Customer Reviews

I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Death of a Loved One

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4 star:		(10)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This is an excellent book on death, grief and loss. Sooner or later death will touch everyone's life. We may not all react the same but most will experience the stages of loss and grief from denial to acceptance. It can be a long often agonizing and lonely road to recovery. Sadly the impact of loss and death can leave many with a loss of their own will to live.

This book does an excellent job of addressing a topic that most people choose not to address until they are directly confronted. I am an author of a children's book on death/loss/grief titled "ANGEL STACEY" and I personally know the impact on the loss of a spouse and raising young children who have lost a parent. This book is for the adult who struggles with their own feelings of loss and often has other family members to consider and to console.

Grief has a tendency to creep up in the odd hours of the day and the night and can be overwhelming to those experiencing loss. To have a title, a book that you can reach out and grab at any hour offers comfort. I wish this title had been available sooner as it often was a book that comforted and calmed me most during my own deep dark hours of despair.

Written from knowledge and from a place of understanding and guidance is sure to make this book a winner and a timeless treasure for anyone who has known a deep loss. It cannot take the pain and hurt away but it will help in the knowlege that those feelings are normal. Also that others have experienced the same and made it back to a seemingly normal existence. Death changes lives and changes people forever, many will grow and change for the better. I was never so humble and in essence never so pure and so good as I was immediately following the loss of my first husband and later the loss of my oldest daughter. It was only later with the anger and ultimately acceptance that I found myself once again on level ground. Death or loss can uproot your entire existence. This book is excellent and necessary.

When I first came across this book, I was hurting so very badly. Mike, my very dearest friend and the man I was in love with had been killed in an accident. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to him. I hurt so bad that I walked in a blind maze. I really didn't want to live on. What I remember the most about this book...wasn't just the story of the loss that was encountered by the authors but their wisdom in helping others see ways to go on with their lifes and not be full of such engulfing sadness. I will always be grateful that this book found me and helped reach such a deeply hurting area in my life. Even though I had worked as a hospice nurse and also survived so many personal deaths of wonderful people who knew me outside of my nursing; I had the hardest time releasing this part of my life and finding ways to go on without a true closure of someone I will always love so dearly. I highly, highly recommend it to all who are faced with a "sudden" death....especially if the death seems to be insurmountable to your living on.

I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is the best non-religious book I have read on grieving from an unexpected death.

The authors have direct experience with the subject and share their own deep traumas in considerable detail that added to the relevance of the book.

They also sought out the stories of people who had experiences with unexpected death that were different from their own so that you would have specific examples that come closer to your own situation.

In my case, my Father was 87 when he unexpectedly passed away last September. We all thought that he was good for 100, but he died quietly in his sleep that night. Since then, we've all been in one stage of shell shock or another. I can hardly imagine how much worse it is when the person is younger . . . or is a child or sibling. My heart aches for anyone who has had those experiences.

I found the book to be "right on" in describing the issues that my family and I have dealt with. I wish I had known about the book before my Dad died. It would have helped even more then.

The book helps in many different ways. First, you get advice on the help you need immediately after the death. Second, you learn about the various ways that you may be affected. Third, you find out how long the effects may last. Mourning in these situations takes much longer than I realized. Fourth, you find out how to help others grieve. Fifth, you find many old beliefs questioned that don't seem to be true. Sixth, you get help with dealing over the long term. In part two, there are stories that relate to different types of sudden losses: a friend, a parent, a child, a partner, and a sibling. The third part deals with practical resources for recovering including self-help, therapy, exercises, organizations and support choices (including books). The appendix includes suggestions for a memorial service, a eulogy, calls that need to be made and things to ask friends to do.

In one helpful section of the book, an overwhelmed person can just hand the pages to a friend and point. The friend can take over from there.

Even if you don't think you will ever face an unexpected death that is close to you, I suggest you read this book. There's no way to know. When it happens, be sure that you know what to do when you aren't ready to say goodbye to a loved one.

I drew a lot of my comfort during the experience from my religious beliefs. If you haven't yet developed that side of your life, I strongly urge you to do so.

May God bless you!

Just finished reading "I Wasn't Ready to Say Good Bye", a friend recommended the title to me. My 17-year-old son, Roman died in the prime of life and I didn't have a chance to say good bye. I found the book to be more than a reference, or quick handling of the matter, I identified with similar emotions, the kick in stomach when you are already emptied of air, and the loss of "clean" closure. This book offered perspectives and "normal" responses and actions for each stage of loss. It identifies and provides descriptions for your recognition and insight.

