Watching Sex: How Men Really Respond to Pornography [Paperback]

David Loftus (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 2002

The gulf between critics of pornography and those who use it seems unbridgeable. Not only do the two sides disagree about its effect on society and individual men and women, they cannot even agree on what it is. Where one finds objectification, subordination, degradation, and violence against women, the other sees beauty, fun, pleasure, female power and assertiveness, and fantasy. Freud never asked, "What do men want?" but Katherine MacKinnon asserts, "Pornography provides an answer. Pornography permits men to have whatever they want sexually. It is their ‘truth about sex'." Is this true? Dozens of books have been published on pornography, yet almost none feature the voices of the men who use it. Indeed, most of our ideas about men and pornography are theoretical, and most are entirely derived from women. Watching Sex explores pornography through the eyes of men who use it. The interviews with nearly 150 men—between the ages of 19 and 67, single, married, divorced and widowed, of straight, gay, and bisexual—are telling and provocative accounts of what they think, feel, and do in response to pornography. Their answers confound the now conventional wisdom promulgated by anti-pornography feminists, who would have us believe, in the words of Robin Morgan, "Pornography is the theory; rape the practice." Watching Sex provides a window on the true nature of men's sexuality that will prove of enduring importance.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In his quest to debunk the widely held assumption that pornography warps its users' views of sexuality, journalist Loftus interviewed nearly 150 men about their relationships with pornographic materials. He admits that his set of interviews are not a truly random representation of society: a relatively high percentage are gay or bisexual, for instance, and many hold advanced degrees or have above-average incomes. The men are forthcoming and reflectve as they recount their first exposures to erotic materials and analyze how pornography has affected their lives, revealing emotional responses ranging from pleasure to indifference and disgust. However, the book stumbles when interviewees move from speaking as pornography consumers to sociological pundits and respond to more topical concerns. When asked about the possible link between pornography and violence or the supposed prevalence of sexual abuse among porn performers, their responses are understandably subjective and lacking in depth. Loftus's own arguments are at times simplistic as well. In an attempt to refute the feminist claim that pornography treats women as objects, for instance, he argues that the interviewees are not objectifying women because they do not explicitly say that they are doing so, not allowing for the possibility that the interviewees may not be aware of their own murky motives or responses. The lack of nuanced interpretation on Loftus's part and the limited cross-section of interviewees make some of the book's claims, such as the idea that a high percentage of men would prefer plot-driven, less explicit pornography, ring somewhat false. Yet the book opens a fascinating window on sub-kinks such as furry erotica (fantasy narratives involving human-like animals) and MUSH (Multi-User Shared Hallucination) role-playing.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"[F]or those who've never had the opportunity to talk pornography with 150 strangers, his findings are eye opening. . . ." -- The Lake Oswego (Oregon) Review, January 9, 2003

"[H]e debunks issue by issue, line by line . . . Catharine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin. His arguments are tight and fiery. . . ." -- San Francisco Chronicle, February 2, 2003

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Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press (December 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1560253606
• ISBN-13: 978-1560253600
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 5.7 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,215,157 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars not for those who live in a black/white, right/wrong world, October 2, 2003

By 

faolin (New England) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Watching Sex: How Men Really Respond to Pornography (Paperback)

This isn't a rigorous, statistical study - nor does it claim to be some lofty, definitive analysis of How Pornography Affects Men. This is an anecdotal collection drawn from a survey of international volunteers who range in age, sexual orientation, and ethnicity. They likewise vary in their opinions on pornography - some feel it should be banned, others feel it should be freely available, and most fall soundly in between.

The hardline, porn-is-evil argument has always struck me as too dogmatic to be persuasive. The allegedly damaging result of pornography use makes for sexy headlines in the press, and a number of figures have made careers out of it, but the vitriolic, black/white portrayal of porn as a force of evil, capable of turning decent folk into brutes who will leave a wake of innocent victims behind them... well, I cherish a deep suspicion of extremists and the "truths" they hold dear. We live in a world that is painted in shades of grey, and that's what is presented here. We meet Henry, a likely victim of abuse as a very young child; his anti-porn views are presented with the respect and consideration that would not be possible if this were a pro-porn polemic. Gerald's doctor has "prescribed" pornography/erotica as therapy following a devastating spinal injury. There are men whose partners loathe porn, others who tolerate it, and couples who enjoy it together. Most have mainstream tastes, but more kinky interests are represented as part of the overall spectrum. There are recurring themes of guilt, shame, concealment - and of pleasure, admiration, and learning.

Those holding firm opinions at the extreme ends of the spectrum will find support for their views here (and ignore the rest). But it would be far more enlightening for those in the vast middleground, who may be more likely to take it at face value as a window into how some fairly representative men view and use pornography. Loftus also examines some common anti-porn arguments that have entered the cultural mythos, and the statistics often used to back them up. True Believers may reject the book entirely because of these two chapters, but others will find much food for thought. This book is not a rah-rah argument in favor of porn in every shop and movie theater. It's a chance to broaden your perspective, whichever way you lean on the issue.

