The Way of Failure: Winning Through Losing [Paperback]

Mariana Caplan (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 2, 2001

In this straight-talking, inspirational view of failure, Marianna Caplan unmasks it for what it really is: She tells us how to meet failure on its own field, how to learn its twists and turns, its illusions and its realities. Only then, she advises, is one equipped to engage failure as a means of ultimate winning, and in a way that far exceeds our culturally-defined visions of success. This book offers a direct means of using failure for: profound self-understanding; increased compassion for self and others; significant spiritual development. Instead of speaking to where we should be, this book looks to our lives as they are now, realistically -- since everybody has experienced failure in big or small ways at some time or another in life. The book deals with a subject most people consider negative or depressing, but it is actually highly inspirational, giving us permission to find joy and contentment within failure.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

This self-help book takes the road less traveled. Rather than showing how to overcome failure, psychotherapist Caplan (Halfway Up the Mountain, LJ 7/15/99) teaches people how to embrace it. According to her, Americans measure their whole lives by striving for more, whether more success, more money, higher status, or better jobs. Failure happens when expectations and outcomes diverge; everyone fails. Life cycles into a series of gains and losses that may not balance out. But, by stripping away all of the fantasy with failure, one is left with the humility and clarity to move forward to success again. Each of the 15 chapters examines a different type of disappointment, e.g., failure of love, security, success, or plans, and death. Written with commonsense advice, this intriguing work transforms failure into a Zenlike concept. A worthwhile addition for public libraries. Lisa Wise, Broome Cty. P.L., Binghampton, NY
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

About the Author

Mariana Caplan is the author of five books, including When Holidays are Hell, and Halfway Up the Mountain and Untouched--and has written for Parabola, Kindred Spirit, Massage and Bodywork and Communities Magazine. Most recently, she was published in The Spirit of Gen X, An Anthology. Ms. Caplan currently has a private practice in counseling, conducts workshops in writing, and teaches at the California Institute for Integral Studies in San Francisco. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Product Details

• Paperback: 144 pages
• Publisher: Hohm Press (March 2, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1890772100
• ISBN-13: 978-1890772109
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.3 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,776,605 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars It's OK to fail - what a comfort!, November 11, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: The Way of Failure: Winning Through Losing (Paperback)

In my humble opinion, this is the most honest and direct book ever written! Even though it's SO hard and painful for us to accept it, it's definitely true that each and every human being on Earth inevitably faces infinite failures and losses in his/her life - no exceptions! Even though we would like things to be different, this is the reality of human life and nobody can escape it!

The message I got from the book is that, contrary to what we've been conditioned to believe, it's OK to fail and we don't necessarily need to judge or belittle ourselves for having failed. It is possible to find more productive and healthier ways to view and deal with all our failures and losses. I definitely recommend this book to all those who, like myself, are facing great pain and grief due to the "inevitable failures of human life", and are hoping to find something positive in our tragedies and come to terms with reality. Through this book I've finally started a process of forgiving myself for my so many failures and even forgiving life for the so many ways I thought it had failed me! There is in fact a different way in which we can understand our failures - and this can bring us a lot of comfort!

3 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Make use of failure, since it's inevitable anyway!, February 21, 2004

By 

Ellen Etc. (Northern California, USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: The Way of Failure: Winning Through Losing (Paperback)

We get to know ourselves through our failures as well as our successes, and these learning experiences can be honored rather than avoided with shame. Chapters cover the failure of love, happiness, success, philosophy, plans, security, meaning, enlightenment, ego, God, and death, and even the "failure" of failure if one doesn't fail "consciously" and productively incorporate the lessons of unsatisfactory experiences. These experiences, the author believes, throw you back on yourself and God (or Truth).

David Whyte's essays cover much of the same ground more thoughtfully and elegantly (see "The Heart Aroused," for example). "The Way of Failure" is fairly repetitive and one-note in comparison, but the idea that we will all fail along the way and that we can make use of it is a good one to remember in our consumerist, ego-driven society.

8 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Hippie Fodder, September 28, 2003

By 

MP (Brooklyn, NY United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Way of Failure: Winning Through Losing (Paperback)

The message of the book's subtitle 'winning through losing' wasn't what I thought it would be. I was ready for some clever perspective on getting out of destructive patterns in life. Maybe something along the lines of appearing to lose but getting what you were after, or somehow using 'losing' tendencies to your advantage, or anything that was somehow beneficial.

You won't find that in this book. The reason: The author claims that losing is good, so why would she help you out of it? You are probably still thinking that she means it figuratively or as some sort of technique. Wrong. She literally thinks that failure in our everyday pursuits is irrelevant or good. You see, she is deeply into sufi and oriental monastery philosophy with all of its renunciation of worldly pursuits - so you getting nowhere in life is ok with her.

From the horse's mouth: In the Intro, "Yet since we are to fail no matter what we do.....What do we have to lose, really?" Amazingly, from chap 1, "The whole point..is to appreciate that failure and loss are as essential to life as winning and gaining,...by consistently trying to suppress..failure we are all but destroying our planet, ourselves, and our relationships..." (p.15)

Her suggestion on love: Love is something you should give and not expect to receive. As for feelings of longing for returned love, "If we dare touch the essence of the man whose ecstacy we are so inspired by, we see someone who at times was literally mad with devastation, loneliness, and betrayal." (p.24) Great. Oh, btw way, the man in question was once "probably just a macho sexist Arabic man with some good karma." !!!??? Her answer to happiness: "Who the hell gave us the idea that we were supposed to be happy anyway?" (p.28)

One question: Why present your philosophy as a winning v. losing/failure issue at all if your answer is to be too enlightened to know the difference?