I wanted to read every word, I felt we were joined, in a lot of ways, in our losses and I wanted the insight. The book is organized for easy handling and easy reading. You benefit from the experiences of the writers as they each experienced losses in their lives, and due to their losses, I find myself more apt to believe what they are writing about. A lot of practical advise, personal anecdotes, and references / citing to other works make for a full coverage and very helpful work. You may decide to want to explore a certain area more than others, great, they provide references for additional reading.

This is a good book for counselors to have available for their own reference and to provide people with loss. When you have a loss of this nature, you will want the information covered in this book. When our son died, he went to be with God. My wife, other son and daughter all know that. We STILL needed to grieve. In the book, it covers the "loss" from various perspectives, I benefited from this section in that it made me more sensitive to how non-family people treated my son and daughter. We all lost Roman, not just his mother and I. Simple inquiries made to our children started isolating them from their own grieving. After reading the book, I focused on correcting and mending areas of communications between my children and "well meaning" people.

If you have experienced loss, you need a book that gives you information and is readable at the same time. This book is it.

The death of a loved one is always an emotionally difficult experience. When it comes suddenly and unexpectedly it is even more difficult. In "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" the authors take you through the grieving process as well as learning how to deal with such a tragic loss. The first part of the book deals with issues from how to survive the first few weeks to understanding the emotional and physical aspects of grief to dispelling myths about the grieving process.

The second part is mainly the sharing of the stories of various people who have experienced the sudden loss of a loved one. The stories include the loss of a friend, a parent, a child, a partner, and a sibling. This section examines the various related problems that sometimes exist as a result of a loss. For example, losing a partner but having surviving children, dealing with a suicide, and the difficulties of couples surviving the loss of a child are all discussed.

The third section discusses some of the pathways that people take through grief. Of particular importance is that is clearly dispels the myth that we all have a particular pathway that we use to move on past a loss. Each one of us is different and we all have our ways of dealing with grief. What may take one person six months to recover from may take another ten years, some may cry, some may not, some may experience forgetfulness, some may not, we are all different.

Throughout the book the authors discuss how to be a helpful friend for those who are going through the grieving process. The book finishes with a listing of support and resource contacts. For those dealing with the loss of a loved one, or for those who want to help someone who is, this is a highly recommended read.

"I need someone who believes that the sun will rise again, but who does not fear my darkness. Someone who can point out the rocks in my way without making me a child by carrying me. Someone who can stand in thunder and watch the lightning and believe in a rainbow." ~Fr. Joe Mahoney

When my grandfather left this world, I remember my mother disappearing from our lives and as children this was our first experience observing the devastating effects of grief. We also observed how she dealt the all the stages of grief. We were too young to comfort her and didn't know what to say. I used to think talking about loss was something you should avoid, until we lost my grandmother and my mother and her two sisters taught me the beauty of remembering and celebrating a life well lived.

The need to talk about loss can lead to a deeper healing process and having a comforting resource provides a much-needed respite and a place of understanding. Finally, you have found a friend who can not only explain what has just occurred, but can take you by the hand and lead you to a place of healing and personal growth. Whether you are dealing with the loss of a family member, a close personal associate or a friend, this guide can help you survive and cope, but even more importantly...heal. For it is in the healing where the beauty of life returns. One of the most beautiful aspects of remembering my grandmother is that she passed along many of her recipes to me and now when I cook it feels as if she is there with me in spirit.

In order to move through the grieving process, Brook Noel and Pamela Blair explain the emotional and physical affects of grief. They start the book with notes for the first few weeks and explain the stages of shock, denial, depression, anger and acceptance. There are helpful guides for anyone helping others with loss. The chapter on Myths and Misunderstandings answers many questions that need to be answered. Should you take medication to get through the process or would a natural therapy work better? I have found Biofeedback to be very effective for decreasing stress and they also discuss natural remedies for depression and anxiety. I have found the Bach Rescue Remedy to be very effective and comforting. Explaining the situation to children and dealing with the holidays are also issues to consider. Writing poetry and memories in a journal are also ideas that are helpful and healing.

