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The Way of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World
 
 
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The Way of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World [Hardcover]

Anthony Rao (Author), Michelle Seaton (Author)
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (50 customer reviews)

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Book Description

August 25, 2009

The problem isn't with boys, it's with our expectations of them

In a book that's part advice and part exposÉ, psy­chologist and expert on boyhood development Dr. Anthony Rao challenges some of the potentially harmful assumptions, attitudes, and behaviors we've developed toward young boyhood over the last few decades. This is not an indictment of medication therapies—in some important instances, Dr. Rao argues that medication is appropriate and necessary. Rather, The Way of Boys is a celebration of natural, constructive boyhood development and an expert, definitive handbook on what to look for and expect in normal growth. Ask yourself these questions:

Is his behavior serious enough to interfere with functioning? Does it keep him from sleeping, eating, attending school, or staying safe?

Does it persist over a few weeks or more? Does it show itself more than a few isolated times per day?

Does it happen in different settings? Has it been reported by different people?

If your answer is yes to any of these, your son may have symptoms that need further assessment by a pediatrician or other qualified developmental specialist. But a yes answer doesn't mean your son has a lifelong disorder or that the first line of defense is medication.

Boys are being bombarded with a slew of diagnoses—ADHD, Asperger's, bipolar disorder—at an alarming rate and at younger ages. The Way of Boys urges parents, educators, pediatricians, psychologists, and other developmental experts to reevaluate and significantly change how we deal with our youngest boys.

It's time we stopped trying to "fix" young boys. When parents understand the wide spectrum for normal boy development, they can successfully communicate with their son—and everyone in their son's life—and help him grow into a healthy, smart, strong man.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Rao, a psychologist who has worked with young boys for two decades at Harvard Medical School as well as in private practice, claims that very young boys are being misdiagnosed with disorders such as ADHD and Asperger's and are often unnecessarily treated with medications that, he believes, should be a last resort (some boys, he notes, have even been thrown out of preschool for unruly behavior). With writer Seaton, Rao argues that many young boys who grab, kick, fidget, act out in school or refuse to make eye contact are simply being true to their brain development and hardwiring; in the vast majority of cases, Rao claims, these behaviors are healthy and normal, and shouldn't require medical intervention. The authors explain that boys do best with tactile, hands-on learning and more physical movement than most schools provide. Rather than rush to label and diagnose, Rao recommends a wait-and-see approach, noting that most behavior problems are temporary developmental glitches (with the exception of autism, which benefits from early intervention). Rao offers strategies parents can employ to help their youngsters learn to communicate, socialize and deal with anger and other issues. Though a bit heavy on the case studies, Rao's text is a valuable resource for readers determining whether to seek a medical diagnosis and a prescription or opt for a behavioral plan and a strong dose of patience. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

“Rao deftly admonishes quick fix psychiatrists and anxious parents to more patiently deal with children’s growth and problems even if their youngsters are not developing at the speed of light...Rao’s practical book...is filled with case by case examples of children trying to find their way.” (Global Province: The Martketplace of Ideas )

“Parents are often overhwhelmed when struggling with the behavior of growing boys. Dr. Anthony Rao provides the kind of customized wisdom that comes from decades of clinical practice and—most important—success for boys at home and at school. This book is an invaluable contribution for those families in need.” (Jerome Groopman, MD, Racanati professor, Harvard Medical School; author of How Doctors Think )

“This book offers clear understanding of the various and varied ways boys grow and develop into healthy, well-adjusted adults. Many of the modern obstacles to this development—and the parental confusion they cause—fall away after one reads Dr. Rao’s compassionate, specific, problem-solving book.” (Michael Gurian, author of The Purpose of Boys )

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 304 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow (August 25, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0061707821
  • ISBN-13: 978-0061707827
  • Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (50 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #356,451 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

50 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.7 out of 5 stars (50 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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17 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars If I could give more stars, I would! A must-read for parents and educators!, September 1, 2009
This review is from: The Way of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World (Hardcover)
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Being the mother of 2 very different little boys, I own plenty of books about child development and a few books on raising boys. This is, by far, the best book I have seen on raising boys. Not only does it explain how little boys are different (which many books do), but it gives extremely helpful advice about how to help boys practice social and emotional skills. I have found myself nodding to the author's common sense advice, backed up with research. Boys WILL be boys, darn it! As a society, we must stop overdiagnosing and overmedicating our young children. We must adjust our expectations. Not lower them, but adjust them to fit with the development of little boys.

I have found the book to be mainly geared to parents of young children (mostly ages 2-8 or so). However, I think this book would give mothers of any aged boy some extremely helpful background information on why boys act the way they do. They could also tailor the advice to fit older children.

Bravo!
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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Let the boys be boys, August 31, 2009
This review is from: The Way of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World (Hardcover)
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Length:: 0:54 Mins

I highly recommend THE WAY OF BOYS. I would like to personally thank this author for saying that we need to accept: that boys develop at a different pace and in different ways as girls; that we need more male teachers in the lower grades; and that we need to think twice before accepting a diagnosis of ADD and ADHD and then putting young boys on medication. As the author notes, resources for counseling are often limited and this can lead to a therapist or doctor giving a diagnosis of ADD or ADHD within the space of a 20 minute consultation, and this can lead to medication. More thought needs to be put into diagnosing and treating conditions that boys may have. More thought needs to be given to the possibility that these boys may not actually even have conditions but may just be developing differently from girls because, after all, boys are different from girls. During the early phases of education girls are more prone to "behave" themselves.

For elaboration on my thoughts about this book, please see the accompanying video review. For more information on the fact that different people learn in different ways and at different paces, please see the book What Smart Students Know: Maximum Grades. Optimum Learning. Minimum Time. (Note: In my video review when I say "I proved them wrong" I am of course referring to my first grade teacher who said I had learning disabilities because I wasn't learning to read at the pace she felt appropriate.)
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Home run winner!!!, August 31, 2009
This review is from: The Way of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World (Hardcover)
Customer review from the Amazon Vine™ Program (What's this?)
This is one of the books I want every parent of a boy, friend of a family with a boy, teachers and simply concerned people to read.

It is rich beyond words with wisdom as well as common sense. Sure, as the Mom of a son and seven foster sons, I know boys and how special they are and how the politically correct and sexist backlash has effected young males. And how being physically active during the day and allowing boys to be boys and get dirty and sustain skinned knees and other badges of courage from playing sports, building forts, riding bikes can be better than all the expensive high tech gadgets.

Am so pleased the authors wrote extensively about how we label boys and have teachers who demand they be tested or drugged in order to control their boyness. My Mom was concerned about this back in the 70's when as a second grade teacher she saw 'experts' suggesting boys were hyperactive. She knew better since she had sons and six grandsons. and we lived in a neighborhood where I and one other girl were the two amongst dozens of great boys of all ages.

Buy a copy for your local library!!
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