45 of 65 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Some insight, but biased and disappointing, May 20, 2003

By 

Jade (Minneapolis, MN USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Watching Sex: How Men Really Respond to Pornography (Paperback)

Loftus's Watching Sex is based on the interviews (in-person and via the internet) of 150 men who "self-selected" to take part in his study. Within the introduction, it becomes evident that the book is the author's stage for disputing anti-porn sentiment. If that is Loftus's mission, this is a weak attempt because one can't expect to make a compelling argument with such a small and non-random sample. For that reason, the points he reiterates throughout the text are lost because they are too biased. The overall content ends up coming off as a "see I told you so," lecture, that left me questioning the validity of the arguments because the content supporting them felt too contrived to be plausible. From "The Public Debate" chapter on page 248, commenting on anti-porn sentiment the author states "taking sides appears to be more valuable than obtaining hard, fair and objective evidence." Yet that is precisely what he does.

Setting aside the author's political mission, the first half of the book is informative in providing insight into how men view porn. Unfortunately, based on its presentation, much of it reinforces male stereotypes without intending to. I also felt that the author's summarization of interviews oftentimes trivialized the way women feel about porn. In order to provide impartial insight, the author would have needed to handle it better. Surprisingly, it was interesting to learn that some men have the same reaction (as women) to porn when the usage patterns are reversed. For example, when members of the sample were asked how they would feel if their significant other (female) was using porn in the same way that they do, they disliked it and cited all of the insecurities that plague women. Additionally, in the section on "The Image of Men in Pornography," they considered the male images in porn to be; "degrading, insulting, impossibly ideal, oppressively perfect or one-dimensional, and otherwise unsuitable as models for behavior either in bed or out of it." The men struggling with these issues expressed empathy, but the author did not explore the "why" of the continued behavior in any depth, which is what I wanted to better understand.

In summary, I purchased this book with the objective of having a better understanding of what porn "means" to men, from the male perspective. While the book did shed light on some things, I was left with more questions than answers, primarily with regard to pornography's effect on relationships. I personally had a negative reaction to the author's political posturing. It was disappointing when I had chosen this book of the many available because it did not appear to be based on either a religious or political platform. In terms of the argument Loftus makes, it was interesting to get a male perspective, but never having read the opinions of the feminists cited, and not purchasing the book for that purpose, it was a major turn-off. If you want an alternative point of view on pornography, this book is a fair representation of male opinion. However I only partially recommend it for someone seeking to understand the male psyche with regard to porn, which may ultimately prove to be too complex and individual a topic to be considered in a single text.

23 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars No One Asked Me But ..., September 9, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Watching Sex: How Men Really Respond to Pornography (Paperback)

Looking to shed a few tired, useless notions you probably never believed or wanted in the first place but were bound to accept because of the prevailing zeitgeist? David Loftus's fine non-fiction book "Watching Sex" can have the desired effect, especially if you are a man who has felt especially put upon by the autocratic statements of feminists out to rid the world of pornography. The feminists never believed males on this issue and they weren't inclined to listen to males at all but Loftus has gone out and tried to rally the troops by doing something smart but simple: he asked 150 men about their first exposure to pornography, how they really feel about it, how they really use it and what they really hope it will be and then he listened and he believed what he was told. Then he reports to us, letting his males speak for themselves by quoting them at length.
The resulting book is a most interesting, stimulating read; one is bound to establish ongoing dialogues with the various honest and forthright voices in the book. The book's strength is that it brings together so many men willing and able to relate their various experiences and opinions. The bunch of guys Loftus has talked to may not represent the full breadth of manhood but the thing that the book demonstrates to me is that all men are not cut from a single sexual psychic mold when it comes to the influence of pornographic materials. Certainly not all men react as anti-porn feminists would have us believe; there is a far greater variety of response, a much clearer, more perceptive vision of porn, its significance and failures, its distance from reality. Few see it as a blueprint for action, and certainly not violence.
After reading this book, hearing its testimony, (and, admittedly with a male bias of my own) let me offer a counter-notion. One of the recurrent points expressed in the book is that males are driven to porn and erotica by an unquenchable appreciation for feminine beauty. They also indicate an almost universal disdain for the emphasis porn places on the physical mechanics and performance of sex; they don't care much for the males in these things either. All of this suggests to me that these males have a deep-seated wish to concentrate their attention on the females. Why? In order to better comprehend this mystery that is woman. We males have been perplexed and challenged by this enigma all along and we've been trying to puzzle it out through a close study of the only true resources we have at hand. Maybe in the distilled versions of womanhood featured in porn, imperfect visions but concentrated in mega-doses, we may find a clue, the key to a clearer understanding of these intense yet distracted, mystifying, maddening, eternally alluring, wonderful creatures who are as lost as we are yet seem to have it all together. Aye, and maybe we hope that by this approach we can understand our own obsession with them as well. Can we at least try?