "their needs" we will find ourselves unhappy. If we live like Rosten suggests, we will find some happiness but I think we will also find something more valuable: peace and contentment.

I was also deeply disturbed by the quotes of "I adore my husband BUT..." or "I adore my children BUT..." Would any of us like to read about how someone's love for us is conditional? I love you but I'd love you more if you weren't so time-consuming. We should be telling our husbands and children that we adore them, period. I will take the angst, the hardships, and lousy days because it means I have you and you have enriched my life.

I don't understand the purpose of including the "Dirty Little Secrets" side notes. It would seem to only enable women to further the comparison game ("Well, thank goodness I'm not as bad as her!") Most of the "Secrets" revolve around deceit. Is this the kind of life we want to live?

A lot of mothers quoted in this book do not seem to understand the purpose of children ("I thought having a baby would be like having a pet..." GASP!) I don't pretend to have the answer to that question but one thing I do know is that children are not accessories or a check mark on our "List of Things to Do in Life". Children are not widgets to be produced and marketed but independent thinkers that need guidance and training so they can contribute to society. Children are the refineries of the metal that is your character. With the right attitude, you will be a better person for having been a mother. With the wrong attitude, you're just killing time until the next event.

135 of 163 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Some true, some funny.... A LOT hypocritical, July 24, 2007

By 

Mom from Hanford "Mom from Hanford" (Hanford, CA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids: Reinventing Modern Motherhood (Paperback)

There were some really good things to this book and some of the quotes from mothers and personal scenarios really hit home for me. The quizzes at the beginning of the chapters while at the beginning were funny, later just made me irate. I bought the book because of the great reviews and because the title alone hit home for me. It is NOT a self-help book. I am a counselor and so have read my share of self-help books and as one other reviewer stated most of the advice in here is common sense- we just have a hard time as a group putting it into effect oftentimes.

What really irked me the most, however, was that much of the writing was aimed at a specific target group of mothers, upper or upper-middle class and I will not get into lack of cultural awareness- not to mention the hypocrisy (though I am sure unintended). The constant mention of to work or not to work for mothers, nanny or no nanny, private or public school, organic or non-organic, TV or no TV. Believe it or not, the only of these I have ever had a hard time with is whether or not to work, and it is hard but some of us really have no choice (can't afford a nanny with working, let alone if I were at home as mentioned in the book numerous times). The writing is a lot about how not to let "bitchy" women and comments get to us and not let ourselves feel so judged, when in reality, I felt judged more from much of the writings than I have ever felt by family or friends. I found myself all of a sudden worrying about things that I would have never worried about before (the need to have the "perfect themed" birthday party with all of the "right" decorations and goodie bags?). NOT a book I will be going out and buying for my working, middle classed- though educated, friends and mothers.