Customer Reviews

Watching Sex: How Men Really Respond to Pornography

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This isn't a rigorous, statistical study - nor does it claim to be some lofty, definitive analysis of How Pornography Affects Men. This is an anecdotal collection drawn from a survey of international volunteers who range in age, sexual orientation, and ethnicity. They likewise vary in their opinions on pornography - some feel it should be banned, others feel it should be freely available, and most fall soundly in between.

The hardline, porn-is-evil argument has always struck me as too dogmatic to be persuasive. The allegedly damaging result of pornography use makes for sexy headlines in the press, and a number of figures have made careers out of it, but the vitriolic, black/white portrayal of porn as a force of evil, capable of turning decent folk into brutes who will leave a wake of innocent victims behind them... well, I cherish a deep suspicion of extremists and the "truths" they hold dear. We live in a world that is painted in shades of grey, and that's what is presented here. We meet Henry, a likely victim of abuse as a very young child; his anti-porn views are presented with the respect and consideration that would not be possible if this were a pro-porn polemic. Gerald's doctor has "prescribed" pornography/erotica as therapy following a devastating spinal injury. There are men whose partners loathe porn, others who tolerate it, and couples who enjoy it together. Most have mainstream tastes, but more kinky interests are represented as part of the overall spectrum. There are recurring themes of guilt, shame, concealment - and of pleasure, admiration, and learning.

Those holding firm opinions at the extreme ends of the spectrum will find support for their views here (and ignore the rest). But it would be far more enlightening for those in the vast middleground, who may be more likely to take it at face value as a window into how some fairly representative men view and use pornography. Loftus also examines some common anti-porn arguments that have entered the cultural mythos, and the statistics often used to back them up. True Believers may reject the book entirely because of these two chapters, but others will find much food for thought. This book is not a rah-rah argument in favor of porn in every shop and movie theater. It's a chance to broaden your perspective, whichever way you lean on the issue.

Loftus's Watching Sex is based on the interviews (in-person and via the internet) of 150 men who "self-selected" to take part in his study. Within the introduction, it becomes evident that the book is the author's stage for disputing anti-porn sentiment. If that is Loftus's mission, this is a weak attempt because one can't expect to make a compelling argument with such a small and non-random sample. For that reason, the points he reiterates throughout the text are lost because they are too biased. The overall content ends up coming off as a "see I told you so," lecture, that left me questioning the validity of the arguments because the content supporting them felt too contrived to be plausible. From "The Public Debate" chapter on page 248, commenting on anti-porn sentiment the author states "taking sides appears to be more valuable than obtaining hard, fair and objective evidence." Yet that is precisely what he does.

Setting aside the author's political mission, the first half of the book is informative in providing insight into how men view porn. Unfortunately, based on its presentation, much of it reinforces male stereotypes without intending to. I also felt that the author's summarization of interviews oftentimes trivialized the way women feel about porn. In order to provide impartial insight, the author would have needed to handle it better. Surprisingly, it was interesting to learn that some men have the same reaction (as women) to porn when the usage patterns are reversed. For example, when members of the sample were asked how they would feel if their significant other (female) was using porn in the same way that they do, they disliked it and cited all of the insecurities that plague women. Additionally, in the section on "The Image of Men in Pornography," they considered the male images in porn to be; "degrading, insulting, impossibly ideal, oppressively perfect or one-dimensional, and otherwise unsuitable as models for behavior either in bed or out of it." The men struggling with these issues expressed empathy, but the author did not explore the "why" of the continued behavior in any depth, which is what I wanted to better understand.

In summary, I purchased this book with the objective of having a better understanding of what porn "means" to men, from the male perspective. While the book did shed light on some things, I was left with more questions than answers, primarily with regard to pornography's effect on relationships. I personally had a negative reaction to the author's political posturing. It was disappointing when I had chosen this book of the many available because it did not appear to be based on either a religious or political platform. In terms of the argument Loftus makes, it was interesting to get a male perspective, but never having read the opinions of the feminists cited, and not purchasing the book for that purpose, it was a major turn-off. If you want an alternative point of view on pornography, this book is a fair representation of male opinion. However I only partially recommend it for someone seeking to understand the male psyche with regard to porn, which may ultimately prove to be too complex and individual a topic to be considered in a single text.