Understanding grief can also help you with all areas of loss in your life, because I think we go through them when we lose anything or anyone we truly love. So in that regard, this book is for everyone and will be appreciated by counselors, pastors, family members, friends and especially by anyone who is currently experiencing the affects of loss. A Companion Guide/Workbook and CDs are also available.

~The Rebecca Review

I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is such a wonderful, wonderful book! To see my thoughts, actions, and feelings of everything that comes along during the grief of a loved one, particularly one lost by a sudden death. I was even comforted by carrying it with me for over a year. Just having it near me helped so that I could read it anytime. I recently borrowed it to my best friend who just lost her younger sister to suicide and I actually feel very naked without my copy!

My favorite aunt was murdered by my uncle (her husband/my mom's brother) and then he committed suicide. Trying to deal with it was so hard because I felt there was no one in the world who understood my pain, my fears, my irrational thoughts, "griefbursts", guilt, and that overwhelming feeling of being lost. This book helped me to find my way, to know that everything I was feeling and thinking was completely normal, and just to see it all in print is such a relief. I've also lost an uncle to a heart attack, friends to suicide, other friends to vehicle accidents, and also the loss of a grandparent who died of old age; and this book has helped me to accept all those I've lost in the past and to realize that all people grieve differently, that there is no time frame for it and that no one can tell you when you're ready to "move on". This book gives the griever power to accept what has happened and move through the grieving process and to understand it a little better.

This book teaches you the grief process from just about every point of view possible (parent, child, sibling, friend, etc.), gives you tips on how to cope and memoralize the ones you've lost, advice on where to seek professional help when needed, and the writers tell their own stories of loss and everything they experienced. I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye mentions the taboos surrounding sudden deaths such as suicide or homicide and lets you know that it's OK to talk about it and that you need to talk about it.

Just an absolutely wonderful book on grief after a sudden death loss. There are very few out there that will compare to this one, especially since this isn't a book about faith, as many grief books are. It's a straight-forward grieving process gold mine! I also purchased the workbook that accompanies this one, however, I did not get around to actually doing it so I don't know if it would be helpful. For those of you who are comfortable with journaling, the workbook would be an excellent compliment to the text.

Sorry for those of you who are having to look for this, but I am telling you, this is a wonderful book and one of the best out there!

Over the last year my family has lost many friends and loved ones. All but two were 18 or younger. My sister's boyfriend, Andrew not even a month after he turned 17 was killed in a still unsolved drowning "accident". My brother lost two good friends. One in an automobile accident and one in a motorcycle accident. I had a co-worker who passed at just 42 from a massive heart attack and also lost my Grandma suddenly. It has been a lot to bare. There has been a lot to try and explain. This book has given really great insights. These two women worked really hard to give us all something to help us better understand our grief. I don't think we will ever fully understand our grief, but this does give more information than I have found elsewhere. Also, our grief is treated with a delicacy that only other grievers of a sudden death would know. I would recommend this to anyone!

Life is short and unpredictable. I lost a loved one over two years ago. It was the most difficult time period. I felt all alone since I was young and most people my age had never endured any hardship. Feeling sorry for myself for over a year, blocking out friends and family, there was one friend who came across Ms Noel's and Dr Blair's book. As I started reading the book I couldn't put it down. It made me laugh and cry but also it helped me face the fact that I am still living. It helped me cope even though I thought I never would. Thank you!

I found this book to be comforting and very helpful. While this book could help any bereaved person, its particular care to the topic of sudden death is thorough, thought-provoking and enlightening. This type of death is so different than any other, and until this book, I hadn't found a book that truly covered those needs. I noticed a review that said it did not help with personal growth--while I respect everyone's right to an opinion, I must say I wonder if the reader read the whole book. There are several chapters devoted specifically to personal growth, finding mean, transforming loss, creating rituals for healing, calming exercises, healing exericse--not to mention over 50 pages of comprehensive reviews of support resources to help the bereaved. I just thought it interesting because I have never found a book more helpful for personal growth. I just read about the new companion workbook that came out which provides over 100 pages to explore feelings and growth. I am off to order that now! Brook is also coming to Charleston as a keynote speaker for the Bereaved Parents meeting this year. I can't wait to meet her in person and hear her talk about her work and attend her classes. Thank you for writing this book Pam and Brook. You two have TRULY helped me heal, let me know I am not crazy and changed my life for the better.