Looking to shed a few tired, useless notions you probably never believed or wanted in the first place but were bound to accept because of the prevailing zeitgeist? David Loftus's fine non-fiction book "Watching Sex" can have the desired effect, especially if you are a man who has felt especially put upon by the autocratic statements of feminists out to rid the world of pornography. The feminists never believed males on this issue and they weren't inclined to listen to males at all but Loftus has gone out and tried to rally the troops by doing something smart but simple: he asked 150 men about their first exposure to pornography, how they really feel about it, how they really use it and what they really hope it will be and then he listened and he believed what he was told. Then he reports to us, letting his males speak for themselves by quoting them at length.
The resulting book is a most interesting, stimulating read; one is bound to establish ongoing dialogues with the various honest and forthright voices in the book. The book's strength is that it brings together so many men willing and able to relate their various experiences and opinions. The bunch of guys Loftus has talked to may not represent the full breadth of manhood but the thing that the book demonstrates to me is that all men are not cut from a single sexual psychic mold when it comes to the influence of pornographic materials. Certainly not all men react as anti-porn feminists would have us believe; there is a far greater variety of response, a much clearer, more perceptive vision of porn, its significance and failures, its distance from reality. Few see it as a blueprint for action, and certainly not violence.
After reading this book, hearing its testimony, (and, admittedly with a male bias of my own) let me offer a counter-notion. One of the recurrent points expressed in the book is that males are driven to porn and erotica by an unquenchable appreciation for feminine beauty. They also indicate an almost universal disdain for the emphasis porn places on the physical mechanics and performance of sex; they don't care much for the males in these things either. All of this suggests to me that these males have a deep-seated wish to concentrate their attention on the females. Why? In order to better comprehend this mystery that is woman. We males have been perplexed and challenged by this enigma all along and we've been trying to puzzle it out through a close study of the only true resources we have at hand. Maybe in the distilled versions of womanhood featured in porn, imperfect visions but concentrated in mega-doses, we may find a clue, the key to a clearer understanding of these intense yet distracted, mystifying, maddening, eternally alluring, wonderful creatures who are as lost as we are yet seem to have it all together. Aye, and maybe we hope that by this approach we can understand our own obsession with them as well. Can we at least try?

I bought this book because a website recommended it - I found it on a search for pornography and masturbation addictions in trying to understand my man, in how I could be a part of his private life. This is a book about the justification of using pornorgraphy and excessive masturbation. The examples come from addicted individuals. If you are a woman and want to understand what your guy, who seems addicted to porn, will really turn out like if you never came home, read this. No deatails, no reasons why, just simple, basic, man behavior. I had to throw it away before finishing it, because I decided that was not what I wanted in a partner. I am in the process of selling my house and getting out now.

Disappointing. The author is so obsessed with disproving the arguments of the anti-porn feminists (which are about 20 years old at this point) that he misses a grand opportunity to simply understand what men are doing with porn. Essentially, he has let his enemy frame the language and topic of debate and he never gives himself the opportunity to move beyond a discussion of whether or not porn equals subjugation of women.

To be sure, subjugation of women is a valid topic when discussing porn, but it is far from the only topic. What about fantasies, what about masturbation, what about relationships and negotiating porn, what about shame, what about gay men, what about pleasure for god sakes? All these issue are forgotten in Loftus's intractable argument with anti-porn feminism.

This book presents little more than a shopping list of male opinions of and experiences with pornography. Loftus hits on all the right questions: what do men do when they watch porn, how often they watch, does it lead them to violence, or to a degrading attitude of women, what they like to see in porn, and so forth. It's almost exclusively anecdotal, with little attempt at analysis or even drawing conclusions.

So we learn: most men out of adolesence watch it alone, they watch it for myriad reasons (duh), most of their wives and girlfriends dont like them to watch it, sometimes men masturbate while watching it but sometimes they don't, most interviewees don't think it leads to violence in themselves, but some fear it will lead to violence in others.

But all of this remains at the level of anecdote. He quotes many of his informants, but few have anything interesting to say that couldn't be presented in summary.

Bottom line: don't buy this book. It has a few interesting points, but you can glean all that it offers in an hours skimming at Borders in in your local library.

My rating system: ***** a seminal work, (no pun intended), worth owning as well as reading****worth reading *** worth glancing at **worthless * avoid, or worth reading only for research or historical reasons, like Mein Kampf and The Turner diaries.

Pornography is little more than the opportunity to get in touch with the need to rebel in society for men who experience the many stresses and angers which build up in a week, a month, a day. The ability to project those feelings into the air by acknowledging them sujects women to the unfortunate position of being the objects onto which those aggressions are played out - either actually or in the mind. It is the flaw of modern society that offers its women as the mental punching bags of men with the need to acknowledge and express their angry lack of control over life, but has served the purpose for many years. Through objective superiority of indulging themselves with that taboo, what is created is the disassociation of the ability to love women or to respect them, a devastating effect in terms of human relations, but one that is all too common, and appears in many different formats. If it was still possible for men to react to each other in safety as they traditionally have, by beating each other up when they were angry, it's possible they would not be steered to force that aggression upon women instead (or children). Unfortunately, society has found the only possible niche that too often works - the private, and ultimately, blameless setting for such aggressive expression - their own houses, and upon their own families. Freedom of expression never had it so bad. To avoid conflict at work, it's shoved into the private forums of millions, and without the advantage of socially acceptable outlets to release that tension, either on farms or in free health clubs. The tension finds its own level upon those for whom resistance is impossible, and in whom the cowardice is safely kept, at home and out of the public eye. The reason women do not leave is that by offering men no other forum in which to display the aggressions they feel, society is comfortable keeping it out of sight, as well as out of mind, and singularly within the potential problem solving design of the females who must care for them - their own bed, so to speak. Efficiency-wise, it has always worked, and for most, the solution is simple, "if it ain't broke, why fix it?" This, of course, ignores the reality of what most know, and others suspect. Keeping it under the covers works best, and with no easy or cost-less solutions, it's every man or woman for himself. That is the mindset, and has always been. Domestic violence has been a "given" because of that for far too long, and offering the weak and measly option of pornography to help objectify the process, the cultivation of male superiority is given its greatest outlet, and its most loyal advocate. For women, that is the problem with pornography. It isn't about love, or sex, but about male supremacy - in its most disgusting form - in the nude. It flaunts it, without embarrassment or guilt, and certainly without honor.